Phoenix: Hey what’s up! Thank you for joining me on life as P. I’m your host, Phoenix, Ash. If this is your first time joining me, thank you so much for checking me out. I don’t know how you heard, whether you saw it on Twitter, there was a retweet, you finally read my profile, you know, so many people ask me, what’s the name of your show?
I’m like, yeah, yeah, I really don’t read my Twitter profile. Like, I don’t know how I feel about that, but if you are a repeat listener, Thanks. Y’all you been riding out with me? Thank you for listening to me, rant and rave and listening to all my stories of revelation and, and hurt and, and love and growth and whatever. Thank you. I appreciate you.
[1:22] So I want to talk about how you need to be consistent, and what you say to the universe and I’m dead serious. Like, normally I can like walk the line and be like, well, you know, if it works for you and man! Be consistent with the message you put out into the universe. I have been really intentional over the past few years in terms of building my circle and the people that I keep around me. I don’t know if you’ve heard any of the past shows from the past years. You know, that my intention was to build a circle where people can eat from each other where I can feed you. You can feed me depending on what it is you need, depending on what it is I need and not feel any kind of way about it.
[2:04] Like let’s fuel each other. Let’s boost each other up. Let’s help each other get to the next level in life. And let’s be each other’s cheerleader. Let’s, you know, root for each other and understand that your winners, my win, my winners, your win, and have us possess each other’s wins, and go for it and strive for it as if it’s our own.
[2:24] So, you know, you tell me you want to do something and I come across the opportunity or I come across some information, I’m going to share it. I’m going to let you know, because it’s almost like when you step into it, I stepped into it. And if I sound like I’m really energetic is cause I am, you know, a lot of times I’m really like calm and monotone.
[2:46] So this week, has been phenomenal for me, which is crazy because I didn’t write. And that is probably the one thing about this week that made me feel uncomfortable. I did not write, however, there’s a lot of things that was on my to-do list that I was able to mark off. So it definitely wasn’t a loss. And I feel like even though I didn’t write the fact that I was able to get some of this stuff done contributed to my ability to write.
[3:16] You see what I’m saying? Like it cleared my mind because this stuff was no longer sitting on my plate. I started doing some closet purging, you know, I’ve been trying to, you know, stick to my guns. I’ve been trying to, I told you guys before, like, you know, my peoples got me working out and stuff and I’m trying to be diligent and they’re so supportive.
[3:36] Yo, I went down a size. Yo, I haven’t been this size, I am now, I haven’t been this size and over 15 years. So I’m extremely excited, no, I ain’t gonna tell you my size, but I’m just like extremely excited and none of my clothes fit, so I’m broke because I got to replace everything, but I’m good with it. So, but I also did some closet purging for baby girl because she’s getting taller.
[4:03] I don’t know her birthday was in November. She was just getting into a size six and now is looking like she needs to get into a size eight. So, and she’s still tiny to me, I’m like, wait, where’s it going? But I don’t know if it’s just length or what, but whatever. God bless her. She lost her first tooth. The one behind it is already coming in.
[4:21] And I’m just like, Oh my God, what is happening? They told me, time is going to speed. And during her baby is, I was like, oh no! This like it’s taking forever, okay, I see what y’all talking about now, I see, forgive me for my doubtfulness, cause I understand.
[4:38] But I have been proud of myself because I’ve been consistent in saying out loud what it is that I want in my life and the kind of life that I want to live and dammit, it’s happening. It’s happening. It’s, it’s happening. You know, I had a really good friend of mine basically slapped me in my face, not physically, but basically slap me in my face and was like, if you don’t stop acting like you want to fucking come up, like you’ve arrived, baby girl, like you are here.
[5:07] And I was like, what? He was like, think about all the things you wanted to do and you were hopeful, but like, and I’m just thinking, I’m like word, like I’ve published books, I’ve got my podcast, you know, I’ve got my baby girl taking care of her. You know, my heart is light. I’m not, you know, sad in, by how somebody treats me or anything like that.
[5:28] I am demanding that people respect me and I’m receiving it. And I’m not like making room for people who like play in my face. So, you know, I’ve done a few things that, you know, out of the kindness of my heart and probably was a little too kind. I probably should have just scaled it back some, sometimes I just overcompensate for the old narrative of who I was, you know, just being so protective of myself at one time built like a hard shell.
[5:58] And, and because, you know, I’ve been through a lot of trauma, right? Losing my parents and everything. So, and being picked on as a kid at home, as well as, you know, in school. So it kind of built like this hard exterior and it sorta took on it, a character of its own and built a little bit of a reputation in my inner circle.
[6:17] And, you know, people would be like you so hard. You so hard, you so hard. And I’m like, Aw, man, now I gotta soften up, so then I what? Overcompensate and be too nice and be too giving. And to the point where it would hurt me to the point where it would take away from something that I, you know, I don’t have a problem giving if it doesn’t deplete me, if it doesn’t stop me from giving to my child, if it doesn’t stop me from giving to my life.
[6:40] But, you know, I would overcompensate and make myself overwhelmed over commit, you know, do things for very little price, just because I’m trying to help. I’m trying to help, but I’d be overwhelmed. I’d be tired, unable to complete my own projects and not getting paid, not getting compensated, so can’t even like reinvest in myself and that has to stop.
[7:02] That’s a hard pill for me to swallow, honestly, but. You know, I feel like God talks to you in a way that he knows you will listen. And he absolutely know that when this person talks to me, I am all ears. And if you don’t believe in God, you know, whatever entity, if you strictly believe in a universe, or if you don’t believe in anything, I don’t know.
[7:22] I really don’t have much of a suggestion for you, but whatever you can find, please pick it up. So that you can be inspired to go forward and live your best life. But just listening to this person, talk to me and listening, you know, and like relaying some of the information to people in my inner circle.
[7:40] Like my aunt, two of my closest friends, Deidre, Nala, and Chaz, three closest friends. And just to hear and not to say that they’re my only closest friends. It’s just three of my closest friends, you know? I mean, I do have friends that get jealous. They’ll be like, wait a minute. But what about, so no, yes, y’all still my people, my hearts, but you know, the people I talk to daily and just relaying some of the messages that I got and some of the inspiration that I got, because I’m definitely the person who like receives and passes on, because I do not believe that the enlightenment, that all of that is just, just supposed to stop here, that whatever I’ve gotten, whatever I learned, whatever that applies to you.
[8:20] Pass it on, which is why I’m talking about it now, because I receive and I’m going to apply and now I want to pass on. I want to make you better and I want to make you shine and make you go to the next step. But when I was sharing some of the information that I received and I’m trying not to like be in tears all over again, because my friends then turned around and poured back into me, like here I am telling like, yo, listen to this blah, blah, blah.
[8:45] And they’re like, Well, yeah. You know, I have a girlfriend, she’s been my friend for 20, 20 years now. And I’m like, you know, it’s so crazy because, you know, I was talking to such and such and they said that I’m smart. And she’s like, wait, you don’t know that you’re smart? And I was like, well, you know, I mean, I feel like I have a little sense, but you know, there’s people in my life who loved me and I feel like they exaggerate, like my aunt has been telling me since I was child.
[9:12] You’re a freaking genius. You are brilliant. You have something that other people don’t have. You have common sense. And I do a lot of stuff that proves that different. So, I look at a lot of my choices and I’d be like, really? I got common sense? Like what happened here, tell me what happened here. I dropped the ball somewhere since left for a second.
[9:32] Um, but yeah, she’s like, no, I love you because I believe you are so, so smart. And she was like, and I feel like you care so much. And you’re just not like smart for the sake of like being book smart. You’re smart because you take what you’ve learned and you apply it in other places, and most importantly, you apply it to other people and you give it to other people and you want better for other people.
[10:01] And the way that you just love, I love you to death for it. And I, I was in tears because I was like, really? Me? Wow! Because that is my intention. That’s my intention. I want. The people who I love, I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt that I loved them top to bottom in and out, floors, accomplishments, goals, all of that.
[10:30] I don’t ever want anyone that I care about to second guess how I feel like you gonna know, even if I’m fortunate, even if telling you makes you feel uncomfortable. No, but you’re gonna know that I love you. You’re gonna know that I have love for you. You’re gonna know that I got you. I’m not gonna like, you’re gonna know it for sure.
[10:52] If you question it is probably because I’m somewhere on the line, for real, for real but if there’s something in your dad’s like, nah, I know she got love for me. You’re right. I do. I do. Um, because if I love you Hm. Hm, I got your back, your front, your side, all of that, all of that. And, and not even like on some braggadocious, like I’m a rider. I mean, like, I just can’t help it. I can’t help it because in my opinion, to love somebody is to just want better for them, to want them to accomplish all of their goals, to want to see them rise to one, to want to see them reach every pinnacle, like just to see them blossom, to see them enjoying their life, to see them happy.
[11:45] And I’m lucky enough to have people in my life that I want those things for. And I truly believe that the way that my circle is built now, is those same people want those things for me. And that, I don’t know. There’s no greater life for me. There’s just extra, just toppings on toppings on toppings, and the universe is definitely blessing me with toppings, on toppings, on toppings.
[12:10] When I like specify, like who I want in my life, how I want them to, the only thing is that how I want them to appear. I ain’t get that down path, but you know, some things you just gotta let it go and let God right? You gotta do some stuff look real funny, you know what I mean? I’d be like, really God? Okay. All right.
[12:30] If this is how you, you say, go let me sit back and watch this show. I mean, cause this ain’t how I thought it was coming, but I’m glad it’s here. I’m glad it’s here. And I feel like it’s not just the consistency of what I want and what I desire, but the alignment of my wants and desires with what I believe God wants for my life.
[12:54] The joy that I believe I’m designed to receive. I don’t believe that I’m supposed to be in pain and struggling and going through trauma after trauma. I believe at one point some, some stuff is needed for my growth. But, you know, I was a believer in free will. So some stuff is of my own design. Some pain is of my own design.
[13:17] Some stretching is of my own design, some lessons learned, but I believe the whole point is to get to a place where I can pour all those things into one cup and, you know, just drink from it, just drink and just bask in the glory of using my power, using my power to design my life, using my power, to pursue my joy.
[13:41] And I’m just so overwhelmed with gratefulness that I have that, and that I’m just glad that I I’ve been able to take a moment to recognize that I have it as opposed to constantly chasing it without realizing that it’s present. Which I, you know, I have, uh, a habit of, you know, I’ve said before that a girlfriend had said to me, like, you never pause between books to celebrate them.
[14:05] You are on to the next book. So you don’t even spend time really advertising the book or putting it out there, or you just, you, you move on. And so like, how do you expect your readers to not move on? And I’m like, Oh, word, you know, let me, um, and that’s the message that I got, like revisit over and over and over again.
[14:22] Cause I’d be so anxious and I have so much stuff going on in my mind. As you can tell, see how, like, I just be rambling. I have so much going on in my mind that like I’m ready to get to the next thing. Um, sometimes I’m halfway in the current thing and ready to get to the next thing. So just taking a time out, I’m, I’m proud of myself.
[14:41] But I think, I don’t know if I can even be proud of myself because I swear I talk into that I got that’s what paused me. That’s what was like, I was already like sensing a shift and I feel like when that person talks to me and just like kicked me through the door. Cause I been inching and his like, nah, no more inching, no more inching, get out of here, go, go do you, go be great.
[15:04] And I’m thankful to have that because I don’t feel like I’ve had it much. And maybe it’s just that I haven’t given anybody the platform to really feed into me like that. And people who know me really well know that I’m super, super, super, super sensitive, and I’m working on like, not being slide it so easily.
[15:24] I’m working on not taking the powerful message and feeling down about myself, but actually. Ticketing it, applying it and growing, and flourishing, and taking it as that battery pack to like, so like go forward. Yo, my homie. Yeah. That’s what he said. He was like, yo, it’s the battery pack, you know, he said, that’s what these kids call it, but you know, that’s my, that’s my people.
[15:44] But like, yo, I just. I don’t know. And I’m talking to my home girl, the one who’s known me for 20 years. And I’m like, yeah, you know, I know you guys know that I’m super sensitive. So you try to give it to me in a softer blow in a way that I would take it. And she fell out laughing and I’m like, all right.
[16:06] Yeah. That’s, that’s probably my true. Like I knew it was true, but God dang. And she’s like, Oh my God, it’s so true cause you know, you are super sensitive, but you know, we try and I was like, you know, the sad thing is, is that the person who gave me, am I talking to, didn’t give a fuck about how sensitive I could be.
[16:32] Did not, did not, sad! That’s the one that broke through. That is the one, that is the one I was like, I heard you. Dang go. And I heard you. Okay. Which is why you know, I think I talked about last week, how, you know, I want people to be free to say what it is that they need to say to me, without regard of how my take it, twist it, make it wrong, make it something that you mean from my harm.
[17:00] And let me feel how I’m gonna feel about it and let me come to you and tell you how I feel about it. And let’s have dialogue and let’s talk about intention and talk about what, sometimes I misuse the information. I misreceive it sometimes. Like, I need to be the one, you know what I apologize. I didn’t even, like, I didn’t hear that.
[17:19] Right. I didn’t receive it. Right. I’m messing up. Like yo let’s have dialogue. And so, like, I don’t want people on eggshells around me. I appreciate loving me so much that you have to give the blow softer, but sometimes I need to be waking up, you know, because I don’t give them blows off. I don’t give soft blows.
[17:36] Unless I like sit and think about it. Sometimes I’m just off the cuff and probably should have sat and thought about it, but did not, but it was what I needed and not only was it what I needed, but it was what I asked the universe for. When I look back to old tweets, old posts on Facebook, old journals.
[17:58] Old whispers, old prayers as what I asked for, it’s exactly what I asked for. I wasn’t specific on how it was going to come, but it’s exactly what I asked for, and it’s definitely what I need right now. And I just feel so energized to push forward. And really all I can say is just be consistent. It’s being heard your whispers, your prayers, your, you know, little tweets to yourself.
[18:27] Cause I swear sometimes on Twitter, I feel like I’m just talking to myself. I’m like, it’s just random journal entries, but yo it’s being heard. Somewhere in the universe. Like, you know, there’s people who will be like you believe in astrology, you believe in the universe, you know, dah, dah, dah, you don’t believe in God.
[18:43] Or if you believe in God, dah, dah, dah listen, I do believe in God. And I do believe that we were created to work within the universe. I believe the same way that people are supposed to help each other and to be each other’s source and guiding light and examples and, and you know, help boost each other and bring each other to the next elevation.
[19:05] I believe that the universe is part of that. You know, I love the whole anthology of like, you know, I’m singular and the universe is broad, right? And so what I shoot up is this narrow thing. What I invest in the universe is this narrow thing. But when the universe gives it back, it showers down. It’s so broad.
[19:24] It’s so wide and it’s so plentiful. And if I just keep shooting my thing up, you know, the universe keeps showering down and it’ll continue to be. Plentiful. I am extremely blessed. I’m going through a lot of rough times because of my divorce. You know, I go back and forth emotionally. I’m trying to figure things out financially.
[19:47] I’m making plans to go forward and I have not lost my footing. And that is a huge blessing. A huge blessing. I have not missed a mortgage payment. I, you know, baby girls still, you know, can grow, outgrow her clothes and still get clothes to replace them. I still can put gas in my car and food on our table.
[20:10] I’m amazed because when I did the math, before the divorce, when I did the math, I was like, Ooh, ooh, it’s gonna be real tight, like, I don’t even know. I, I’m not gonna have anything. Like when I did the math, I was like, yo legit, I’m going to have $200 a month from my pocket. Like that was the math that I did.
[20:30] I don’t know whether my math was faulty, but I really believe my faith in the universe was just too slight. It was too small because I’ve been blessed over blessed, abundantly, blessed. Just taking care of and receiving what I asked for receiving what I pursued. It’s amazing to me. I don’t even know, like I totally believe it can happen.
[20:56] I totally believe that it could materialize. So like, sometimes I’ll be like, why are you so shocked? But I don’t know if I’m in shock or just in awed at the goodness, in awed at the love, in awed of, you know, people in my life taking the time to pour into me, taking the effort, to pour into me. I’m so grateful.
[21:18] I’m so grateful and I want to pass it on. You know, my cup is overflowing, it’s overflowing, and it really took a conversation for me to remember that my cup has been overflowing. It’s been full. You know what I’m saying? Like it’s been, sometimes we get so caught up in the chase that we forget that I came to this spot blessed.
[21:44] I came, I came, right. I got here blessed. You know what I’m saying? Like we’re so used to chasing the next step and whatever, like we just forget that you arrive, the blessed you got here blessed and I’m like, so energized. I’m so pumped. You know, I don’t even know what my friend is about to do with me because I’m so extra right now.
[22:05] Um, but I’m so excited over and I’m like, so, so so-so, I know I’m using so to death, but. I’m pumped. Yo, I’m pumped. I’m like, let’s do it. Let’s get it cracking. I want to pour it into you. Pour in to your stuff. You know, I got a couple of friends who just started like clothing lines. My home girl, she has this website called Singlish is so cute.
[22:25] She do stuff like mommyish- girlsh. Listen, she makes the hot cocoa bombs, which I love, oh they so pretty. She, you know, has a free ebook, um, about like life after divorce and how to repair and move on. Um, her name is Nai’lah Carter. And as N, A, I, apostrophe, L, A, H a last name, Carter, if you want to look her up, um, if that’s something you’re going through, I’m lucky enough to have, have her as a friend.
[22:49] So like she’s one of my people who like whipped me into shape. He’d be like, girl, you BS in like, what you doing? Stop stop you receiving that wrong girl. Stop it. Dang. I supposed to receive that girl. Stop. I need that. I need that. My home girl Chaz to be like, well, they wasn’t wrong. No, mm, nope, you done gathered me now.
[23:11] Some I need to gather you. I love that. My girl DJ be like facts, facts. And then she just pours and pours and pours. Ooh, I love her, my girl, Eliza. Like we, we go back and forth and we share our stories and you know, we’ve been loving each other since the ninth grade. And like, that is my heart right there.
[23:30] Y’all yo you violate hug like yo actually all of them like, yo my people, I need to not violate them. Yo. Cause I, I could hold full, but anyhow, we are no talking about that. Um, I just, um, I’m grateful and I feel like it’s partly due to my consistent, my consistent saying out loud and the pursuit. It’s not just saying that out loud it’s actions like acting in a way that, you know, this is what you want appear as though you deserve it.
[24:00] You know what I’m saying? Like, grab it, take it, know it, this is what I want. This is what I want in my life. And this is who I want to be in your life. I don’t just want to receive, I want to give, I don’t just want to be loved. I want to love, I want to pour my love all over you. I want to pour it in you over you over your toes, over your head.
[24:20] I want to anoint you with my love, because I feel like that is what we were. Empowered and enabled to do you know what I’m saying? Like, I feel like yo, he anoints you so you can anoint someone else. I mean like I’m so man, listen, you don’t know what you’re about to do with me? It’s on yo. It’s on. I just had to share because I’m so overtaken with the messages.
[24:47] And like right after that, I got a message about something else. You know, I was dealing with my sponsor and, you know, I had been like having an inkling about something like , I think it’s kind of time for me to look for another sponsor or whatever. And, you know, I just received confirmation and I think I received confirmation because I had just had that talking to, so I was open.
[25:08] I was open. My eyes were open. I was ready to receive and I feel like the universe was like, okay, her eyes open. Let me show her some stuff. And I don’t believe that’s the end of it. I’m probably going to be coming home today, writing down stuff like, Hey man, I saw this, and I saw that, cause I’m open in every sense of the word, I’m open.
[25:31] And I loved that for me. I love it. I love it. You see, I got the giggles. I love it. You know what I’m saying? I love it. And uuh, I can’t wait to pour some of this on baby girl. Yo, she only fives you but I’m about to empower her. Yo, I’m gonna let her be five. It’s going to be, you know, down to her, her age group, you know, what I’m saying?
[25:57] But now I’m her mom. Okay. We about to do this together, right now. I’m so in love with life, I just, life is just being real good to me right now. And it feels weird saying that because for so long, for so long, I blamed life for so many heartbreaks and pitfalls. And you know, like, what is life doing to me?
[26:18] Like, Oh my gosh, she was whooping my ass, but no my life is my people right now, word up word up. And I pray to death you know, that never leaves my memory. You know what I’m saying? Because things happen and things take left turns and you know, I’ve learned long time ago. Like some stuff I just got to eat that, I just got to eat it and move on.
[26:41] You know what I’m saying? Particularly when it’s from something I did, Yo I eat my consequences word up, I eat them, chew them up, spit them out. Move on, word. So hopefully I can get myself together where I don’t, you know, be bringing on a whole host of consequences, but, you know, I am me, so whatever.
[27:01] So, for real, check it out, get on board for real, for real pickup Heux Tales, you know, is an anthology, I’m one of the authors. It is, but it ain’t what you think. You know what I’m saying? It’s not your average, typical, like if you think it’s just, you know, women running amuck, I mean, it’s women who are empowered with their sexuality
[27:21] But they’re stories. They’re stories behind that and trust and believe is not what you think. So, pick that up Heux Tales and that’s H E A U X Tales. Um, it’s inspired by the Jasmine Sullivan album. It’s an anthology is on Amazon. You can get it on paperback. You can get it on Kindle. It’s free on Kindle unlimited.
[27:42] You can order from me directly. I can get you a signed copy just to kind of hit up my inbox. You can hit me on Twitter. I’m at @pwrites and that’s P W R I T E S. I’m also @pwrites on Instagram. I’m Phoenix Ash on Facebook. If you go in front of me on Facebook, you should probably send me a message and tell me, like you heard the podcast or whatever, because like, sometimes I miss it and be like, like, who.
[28:06] You know, so just, you know, send me a message and let me know what your deal is. Yeah. Do that Savage fever. You know, I know I’ve been talking a lot about Savage fever over like months, right? Because I released them at episodes, episode five, which is the finale is on its way because now I’m like, so ready to write it.
[28:23] I’ve been writing pieces or whatever, but like now I’m ready to pull it together because like, There’s a mission at hand, and I’m very excited about that. You know, if you’re into romance, delectable, a sweet romance is also available on Amazon, Kindle and Kindle unlimited. And if you like a little bit of free shit, you know, just pick up, Touch Me First aah, Touch Me First grrr.
[28:44] All right. Um, I think is not nearly as freaky as it could be, but that’s on his way too. But yeah, pick up, Touch Me First. It’s available on Amazon, on paperback, on Kindle, on Kindle unlimited, all of that, you know, look me up, follow me on Amazon. Um, you know, you could follow authors or whatever so find me Phoenix Ash, as you could follow me, hopefully I won’t be too boring for you.
[29:06] And you know, like let’s, let’s do this together. Let’s shine together. I would shout out to my home girl, um, Transparent E, I think that’s her name on Twitter, she got this brand called Shine On and say what’s up, and check out Afternoon Job Vibes. Yo, there’s a whole host of people. Who’s like part of that grouping on Twitter that like, yo, it’s stuff that you want to see.
[29:26] You want to flourish. You want to invest in, we have a great time and there’s a lot of people there to support. So if you’re looking to support people, there’s a lot of stuff there to support, whether it be RJ with his clothing, whether it be Transparent E, with her clothing, whether it just be. You know, So fresh and So clean just to, you know, be supportive of the whole style and, you know, flourishing and being happy and happy vibe and, you know, pouring back into your community.
[29:54] If that’s what you, you know, are looking for more of definitely you can find it there. All right. So that’s my spiel. That’s my thing. Check out. Say Wha Radio, because listen. They have given me a lifeline and I love them so much. Ooh. Shout out to Jess. Yeah, that’s my spiel for the week. Okay. Let me get to work for real, for real, until the next time where we can exchange power.
[30:17] I love you. Peace.