Finding the Confidence Within – A Best Of Life As P…

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life as p
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Phoenix Ash


Are you feeling unsure of who you are or uncertain about speaking your truth? In this episode, we will be listening back on FIVE previously released episodes where Phoenix shares her best advice on listening to the universe, feeling confident in your decisions or your work, and overcoming writer’s block.

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Phoenix: I’m not gonna feel guilty about my vision for my life. I’ve been in many situations where I feel like I’ve clearly defined what I don’t want in my life. And people have forced those things into my life, I don’t care. This is what it is, this is how I am. And you just got to live with it. And then when you decide you don’t want to know more, they’re like, Well, why not? Why can’t you live with that? Why can’t you live with these things as my flaws with no effort of trying to get in alignment with what it is that you’ve clearly defined is what you want in your life, and yet still make you feel guilty? And it’s just like, Why don’t these people feel guilty for not making an effort to change if they want to be in your life so bad, but those types of like separations, those types of parting of ways, parting of friendships, or for some marriages, or relationships, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, for that, that’s very painful. And so I think we sometimes dismissively talk about cutting people off or getting new energy in our life and chasing after New Energy without taking into account the pain of it all. And like I said, I’m guilty of it, because I sometimes just will get quiet, I’ll just stop speaking to someone, or I’ll stop engaging in what I think is harmful to my emotional stability. I just stop engaging, not saying anything, not necessarily having a conversation. So maybe that’s part of it. Maybe that’s why we’re so dismissive about it. But for those of us who have to deal with the difficult situation, because sometimes it is your boyfriend, sometimes it is your girlfriend, sometimes it is your parents, sometimes it’s your child, that you have to draw a line and say, Okay, I feel beat up on and I no longer want to experience this. And I’m tired of looking back and saying, had I known it would turn out this way, I would not choose this, and then think about it and be like, but I’m choosing it every day. So like, is that necessarily the truth? So this is the time of year where a lot of people draw the line at me . I don’t couple it with a time of year, you know, it’s when my spirit has had enough. It’s like, Okay, fair enough, I gotta, like, do something about this. This can’t be prevalent in my life. It just can’t be, we have the power to design our lives and what it is that we want in them. And I feel like I’m trustworthy, what other people’s dreams, other people’s lives, other people’s encouragement, I need to be trustworthy with mine, I need to start protecting my peace, and stop sacrificing it for the good of someone else constantly. I can’t imagine waking up every day to a situation where someone is basically like, Who you are is not enough for me, who you are doesn’t meet the requirement or the standard of what I believe I need in my life. And I don’t fool myself into thinking that who I am is the right person for any and everybody, any every situation. Some things I just don’t belong in. And it’s okay. And it took me a long time to get there because it feels so offensive sometimes, when we’re like, Well, what do you mean? And you know, particularly with so many times saying, you know, I am enough, I am enough, but really, you are enough for yourself, for the standards that are for yourself. And if you are not enough for someone else, or some other job, or whatever it is, then take that on as a cue for you to separate that situation. You don’t need to chase behind something or chase behind someone that has clearly defined what they’re looking for or who they’re looking for. And if you don’t meet the requirements you do not fit the description. That’s okay. Because there are some jobs, some marriages, some relationships, something out there that is looking for you that have put together their requirements and you fit the description, and they’re looking for you. But the more time you take up time and space with people in situations that are not for you, the more you avert those opportunities that are so I just want us to like really think about, you know what it is that we’re asking other people and what other people are asking of us and really take a deep dive. And think about whether the people in your life or you are meeting the requirements that are being set forth. Like, for real for all. I’m learning to listen to how I move, how I think, you know, I’m letting the universe take me by the hand and say, This is what’s next for you. And doing that I feel more joy than I’ve ever felt. So for me, my process is morphing into something else. It used to take me years to write a book and now we even have a short story. And now in a couple months time, I’m able to put something together that I’m proud of, and then put it through and add some review. Without me nitpicking at it. It’s not like I’m giving you trash, I’m definitely not giving you trash, I could not stand by my name and give you trash. But sometimes those years did nothing but have me repeat work that I had already done, leaving me at the same place that I have been two or three years prior, with no real progress, except for a couple of extra pages. But it wasn’t like better writing or I edited to death, it wasn’t that. So I’m learning to incorporate other people in my process, trust the editor, trust working with someone. And at the same time maintaining my integrity, not giving them something that they have to spend half their life trying to fix and edit because I just gave them whatever was on my mind. So I’m not doing that, but finding a healthy balance. And at the same time, you know, we have targets. I was talking to a girlfriend of mine, and she’s thinking about her next book and the target audience. And maybe I should drop this kind of book next to see how the audience is going to receive it. Or maybe I should do this. And I was finding myself doing the same thing. I just dropped this book, and I’ve been working on this series with the series being very different from the book. And maybe I should just capitalize on how well this book is doing and follow it up with something more similar. Or maybe this other book is just too heavy. There is someone who can think like that, and I should probably hire them.Because it’s not working for me. It’s stopping my creative process. It’s keeping me up at night, I’m not getting rest, and I’m not able to function at my best because I have all these moving pieces. When really, I felt like what worked for me with my last book was pausing, and saying what does my spirit feel like doing? What do you feel like doing? It’s all going to be writing? My spirit is I can’t foresee my spirit deciding, like, I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to write. I love it too much. But I gotta ask you, what do you feel like writing? What’s going on? There’s a number of writers who can go by word count. I wrote this many words. today. I wrote that many words today. Oh, if I don’t write 3000 words, I won’t reach my goal. God bless. For me to write quality, I need to be like, I did half a chapter. But God, dang, that was good. I want to close up my laptop feeling good about what it is. And if I don’t have just one chapter, I probably wrote like six times because I just was like, Oh, it’s so clunky. So I’m not interested in it. So just bridging one piece of information to another, like, I gotta do something with it. And I can’t really move on. And so I do something with it. And maybe that’s something I’ll shake. But I want to leave room for when the universe is speaking to me. Because some things are just like I said, I don’t really believe in writer’s block for somebody that would be writer’s block for me, they just mean that story isn’t ready to be told. And I need to dip out and do something else. Like the story that I got a third through. I wasn’t experiencing writer’s block, because then delectable came to me and delectable came to me and I wrote it all the way through. So I wasn’t experiencing writer’s block, I was able to write a whole freakin book. I just was blocked for that particular story. And it wasn’t really blocked. I wasn’t physically unable to write, I just was uninterested. So I’m learning to leave room for the universe, to take me by the hand to say, maybe you’re just not here right now, this is not where your mind is, is not in alignment with your thought process. You don’t have the words for this. You don’t have the experience right now. You’re not in a proper mindset, whatever, that this is not the time for this. There will be a time it wasn’t given to you. You didn’t dream it up for nothing. There will be a time, but it’s not this time. And it’s still not this time for that. Sometimes I’ll go back and be like, Oh, I think I can write a chapter today. And then that’s time to write that chapter. But it will be done in the time that it’s supposed to be done. Do I want to be more consistent? Do I want to offer more quantity along with quality? Absolutely. However, I don’t want to sacrifice myself or my love for the craft in order to accomplish that. I’m one of those people who you know if you learn how to go someplace and then somebody says, Oh, I know a shortcut, you got to show me that shortcut like six, seven times before I remember how to take that shortcut. Or before that shortcut actually works for me, I will go the way I know all the time, this is the way I know, this is the way I know this is the way I know. So when I have the pivot, it teaches me that I have the ability to expand my mind and figure out something more efficient, and figure out a new way for myself, you know, I may not be new to someone else, but a new way for me to practice something. So I don’t know if this makes sense to anybody out there. But we have to figure out how to be flexible in how we do things, not necessarily learning new things, or shutting things off our plate. If that’s what you’re doing with this time. That’s great for you. But I urge you to really think about how we can manipulate our time and make it more useful and more purposeful for not only us, but the people around us. How do we be intentional about when we focus on when we multitask? and not let the fact that we think we need to be either or in that from moment to moment, leaders. But let us be the intentional one. So what am I going to do with these moments? Okay, I’m going to do this. And for the people who have organized minds, your problems like we should talk about, but anybody who got a mind like mine, that is all over the place, that I need to be intentional about what I do, because sometimes I look back on the time and be like, why was I multitasking during that time, like none of those things were things that had to be done in that moment, except for the fact that I needed to spend time with my child that I needed to be present that she needed to know that I was listening to her or that I was aware of what she was doing or what she was watching or that I laughed at her joke, and stuff like that. So I’m being more intentional with things like, just even shopping for her. I was looking at some stuff she’s growing. So my feet are growing and I need to buy some sneakers online, and just taking the time to say come in and look at this, do you like this come let’s look at the list to like this, you need a new book bag. Let’s look at this. Which one do you like? That was something I needed to do for her. I needed to purchase something for her. And I could have done it real quick and just found something on my phone. But I needed to spend time with her. You know, unfortunately, my day job considers me essential. So I don’t get a lot of hours during the day. So I need to figure out how the couple minutes are going to take me to shoot those couple minutes that I can also give her so we gotta do it together. And I’m sure there’s a lot of things that I have to figure out how to pivot to make sure that it all gets done. Because you know, the world can change again. And something else can throw me for a loop and I’m not a fan of being knocked off my rocker. So I need to keep my steady. I got to repurpose my time, realign my mind and learn new ways to do things. I just wonder how many of us are over here struggling to pay homage to our gifts? Because I feel like if we don’t recognize those gifts, like are we truly working on them as hard as we can? Because I feel like when I’m in my moments of confidence, I’m like, you know what, girl, you do this? It makes me go hard. It makes me be like, let me write this thing out right here. Let me keep going. Let me push myself. Let me do the extra because I’m getting good. And I want to get better. So it’s not the fake humility or doubting myself that is not the thing that helps me get to the next stage, it is the thing that prevents me from getting to the next stage. It’s like, Well, you know, maybe I’m not as good as I think I am. That kind of thinking stops me from working as hard as I possibly can. That thing makes me tired. Honestly, that’s the thing that makes me sleepy at night. That’s the thing that makes me say, you know what, is probably not even worth it. Let me just go to bed. It’s not even worth it. I’m gonna put it down for a few days or a few weeks or a few months. That’s part of the reason why it took me so long to publish my first book and her makeup. My first novel was published independently, so I published it myself. And it’s like yours, I had that book probably in my house for 567 years, maybe even eight years before I published it. And that was strictly about not totally investing in my gift because the belief that it could do something for me or it can be part of my career or a way of living, but was not there. And it wasn’t until I took the time out to actually read over my work and say, You know what, you’re pretty good that I started to say, you know, I’m worth investing the time my gift is worth investing the time there’s something here there’s a spark there. I needed to develop that and the more I started to feel that way, the more I worked, and the better I got foil sheets and cookies and crumbles. Those two books are published under a publisher. Oh, right before I got published was the company BLP. I was like, I don’t want to query anybody. Everybody turned me down. So I mean, I feel like these moments are nonbeliefs, they’re kind of cyclical. And we constantly have to remind ourselves that we need to pour into our gift we need to acknowledge I give and we need to shoot. Get with it, shoot that gift. Put it out there. Let us know how dope you are.


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