Boundaries & Priorities

Jenny Dun dun, dun, dun dun. I don’t know, I thought I thought it was gonna be cool to do some kind of a jingle. But I don’t even know what I was doing. To be honest, maybe prices rate something or other when they buy a new car. Welcome to another episode of the holistic life podcast. I’m Jenny. I’m Jai. And we are in the Unfuckwithable season and today we are going to talk a little bit about boundaries and priorities, what they mean, what they don’t mean, what it means to us. And in case you don’t know we are on this amazing Nomad trip where we sold everything that we own just about, we still have a couple of things that we did so well, we sold, we sold most of what we own. Some of the things we have in our car, some of the things we have in a small storage. And we are on the road going around the United States, and who knows where else visiting clients, meeting new people stepping into all different kinds of experiences, and even more importantly, experiencing what life is chaotic, and exciting and adventurous. And really just being that model of possibility, both for you and for our clients. So a lot of stuff for us and for you. And for us. That’s so true. They’re such a huge part of this. That is our own little personal growth journey that if you’re on Instagram, you definitely want to hop on Instagram and follow us at the number two underscore j holla. Wait.

Jai  If you want Instagram, you definitely want to follow us. I mean, they’re already on Instagram, so you don’t have to hop on Instagram.

Jenny  Well, I’m just saying it was fun to think of like a bunny hopping on Instagram. Come follow us if you’re on Instagram, on Instagram, like open up the app on your phone hop on it.

Jai  This is how to brainstorm.

Jenny  And then follow us because we are doing different videos. IGTV is sometimes a reel, and we are doing all of that sharing about the journey and it’s super fun.

Jai  We haven’t done a live yet.

Jenny  Oh, yeah, we need to start doing online.

Jai  So weird, though, I guess it really doesn’t matter. Because it’s like, sometimes I get caught up in the details, I guess, you know, because it’s like, we don’t have a huge following. I think we have a pretty decent following. If we’re talking about the scope of comparing, but we weren’t comparing to other, you know, people. But you know, I don’t think I really want a huge following of just numbers. I’m saying like, I really want people to follow us, because they love what we’re doing and they want to be engaged. So I have no problem with a small following. As long as they’re like really digging what we like, and then they’re engaged,

Jenny  When I think what you’re talking about is perfect. Because a lot of people and myself I’ve done this before, it’s like I want to chase the numbers, because I think that that’s what is needed in order to be successful, because that’s what I see that I perceive as success or that success is being delivered to people who have large followings. And logically aspects that make sense. But other aspects don’t because it could just be a bunch of paid followers, it could be no engagement, it could be I mean, there’s so many things, but I said that because that whole idea goes into the thought of boundaries. Because I’m getting a little ahead of ourselves here. But you know, it’s owning and recognizing who you are and what type of business that you are. But also minding and aligning the different things that you do for business, the different things that you do in your life, the ways that you operate, or the ways that you consider to be successful, like all of that goes into boundaries, right? Because you have to like, look at what you want, how does it impact your lifestyle? How does it impact your mindset? How does it impact your energy? And is that actually aligned with where you want to go? You know, I tried to stretch that out as long as I could. You did a damn

Jai  Good job.

Jenny  Going and I’m like I can’t, I can’t start I’m like,

Jai  I gotta… cheers to you, man. That was an awesome job.

Jenny  Cheers. Alright, so like I said, I jumped a little bit head into the deeper stuff, but just for the sake of conversation, we talked about boundaries, and you hear about a lot. It’s like oh, you know, for self care, and it’s all about setting your emotional boundaries and your physical boundaries. And there’s a lot of different ways that show up because it’s your personal life. It’s your business. It’s your you know, if you’re a parent, it’s between you and your kids boundaries. If you’re dating boundaries with people that you’re dating, what that looks like, there’s so many different ways that it can show up. And so we’re really going to be talking about this more in a general sense, we’re probably going to go down and give specific examples along the way. But really, the boundaries are what you do, to be able to help you avoid burnout. To help you stay grounded, and help you stay present to help you really have sanity. Right, because you even think about work, we have clients, and I love this, okay, because we help our clients with this journey of becoming unfuck, winnable. And what I love, love Love is we have one of our clients, she just recently manifested this amazing manager position in her job. It’s like something that she’s wanted, and she got to it quickly. And it’s very easy, because she comes from a background of where she worked 24 seven with this, and she said, Look, I am available eight to five, that’s it outside those hours, you’re just gonna have to wait till the next day, you know, I may see your emails, I may not doesn’t mean I’m going to reply to them. That is a perfect example of boundaries and sticking to them, because that’s the other thing you can have boundaries, and sometimes you don’t stick to them.

Jai  Yeah, I think we’re definitely gonna dive a little deeper into that, too, when flipping this on his head, I think boundaries in the sense of how we limit ourselves, you know, I’m saying like, like, Oh, I can only be this success. It’s not in the general sense of boundaries. But you know, I think in that scenario, it’s more of a limitation. But a limitation is a boundary, because you’re only allowing yourself to go so far. So you put up these limiting boundaries, on yourself.

Jenny  The example that comes to mind, for me, there’s a couple different examples. But if I think back to when we were living in St. Pete, one of the things that I always said is I wanted to get out and get more active, and I want to go hike and explore. But I had this underlying belief, probably more subconsciously, but it totally affected me in my conscious living day to day is that, you know, I wanted to go down to the water and hang out and hike or bike or whatever. But I never actually did it, because I had this belief that I had to like, stay in a certain spot, and I had to, you know, get worked a certain way or I had to be working and even so that still impacts me while we’re on the road. Because I still feel like we have to work a certain amount so that we can produce certain results. And the thing that that speaks in what you said is that I say that I want this certain lifestyle, yet my actions don’t align with it. And that right, there is exactly what you said, it’s like your limiting belief becomes a boundary that you have to like, lean into the edge lean into that so that you can really flip it on its head, right? So, what would you suggest then? What do you do when you’re in that situation? Where your limiting belief becomes a boundary that’s holding you back?

Jai  Surround yourself around people who are living, how do you want to live? You know, I’m saying people who are models of possibilities of what you want to do. Because if you’re the top earner in your group, there’s nowhere else for you to go. And this is I don’t. I don’t know why. I’m pretty sure someone can tell us I’m pretty sure there’s some research, some psychology, some numbers, that explains it. But if you’re around a group of people who are doing more than you are, you’re going to stretch yourself too. I don’t want to say keep up but lack a better phrase to keep up. You know, I’m saying it’s it’s, it’s it stretches you

Jenny  I think that it’s like part of that tribe mentality. There’s a core piece of us that wants to belong. And yes, there’s some of us who want to be rebels and live outside the norm. But there’s still something and I’ve heard this on multiple, like, audio books, podcast recordings that I’ve listened to recently where it talks about, you know, there’s this piece of us that wants to belong, and it goes back to the tribe mentality,

Jai  I want to disagree with you, but I can’t. I can’t because even doing a brief flashback of everything. You know, I’m saying that that’s true, even on an unconscious subconscious level. You know, we might say, Oh, I’m a loner, whatever, but still, like you do things to belong, or you do things to not belong. I’m just thinking

Jenny  yeah, cuz I’ve heard someone phrase it like that meaning like Okay, the people who are the outcasts, or you know, like, for me, I grew up in the 90s. So there was like a set of people who were like in that grunge Look, they did not want to be anything like the norm. And so they were, you know, the black clothes, they wear the spiky collars, they dye their hair black, they did the black nail polish. And that was like the grunge style. And they want to nothing to do with the norm yet in a way they belong to now this outer fringe group, right of other grunge people or whatever,

Jai  Even with that, though, even with that you don’t want to belong. You don’t want to color in the lines to get colorful with it. You don’t want to color color in the lines, and you’re like will fuck this, you know, I’m gonna step outside of the box, I’m going to go outside the lines. But with that, you attract other people who are like, Yes, I don’t want to color inside the lines, either. So even with that, even with not belonging, there’s a sense of belonging. Yeah,

Jenny  Yeah. Because you’re finding other people who are who you feel are independent, paving their own path and doing their own thing. Yeah, it’s still like, we look for that commonality. Basically, we look for that commonality. And that’s what I feel like, contributes to what you said, where it’s like, based on the people that you’re around, you know, if you’re around, like, I don’t know, this is my experience, I feel like, you know, whenever I get around a group of people, because I’m an extrovert becomes because I come from a sales background. And this could also be something that I was just born with, you know, an innate interest in, but it’s like, I look for commonalities quickly, I look for ways to connect with people and really in like, the sales cycle and, and communication processes, that’s called building rapport. You look for those points of connection of those points of commonality, to be able to, you know, quickly break down the barriers and walls that may exist, right. So if you are stepping into a group, where, let’s say, there’s five main characteristics of the group, and what got you into the group was one characteristic, and you’re missing the other four, it’s possible, you may start moving and growing and adapting into those four characteristics. Or in characteristics aren’t just personality, as I’m talking, you know, maybe it’s a certain level of money or businesses or, and also to think about that that’s expanding the conversations is expanding your reality, it’s expanding what you maybe thought, or didn’t think to be true or untrue, right, about life living, etc, right? I mean, since we’ve been on this trip, I mean, we’ve pointed out a couple of times, I mean, some of the thoughts and beliefs I’ve grown up with, you know, and the different ideas, you know, like, when we say that the last place at the barn, there was someone there like so though, there was two properties, lots of lots of space. And the property we were on one, Airbnb, one to calm. The other property has three Airbnb s, and one of the people in one of those said they were staying there for five months. And someone who is going to stay in our place is going to stay for five months, while they’re waiting for their house to be built. So the point is, I grew up, you know, in a family where that is not even a model of possibility. It’s not even an option, which potentially that’s the limiting belief. And also to we could get into like comfort zones, because there could be a comfort zone there, or maybe a preference because he’s an even as we’ve gone on this trip, someone said, You know what, I’m at a point in my life where I like my comfort, I’m not willing to give up certain comforts. Right? So it could be that, but also it could I think that a lot of times, it’s because of those limiting beliefs that you’re like, oh, there’s no way I could do that. Right? There’s no way

Jai  or just, like I say, just depending on the people, like who are you surrounding yourself with? And if you surround yourself with people who haven’t thought outside of that realm of possibility, there is no realm of possibility. Yeah, so like, luckily for us, like with each other, I’m saying we have two different upbringings to different views of life. So we can kind of come and say, and instead of saying, Oh, that’s, that’s stupid, or like, whatever. It’s just like, why, why? Why do you think that way? And we’re surrounded with people where we’re open to have conversations that stretch, our beliefs, our perspective, our realities, and we’re open to say, I never thought of it that way. I think that’s important too. Because when you’re able to do that, you’re able to say, Okay, this is out of my scope. This is from my view. You know, I was looking at this from the west, this is what the West view looks like. And someone else could be like, Yo, this is my view from the east. And it’s kind of like two people standing in front of a nine drawing on the floor, right? One person sees it nine. Other person sees a six. They’re both right. So it’s like, what is right, what’s wrong, and then elevating past that too. Say it’s not right or wrong, it is what it is.

Jenny  And and that, what we’re talking about really is the idea of becoming aware of your limiting beliefs. Okay, boundaries. So that way you can expand the boundaries. Right? That’s that one. That’s one, like way to look at it. The other way to look at as the more common way you’ve probably heard about already, is setting the boundaries. And really, you know, I kind of see, like, I see like this expansion, and then now I see the contraction, but the contraction is so that you can expand. So this contraction is on your schedule on the things you say yes to and the things you say no to,

Jai  I think there’s a Hawaiian word called collar that kind of explains that because people were like comfort zones. And it’s not about being in your comfort zone or conforming to the, the social or the collective constraints of life, but it’s about expanding your comfort zone. Yeah, it’s not about Oh, I can’t, it’s about learning and doing more. So your comfort zone doesn’t construct, it expands?

Jenny  It doesn’t contract.

Jai  Yeah, that’s what I can track you.

Jenny  Well, and it really, I mean, for some people who have said yes to a lot of things, starting to say no can feel a little like, Ah, I’m saying no to things. And even we have another client who is sharing that, you know, she used to take off Mondays, and she used to have more time for herself. But then this little thing called COVID happened, that really disrupted the event and wedding industry, and really shifted a lot of things. So it’s interesting, because for some people, and including this client, you know, it put her more in a state of scarcity mindset, because it was like, crap, I don’t have any events, right? Because the world was on hold. And then as the event started opening back up, it was like, I have to say yes to everything. Yeah, it was, like she said, it was like, she felt like she had to say yes to everything, and just be extremely flexible and extremely open. And that’s not something she’s done in a long time. But that was coming off of this mindset of a dry season. Beyond dry drop, a complete drought. And you know, what’s interesting is, she’s like, man, I haven’t done this in so long. And so we’ve been working on helping her to really level up and also feel that sense of unfuckwithability, so that she can honor her priority, set her boundaries, and everything else in between. And so the magic that just happened, you want to share the magic that just happened

Jai  to share the magic. And I’ll chime in.

Jenny  Okay, so the magic that just happened is we just had a call with her. And what happened was, she literally was as glowing. And she was explaining all the different things. And the different, you know, pieces she had put in place because she was talking to her husband and mentioning how they haven’t. They’re based out of Miami and how they haven’t gone to their house and the keys and so long. And from Miami to the keys where they’re at is one to two hours, right? So it’s relatively close, they can get there pretty quickly if well, it’s a little bit further down on the keys. So for them to get there, it’s a relatively quick trip. And, you know, because she’s in the event industry, you know, the feedback from the husband was like, hey, but you’re working late nights and weekends, how are we going to do this. And something clicked in her I think all those little seeds, we’ve been planning even herself and her stepping into her own self or a self worth her actually applying some of the boundaries we talked about and helping her get to that next state of unfuck with ability so she can level up her business. She has this client who books these very large high ticket events with her and has multiple events and her client asked her if she could do the event one month earlier. And technically, see, this is what happens. Sometimes the eight types, especially if we’re kind of in the middle with these boundaries, things and we haven’t fully solidified our boundaries and our priorities. Technically, she was available that weekend, technically, so as the resort, but the thing is, is she had already booked that weekend to go to Key West with her family, something she hadn’t done in a long time or whatever, wherever in the keys with her family, and something she hadn’t done a long time. And that weekend was non negotiable. And by moving that it would have made things so much more and added so much more stress into our life. And so she held her ground and said no, we cannot move it and that is coming from a place of an abundance mindset.

Jai  Right?

Jenny  That right there is coming from a place of owning your worth. That right there is coming from a place of recognizing and sticking to your boundaries. That right there is an example of holding your balance Cuz I used to do that in sales, I used to technically be available. And I would say yes to a call, even though that time was what I needed to recharge. Even though that time is what I needed to be able to prepare for the next person, to be able to go to the bathroom, eat some food, right? You know, some people are like, Oh my god, I have no time to go to the bathroom because you don’t plan any time and you have to give yourself time.

Jai  Can you squeeze me in? I mean, I got to shit. But yeah,

Jenny  I’ll talk to you while I’m on the shitter. Like, I mean, technically, I’m free. No, you’re not free. Look that shit off. You know, and think about your priorities. And guess what, you can be a priority. Your mental health is a priority. Next, you need to go take a walk outside to recharge, are you needing time to meditate, or you require time to just sit and stare at the ceiling between meetings or between events that you are booked for? You are not available during that time, right? And so that’s really where you look at your priorities and make sure that you’re, if you’re not the top one, you’re one of the top three, and then work to put you in the top slot. Yeah,

Jai  You should definitely be the number one spot. Word, right. talked about a lot of stuff. This particular podcast, we talked about boundaries. And a typical way we talked about boundaries is in limiting beliefs that we allow to be boundaries on the other spectrum. And the importance of prioritizing probably could have gotten a little bit deeper, but I think the point was made so yeah, definitely hope you guys took something away from this. And as always, follow us on i g the number two underscore, J hollow because they are two J’s so Holla Holla the other social media really doesn’t matter because we’re most active on i g so find us there. Join our newsletter,

Jenny  To J holla.com. forward slash ohana.

Jai  I was totally clueless totally clueless

Jenny  You know that?

Jai I did but I was still clueless

Jenny  …and our newsletters actually have been on pause because if you want to talk about boundaries and priorities, and he’s been in the shop cooking up a new program, oh shit, and we had to, we had to put something on.

Jai  We’re going..

Jenny  Oh my god. Okay, stay tuned. The newsletter will come out again soon. But make sure you want to be on it. Make sure you want to be on it, you want to be on it. And

Jai  You can subscribe to the holistic life podcast from your favorite streaming platform. And don’t forget to check out to Jay holiday comm to stay in the know as an official to Jade’s Insider. Mahalo for tuning in. And until next time, that’s our show.