Phoenix: Hello! Welcome to life as P… I’m your host, Phoenix Ash. If you hear any noise in the background cause I’m washing clothes. So I’m trying to multitask, but if you are a repeat listener, thank you so much for joining me again. I appreciate every bit of your time. If you are a new listener, I appreciate your time as well.
I also appreciate you giving me a try. If you’ve listened before, you know that I talk about my themes every week. I am a writer and author, which is not always the same thing. Well, the author is always the writer, but the writer isn’t always the author. I’m a newly single mom, I guess you could say going through a divorce.
Been finding my way in the industry. When I first started this show, I was attempting to live a life that I wanted to have by design. I was leaving corporate in order to pursue writing full time and see what that could do for me. That was a successful stint. I was able to publish several books. On my own and then secure writing contract, where I now publish under B-Love publications.
I say all that to say that this has definitely been a journey, there’s been some evolution and I appreciate any, and everyone who has stepped in along the way to listen to me, vent to listen to me, work through my thoughts or. Purchase my work invest in my work, or even just to get up in my inbox, which is @Pwrites on Instagram as well as @Pwrites on Twitter, but to encourage me to keep going, I love when people like looking for the next show. I love that because that shows me that you’re interested in give a damn what’s going on in my mind. So. I’m dating. Okay. Or some version of it. Cause I swear, I’m not doing it right. And you know, talking to other single friends of mine and things that we are experiencing.
And one of those things is communication. And it’s not necessarily tell me your whole life or run me your itinerary or tell me what you’re doing every second of the day, but just noticing. That there are a certain number of touches that you have per day in order to maintain some kind of bond. And when I say bond, I don’t mean we’re in love and I’m maintaining that bond because I think at that point you should be beyond making it the effort to talk everyday.
Like, I feel like it should be natural, but keeping in someone’s life, not necessarily letting it fall off or ghosting each other or whatever, unless it’s by choice. I’d liken it to, when I think about areas in which my marriage was not successful. And I hate to say that my marriage failed. So I would just rather say it was not successful.
Does it mean the same thing? Pretty much, but I feel like, yeah, saying it failed is like, it was just doomed or whatever. And I just feel like it wasn’t successful. I mean, there was attempt after attempt after attempt and. They were in good spirits. They were with good intention and it just didn’t have the outcome that I was looking for it to have.
And I’m okay with it. I’m okay with it onto the next venture. So. Anyway, I was thinking in areas and I’m just one of the places where we saw sort of lost each other is touches. We would go days where we had not touched each other and not even notice. So when I say we hadn’t touched each other, I’m not just talking about intimacy or sex.
There was no brush to the face. There was no kiss on the forehead. There was no hand on the thigh. There was no touch to the small of the back. And I’m not just talking about towards me. It was me not doing it as well. So I think that the lack of physical communication led to a breaking of the bond, so to speak.
And then other things stepped in and just made it too difficult to re-secure that bond. And I think about that and I think about how that relates to dating and this need of, I want to at least hear from you once a day. And it’s real, you try to tell yourself, like people are busy. People got to get time to get to know each other, but dammit, you could tell me good morning, it’s the touches.
It’s the communication. It’s the you’re on my mind. It’s the little things that secure the bond or tighten a bond or create a bond. So you’re a guy and you’re talking to a female and you are someone who talks to her once every three days. But then there’s somebody else who’s telling her good morning every day.
Now, if you guys are neck and neck, in terms of her feeling you, right? Not necessarily like, because you’re cute or a better job or whatever, but like you guys are neck and neck. She likes you to sing the person who is. Sending her those good morning texts though. That’s probably the person she’s going to gravitate towards because that’s who is putting in the effort to build the bond and to secure the relationship.
I feel like it’s the nature of how it is. You can probably come up with a couple of anomalies, but in general, at least from my experience and the experience that I’m gathering of the people. I know, I think that that’s what the situation is. All of that to say, this is not a show about my dating life or romance.
Although if you want that, there is crossover shows between me and sayWHA radio, I’m sure you get a kick out of it. But I think about the concept and relate it to my work. Think about how it is so easy to lose interest or to lose the momentum when doing your work. So when you have this passion, a lot of times we confuse ourselves and mislead ourselves by thinking that because it’s our passion, because it’s our calling that we don’t have to work, to stay active in it, that we could do this thing.
In our sleep eyes closed. It’s going to be perfect. It’s going to be great every time. And it’s what people know me for. And I don’t have to think twice about it, so I don’t have to prepare. I don’t have to invest. I don’t even have to practice it daily. I know I’m going to show up and be phenomenal. You may be, but then that just means there’s another level left of your phenomenal.
Because it’s untapped, the preparation will tap into it. And so if I go three days without writing, it becomes easier to go a week without writing. And if I go a week without writing, it becomes easier to go two weeks without writing. And then next thing I know I’m losing a whole month. If I let it go right after purposely say no, no, no, no, no.
Let’s bring it back. And I liken it to dating. I do. I think it’s very similar. There’s a certain amount of touches that you have to give to your work, to your craft, to your passion in order to constantly re-secure your bond with that thing, that business that you love or would love to start or have started and you’re working in, or that dream job that you finally got and yeah.
Maybe working for someone else, but whatever it was, your dream job. It needs touches. The dream job is probably easier because you go in every day, but the aspects of what you love, if you don’t touch those aspects regularly, you can fool yourself into thinking that you are no longer in love with this job.
That you no longer like it, because your mind is focused on the areas in which is not filling your spirit, it’s focused on the hassle or the challenges or the things that are mundane. But you need the touches to the things that you care about and you’re passionate about. So that’s people, that’s callings, that’s children.
I can’t remember how many times a day they said that children need hugs, but if they have a certain number of hugs or more per day, they’ll grow up to be more confident. I feel like that’s very true with my own child. I’ll hug and kiss her up all the time. And she’s extremely confident. Somebody may say that’s also a trait of mine.
It’s really not. I work at confidence. I didn’t always have it. I had low self-esteem for an extremely long time. I’ve had my emotions, my self thought all of that battered and bruised for. What seems like forever. And it’s only been, I’d say like the last five years that I started to come out of the fog and invest in my life and make it something that I wanted to live and invest in myself and do the things that I felt would make myself happy and make me proud of myself.
And then of course, once I had my daughter, everything got turned up three notches because now I have this little girl who needs to not. Learn these things strictly by me talking them to her that I need to show them. So I need to be some kind of an example, but the same way that she needs touches in order for her to be confident, I feel like the work needs touches.
The passions need touches. They need you to pay attention to them. Not let too much time go by without you. Putting a finger on him, taking the pulse, seeing where things are going, how you can contribute to your own passion, how you can further your own passion, how you can participate in it, because we don’t always participate in it.
You really have to date your craft. At least in my mind, this is how it’s making sense to me right now that you have to date your craft. You have to give your craft a certain number of touches. In order to secure the bond, you cannot just rely on I’m so dope that I’m just going to show up and be dope.
Somebody gone pay me to do this thing. I’m going to be dope. I’m going to be done with it. I’m going to go about the rest of my life. And then somebody else is going to come and commission me to do something. And I’m just going to be dope. Now I’m not to say that it’s not possible. But there’s levels to your dopeness and why not strive to be the best version of yourself?
The best version of that passion that I believe requires the touches, the love, the touches is the love. It’s the reminder that I love you right when I’m washing dishes. And if I have a significant other who puts a hand at the small of my back or kisses, my forehead asked me how I’m doing. That is the reminder, Hey, I love you.
And particularly when it’s not expected. Right. So I’m all for that. It’s like that with the work though. I have to remind the work that I love it there’s so much time where we’re working on our craft and our passions or this entrepreneurial opportunity that we’re trying to grow. And we’re like, you know, it needs to maintain my interest or I need to still love it.
But in some abstract way, I think that the work needs to be reminded that you love it. So if you’re a writer, it means dipping into that work daily. You might dip in as a writer today at editor tomorrow, you may put it on the shelf because you need to. Get your mind clear of that story, or you need to read a different story, but you need to figure out what you’re going to invest that time in.
And if you’re going to give it away for a little while, that’s fine, but keep yourself abreast of what’s happening so that you can come back to it because it’s going to need the reminder that you love it. When you remind the work that you love it, you remind yourself and the work will show you the way that the work will flourish and bloom will be a reminder of why you love it.
It will do the thing of keeping you entertained, keeping you attached, but it’s because you’ve cultivated the bond. You have touched it. You have made sure it was okay. You’ve patted on it. You’ve thought about it. You’ve figured out ways to improve it. You’ve done your research, whatever it takes. But you’ve given it touches.
And when you give it touches, it’s a different kind of bond is a different kind of connection. It feels like a different kind of elevation. It doesn’t have to be subconscious like, Oh, well, if I loved it, then I would do X, Y, and Z. It’s not even that. Sometimes you love it. And just don’t, it’s just like a relationship.
Sometimes you love it and just mistreated sometimes not on purpose, but sometimes you have to be reminded not to mistreat it. Sometimes you love it and you still forget to touch it. During my marriage, It wasn’t like we didn’t love each other as people, I think long ago we fell out of, I want to be with you forever type love.
But to love each other as people, if we wanted to truly invest in our marriage, I think the Oh great place where we could have started was the touches. Then our touches were not intense. They weren’t even our intimacy wasn’t truly intimate. It was lacking. I’m not trying to say, Oh, he’s weak in bed. We’re breaking up.
Like, that’s totally not where I’m going with it. What I’m seeing is that those touches that should have happened for no reason at all, that didn’t have to materialize into sex. Those touches didn’t exist. And therefore there was nothing really working at our bond and our bond needed to be reminded by our bodies.
That we were still in it and neither one of us was willing to break on that. So the bond was broken. And when I think about it, I’d be scared that the brand can break from me and my work, because I know I worked so hard to get there. And because it’s been broken before, there’s been times where I’ve gone months without writing months, because I’m preoccupied with every other problem I have and never really paying attention to the story or how the story is developing or whatever.
I need to give it its touches. And I wasn’t. So when I think about it now, I feel old. Right. I feel like as we get older, we sometimes just feel old, even if we’re not. And so I’m like, I don’t know how many opportunities I’m a get to invest in this work. So I give it touches every day. Whether it be just to read over something I wrote and fix a word here or there, or if it’s truly edited or if it’s just, I got to write the next chapter.
It needs, it’s touches the work needs to be reminded that I love it as much as I need to be reminded that I love it and why I selected it and all that good stuff. The work needs to be reminded. And that I feel like you do by your research on the topic, or you take in 20 minutes a day. So either read your work or write the next portion of it.
You gotta date your work. You gotta fall in love with it. And then you have to maintain the love. It’s just like regular love you. Don’t just fall in love one time, and then that’s it. You have to work to maintain it. You have to cultivate it. You have to remind each other that I love you. You have to remind yourself, this is the person that I love.
And I think, like I said, it’s the same with your work. You have to remind yourself that this is the thing I love. This is the thing I’m passionate about. This is what God has called me to do if you’re a believer. And so it deserves touches. It’s its own living, breathing thing. It is it’s going to become accomplishments.
It’s going to become goals. It’s going to become the accolades of your life. So it has its own way of being its own living, breathing thing. Touch it like you would do a human touch it care for it, nurture it, cultivate it. It definitely makes a difference when you have daily touches, whether it be in romantic relationships or work relationships.
If I have not touched something of my interest in a couple of days, first of all, I’m in a bad mood. Second of all becomes harder for me to get back to it. And I get confused and I can’t remember stuff and I don’t know why we’re at this stage. It’s just not good. I gotta have some touches. I got to have some touches and I believe for the work to be truly successful.
You got to touch it. You got to take care of it. You got to put it on display, whether it be like your camera person or whatever, whatever it is, figure out how you could give it some touches, give it some love, show it that you still care that I’m still passionate about you. That’s the gist of my love relationship right now, too.
But anyhow, that was on my mind. And I wanted to share that with you because we deserve different angles to look at our passions, to look at what we’re trying to pursue, because that too is a part of staying present and reminding the work that we love it, staying protective over the energy that is supposed to be invested in it or the outcome that is so nearby protecting that.
Anyway, I hope you understood what I said. I’m very tired. The clothes finished washing. I love our conversations and I love the touches that you guys give me every day. There’s someone who listens to the podcast who reaches out to me to talk about something or just say hello, or share with me their impression of the show.
I get it. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. The shows on Spotify, iHeart radio, Google play, Apple podcasts. You have friends who need to listen, who don’t have your same device. Give them a listen. Give them a lesson because there’s something for everyone here. I said, give him a listen, right? Yeah. That’s when you fall asleep.
So if I start to babble and I’m exhausted that’s me falling asleep, it’s it’s been rough. Yeah. It’s been rough. But anyhow, yes. If you want to get at me, please get on Twitter or IG message me at Pwrites. I got books, buy some books. So Savage Fever. I’m so proud of it. The first episode is out and now episode two is out.
So definitely pick that up on Amazon could download it to your Kindle and Kindle device or app. The app is free on most phones. It’s dope. It’s dope. I’ve gotten messages on Facebook. People are reaching out to me like, yo, this series is dope. So yet take a look at that. I feel like erotica Touched Me First is up there on Amazon. You can pick those things up. Let me know. Hey, if you want to order it directly for me and want a signed copy, get up in my inbox. Let me know. I’ll make that happen for you until next time when we could exchange power, I’ll be thinking about you and hoping that you’re safe and that election day went the way that you wanted it to.
All right. Peace y’all.