Hosted by
Phoenix Ash


Are you skipping over the experience of things, simply to check things off of a task list? How much time are you spending truly appreciating the moments in life, rather than powering through just to get to the next thing? In this episode, Phoenix will be sharing why she no longer wants to rush through life, instead focusing on her accomplishments as they come and experiencing life as it happens.

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Phoenix: Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to Life as P I say back because a lot of you were repeat listeners I see nowadays, I appreciate you guys subscribing especially you guys. Yo, you hit me up on Twitter, talking about you listening to the podcast, and now you’re a fan. Oh my god, do I appreciate you. If you are a new listener, I appreciate you too. Thank you for giving me a shot. Let me speak a little something to your ear. You know, hopefully you find something fruitful. And then let me know where to hit me up on Twitter. My handle is at p rights. And that’s p w r i t e s, I’m also at p rights on Instagram. Hit me up, let me know, you know, if you found it helpful, good. If you want to have some healthy dialogue, I’m good for that. Yeah, I just appreciate you guys, you know, I talk a lot. And I have a lot of thoughts. And I appreciate you guys giving me a space where I can share some of these thoughts. So 4 July weekend. Crazy, I feel like it was probably one of the best weekends my daughter had in a very, very long time. And I say that because you know, with the pandemic and everything. You know, just the things that she used to do all the time, she could no longer do. Um, I was very reluctant to let her play sports. And you know, we used to go to water parks, indoor and outdoor, we would go to amusement parks, we would go to play centers, trampoline, parks, all of that, and basically just stop. The crazy thing is that she’s five, right. So I didn’t realize that the stoppage was also going to take some memories out of her mind. Like because she wasn’t consistently going. And you know, I’m thinking of me as an adult and not realizing like at five, like as she gets older, some of those memories she’s gonna let go of, because that’s just how the brain develops and how memories develop in I think I read somewhere at one point that, you know, when she gets older or whatever her earliest memory may be at six or something like that, unless there was something traumatic or something major that happened. So she may remember a lot of stuff from like forum five only because, you know, my ex husband and I were going through the divorce. So that may leave some stuff in her mind, but hopefully nothing that’s traumatizing. So I’m working to make sure that she experiences minimal trauma. So we were supposed to go to the aquarium, Baltimore, I think it’s called National Aquarium. And we were supposed to go Friday night. And really because I was like going on a whim and just was like, You know what, EFF it, I’m gonna take it to the aquarium. And I got on the road Friday evening, and was like, Oh my god, I don’t care if it’s half price. Honey, I am not dealing with that traffic. It was backed up from miles. And I just, I would have paid like $40 for entry for us to have like a half an hour. And thank God, I just changed my mind because I just was like, forget it. Let’s just go to the Children’s Museum, which is, you know, 10 minutes away from us. It’s also half price, but that half price was $10 for the both of us was definitely up my alley. And she had an amazing time she painted, she climbed on stuff, she kicked stuff. She wrote on stuff. She did basketball, she did softball, and it’s all at this please touch museum. She had a great time. And it was so crazy. I mentioned the memory thing because as we will walk into the museum, she said, Mommy, I’m so excited, because I don’t remember ever coming here. I saw the video and I saw the pictures that you and daddy show me from when I was little. Because right she’s five she doesn’t believe she’s little anymore. He’s like, you know, I saw him from when I was little, but I don’t remember being here. And I was like, oh my god. I’m so happy to be able to give you this experience. She’s just like, I had no idea that it was something swirling around in her mind when she watched those videos when she looked at pictures like goodness, I can’t remember being there. And it was almost like a freedom. Some type of frustration in her mind trying to remember something. So I was very happy about that. She had amazing time, she met a little friend, it was so cute because when they were leaving, the little girl was like, I hope I get to see you again. And you know, I love when people are in love with my child. So, that was wonderful. And then Saturday, I was like, Okay, now we’re gonna go to the aquarium. So I go online and purchase tickets, we take the fiber ride. And so we go out there. And she just was in awe. She’s never been to an aquarium before. And of course, it’s been a billion years since I have and I was pitching a fit about how much this aquarium cost until we might inside it was so worth it. It was just so much to see so much to see so much to touch. So much to read, because yes, my baby was having me read up Mom, what does it say? And you know if she could read it herself, she reads it herself. And she struggle mom come on help me read it. Like she’s like you want to participate? Ma’am. She got to touch a jellyfish. It was just it was really good. And it was good one on one time. I could just see her smile how extremely happy she was. And I was just so happy to be able to give her that experience. And then Sunday has that good Sunday, Monday, I could just chill. So we did a little bit of chillin but you know, I have to like pack up my house. So I’m in the basement doing mucho stuff during what’s supposed to be my writing time. So I was conflicted at first but then the weight lifted off my shoulders. So I’m cleaning out the basement or whatever but I feel so good because it’s done. Okay, that is an amazing feeling. And I feel like I probably be able to write better now that that’s done and not on my mind. And so you know, I don’t know if I talked about it before but you know my daughter’s favorite food is macaroni and cheese and it has to be big macaroni and cheese like it has to be homemade. She had gone for no crap shingles, no chick fil a shingle for no Panera. She and golfnow Stouffer shingle for know that she wants homemade macaroni and cheese. And even if you make it at home, she looking at it sideways because she want to know do you make it like her mom? Honey, listen, there’s very few things, I feel like I could brush my shoulders off. But that money she’d be making a mama feels so good with that. So I made her some macaroni and cheesy. And then at night, we sat outside and watch the fireworks, there’s a Riverfront near us where they do a firework display. And it’s probably like 10 minutes from us. It’s near where the museum is. But I’m able to see the fireworks from my front porch. So I don’t have to deal with the crowds. I’m really gonna miss this house. I don’t have to deal with the crowds to deal with anything. And we just sat outside and let her stay up late at night. And we just sat outside together watching fireworks and it was amazing, amazing. Whatever time she had whatever good time she had, I had the same, it was amazing. And it got me to thinking all of that to say, it got me to thinking, what are you experiencing? I know there’s so much that we’re doing. But what are we experiencing? Are we skipping over the experience? Just to mark off things on a task list? Are we racing toward a goal? And never minding the journey? like are we not sharing in the experience? Are we not basking in the actual experience? What are you experiencing? How are you designing your life? When I think about the things that I’m doing, I think about like you know the life that I want. And you know what kind of house I want and what I’m doing and what kind of writer I want to be and what kind of accolades I want to receive and what kind of life I want to live. But there is a life that I’m living now. There’s a journey that I’m taking now. And honestly, part of what I’m living now is what I designed two, three years ago, you know, I’ve definitely meant mentally made it to the level where I now look to the next set of goals where I can continue to design and continue to perfect it. However, what I’m living now is also by design. And I have a lot of people in my life who must be sure right? Who will get on me about not pausing to be grateful in the accomplishments I’ve already had. I’m probably the hardest critic on myself. I downplay a lot of stuff. I don’t celebrate enough even though I am overjoyed to celebrate on your behalf overjoyed to celebrate your accomplishments, you know will tell you you’re walking in power do your thing. I’m cheering you on. I want the best for you, I want the best for me. However, I sometimes am so focused on what to do next, on what steps to take next, where to go next, that I’m not experiencing the accomplishment. I know it. But it’s just a step for me. And I want to pause on that. I want to experience the accomplishment experienced the joy and experience the celebration when a group of authors and I got together. And we did a compilation called hotels, and hotels is based off of jasmine Solomon’s album wholesales, and we all like had a different spin, we all pick the song and we all wrote a story based upon the title of the song, it didn’t necessarily correlate to how the song went. But we use the title of the song and the idea of as inspiration. And so as kind of like we did a tracklist. And then there was a poet who cared beautiful poet, who you know, wrote pieces for each of the stories, then golfer. And hotels actually did better than a lot of other projects I had done, where I was the newcomer. And I think that was the first book that I actually like celebrated continuously. You know, there’s always the celebration of release day. There’s always the celebration if you get a banner. So like touch me first was my first book that Amazon classified as erotica. But I wouldn’t go as far to say that that’s what it is. But there are people in my life who say no, no, that’s what it is. So, but when that book debuted, it debuted at number one, that was the first time I received the banner. And I think I actually celebrated that because I was like, Whoa, it was so so much of a stamp. And I had never done that before. And it lasted a while it was up there for a bit. And it just did so well. That I think I allowed that celebration, but I feel like the accomplishment in itself needs to be celebrated, needs to have its own stamp not because of how well it did. Sure. That’s the extra celebration, but you accomplished it. You finished it, you got to that step you. Hell, as I’m struggling to finish books right now. You know, now of course, it’s evident in my mind that when these things get accomplished, it needs to be a celebration. But it needs to be a little longer than the 24 hours that I typically give it because I need to experience it. And I think what hotels, part of what did so well for all of us is that we experienced that it was something together. So because I find it easier to recruit other people on, I find it easier to promote other people’s stuff. You know, I was definitely doing way more promotion on my own than I normally do for my own books. I had it in my fleets on Twitter. I was reposting it. I had people very close to me who was reposting it. Everybody seems to be buying it. I still have people who are sending me text messages asking me for graph copies. So I’m definitely experiencing the accomplishment of this book. And I just think to myself, I’m just like, why can’t I experience the accomplishment of books that I wrote on my damn own? Like what’s going on with me? Why can’t I spend more time promoting those? Rather than jumping to Okay, I promoted it. It’s out there people are buying it. Okay, let me get to the next book. Not that I won’t write the next book. But I can’t let that overshadow me experiencing the book that’s out. Now, the accomplishment that’s out now the thing that’s ready, I need to pay more attention to what I’m experiencing. I don’t want to run through this life searching for one particular goal. I want to be able to remember this life with joy and fullness. And even though I may have had my moments even though I may have my trials and tribulations even though I may have my pain, my tears, my suffering. I still want to have an overall knowledge that but I got through and I experienced I experienced things that gave me joy, I pleasured in my accomplishments. That’s what I want to do. I want to pleasure in my accomplishments. I want to do that I’m gonna bask in it. Because they’re mine. And I worked hard for them. I did every accomplishment I have. I’ve worked for mine. That’s why it’s an accomplishment. It’s not handed over. It’s not like you know, somebody passed that on I worked for it. I deserve to bask in it just like you deserve to bask in your accomplishments. Experiencing. Don’t just run through Wait, don’t just check it off a list. experience it. That’s what I think We’re missing in a lot of our day to day, we’re not experiencing. And it’s why some of us don’t experience as much joy as we’d like to. Because we think joy is a destination that we’re running to. But joy is a state of being that we can go through our lives with that can equip us to fight the adversary, whatever the adversary may be, whether it be an ex husband, whether it be a friend who betrayed you, whether it be a job that let you go, whether it be a demotion, whether it be whatever a car accident or illness, but you know, that joy and state of being can really lessen the trauma of those experiences. So I really want, at least for myself, if you don’t want to join me, that’s one that’s cool way for me and myself, me and my house, we will embrace me and my house. I want us to bask in some experiences and some accomplishments, watching my daughter experience, and just let herself be overtaken by the shock and the glory and oh, look how beautiful look, oh, my God is never seen anything like it never done anything like this and just hop around because she just so freakin happy. Yeah, I’m an adult. But there’s no reason why I can’t experience that. That’s me stopping that. So that’s my spiel, right? Like, let’s experience less pleasure and our accomplishments. Let’s just experience this life, not just do things, not just race, you know, I talk to people who I’m dating to marry. And that’s good for you, you know, I’m in a different place, right? I just finished being married. So I’m not dating to marry, I’m meeting people to add value to my life. Who I can also add value to there. That’s what I’m doing. I’m meeting people. And, you know, I’m very lucky, I have very, very good friends, male and female, that I wouldn’t trade let go for anything. And that’s what I always wanting people in my life that I can love wholeheartedly. Whether it be romantic friendship, family, whatever, I just want to love wholeheartedly, and realizing that that’s me, who can control that? You know, and I don’t want to just give my love away to anyone. And I’m not in any rush to get to anybody to alter. I’ve said this before, and people have laughed at me, I’ve been like, at this point in my life, I can be somebody’s girlfriend for the rest of my life. I could be somebody’s wife and we can live in two separate house. Okay, because I’m definitely signing a prenup next time if it ever happens. But I’m not in a rush to get to whatever that looks like. Because I want to experience this journey. I want to have fun, I want to just bask, I just want to bask because being brave enough to get divorced when I know I should have that’s major for me. That’s major, because it’s sat in my mind for a number of years. And I did a lot of self work thinking that the self work wasn’t gonna help the marriage because maybe it’s me, maybe you know, I’m going wrong. But you know, when you’re in a marriage and self work needs to happen. It needs to happen on both sides. And unfortunately, in my point of view, it did not so, but at the same time it helped me see clearer helped me see clearer. So I need to experience the afterglow of having that kind of bravery, the afterglow of accomplishing that for me, I know that somebody out there is like, why divorces and accomplishment my business? No, I’m putting my business out there. I understand it. But if it ain’t for you, it ain’t for you. You know, if you got the guy, listen, I’m a root for you. If marriage is the thing for you, if that’s what you want to experience, that’s cool. When you get married, I hope that you bask in the experience of your marriage. I hope you don’t race to have a child or race to have three children or four children or whatever. I hope that you bask in the accomplishment of being able to commit your love to one person and what that feels like to have that person commit their love to you bask in that experience that don’t just rush to whatever the next step is. Just chill for a second. Take your time if summertime is perfect for the just chill. Let’s just take it easy let’s just we were going to do some things towards our goals but we’re going to experience the afterglow of every accomplishment all right off the soapbox. If you would like to support me and my work please head up Amazon look up the right of Phoenix Ash. I have several books available for paperback as well as if you have Kindle unlimited yet to train don’t care that I’m recording you know Kindle unlimited well my books actually savage fever. This series is the only one that’s not available on paperback yet. It’s all available on Kindle and Kindle unlimited. And if you’re like oh, but I don’t have a Kindle. There. Have a free app, you can download the app. Most books are like 99 cent if you have Kindle app or whatever, or if you have Kindle Unlimited, you know, you pay a monthly fee, and you know, you read however much you want, um, which is what I do. I watch my kids. But um, yeah, do that. If you want an autographed copy of a book, please let me know. Usually I’ll put up in my sleeves what I still have available, but you can always DM me and say, Hey, I saw this on Amazon. I’m curious if you have a paperback. And if you can get it to me sign. I will definitely work with you for that. I will order copies for you. If that is what you want. I definitely will cater to that my website coming soon. I think there’s something I’m supposed to do that I haven’t done. So I have to follow up with the homie to see what I’m supposed to do. Um, so we can get that cracking Twitter @pwrites, listen, I get spicy sometimes. So if you know you’re kind of like, I don’t want to hear no reckless talk. I’m probably not the person you want to follow. But if you don’t mind that, yeah, come on. Come on. We get we get a crack and it’s fine. It’s a lot going on. But yeah, come on. I love to talk. I love to chat. I love to go back and forth. So let’s do that. Alright, so until the next time when we can exchange power. I hope you have a wonderful blessed experience over the next few days. I hope you bask in your accomplishments because you will awesome. You are great, and you deserve every single thing that you’ve worked for. Alright, I love you guys. Peace.

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