Hosted by
Phoenix Ash


What a year this has been for us all? Just the ability to keep standing deserves to be applauded. In this episode, Phoenix explores what keeps us going and her thoughts on continuing the pursuit of aspirations. She’s stepping into your circle and grateful you’ve been apart of hers.

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Savage Fever
Touch Me First
In Her MakeUp
Soiled Sheets
Cookies & Crumbles


Phoenix: Alright child it’s my mother f-ing birthday. Welcome to life is P I’m your host Phoenix Ash. If this is your first time listening, I appreciate you giving me a shot and listening to my ramblings and checking in with me to see what’s good. If you are repeat listener, thank you. I’m always appreciative of your time, of your feedback.

I love our conversations offline. You guys be having me dying or especially people who like first discover life as P, I started being like, damn, it’s more than five people that listening to me now. And that’s great. When someone first discovers, I always assume that they’re going to listen to a recent show or this year and then they go back and they listen from the beginning and I’m like, Oh my God, they’re going to hear me talking about Apple sauce. But if you still listen after that, y’all love you because things just, Ooh, I will go left right, all over the place. Anyway. I’m so happy to be here. So happy to make it to another birthday.

I actually have a trip coming up. I know we’re in a pandemic and everybody’s like, where are you going? Why are you going? But it’s really like a drive that I’m taking by myself. Like nobody’s even in the car with me. I want to lock myself in a hotel room with a great view and just spend the weekend overlooking the water.

And I know it seems so lame. I’m going to have my laptop. I feel like I’m going to get a lot of work out. Um, it seems lame, right? Like you want to spend your money to like, you have your own house. Like honestly, babysitter could come and get the baby and you could be by yourself, but it’s just different.

It’s really different. And I just, I want the view, I want the piece. Um, so if I can swing it, I’m going to do it. Um, And I’m not going to be around nobody. I had told my girlfriends long time ago, like if they wanted to get a hotel room by themselves, like you want to get your own room and like come down for a day and then we can like eat dinner or something together.

That’s cool. But I’m perfectly cool with being by myself perfectly good with getting my mind back together. My peace of mind. I feel like every year for my birthday, I just trying to reset. And I don’t know if it’s because my birthday’s at the end of the year or for me, like that is the true combination of a year for me, but the past couple years I’ve done vision boards from my birthday. Um, I just, I just want my mind to sorta like reset my first book that I ever published. That was a birthday gift to myself. I published it for my birthday. Um, that is. Like my benchmark of what’s new, whatever. And you know, it’s been a crazy year, right?

I’ve talked about my divorce. My divorce is final. Yay. Um, we still have other stuff that we have to work out, but thank God in the state of Delaware, you can be officially divorced, uh, before you work all the details out. So, yay. Yay. Yay.

Whew. It has been a crazy year for everyone though. Not just me for everyone. I’m kicking these books out. Sometimes I struggle sometimes I’m in my creative, slump and it’s not even that I don’t know the story or whatever. I don’t know. Just, I think the stuff that’s going on around us, it’s just really hard to stay motivated, really hard to stay positive.

Everything is so new and frustrating. My daughter. Was in school. Um, and you know, they had to shut down the pre-K and because someone was exposed. And so we got tested and thank God, both of our tests were negative, but so now, you know, they’re like the kids are going to be home for the rest of the year, which, you know, a lot of parents, you guys were struggling all year, right.

With the whole virtual learning and trying to get it set up. So it’s new for me, I’m doing a virtual learning and at the same time, you know, reporting to my sponsor every day. And it’s a different position with my sponsor. So I’m learning the position. I’m learning how to function with my child being home oooh child… because my child is still young.

She’s five and she needs a lot of attention. And Saudia is like, I don’t care who you talking to. I don’t care. What you talking about. I’m talking to you right now. I need you to hear me. She’d be like, yes, I understand. And she would just keep going. So… she’d probably get it from her mama. So that is just oof oof but if anything what I’ve been reminded of this year is my resiliency.

And I think that a lot of us have had that reminder this year. Like we’re still standing and that is not the blanket statement that I think sometimes it can be, Oh, I’m still standing. That is huge. We have lost so many people this year to COVID, to police brutality, to just, aging out of their lives, or just, just so many people.

So many people it’s so crazy. And to say that I’m still standing is huge for me. It’s huge for me. Cause I don’t know why me, but whatever, I’m going to take it and do something with it. So with that in mind, I’m definitely going to put some work into these books. It’s it’s difficult, but it’s not impossible.

You know, I just gotta focus, get my mind right. And. Be reminded that, you know, I made it thus far and it’s not for nothing. There’s still work that needs to be done. That’s why we’re still here. We need to protect each other. We need to love each other. Um, and the resiliency of my heart is what amazes me because there’ve been lots of conversations and, lots of slights this year.

And I still feel as though I love people. Sometimes I can’t stand people, but I love people. And I am proud of the fact that, you know, when I meet a new friend or, when someone’s in my life, I start off with love. I will love you first and then let how the relationship goes, how you treat me, how you, talk to me how comfortable I feel with you, how safe I feel information about me is with you.

I let that determine whether I still love you or I like you, or you gotta go.

I just, you know, it’s too much effort for me to be like, apprehensive, you know, I feel like if you’re totally no good for me, I kind of feel that off the bat and I will stay in clear. But particularly in this time I feel like loving people is necessary. It’s necessary. And because I started like going about relationships like that, and I don’t even think that I intentionally go about relationships like that.

Like, let me be clear. I think that I’ve just pinpointed how I go about relationships because before it was confused and it was frustrating, it was just like, you know, why do I care so much about people who I just met? It’s also why, like, you know, dating could be so disappointing. Right? You think you like someone and you just care an awful lot off the bat.

And so like when it doesn’t work, it’s, you know, like, Aw man, but it’s just what it is, you know? And once I pinpointed it and was like, Oh, that’s just how I am. Then it was easier to accept. It was also easier to get past when, when someone slighted me. Like even friends, like. Business associates, you know, I’ve talked about it before, like they promise you stuff or they want to set stuff up and you know, yeah.

Let’s get together. Let’s introduce you to such and such such, and the ball gets dropped and then eventually, like, you don’t want to keep pressing it. Right. Cause you feel like I don’t want to, you know, I’m from Brooklyn and it’s very difficult and I know. Every time. I said, I know, I know, I know everybody from Brooklyn needed to tell you they from Brooklyn.

So what we proud Brooklyn anyhow though. I don’t ever want to feel like I’m actually feet begging you for anything because all my opportunities aren’t tied up with you. So if you not willing to help or if you’re not willing to be of your word or whatever, then you know, Okay. I don’t have to force you to be the person that I want you to be.

I can move on and that’s in all relationships. Like I don’t ever want to be around someone who I feel like I’m forcing you to be the person that I want you to be, or I’m forcing you to be the person that you promise that you would be if you fall through on your promise. If you cannot be who is necessary in the moment or necessary in my life then.

So be it, I’m going to have to exit because I’m thorough. I’m going to be me all the way through. Um, you know, if I say, I’m here for you, I’m here for you. If I say we going to write a book together, we’re going to write a book together. If I say I support you and encourage your dreams and I will help you.

That’s what I’m going to do. If you’re trying to build a business and it’s a business that caters to people, and I say, I’ll be the first one to buy a meal. It’s because that’s my true intention. And that for me, that’s my word. You know, my girlfriend, she just started, I’m a brand and I’m so mad that I don’t know the name of it off the top of my head.

But she’s selling like t-shirts and bags and stuff. And there’s a t-shirt that says, I speak what I seek and I love the phrase. Right? It’s all about speaking life and, you know, being intentional. We were talking and she had, it was launch day for her. And I was like, Oh, send me the link. And she’s like, Oh, you can find it.

I was like, girl, if I said, send me the links to me to late, because that means I’m on purchase. And so she sent it to me and I bought, and she was like, you bought just because like, nah, I don’t know. And I just was like, girl, what you doing? Don’t turn down my way as support. Yeah. I support it just because it’s great to have people who need your product and who wants your product, who are also your friends and want to invest.

But, um, a friend that will, I’m on purchase from you at least once, because I’m proud of you. That’s my investment in your business. You’re not, I may not need your product. I may not need it. Somebody in my life might need it, but I still want to purchase. I still want to invest. I still want to try because your business’s customer based.

Right? So like I’m trying to be a customer I’m trying to add to your numbers, I’m trying to let you know that I believe in you and I appreciate who you are as somebody who followed through and what it was that they wanted to do. And so, yeah, I’m that friend who’s going to support you just because I am.That’s, that’s just what I, you know, there’s businesses that I’m gonna support just because they’re black, there’s businesses that I’m going to support, just because they’re owned by women.

If I need something, I will look at those businesses first and after unable to deliver, then I may have to go outside of that, but I’m going to give those businesses a chance to deliver first. You know, I’m, uh, Or their underwear from Fenty before I order it from Victoria secret. Now somebody somewhere is probably going to say, well, if you follow the line and you know, it’s not really owned by the… I dunno, But my representation matters to me.

Um, and that is true with my friends. My representation matters. And the fact that you are my friend and you have started a business, or you offer a service that I can somehow invest in, you are a representation of me and our circle. Like you represent me, I feel. You represent the, the striver, the, the ambitious one, the one who is searching for a way to accomplish a goal, to, you know, achieve a dream, you represent me.

And so it matters and I’m going to invest in those things that represent me, because in, in a way I feel like I’m investing in myself by investing in you. So I want to see you soar, you know, um, for years I’ve talked about one of my favorite things is to see people accomplish things. Like, I love the whole confiding in me when it’s in its infancy and the seed of it.

And to see it blossom into what you said it would be. Oh, that’s amazing. I have a girlfriend. I know it seems like I have a million girlfriends, right? Sometimes these people are the same people, just so you know, But I have a girlfriend who years ago said that she had contemplated being an attorney.

She wanted to be a lawyer. And I think her degree, I feel like her degree is in political science. If not her. I don’t, if not her major, maybe her minor, but either way. Definitely a political science kind of brain, um, very argumentative but always has valid points, um, and research and very knowledgeable about a lot of things.

And I used to harass her and be like, when are you going to law school? When are you going? Where are you going? And there was so many reasons that she put it off or whatever. And she decided to go be a paralegal and get her paralegal certificate and. You know, I encouraged her through that helped a little bit with that.

And I still have that paralegal certificate, like a copy of that degree, so to speak in my house because I’m so proud of her. I give the story because she’s currently in law school and this is years later I’m talking, like, I feel like those conversations were 10 years ago and now she’s…. I think in her second year of law school.

So I’m so excited for her and I can’t wait until she’s invited me to a virtual graduation. I’m like, I remember these conversations or another good friend of mine. My God, she’s been my friends since I was in a freshman in high school. And when we were in high school, she wants to be a doctor and she had a lot of hiccups where she had difficulty finishing college and so forth.

And so she had decided that being a doctor was not in the cards for her any longer, but then maybe about eight or nine years ago, because I felt like 10 years between like the last 10 years has been really significant my entire circle. But maybe about. I feel like maybe about between six to eight years ago she decided that she didn’t have to give up on the medical field altogether and she was wanting to go back to school and become a nurse. And this was something she didn’t have a bachelor’s. So she had to like start from the beginning. So maybe it was 10 years ago because she had to take some prerequisites.

But the other day I get this call she’s passed nursing school. Now this last semester was a doozy, a doozy for her. I mean, she had, and I just was like, I don’t want to hear it. You go on past, you’re going to figure out how to pass you, going pass you, going to get it. And sure enough, she did guys.

You don’t even know how… I’m over the moon. Excited for her. Like this is so big. It’s not just being in your field. It’s not just you. First of all. Prior to her going to nursing school. I had no idea how difficult it was to be a nurse. God bless all. Y’all the stuff you got to remember the tests you have to take who baby …. no, no, not me.

I’m not built for it, but thank God there’s so many people who are, because we need you, obviously we need you to look at what’s going on. Um, but I’m so excited because I mean, I’m talking to him. I remember being a little girl. And knowing that she wanted to be in the medical field. And here we are, we’re adults we’ve lived our lives.

We’ve had our kids, we’ve started careers that we didn’t want. We’ve made, do paid bills. We’ve done all kinds of things. And you still did it. You still circled back and you still did it. That is amazing to me. That’s amazing to me. And that kind of resilience is something that I’m proud of. So when you exhibit that, I feel like you represent me.

And so I’m trying to figure out a way, like, I’m not going to try to get sick so I could get seen by her as a nurse, but I can hear the excitement in her voice when I call for consultation. Like, can you explain something to me if I see this? So if I don’t understand this, can you explain to me, and she’s so excited to be able to use it, the knowledge to use her degree, to be able to talk to me about something that she knows and, and I’m here to learn.

I mean, that’s, that’s amazing to me. So if you are out there and you are a life is P listener and you out there making it happen for yourself, you are accomplishing your dreams. You are trudging through the mud, but you grabbing on to something and you’re getting it. You’re doing it. Even if you’re just doing a small piece in preparation to do it bigger next year, you represent me and I am so proud of you.

Thank you for doing it. Thank you for walking your path. Thank you for keeping your eyes set on the goal and thank you for refocusing yourself after you lose sight of what it is that you were aiming for. Thank you. I appreciate you because you, as an example, allow me to reset myself. To remind myself that what I’m doing matters and that accomplishing my goals is significant.

It’s significant in this life is significant in our circle. And I want to represent you the same way. I feel like you represent me. I want to represent you. So thank you for being a participant in this circle of accomplishment. Thank you. It means a tremendous amount to all of us who are striving. We need to be reminded that things are possible.

We need to be reminded that miracles happen. We need to be reminded that dreams come true and that if we work hard enough and we’re creative enough, and if we just. Are resilient enough and persistent and determined and all those wonderful words. But if we possess any and all of that, we’ll get there, we’ll get there and we need that promise.

We need that hope and I’m just so eternally grateful that I have a circle of not just friends, but listeners, supporters, people who, like I said, you guys email me, you post on Facebook, um, saying that you listen to my show. Oh my God, that I can’t even really explain what that does to me and what that does for my motivation to see these posts, especially on Facebook, you know, like I’m hardly on there and then I’d scroll and I’m like, Oh, Oh, my God, somebody is posting the show.

That’s awesome. Or sometimes on Twitter, you know, I’ll post the show and, you know, people will retweet it and I don’t expect it. I don’t or people would get up in my inbox and be like, Hey, I didn’t realize you had a podcast. I listened to it and Oh my God, I love it. And I’m going to start listening to it from now on like that.

Yeah. I’m a sap that brings tears to my eyes. It does, because I was talking about Apple sauce. First shot and thank God for just who’s like, do you want to do a show? And I’m like, yeah. And thank God that she was like, I have enough faith in you not to cut you off after you was talking about Apple sauce.

I’m cracking myself up now it’s my birthday. I can crack myself up right there. I’m an oldest Bart, but whatever. So, um, Anyway, this show is basically I thank you for your resilience. You are a example to me and mine. I, I just, I love the way this circle is, and it’s a loose circle. It’s it’s big. I was always the kind of person who was like, you know, I keep my circle tight and to some degree, I guess I do, but it’s not on purpose because my love flows outward.

And I’m just like, you know, if you’re doing it and you’re not here to harm me. Come on in, um, you know, as long as we’re not dragging each other down, come on in. Let’s let’s do this, let’s do this together. Um, so thank you. Um, if you want to check out any of my work, I’m currently in the Savage fever series, I’m having so much fun, right?

Episode one, two and three are both available on Amazon as well as Amazon Kindle. Um, also, uh, in her makeup is available on Amazon, Amazon Kindle, as well as audible. That’s my first novel. So please take a look at that. Um, If you like romance. My book delectable is it’s called delectable a sweet romance. If you hear any noise in the background, that is my daughter.

Who does not care that I’m doing a show right now? Um, here, come say hi, say hi. Good and look, she’s smiling. Just say hi. So that’s Saudia guys. So you got to hear Saudia. She loves, loves to see what I’m doing anyway. If you want to get at me, I’m at P writes on Twitter, as well as at P writes on Instagram.

I’m Phoenix Ash on Facebook. And as always, I’m looking forward to the next time when we can exchange power. I love you so much. Peace.

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