Do you want to reach your full potential but are not sure of the next steps to take? In this episode, special guest Ryan Bennett joins Jenny and Jai as they discuss how you can make the transition to intentional growth in your life and business without becoming overwhelmed by work. You will learn the importance of surrounding yourself with people who push you, the benefit of practicing daily disciplines and why consistency is always key. If we work together, we can change the world.
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Jenny: Welcome to the Hollastic Life show.
Jai: Uh, Oh, you know, she sets it up every time and I’m still not ready for it.
Jenny: I always catch him off guard.
Jai: I’m never ready for it. I’m Jai.
Jenny: As we are super excited as we are fluster clucked today. Yeah, it’s been fun, but you know what? You’re in for a treat because you know that we don’t bring on guests very often, but when we do, we make sure that they are bad-ass bitches, but this person’s not a bad ass bitch.
This person’s just a badass. I am so excited to bring on Ryan Bennett. I have to, because I was like, Oh, I don’t want to read like a real like bio, but like his bio is so cool. I’m going to read parts of it. Right? So he is a high performance coach, author and speaker who guides people to reach their full potential in their lives, businesses and teams through his proven method of intentional growth.
This is the part I thought was bad-ass well, that’s badass, but this is bad-ass too. So as a former ESPN academic, all American, he channeled his competitiveness from baseball, speaking my language to business by founding a startup company in Silicon Valley. So we are going to talk about all kinds of cool shit.
Today’s episodes about innovation. Ryan has. All kinds of innovation, his life. He’s got all kinds of cool gems that you’re going to be able to take into yours. So welcome Ryan!
Ryan: Hey, guys. I’m excited to be here. You two are hilarious.
Jai: And you had no idea what you signed up for this year.
Ryan: I think I sort of did from the intro call though.
Jenny: Good point. Yeah, we had a blast. They made friends. They bonded for life, which mind you? I mean, just as a quick catch-up we talked about baseball. I mean, you play baseball. We talked about baseball and of course our team, the Tampa Bay rays is in the world series. Sorry, Houston. And we are split in the series one, one.
Jai: I didn’t watch the first one because we were doing something, but my thing is like the Rays half the score early, you know, get that momentum going because the Dodgers are a good team and it’s just, I think it’s going to be like back and forth for the whole series. That’s my 2 cents.
Jenny: What do you think ESPN academic all-star baseball turned into business.
Ryan: I love rooting for the, the teams with the small market, small market teams with the smaller budget. So I’m like all about the rays, because from Kansas city, the Royals are like that kind of team where we’d never could afford the good players and they have to leave. So I’m all about the raise and small ball that they do really well.
Jenny: They were saying, that’s all you have to do to get on the podcast is agree with the baseball team. We like, just kidding, just getting, just getting, please do not send us tons of emails about how much you love the Rays and you want a spot on the podcast. You also have to be awesome. So, Ryan, just talk a little bit about yourself. You know, I mean, I was looking at your book the intentional day and I think the opening sentence I want to hear about this. I want to hear a little bit more about your story and the opening sentence about what your goals were in 2011.
Jai: Oh, yeah, please. That was awesome.
Ryan: Yeah. I was a wonderful person back then. I got to say no. So like the opening line is actually really funny. My wife still cracks up about it, but every year it comes to my Facebook timeline and in 2011, my goal actually was to watch more TV. And that was like what I was setting out to do in life, watching more TV. And that just shows you how far off I was more I wanted to be and where I’m at now.
So that was the beginning of my journey to where I am today.
Jenny: I want to go into that a little bit. Right. Because if someone’s in that mode, they might not feel like they’re far off. So go into that a little bit about why that was so far off and why that was so misaligned and how we can become more intentional.
Ryan: Yeah, there’s a, there’s a lot. They’re going to bite-size for me. So like context to what happened there was, let me give you a brief history of like, how I got to that point of wanting to watch more TV. As a goal, which is crazy, what kind of person was I? But anyways, after college I had that competitive edge.
So I kind of drove in and I wanted to challenge myself somewhere else. And so I had a, I had a business background, so I decided to do a startup in Silicon Valley. And so, you know, it packed you all up, moved out to Silicon Valley and recruited a team. And unfortunately over two and a half years, I became a statistic and I had to shut down that business and let my team go.
And it was really sad and, and, you know, I learned a lot from it, but it still was a sad thing, failure and, and drove back home. But the tail between my legs back to Kansas city, into my parents’ basement at age 27, completely flat broke. And so at that moment, you know, that’s when I started reflecting on life and started to realize in that the same kind of disciplines and habits I put in the baseball field, I need to take to the professional world, but I didn’t know how.
So that was, that was kind of where this moment was in 2011 for me. And before I had that realization of what, where I needed to go, I sort of just was in a funk. And I don’t think, I don’t think it was an actual depression, you know, I don’t think it was that deep, but it was a funk because in the first time, in my life, like I failed at something.
And it also had no direction of where I wanted to go. As, as athletes. I know you guys can relate to this is that you always have something you’re moving towards, right. There’s always an off season, then there’s a season. And then there’s an off season where you work again. To get ready for the season. And then all of a sudden, right after that, for me, I chilled right into business, which was like, go, go, go.
And then everything just crumbled. And so I was emotionally drained, just tired. And that was kind of the point in my life where I was at. And I, I thought I finally saw myself gaining about 15, 20 pounds. I started going to the bars more often started dating girls I shouldn’t be dating. And that was like, right when I set that goal of like, I just wanted to watch TV.
Like that’s what I wanted to do. And a little bit after that is where I kind of had that look in the mirror where you’re like, wait a minute. I used to be an academic All-American now I’m like going to bars, gaining weight. Like, I don’t want to be that person. That’s not me. Right. How do I get back to me?
Which was the question I had asked myself. I had no idea how to get there. And that was started this whole journey of figuring out how to grow and how to apply the things I learned from the baseball field into the real world. But that was kind of like that, that mindset of where I was at when I set that goal, like crazy goal of watching more TV.
Jenny: There’s a lot of people who are potentially at that spot that you were right, like with 2020 and everything that’s come and everything that has presented itself and all the different challenges and obstacles, I feel like there’s a lot of people who are feeling something very similar. Like, okay. What just happened?
What do I want, who am I and finding themselves obviously with more free time. So it is easy to have TiVo, which I don’t even know if he was still around, but the point is, you know, like Netflix and just like cross off your to-do list via Netflix shows.
Jai: I would agree to disagree. I think the thing is people don’t ask themselves that important question.
Like how do I get back to me? Like this has been a major interrupt. Like worldwide interrupt. So it’s like your forced into this, I don’t want to say new normal, but this new thing, you know, everything that you’ve been used to doing has been you, you not necessarily can’t do, but it’s like very, definitely more restrictive.
If not my state mandates by social mandates. People policing people, families, friends, all these lines being drawn in. I think we should be asking ourselves that question. How do I get back to me? Which dives kind of into who am I?
Jenny: Yeah. What, like, what do you, do you have a certain process for that Ryan? Or did you just follow it intuitively? Like how did you really ask those questions to get back to you and to be able to connect to being intentional?
Ryan: I mean, that was like a, it’s like a five-year journey for me, you know? Who am I? And you know, the identity of myself was always an athlete, right? I don’t think I ever actually changed my identity even during the startup.
And so all of a sudden I was a startup entrepreneur who was like driven and all this stuff, and I was an athlete and I was driven all this stuff and then everything left, it’s all gone. Right. And then all of a sudden you’re considered a failure by the outside world because your business wasn’t a success.
Okay. Like, so you would rather me go work for a really large company and just like rise through the ranks, then like try to go actually do something special and create something normal. Right. So anyways, I think part of that is, is understanding that my identity was, it had to change a little bit of who I was and I was searching like, who is Ryan?
Like, what do I enjoy? But I think what I had to start by going to, which is like, what, where do I actually want to go five years from now? Who do I want to be? What kind of life do I want to live? What’s really important to me. And to me that was like, you know, having a healthy lifestyle and freedom of wealth, which means you could be rich, you could not, but having the choice to do what I want to do with my time. And I, you know, having good relationships with my family and I was single at the time now I’m married, but it was like, I want a wife, I want a family. I want kids. And so I sort of had to just like, go back to that very beginning of like, Gosh, let me go away for a weekend or a day and like dream.
Right. Who do I actually want to be? Because I’m not sure I’ve ever asked that question. Yeah.
Jai: Yeah. That’s awesome. I think it’s interesting. Definitely, definitely interesting. And most people experienced this in this, this microwave society that we live in, especially the people who’ve been in college, the athletes who, you know what I’m saying, their life has been around the sports. You’ve gotten a ride for school that you graduate. What’s your, your career path. Isn’t in sports. You know, you have to go to the corporate world or you’re doing entrepreneurship, but it’s a whole different thing, but it’s, it’s a whole set of rules. And if all you’ve known is like the sports thing, you have to play by a whole set of rules.
And I’m thinking back to when. I moved to Florida from Houston and for like nine months, first, nine months here, like you said, I gained almost 40 pounds. You know, I was, I was depressed. I didn’t even realize I was depressed, but looking back, like some of the pictures it’s like, yo, who the hell is this dude?
Right. And it was like, okay, I’m almost pushing 250. I’ve never been 250. So you kind of go into Holy shit. I need to work out more. I need to eat better. All this stuff that society says works. Right. But in doing that, none of that worked for me, but then it was like, That was never my goal. Even when I worked out, when I was training, when I was teaching my goal wasn’t to lose weight, my goal was to go in the gym or wherever I was, and basically kick the shit out of that workout, no matter what it was.
And like from that. Came the looking link, you know what I’m saying? The beam stronger, but that wasn’t the aim, the aim wasn’t Oh my God. I need to lose weight. You know, it was just kind of a by-product. So I love that. How you say it, like, I just needed to go away, like separate because society will kick you in the neck.
Make sure I said neck, cause I. Apparently you pronounced that wrong here, sitting on a phone call will kick you in the neck and have you feeling like you’re worthless. You know, you have to, to get away sometimes for family, friends. And when you’re trying to take you your business or with your dreams to another level, you have to separate yourself from some of those people, because some of those people although as much as you may love them, they can’t even put themselves in the realm of where you are, where you want to go. You know? So it’s like trying to talk to your best friend. Who’s done nothing but worked at a nine to five his whole life and telling them you’re building a company from the ground up, you know, you’re crazy.
You’re crazy. Like, why would you want to do that? Because they don’t know the experience of that. They don’t know the experience. So I love how you said you had to get away and just start dreaming again. Like that is super important.
Ryan: There’s actually science to that. It’s called visualization. And so what the, what the science would tell you, the psychology would tell you is that like part of that dreaming process, now I’m not talking about like the secret where you put in the universe and it comes back to you.
But what I’m talking about when you dream your brain actually creates some neuropathways to start to shape how it looks like to walk out that, that goal. And so your brain actually gets behind you and starts to when you dream in vivid detail, Your brain actually starts to look at how do I efficiently get to that path?
How do I officially hit that goal? And they start to help you. And so, yeah, it’s great. Emotionally for me, like I do it actually every year. It’s an emotionally, it’s really great for me, but also there’s, there’s actually some psychology and science around it too. So that’s what I had to do, you know, and I think for me was the part where.
Yeah, I wanted to do all these things. I wanted to accomplish all these things and do all these things, but it’s always a scoreboard. I needed to get myself stable back to who Ryan is first. Cause I can’t, you can’t build a skyscraper without going deep and building the foundation. Right. And so for me, I had to figure out, okay, I need to understand my emotions more.
I need to understand where I’m at. I need to understand like how to communicate better. I need to understand like all these things that are beneath the surface. Right. That was like where I was at. I don’t know if you relate to the same Jai, when you moved to Tampa Bay.
Jai: Yeah, man. After, like you say, when you reach that point where you’re like, Holy shit, this isn’t me.
You got to dive deeper, you got to dive deeper to foundation. You say foundation, like family, friends, everything was back in Texas. You’re starting all over. It’s like, what do I really want from this? Like, what is around? What is this experience like? What do I want to create? What is this? Like you said that, that life, what do you want out of life?
What do you want out of life? And then, like you said, dreaming bigger. And once you start doing that, like you said, tapping into that mental power because our brains are super awesome. Like we can start thinking about stuff like that. You say it stuff starts to happen. You don’t have to understand why you don’t have to understand how but stuff starts to happen.
And once you go there, it’s definitely a different type of energy. Definitely a different type of energy.
Ryan: Jenny, did you have an experience, like, did you feel that when you’re done playing sports that do have that like identity crisis that Jai and I have, or how has that, what for, for women, how has that what’s that experience like?
Jenny: You know, it’s, it’s funny, as you were talking about that, I actually still identify as an athlete. And I think it’s, it’s come around in a lot of different ways. I actually had an episode on the life adventurist podcast about the life of a benchwarmer, which I think is very similar to what you were talking about when you failed in your business, right?
Like I’ve been inducted into hall of fames for softball. And I played three sports was not always good because at the beginning I sucked, but I worked hard at it and I was good. I had a lot of achievements graduating college and going into the workforce, I was a top sales professional. Like it was always about that achievement and the go, go, go.
And then, you know, like having for sake of better terms, like it’s like that, that failure moment of being a benchwarmer I had never experienced that before and it was so tough. And so I find it interesting because for me, The tapping into the athlete aspect of life is so important to me because it’s what keeps me staying active.
It’s what continues to drive me, but also realizing and disconnecting from the ego. Right. And, and stepping away from the ego aspect of wanting to be the best athlete still. I mean, I still want to be, and I have to like back up from that because there’s other goals I want to do. I have to like step back.
So I think that for me, that’s what, it’s the way that it’s shown up. And even from the outside, like, I, I have given up sports to pursue my dreams, but then that came at the detriment of my health because it became an all or nothing approach. So I’m probably still in that process to be honest. Cause I’m still very, very tied to it a little bit.
Jai: We’re individuals. Yeah. So certain things work for certain people. And there’s something about that, that aspect of being an athlete that you connect with that helps you with other things in your life? Yeah, for sure.
Jenny: I mean, I don’t think it ever leaves you.
Jai: No, no, no, definitely not.
Ryan: Because like, for me, when I had to get back to who Ryan was, it actually was getting back to who Ryan was as an athlete.Hm. And then taking that brisk to say, okay, now how do I apply those great things to the professional world? So to me it was, it wasn’t the identity around the athlete, but it was like all the things that I enjoyed as an athlete that I resonate with that you tie now it does apply it. Yeah. It actually like that’s who I am.
It’s actually who I am. I’ve been an athlete my whole life because I played pickup basketball and the neighborhood growing up as a five-year-old, you know, all the way up to. You know, after college.
Jai: So I don’t think it leaves you, is it like tied to the athlete thing, but it’s, it’s those things, those attributes, those qualities that made you a good athlete that you had to apply to business and in life it’s like, well said, it’s kind of like, not sports, not baseball, not basketball, whatever, because.
You’ve gotten ducted into a two hall of fames because of the type of player you were. It’s not because of the sport. And it’s just like taking those same attributes and applying them to your life as a whole, right? Like weightlifting. It’s not like, Oh, I can lift heavy. It’s like the mindset behind going into whatever workout you did.
And just applying that to anything else.
Jenny: And I feel like with you, Ryan, one of the things that seems to be really standing out as a theme in this part of the conversation, because I’m sure you can go so deep and we could probably talk for multiple hours. Right. But like the thing that’s standing out to me is like the going of the deep asking the questions, the intention behind things.
I mean, granted, that’s, that’s the name of your book? You know, the, the intentional day. Cause like, I feel like. A lot of us make goals, right. Especially when you’re having this like inner transformation where you’ve hit a point and you have to ask this questions, like, what do I want? And sometimes we look externally for the goals.
We look for other people to dictate the goals, whether it’s through our career or our family or surrounding society. Oh, you have to have a house by this age. You have to have kids by this age, you have to, right. Like those types of things. I really want to like, hear what you have to say. Cause I want to hear the deeper side.
Right. So it’s like, you’re making this change. You’re doing these things and especially shoot we’re coming out of like, for what has been a tough year for a lot of people. And sure. You can look back in history. There’s lots of tough years, but 2020 has been tough. We’ve got 2021 around the corner and shoot you.
It doesn’t matter. This is timeless information. So it’s not just related to the turn of a year, but I feel like a lot of people are going to be setting goals. Go next year is going to be better. Here comes my goals. So just talk a little bit about you go any direction you want. Cause I want to hear like the depth of this when you’re at that point.
Like how can you really be intentional and not just like set the traditional goals or do you like setting the traditional goals?
Ryan: Yeah, that’s a great question. I like to go deeper and not set traditional goals so that the science will tell us only 8% of people who set goals actually achieved them. And yet, so 92% of people don’t achieve goals.
And yet we continue talking about smart goals. Right. And like the theme of this is innovation, right? Yeah. Why are we still doing things that don’t work in the business? If we did something that failed 92% of the time, like. Even the baseball role, you suck and you feel a lot in baseball and softball and you suck, but yet we keep on doing it.
So what happens is people who set goals, especially like you said, you need the external ones. Those are looking at the scoreboard, right? Oh, okay. Well, I want to do this. I want to do that. I’ll do that. Okay. That’s necessarily not bad, but it’s not, that’s not by itself going to work. Right. Because you’re only looking at the scoreboard.
So you walk on the field and you say, well, I want to win five to two, and then you just sit there. And you’re like, well, you got to actually play the game, right? Like you got to practice, right. You got to like develop yourself. And so part of that is where, especially right now, and in general, people who need to get started the accomplishment, the goal, the score looks so big and you get excited.
And you’re like, yes, I can’t wait to do this. Be a millionaire set of business to help sign a thousand people, whatever it is. And then the next day you wake up and you’re like, Ooh, Yeah. I, I, I mean, I shouldn’t have done that, right? Like that’s too hard to do. I don’t know what to do next. And so part of that now is that what I call a bridge to change.
And that’s around creating daily disciplines. Those are small, intentional actions that you take every day that develop yourself into the person you want to become. And so that is where that really the magic happens. And so as we think about goal setting, right there, it is good. It is good to know the set goal is look at the scoreboard or that we want to win.
We want to win a championship. We want to be a hall of Famer, but what did you do each and every single day, right? Like you woke up early, you work out, you’re trained, you’re hit, you feel that you eat healthy, you study film, like you put in the daily disciplines that took to accomplish that goal. And I think what I find at least with myself had happened too, is like, I wanted to achieve all these big things, but I didn’t know the first step I needed to take.
I didn’t know what that meant. And so what it actually means is like looking at yourself and say, what is one small action I can take today?
Jai: I love that because that’s definitely what we teach and our next level Lucian program, because with new year’s resolutions or, you know, new month resolutions or new week resolutions, our new day resolutions, everybody has that big goal, you know?
Okay. I want to lose 30 pounds. I’m using the typical weight loss thing, because people can relate to that. I want to lose X amount of weight, whatever, whatever. Right. And it’s like, Oh, I’m going to stop doing this. I’m going to stop doing that. I’m going to stop doing this. So it’s, it’s for me, it’s as portraying some kind of, of energy or vibe of, of deprivation of restriction, you know?
And it’s like, okay. Yes, you’re doing that for it. Extended amount of time, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, you keep on doing this yo-yo thing. And like you said, it’s like, what can you do daily? Because when people ask me, what’s the best diet, I tell people the one you can do consistently. You know, what’s the best workout, the workout you can do consistently, because if you figure that out, if you find that out, when it’s time to work out or eat or whatever, you’re not going to be like, Oh fuck this sucks.
I don’t want to do this. You’re going to be like, yes, whatever we were at this virtual conference for the past three days. The other night didn’t until like nine or 10. So after that, I’m in the other room, like working out at 11 O’clock not because I had to per se, but because I wanted to, you know, because I know for me working out helps me.
Do all the other things I love doing it helps me ride better. It gives me more strength and stamina on the paddle board, you know swimming today, helping me in the door in that? So, so that helps me in other areas of my life. So I don’t mind doing it no matter the time. And, but it’s like little actions, little things, people.
I think they have to do this huge, big thing. You know, I have to cut out sugars. I have to, you know, I have to work out an hour and a half. No. What can you do consistently? What can you do consistently? Let’s start there. Let’s start with a step. And once you get that one step, then you follow with the other step.
Next thing you know, you’re walking. If you can walk long enough, then you run, then you run long enough. You can sprint. So yes. What is that small action. I’m not asking you to change, change your life tomorrow, but I will. I want you to change your life in a way that you do this is by taking that small in, in what is that?
Which kind of goes back to the, like, what do you want? Like the dreaming or are you.
Ryan: So accurate, but what you find, like, people always look at like the external goal, right? Well lose 40 pounds. If you lost the tenure, you’re a failure, right? Whoa, wait a minute here. Right? Like, or like a good example is people who want to, who want to run a 5k.
And that’s the definition of success. If I ran, if I finished the 5k, but that’s not the way our brains work. And so what we should be focusing on is like, did I work out today? Did I put my shoes on a day? At least it’s something right. And if so, that’s the momentum building that will get me to run a 5K.
Right. Don’t worry about that. Don’t worry about the runner’s high, right? Like that, that’s a thing. The success should be tied to, did I get in the gym today, even though it’s 11 o’clock at night, I have a good why and purpose behind it. Did I get in there? And maybe I didn’t get an hour and a half in there, but I got 20 minutes, you know, and that’s success.
You did something, right? And so there’s a science concept called hedonic theory. And it really goes back to our brains are wired this way and our brains are wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure, and it’s not surprising and so in this situation is what I teach. And what you guys teach obviously is momentum building, right?
Like our brains are wired to want to seek the pleasure. But if we have the pleasure of being the 5k, which we’re not going to hit for six months, then we have to grind for six months with no success, no wins, no momentum building to get there. To get one runners high. It’s like, no, that’s not the way our brains are wired to define success differently. The goal is still good, but define the assess that I went to the gym at 11 o’clock at night, check it off the list because that’s what mattered. Even if I did five minutes, 10 minutes, like I still have that little habit I created to go to the gym because that’s, the lifestyle is important.
Jai: that moved me closer to that goal instead of away. You know, w w what I used to do too, with clients who had this big goal of losing weight, and I was saying, I need to lose 20, 30, 40 pounds. Right. And then they were like, Oh my God, I only lost 10 pounds. Right. So what I would do was I was like, Hey, pick up this 10 pound dumbbell, walk to the other wall, walk back, and then put it down.
And they were like, Holy shit. I was like, yes, you just put a ten pound plate down and you’re walking around 10 pounds lighter. Think about that.
Ryan: Oh, that’s a good example. I love it. Yeah, but they finally have the awareness to like, they like get it that like they’ve been carrying this weight on their shoulders the whole time finding success differently.
It’s Ooh. I love that.
Jenny: Dying to know something here. Right? Okay. So I’m like, all right, he’s a high performance coach. He teaches these principles. He teaches people how to create momentum. He teaches about being intentional and I’m sure much more. So what I’m dying to know is okay. You’re at this point, you want to make the change or you want to do the thing.
How can people really identify what those habits are? Right. Cause like when they come to us, we help them identify those habits. Can, do you feel like people can come to the clarity of what that thing is that they can do every day to get them to that goal, to get them to that dream, to get them.
Ryan: It’s a great question that I think the answer is, it depends.
And it depends on the maturity of the person. It depends on how clear they actually are and their goals. A lot of people not surprising our ex athletes I work with because we all have that mentality that we know how to do the practices. Right. So to answer your question, what happens is, is when they first set their first, what I call daily disciplines.
I say, you know what, instead of doing 10, why don’t we just look at three? And with three, when we just look at one small ones, right? Like drink a gallon of water a day, or Hey, pick up a book for five minutes, right? I’m not looking to read a book a week. I’m looking at, can I just read for five minutes?
Can I start to build this? Because that momentum will build, they they’ll start to get some success. They’ll like the book they’re reading and they’ll start to read 20, 30 minutes and they’ll create a habit, which is what they want to do. And so. What I try to teach is, Hey, start out small. What’s most people do is they take a huge bite fail after two or three weeks come back.
And then they say, Hey, let me strip this down for you. And they’re like, Oh, okay. Now I get the momentum, which I wish they would just listen to beginning. But people who are people, which is why you guys, you know, this is why, this is what you, I’m sure you guys live this too.
Jenny: Do you feel like there is. I don’t know, this could be like a trick question. I’m not sure, but like, do you feel like there’s a driving factor or a reason behind why people want to do that all or nothing method? Like, why is that what their go to is? Even though people like you are like, no, no, no. Just take the small bite. Like why do you think that exists?
Ryan: Why do I think that people take the big bite?
I have two thoughts on this first is I think most people get really excited because they see the big goal. They’re like, okay, I need to get there tomorrow. You know, like that’s not really how life works, but, you know, we could, we could definitely try, like there’s no overnight success. It took me seven years to get here, you know, like that kind of thing.
So one, I think people get excited and can’t break it down small enough. And the second is, and I think this is where you were alluding to earlier. Jenny is that. You know, people get so narrowly focused on that. One thing, if I am just a millionaire, then I will have success in my life. Yeah. You know, if I’m just an All-American athlete, if I just get drafted, I will have, I will be successful.
And that’s, that’s the wrong approach. That’s not healthy. Right. And so one of the things that is forced in my book, and I think you guys talk about it in your programs too, is like the more holistic life, right? Like if I’m so focused on being a millionaire and I work 16, 18 hours a day, My opinion is your marriage probably sucks.
You probably don’t know your kids. Right. Like missing out on everything else. Yeah. And so to what extent, like, so you can be rich. And so I think that’s, I think people get into that focus of, okay, this is really why I started in the books. I wanted to be rich. I wanted to have a healthy lifestyle or I wanted to get married.
And then they’ll put all the focus on there. And part of me is saying, Hey, well, hold on here. The goal is to put acceleration in all areas of our life. Because we want to be real rounded people. Cause that’s how we’re wired to be. Well-rounded let’s let’s, let’s take a step back, take a little pause, acts a little bit, and like we’ll get there, you know, that kind of thing.
Jenny: And I think some of it too is driven by like culture and society. It’s driven by. Corporate America. I’m just going to say it because as much as we love some of these companies that really help us live an easier life, the culture that exists in a lot of them is very much like what have you done for me lately?
And how can you work more? And how can you breathe more? And, Oh my God, the first one in the last one out and all of those standards, and it’s always boggled me, like, why is it like this? You know, like we’re humans, you know, like we, but we just get into these machine type modes. That has us being so like, fuck, some people are like, I’m so busy I can’t even go to the bathroom. Like that’s, that’s not okay. Like that’s not okay. Which then I think leads into like this, like laser focus, because sometimes you have to be so laser focused in your career or whatever. And I think some of it has been trained because I’ve been like untraining myself from some of my corporate habits since I left in January.
It’s like been a shedding of layers because it’s just been so ground in to me.
Ryan: Can you give me an example?
Jenny: Okay. So like working and not wanting to stop that’s one example, I would say just being so hard core about. For us having a business as well. Like another examples like us having a business and there is a huge creative side of the business.
So just being a sales rep and just carrying out that one aspect of a business, you’re expected to make 10 to 12 calls a day and you’re expected to close X amount of sales. So it’s very like regimented. And I tried to bring that regimen into our business and Jai’s like, Whoa, hold up. Slow your roll. We got other shit to do, like, so just really just like chilling out and being able to tap into more of like the creative aspect that I think would have even helped me in corporate America.
But I was so like, I got to get it done. Does that make sense? Was that a good.
Ryan: Yeah, totally. And that’s just sort of like more and more and more and more and more and more. And you’re like, well, hold on. What, whatever happened to the deep thinking, right? Like whatever happened to the creatives, being able to have some space to like, think about things, because it’s all about like, go, go, go, go.
And yes, people want to be innovative. Right? Innovation, innovation speed fast. But it’s like, Whoa, hold on. Let’s. Like, I love Apple’s approach to it. Like let’s pause and like think deeply about what the consumer actually wants. Right. Versus like just putting something out there quickly. And so, you know, that’s sort of like the example, I look as a startup side, but I can, I get the example of the corporate world too.
It was just like, you got to keep on producing or like, what have you done for me lately?
Jenny: Big time. And that’s why a lot of salespeople sandbag, right. If they did really well for the year, they could have maybe blown it out even more. But that means next year they’re screwed because now they have to beat the quadruple sales that they did.
And then it’s like, well, shit, I’m gonna make all the money this year and make nothing next year. And then I’m going to be fine. You know, as one example, salespeople live that rollercoaster, for sure.
Jai: I think it’s just interesting all around in. Reframing reconditioning, the programming, all these things that have us feeling, we have to move a certain way.
It was interesting. We just finished up with one of our clients who did a 60 day trial of our program. And her testimonial was like coming in I was skeptical, you know, cause they said I could do things I still wanted to do. Like I didn’t have to eat boiled chicken and green beans, or I didn’t have to work out three times a week.
And if I didn’t want to do squats, I didn’t have to do squats. So I was very skeptical to start this, but like, after going through it and actually seeing results, I’m enlightened, I’m empowered. It’s so it’s, it’s, it’s interesting. Cause it’s like I’ve done all the things and my question is. You’ve done all the things you continue to do all the things.
So why not try doing something totally different? And it’s like, well, but no, this is I’m, I have to do it this way. And it’s like, how is that working out for you? How has that worked out for you? Apparently you’re here still looking for the result you’ve been looking for for the past 15 years. So. How has all that worked?
Let’s, let’s try something different. Like you say, let’s just take a step and they’re like, wait, wait, wait. You’re not asking me to run. No, just take a step. That’s all. I just want you to step today. That’s all I want you to do.
Jenny: So with him saying that I can’t help myself. I have another big question. Okay.
So I’m thinking peak performance coach. And after what I just talked about, about being hardcore, In like a corporate America setting. When I think peak performance, I think I better like fucking run through walls. Right. I’m thinking I’m going to be working 12 hours a day and roarrrrrr. And then, you know, we’re talking about taking these little steps.
So I would love to hear from a peak performance coach and expert, how do you take perfection, a driven that sports type mentality, like, ah, and move them into that intentional day.
Ryan: I love that question. I think there’s the idea that I have to go, go, go, go. Or I’m not driven enough. I don’t have big enough goals.
I’m not going to get there. And I think it’s just completely false. Like I’m a very driven person. But I don’t work a hundred hours a week. I, I rarely work more than 60, probably because to me, I have priorities in line. And part of that is my family. That is a lifestyle that we’re trying to build, where it is, weekends off.
It is, you know, going on vacation or just having a quiet Saturday morning with my family. Right. And so for me, you can still accomplish really big things and you could still be really, really driven. And I think that you don’t have to. To be that like go through the wall, you know, uh, kind of rawraw person.
Right. And I like, that’s not me. I don’t like it. I get on Instagram and I scroll right by it. And it’s like, gosh, it’s fallacy in the world that you got to go hard to be successful is just wrong. I don’t believe it.
Jenny: I’m so glad that you don’t, because I love that individually. We can change the world and together we can move mountains.
Right. And. I would love anybody. Who’s listening to this, to like share this podcast episode with your friends, share this with everybody, you know, because the more people that can realize that it doesn’t have to be that way, especially if that’s what you look around and it’s all you see. Just to know that there’s another way…
Jai: working smarter and not harder is a real thing. It is possible…
Jenny: but almost at the same time, I feel like that’s a little cliche. Like it’s true. But I feel like people have started to say it enough. It’s like, okay, well, what does that mean?
Jai: Once again, I agree to disagree. It’s kind of like when someone tells you to eat slower and you’ve never experienced eating slow.
It’s like eat slow. What the hell does that mean? So like working smarter, not harder for me, it’s like hard work means sunup to sundown, go, go, go, go, go. I don’t have time to go to the bathroom. And you know, and what have you done? You’ve checked off a lot of things on the list, but like out of all that busy work, what did you really get done?
And like working smarter means like, okay, this project needs to move this week. So if this project needs to move this week, this needs to be done. This needs to be done. This needs to be done. So out of those three things, what can I do today to move this forward to the next thing for tomorrow?
Jenny: What do you think Ryan?
Ryan: No, I agree. A hundred percent. I have a, a story around that. So people think to be so definitely got to work all these hours. One of my good friends owns Chick-fil-A and he’s a high riser in Chick-fil-A and like he has one of the top stores and they love him there and I love the guys. Awesome. Awesome.
But he also has six kids. And so he only works probably about 12 hours a week at historic. Awesome. Because to him, success is not defined by the money that he gets and that the recognition of being a Chick-fil-A owner is right. But he’s a really his kids and developing his kids is a very deep passion for his, for him.
And so he, he now has built systems to work smarter. So that way that money can fund the lifestyle. It is. So he can spend more time with his kids and really develop his kids. And so people think you got to go and make a bunch of money, but that’s not what I’m saying is like, how do you define success?
What do you, if we went back to the beginning of the episode, what do you actually want? to be a great parent? Or you want to be a great spouse or be a great neighbor like that may look differently. Right? That’s wonderful. And then like, let’s be intentional. How do we, how do we get there? Yeah. And it doesn’t have to be like 80 hours a week, corporate America, 120 hours a week got to say, yes.
It’s like, well, hold on. That’s just a vehicle that funds where I really want to go.
Jenny: I love that. And it just reminds me too, like you were saying about the holistic approach and really just thinking about all aspects. And I think one of the biggest things that people who are, who feel potentially stuck in these environments where they are working the 80, 60, 80, a hundred, whatever, like just going non-stop is boundaries.
But I think it’s really tough sometimes for those people to understand and really embrace boundaries and how to put them in place. How do you work with boundaries? If you even do work with boundaries with your clients, maybe you have a whole new effort, different technique.
Ryan: Boundaries are hard, people don’t like boundaries. I’m a big believer you in it though. And you know, so we have to like rules as a family. Sundays are like family time. So I won’t be on Instagram. A lot of times I just have my phone off because my family’s there. So any emergency happens, it’s not really an emergency. And then the second thing is Monday nights is always our night for dinner.
So no activities, no sports, no anything. And so we’re just like, that is a priority. So everything else gets scheduled. Around that. And that’s how I set boundaries a little bit. There’s a great book boundaries by Henry cloud. And then he has a boundaries for leaders book and it’s fantastic, actually. So it takes the idea of boundaries for the personal life, but takes it into the corporate world of how to be a leader and set the boundaries.
Yeah. It’s, it’s really powerful.
Jai: I just tried on what you said, like really quick mentally, like turning the phone off on Sundays. You said it. And I was like, that’s cool. And then I was like, wait, is it, is it really cool? And so I’m going through this mental process and it’s like, okay, what am I really doing on Sundays?
Any way to have the phone on, like, you know, and I guess that’s, uh, that’s the kind of initial shock for some things, but it’s, it’s kind of goes back to what we were talking about. That doesn’t have to be, like you said, the scoreboard, like the scoreboard is, is not being disturbed on a Sunday, but I’m like, ah, I don’t know.
Okay. So why don’t you just turn the phone on silent? Let’s start there.
Jenny: I got a mind bender, maybe. Hopefully. So what if the scoreboard that you put out there? What if the scoreboard is just how much fun you’re having? And so if you want a scoreboard and that’s what drives you? What if the scoreboard is just like.
Keeping score of how much fun you’re having.
Jai: I think I know where you’re going. But, go ahead. Go ahead. No, I was going to say for some people that still might be like the thing, like, Oh, you’re talking about an aid type. Oh, I didn’t have X amount of fun. So it’s still taking those little actions. For the scoreboard.
Jenny: That’s a good point. He always brings it around. What do you, do you have anything you want to add?
Ryan: One of the things that I try to do is I took the happiness course at Yale. It’s the Udemy one that’s free. I did not get into Yale, but it’s a wonder,
Jenny: is it the one with the female teacher? And she goes through, yes, I loved it.
I loved it. And I did it through Coursera. So I did it through a different way. So they have it a couple of times, right?
Ryan: Yeah, it was awesome. One of the things that really resonated with me, the idea of savoring and for me as a person who was like a type a like, what’s next, what’s next? What’s next savoring allowed me to pause and like, feel the five senses of the moment.
And so now, like if I’m having a wonderful moment or if I’m having like warm coffee on a patio or having a beer with a buddy, and it’s like a, an enjoyable moment, it’s like, I’ll pause and try to like, just be in the moment. Right. And so for me, that’s like, yeah, instead of like the joy on the scoreboard for me, that’s like, Oh, I need to, I need a savor.
And so I actually created daily disciplines to try to save her three or four times a week just to start to like, feel myself, like getting that trigger to say, Hey, I need to like, enjoy this moment right now. Because like, that’s, that’s sorta what the whole point is. Right. I can still move in the right direction, but I also, like, I should enjoy the journey.
Because there is no end. Right? So anyways, that’s one of my things is, is the savoring.
Jenny: I’m getting major chills, which is good. It’s a confirmation. And it also, I feel like that really fuels the fulfillment and helps contribute to the overall fulfillment where it helps you to step out of that laser focus on one aspect of your life and be able to, like you said, like bring amazingness to all aspects because you are.
I’ve got so many thoughts clashing in my head right now. They’re all like colliding, like boom, boom, boom, boom. Like all these like fireworks, but I just feel like it just really feeds into the piece, into the fulfilment of being a human, of being a high-performance person of being able to create experience step into the life that you envisioned for yourself.
Jai: Who are you?
Jenny: Are you asking?
Jai: No. Well, yeah, I’m asking the audience.
Ryan: There’s like two examples. I’ll give you a chance to think Jenny. I’ll tell two kind of short stories. One is about leadership of actually accepting back. And so my second. Third company. We had another startup and I got to be a founding team member with two guys who were big time executives at public companies, and we got to do it together.
So I got to learn a lot of leadership stuff. But one story they kept on saying about like the lifestyle is that the old CEO at sprint back in the nineties would take, he would literally take a whole month off of vacation. Wow. Running a public company. That’s high growing. We’ll take a month off. And he did it for two things.
One, he said, That it allowed him to deeply think about the business in a way different way after that, like wiring of your brain kind of slows down. And then the second part of that, he’s like, if anything happened, like it, it’s a great chance for the people I’m leading to actually step up. And it shows me who’s going to step when I’m not there.
Cause I should not be required. I should not be required. And if I am, that means I probably don’t have the right people around that. I was like, Ooh. Yeah, it always stuck with me like, Oh, Yeah. Actually way different definition of success than having to work 120 hours.
Jenny: Yes. So many leaders that need to hear that.
I mean, like I said, this, this is a podcast that you share with everybody because there’s so many nuggets that could really unlock someone’s brain and help them to really live an even better life. Because right there, I thought of like five people. Who could hear that one nugget of information about having a different focus because so many managers, so many leaders feel like they have to be there.
Jai: That’s innovative within itself, or, I mean, it kind of should be, it actually should be standard.
And I’m, I’m kind of thinking like with a system like that, You’re setting up a legacy for your company, because you always have someone who could step in. So, you know, you don’t have to worry about like, Oh, well Benny’s not trained. So, you know, I guess the company is going down the toilet. There’s always someone to step in and to step up to the challenge, which is awesome and amazing.
Jenny: And I feel like as a leader to it show you, like you said, not only which leaders may be, need to go, but maybe where training or where systems are, where automations or whatever need to come into place to support. It will really, I would think with a month off or however much time off where you literally just unplug and you are not available, you’ll know really quick, what needs to be built out in your company that maybe wasn’t as strong as you thought it was, people or systems.
Ryan:… and as entrepreneurs, right? We like to do everything ourselves and we’re always the best at it. And sometimes we need to give over control. That’s a great chance to let somebody else step up and actually let them thrive on their own. So you can actually build a business that you probably dreamed of building.
You didn’t want to work 220 hours. You wanted to be a business owner with freedom, but yet how, why are we here doing this? And so like, that’s another piece of it too. It allows the next person up to kind of step up and run it, which is kind of a cool thing. You’re developing that next round of leaders.
Jenny: I know this has been awesome.
I mean, there’s been so many aha moments. So Ryan, so someone’s listening, they’re getting really excited. What are the different ways that you work with people?
Ryan: Yeah, so I have a book. So all these thoughts in the sciences, into my book, I have an intentional day program, which is a quarterly program where I will actually help you set your daily disciplines, set your habits, set your goals, and like, cause people need help.
And then I have a leadership Academy for businesses. And I am wrestling with the idea of having a mastermind, but I’m not, I’m not quite there yet.
Jenny: Yeah. If you guys are like, Oh my God, I love this. And I’m like super excited for what Ryan’s talking about and you want to get connected. What’s the best way to get connected with you?
Ryan: My website or Instagram. So the website is theintentionalday.com or Instagram, where I post a lot of this stuff. And it’s Ryan dot performance coach.
Jenny: So all I’m thinking is, you know, that mastermind, if that really rung in your, in your head and you’re like, Oh my God, I want to be a part of something like that.
I want to, I want to be around Ryan’s energy. I wanna really just really thrive and have this amazing life. You know, that, you know, when, when we’re entrepreneurs and we’ve got these ideas, nothing kicks them into gear besides a bunch of people I’m in, I’m interested. I want four. So if you want to hear more about that, That like, you know, with him going on, I’m telling him what the idea, if that’s something that interests, you make sure you reach out to them.
Cause then that will, that will further that along in the process. Uh, for sure. I know I’m like if you reached out to us and you’re like, I’d love to hear this. We be like, Oh, that sounds good. Let’s.
Ryan: Yeah, we’re kind of making it up as we go, you know, like, I think people want this, I don’t know. Right. And then, you know, you test to kind of want to do it.
That’s cool. Sounds fun for me to do, I may have to do that.
Jenny: Masterminds are great because we were just talking about this more in a business mastermind and it’s coming up on the year because it was a year commitment and we were talking like, okay, what do we want to do? What are our next steps? And one of the biggest things that you really can’t… there’s no value because it’s like one of those things like with the commercials where it’s like this costs, this, this costs, this, this is what is the word? Valueless, valuable value. Priceless. Thank you. So it’s kind of like that because like, the people that we have met in the mastermind are worth the weight in gold is the actual mastermind, because they’re the ones that can help unlock doors.
And you know that your lifelong friends, they ended up becoming these people that when you travel to those places in the world, you’re like, Oh my God, you know, I love the idea of a Mastermind. I think they’re powerful and…
Jai: it opens up a whole new ground and ideas or things you haven’t even thought of, or, you know, take your idea and hit it from a totally different angle.
So, yeah, masterminds are awesome.
Ryan: I know we’re trying to land the plane, but one of my favorite things to talk about is around growth partners are like the five people you hang out with most like matter the most. And Jai, you alluded to this earlier, but like in the mastermind and for you guys for that business mastermind is like the people who are like, like thinkers are the same level as you, their science around like how important they are to your success and to where you want to go.
Which we don’t need to get into all the science of it. But other than the, like, let the audience, who’s hearing this, like be intentional about those five people you hang out with most because they really do matter a lot to where you’re going.
Jenny: Yeah, no, I mean, look, seriously, sit with that for a second. Just sit with that for a second.
Think of who those five people are, you talk to most and especially when shit hits the fan. And especially when things are tough. Because just imagine we are grateful. We don’t have those people. I can just imagine though, with us getting a business off the ground and getting it up and rolling this year, pandemic hits, if our five people were people who had totally different thoughts about the world or negative perspectives, or non-growth like a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset, we might’ve already folded.
We might’ve already thought everything was doom and gloom versus the people you’re surrounding yourself with helping to. Challenge you to think bigger to, you know, helping you not to go down that ditch. Like when you’re spiraling out and even
Jai: Apple just launched like five new products, like anything is possible.
It doesn’t matter. What’s going on. Anything is possible.
Jenny: Five people really think about that and take it. And I’ll ask you too, because you called them growth partners. Is there a reason why you call them growth partners?
Ryan: Yeah, I don’t like the word. I don’t like task and I don’t like the word accountability.
Okay. Because it seems like you either do or you don’t. Right? Like you either show up to the meeting. So you get, you get praise or you show, you didn’t show up the meeting and you get a stick. You get, you get punishment, right. Like pays. And that’s like, not, I don’t like that. I like momentum building. So I see a growth partner.
Somebody who, who are peers with you that you guys grow. Together. I like that. And that’s why I use the word growth partners because you’re partnering together for growth, not holding each other accountable and say, you didn’t do this. You should have made it here. Right. That’s too aggressive for me. I like, yeah.
Jenny: Do you feel like your, your growth partners could be come in the form of a mentor? The way I do it in the book? Probably not, but the five people you hang out with, you should have a mentor there there’s two different. So there’s the growth partners. And then the five people you hang out with. Yeah, break that down again because I missed it.
And if I missed it, maybe other people did or maybe I’m crazy, but, so what’s the difference between the growth partner and the five people you hang out with?
Ryan: Yeah. So a growth partner is somebody who you’ve committed to do like growth with. And so in the context of. Probably for your business, you guys are the growth partner for your clients.
And the context of my business is like the, the book facilitates two people to do it together who are peers or their friends, or they’re doing it together. So that’s like a growth partner. And the idea there is that here’s what the science will tell us. If you just set goals by yourself, again, 8% chance to achieve if you set goals and tell it to somebody one time.
Like a boss or something, you have a 65% chance to achieve that goal so better, but not that good. But if you have a recurring scheduled meeting to talk about those goals with somebody else, you have a 95% chance to achieve those goals. I like that. And so it goes from eight to 95 just by having somebody to talk to
So that’s a growth partner. And then the five people you hang out with most are people you’re associated with. I think Jai alluded to it about, you know, as you started growing, right, the friends weren’t the same and needed to level up and all that stuff. Like those are the faculty you’re hanging out with. Those are your mastermind.
Jenny: Got it. Charge the two. I was thinking that you were calling those the growth partners. Oh, you could…
Ryan: I guess, um, the way I teach my book, I don’t, but you can take it wherever you want. I don’t care. Whatever helps you fly. Doesn’t matter.
Jai: Whatever’s going to get you from eight to 95.
Jenny: Let’s do I don’t care what you call it, right? That’s a good point. Just no more TiVo.
Jai: Get those five. Get the growth partner. Step into a mastermind. Change your life. That’s right. Guys, definitely look Ryan up on Instagram. Definitely get the book because there’s been a lot of gems, not the place you work out, but the jewel is today and Ryan’s is an all around cool guy from Kansas city.
Anything else you want to share Ryan, as we part depart, you got all these cool stories. So like, um, I’m definitely making a reason to come to Kansas city. Right. I don’t drink beer, but we can like, I’ll drink barbecue.
Ryan: Yes, let’s do it. We have the best barbecue. Yes. We can do a little tour. You’ll start sweating out meat. It’ll be a great thing.
Jenny: It sounded weird, but we’re still coming. You had me at barbecue. Ryan has been awesome. We’ll see you on the next episode!