Phoenix: Welcome to Life as P. I’m your host, Phoenix Ash. If you are a first-time listener, I appreciate you giving the show a shot. Well, go. If you are a repeat listener, you already know, I so appreciate you guys so much love, thank you for sticking it out with me going through all my life lessons because lord knows I’m learning a lot. Lord knows. So I’m trying to think of like, what the theme has been for the week, or I should say weeks because I kind of been up and down with, you know, recording the show, I’m going through an incredible amount of transition, I finally sold my house. But we haven’t moved into the new house yet. So we haven’t closed yet. So a lot of transition, there was a time where No, I didn’t have any way to live. Me and my daughter, you know, stayed at a hotel for a couple of days. It was just it was crazy. For the first time in my life, anything like that has happened. so blessed to be able to have people in my life who support me and be able to afford to stay in a hotel. But it was really like, just not having stability. Even now, as you know, we’re staying with family in the interim. And just not being on my own. Having my own is like, really different for me. And it’s an incredible adjustment. So glad that I don’t have to adjust for very long, because so come on this house. And it’s just been hoof, my adulting has been tested, my temperament has been tested. Just everything. I constantly feel like, I’m on edge taking too to the brink of like, am I gonna flip? Am I gonna flip? Am I gonna flip? And I’ve had some difficult discussions with some friends. And I just feel like there’s been a lot of emotional work that has been done. But you know, I’m not crazy enough to work it out on my own. There’s just too much of it and too much at stake. You know, if I’m not mentally healthy, you know, who am I going to be for my daughter that like, you know, sacrificing my mental state, just for the sake of toughing it through? Or, you know, is the world’s strongest mom, sacrificing myself, in order to prove what to who? I don’t know. I went and got myself a therapist
is it about that song? Yes, it’s about that, Tom, I gotta, I gotta go talk to a professional, somebody who’s licensed for this. Because I got a license for this. I’ve survived and thrived. But it’s not because I have not been resourceful. And recognize when I am at the point where this is not my realm. Okay, God has blessed, therapists, doctors, all kinds of guys blessed other people with their skills and their ability to help the rest of mankind. And I’m sure enough going to take advantage of that. So all of that said, there were a few lessons. So I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just store up some shows some because it was a few lessons and we ain’t got the time. But the one that sticks out to me right now is calm down. Just calm down. I know. There’s this joke, you know, when in the history of telling a woman to calm down? Has she ever calmed down? And I used to think that’s so hilarious. I don’t tell myself to calm down and I really don’t like to be told to calm down. But sometimes I got to tell myself to calm the fuck down. Just calm down. I feel like I’ve been standing in the hallway for so long. That it’s been a couple of years now since I’ve recognized a change was necessary, and that I was actually going to make the move to make the change. I was talking to a friend yesterday and we’re talking about how long my husband and I have not been together or ex-husband I’m still messing around, calling my husband definitely in my room window. But, you know, it’s been a couple of years, my divorce has been final, almost a year for like a couple of weeks off over a year. And separation happened, you know, a year before that, and then the year before that, that entire year was the recognition that change needs to happen, that, you know, the marriage is probably not something that’s gonna continue to work for me, or that I’m going to continue to work at, honestly. So when you say like, it’s like, leaving a game, oh, to old school notion of leaving a game, just because you’re ready to move on doesn’t mean everything and everyone around you is ready to move on. So there’s a lot of struggle, there’s a lot of resistance, there’s, you know, the fight against the things that you have set in place that is so used to you being present, and you know, you removing your presence from not just people but situations and routines, you know, it’s not as easy to break free and just start a new, there’s a lot of cleaning up, that needs to be done. A lot of you know, brushing the crumbs off the table, is just, it’s a lot. And what I’m realizing for my life is that it’s not just that one area is so many, it’s so many. It’s not just, you know, my personal life with being single, being a single mom. But you know, working from my sponsor, that’s also going through some transition where I can clearly see that this is the end of this relationship. It’s a lot, it’s a lot, and it can force some anxiousness. I’m not the most patient person, to begin with, I’d tell you that.
Um, that in some situations I can be. But when it gets to recognizing change, I’m ready. Well, I believe I’m ready, and I just want to go, but I got to clean up where I last that I got to do some things, testing strings, I also have to prepare for where I’m going. So I have to calm down, I have to spend my time doing what needs to be done in order to make the smoothest transition possible. And I know that in some areas, it’s not going to be smooth. But there are some areas that I can control and make it so preparation is necessary. And when I have the time and space, see, when I moved out of my last house, I didn’t feel like I had the time and space. But I did. You know, when you get a buyer for your house, and you get under contract, there’s a forecasted closing date. And because I was so afraid that the deal was not going to go through, I couldn’t believe that it was actually happening. I don’t think I took that date to heart. And so we got very close now, you know, I spent a lot of money, you know, junk and stuff and cleaning the house up and getting ready for sale. So I think because the house was so big, and we had so many things that I felt like, there wasn’t much else to do. And you know, I underestimated what it was gonna take for me to pack the rest of the house up like this, just be honest with myself, I underestimated what it would take, not to mention that it wasn’t until like two weeks before closing that the home inspection was finally done. And then when the home inspection was done, there were some things we needed to iron out within the contract. So there was a little back and forth. And that took a little bit and then the appraiser to come by until like, well after a week after the home inspector. So we were pushing it and it was getting closed. And as you know, the signing thing I scheduled. So, you know the buyers had to schedule it. And so we were getting close. So close that the Monday, the week of closing, the appraiser had yet to submit their appraisal report, and closing them was supposed to be on Thursday. So I was like, There’s no way that this thing is happening on Thursday. There’s no way they’re gonna reschedule it. It’ll be another week out. Maybe two weeks out, the preparation is just not there. What I didn’t know is no preparation was there on their part. The preparation wasn’t there on mine. Because no one has suggested any other date. So in hindsight, I’m like girl, just stick to the date they gave you and move accordingly. But you know, it was a major change for me. I’d been in that house since 2007. So the only house my daughter knows I wasn’t anxious to pack up the rest of the stuff and make it as though we didn’t live there. Because of the sale went through, and it took me another two weeks to find a buyer, then it would take me another three to four weeks to close. And, you know, I wasn’t financially in a spot where we can pack up everything, move everything out of the house and stay somewhere else while we’re trying to sell our house that definitely was not my situation. So I was like, No, I’m gonna have to live here. And I probably could have lived there more minimally than I had envisioned. But I wasn’t moving. So I had made, you know, arrangements to look at houses on Wednesday. And I just did stuff. Because I was in disbelief. I didn’t believe that everything I asked for was actually starting to unfold and come into fruition because it was it seemed late, and I wasn’t moving. And Tuesday morning came and first of all on Monday, even though the appraisal wasn’t back, I got the call saying this confirms that the closing is on Thursday. And I was like, Wait, but that was Monday afternoon for everyone. So now that the pack up and move everything by Thursday, forgetting I had an appointment on Wednesday to see some houses. I mean, I was straight panic mode. It’s a four-bedroom house with a full basement and just straight panic mode is over 2500 square feet just as cleaned out as it looked to me there was still so much shit.
Like, oh my god, you know, my ex-husband would not, you know, he didn’t care about what help I may need, didn’t need whatever. He wants to know where his check was, what his clothes and how much is my check, those were the text messages that I got, which just adds another layer to push you to the edge. You know, I made it throw out you know, was calling moving companies like I can’t even say companies Ciao. I went to Google and was like, Look, this one right here moves and stores. Okay, let’s call these people. Let’s do this. That’s just what I did. This is what I did, like the first set, I probably could have found someone cheaper. I was in panic mode. Let’s call these junk people. One of my girlfriends suggested like, I’m like, I might have some furniture, I’m going to junk because it’s the furniture I want to take with me, but I didn’t have time to you know, send it to Goodwill send it to Salvation Army have somebody come to look at it, appraise it, I have time for all of that it had to go. So I don’t even I can’t even tell you everything that they did where everything something’s you know, at a dining room table that they ended up having a cut up so it up. You know, I don’t care what you do with it design keeping it so I was a lot and then, you know, having my little meltdown on Tuesday night because I still want to look at houses on Wednesday because I’m feeling panicky. And I’m like, I don’t have a secure place to go. I don’t I’m not even under contract on a new house. Like I need a house I need I need to at least be active in that search because I wasn’t prepared for this portion. I damn sure need to be prepared for the next and reach out to someone who I and physically talk to one so long who we have mutual friends. So you know we’re friendly, and we love each other when we see each other but you know, it’s not regular conversation. But God she came through she sat at my house while the movers were there and allowed me to travel to a whole nother state to go look at some houses. Honey, when I saw you. God was working even in my panic. There was no need to panic. He had me and I just need to calm down. You know, I was feeling like I couldn’t think straight because I needed to calm down. Because if I didn’t see houses that day, and might have been okay, I could have just canceled my appointment. Honestly just cancel it. We tie everything is done. Just canceled. But I was anxious to go, go thankfully, one of the houses I saw that day ended up being a house that I found lovely and I put a bid on but I was panic mode for pain. And because like you that last minute the movers couldn’t come Thursday morning. The only appointment they had was on Wednesday. So you know that cut me a day short. So I wasn’t ready at you know, they took all that they could take to storage but I still had a lot of stuff that I had to pack in my car and take to my daughter’s GG house to store boxes. And that took me about six-seven trips of stuff in my car full that I had to store GDS thank God for Gigi that she got a house for me to store stuff in and lives around the corner. Because I had I wanted to stay not far because I wanted to keep my daughter in school. And I just did There are so many things that I need to be adamant about, you know, still continue to work for my sponsor not having a lot of time that I could take off. So, you know, managing that not having, you know, moving days or any extra kind of days that I could really take to address what it was that I needed. And that honestly not having a present partner to lean on. was difficult. It was difficult to take for my friends, thank God because narrow far, they came through, they figured it out. For me, making through talking me through, helped me through prayed me through good thought me through, and some of them physically showed up. So that was cool. That was cool. And I was moving stuff in GG 1000 saying, you know, once we get to the hotel, I’ve come back for the boxes of clothes. And you know, and she’s like, hotel. Wait, we haven’t talked. And we hadn’t talked because Papa had a stroke. And I was like, I didn’t I ask them if we could come to stay with them. All the things that they’re dealing with trying to get Bob Bob ready, like, the plate is much too heavy over here. But Gigi was like, Nah, you staying over here. We won’t figure this out. Because no, you want to baby, you coming here. So thank God for Gigi. We stayed in a hotel for a couple of days, because it was already planned. And my daughter was looking forward to it. And it was like a staycation for her. So I go ahead and I have that experience. But I was there for a good five days. But then we came and we stayed at GG house. And we’ve been here ever since. And although this is not my place, not my spot, I have a place to lay my head, I have a place to bathe, I have a place to eat to cook. You know, I don’t cook that much. But you know, I have the room. It’s a lot of room down here that we are blessed to have been blessed to move about. We’re not far from my daughter’s school, she can get up and go to school every day until we figure out our next steps. The day after closing, I got the call that my offer was accepted on the house that I wanted. So the pieces not only were coming together but are still coming together there for me. And I have a tendency that when I’m in transition because I have the vision of what the next step is, I’m anxious to get to it. But sometimes the vision is just there to let me know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, not necessarily because that has to be right here right now. There’s the preparation that has to happen. And had I not been so focused on that vision for what might have dawned on me to pack up your damn house. You know, the house that I bought, I believe is for me. And I always say it was for me that my name on it and nobody could take away from me. So if that’s the case, you know, if I had to wait for two, three days before I saw the house, that should have been okay, now did it happen to work out Shut up, but like, I might not have had to be as stressed as I was, I might not have to be so close to the brain. I may not have to be on age, you know, same thing and relationship-wise, you know, getting the cycles was like, oh, you know, particularly when winter is coming? Right? And I’m stereotypical in that manner. You know, when Winter’s coming just like oh, you know, I just want some consistency. Somebody to hold me by the fireplace at night. Sometimes I ain’t even got a damn fireplace, but you know, it’d be dreaming real crazy or whatever. You get anxious and you start interviewing. Right, cuffing season is among us, right? You start interviewing and your anxiousness helps you make bad choices. You deserve a little red flag. You know, the whole thing How you been on Twitter and you see all the red flags I low red flag and you’re just like, in a Debray, it’s kind of orange.
Like, maybe deaf, like kind of yellow. Slow down, calm down. But you know, in just what season anyway, you know, it ain’t gonna be no series anyway. And then like you move forward, and then you meet the person or you sit down to dinner and you’d be like, what, what am I doing? Or maybe you make it to the dinner you make it through whatever in their home. You like, what am I doing?
What am I doing? Slow down? You’re speeding, you’re speeding.
Sometimes you just need a note to write that post, not clarity and make you be like, Oh, what happened? What happened? Why was this so serious? 10 minutes ago? Why was everything so catastrophic? Oh, I needed a note. Yes, let me clear my mind. Next time break out of them. So but either way to calm down. Write it down. If you have to. Talk to a therapist if you have to talk to a friend whoever chatters figure out a way to calm down. Understand that just do the work. You know, I notice a sense of urgency and spirit. And you want this dream to come to fruition. You want the next step to happen, you’ve worked so hard, it’s been so long. Try not to focus on how long you’ve been waiting, or how long it’s taking, and use the time to prepare, calm down and prepare, be ready for the blessing, be ready for the move, be ready for the change, panic, that’s not the thing that’s going to allow you to enjoy the process. The process is difficult process is hard, but it’s necessary, but there’s still fruit in it. And there are still things that, you know, are helpful and enjoyable. If we just calm down. I always say resistance causes pain. And I think that resistance that anxiousness comes from resistance. And the resistance is we are fighting against how long it’s taking. We’re fighting against how much work it’s taking. And sometimes if you just like, recognize that this is what it is, and stop focusing on the fact that it’s taken so long, or that I’ve worked so hard and just put my head down and do the work and take the time and figure out what I can do with it and how I can make it the most fruitful. And what do I have the time to do? And let’s do that, then maybe it won’t seem so long. Maybe even though we know we worked hard. We’re like, oh, no, but there was purpose in that because there’s something not only that I could use when I get there. But when I’ve been there a while, there’s still something that I can reach back and use, because I was prepared everything in advance. So I still have some stuff. So fruit from that transition is still feeding me several months down the line because I use that time wisely. And that’s where I’m trying to transition my own mind to say we’ll use the time wisely. Time is gonna pass regardless, some of this stuff, you know, it takes 30 days to close for the most part. That’s what it is. So harping on the fact that has taken 30 days is not going to get less than 30 days. It’s not so what can I do with the time, pack up prepare, decide where am I gonna put stuff? You know, get it, interior designer? What is the house gonna look like? What’s the room going to look like? What kind of field do I want? How do I want to feel when I walk through the door every day? You know, what am I going to feed? What’s my office space going to be? Am I going to have office space? What am I going to you know, Saudis birthdays come in, maybe I should prepare for her birthday. And think about that Thanksgiving is coming maybe I should, you know plan for that. So that when I do move in transition, it doesn’t become cumbersome. Like oh, man, I just moved. And now I got to deal with it not because that’s already prepared. I already did that. I already thought through that I already prepared for that I already purchased what I need to purchase already moved what I need to move. There’s other stuff that’s happening. You know, I’m not big on celebrating Halloween, but my daughter is she want to dress up you want to do you know what I’m focusing on the fact that it’s taking so long. Don’t forget to be present for her. Be present. I said pop up had a stroke. Be present, wash some dishes, bring Gigi coffee every morning. Do the grocery shopping, be useful to the people who were loving on you. After you use the time to be present. It’s hard for me to focus. It’s hard for me to write. But rather than beating myself up because I can’t write, that’s a waste of time. Pick out what else to do with the time. When you’re ready, it’ll happen, things will happen. But especially when you have an end date, you know when the light is coming, calm down, calm down. We give ourselves this false sense of urgency. Everything has to happen right now, this way. And sometimes that’s how we fumble. That’s how we like oh, shoot, you know, I’m not ready. I’m not ready. Because we are convinced that has to happen right now. Right now. This moment. That’s not always the case. Calm down. Prepare to step into a blessing. And step into it confidently don’t question yourself. Don’t question. Am I really ready? Can I really take this on? No, because you prepared right? Or wait? You prepare. i So back Stein I that was on my heavy. And it was really honestly a note to self. If you got fruit from it. God bless you. Thank
you. I’m so happy to share with you. But really that’s a note to self calm down. If you want to support please pick up any of my books on Amazon under the writer Phoenix as you already know what it is I write romance I write drama. You know, I’ve delectable a sweet romance is a great time of year to read that book. Oh, don’t mind the cover for the paperback is different from the cover for Kindle. Just a little something different than I did for that one. I just really love both covers. So I’d like to figure out how to use both, you know cookies and crumbles and soil sheets. Those are related novelettes so Are novellas. So, you know, if you want to pick up both of those that soil sheets and cookies and crumbles, we soil sheets first and then read cookies and crumble. Well, you know what I am going to tell you. You actually can read them out of water. But that’s how I wrote them. Whatever. In her makeup, my very first novel, hoof, that’s my, that’s my heart right there. Right? So it’s available on Amazon. It’s available on Kindle. It’s available on Audible as well. So if you’re an audible listener, please check out her makeup. Go listen to that as dramas great for a long drive like great or like, if you’re gonna listen to pieces like in the morning before you go to work, like have somebody tell you a story. I think it’s kind of dope. You know, just thank you for constantly investing in my love invested in my dreams, investing in whatever it is that I have to say thank you for being present. Thank you for giving me the platform and just you know, sharing with me your journey. You know, I love the DMS I love the messages. I love you guys shouting me out on Twitter telling me to listen to the podcast. I love that I so appreciate that. That’s why I retweet it, not to show off and be like look while listening to my podcast. I mean, that’s part of it. Come on Angola. But it’s because I’m like, oh my god, boom. So my somebody is listening to me listening to what I have to say, and I definitely appreciate that. So until the next time, we can exchange power, peace.