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Network Your Worth

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life as p
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Phoenix Ash
Network Your Worth

 

Whether you’re an introvert or you simply have a hard time connecting with people, networking can feel like a daunting, impossible task. But what if you didn’t need to search for the people who can further your career? Listen in as Phoenix shares her experience with networking, explaining the importance of knowing your own worth and what you bring to the table. Stop looking at every person as an opportunity, rather look at people as people and acknowledge that opportunity will come.

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Phoenix Ash: Instagram | Twitter | LinkedIn
Savage Fever
Touch Me First
Delectable
In Her MakeUp
Soiled Sheets
Cookies & Crumbles

*Intro*

Phoenix: Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello. It’s your girl P this is Life As P I’m your host. Phoenix, Ash, if you know me like that, you call me P well, I think people don’t know me like that. Call me P now. Thank you for checking me out. If you are a repeat listener, I appreciate every single moment you give to me.

If you are a new listener, thank you for checking me out. I hope you find something of substance that pours into your life that you can pass on to someone else. If you want to get at me, you want to. Dispute something I say or whatever. Please get at me. My Instagram is @pwrites as well as my Twitter is also at @pwrites.

I am Phoenix Ash on Facebook. What’s up guys. It’s been a wild ride, right? The election oof elections be like cliffhangers. Now I ain’t here to talk about that. I’m not, it’s just crazy. Everything is wild right now. But what’s the same as I’m still pursuing my passion. I’m still pursuing the work. I’m still evolving.

I’m still hoping the same for you. I know we’re in this together. A lot of us are figuring out what our passions are or taking the leap to pursue them working out our plans. Sometimes falling back on our plans because we’re confused, hurt, disappointed at how things are going. But if you need a cheerleader, I’m here.

Cause I’m going through the same thing. So let’s get it. Let’s do this. Most of you guys know that I’m going over, like what has been the theme that has been talking to me for the week, right. I’m trying to pay attention to the universe, pay attention to how things are moving and what messages I constantly hear so that I can share them with you.

Because I feel like if I’m learning anything from it, or if something’s being revealed to me that. Somebody else needs the revelation as well. Right. Or, or maybe you’ve had the revelation and we can just go. Right, right, right. Yo, I take that to this week. I would say that I was thinking about networking, just the circle of friends, the circle of supporters that I’ve been able to build within the past couple years has really been remarkable.

It really has, because I had a stereotype of myself of not being someone who’s very friendly or not being someone who makes friends easily not knowing how to network actually despising, networking, not really being a connector. And two to three years ago, I went to Hawaii and learned that that is not who I am.

I’ve had glimpses prior to that, to let me know that that wasn’t who I was, but I believe that trip really. Sorta like dismantled my own stereotype of myself. I let other people’s opinion of me color me and shape me and moved me forward to fulfilling those opinions where there were people in my life who, when I started to return to myself and recognize like, that’s not who I am. There are people in my life who knew me as a child who were like, yeah, like who you are now. So you are like that other person, like I was taken aback that you change that way. So it’s just really crazy that you can let someone brainwash you into thinking that you’re something that you’re not.

But how did I learn that? Well, first the whole notion of networking is daunting to me because when I think of people networking, I’m thinking of people who are purposely going out to find people to connect to who can help them further their agenda. Right? I’ve seen people, you know, Hey, what’s your name? What do you do? Okay. This is what I do. And basically trying to field how much can be done for them. What can you do for me? How can you help me get further? You’re further than me. How can you pull me along? So they show up with an agenda for you and I wasn’t ever comfortable showing up with an agenda for someone else, for someone I’ve never met.

I only know your title. I only know what you do. I only know where you work and I’m showing up with an agenda for you. Like I have an agenda item on my list that I want you to take care of. I want you to push me forward. I want you to connect me to someone. I want you to share your knowledge. I want, I want, I want and quite, and that has always steered me away from networking.

I’ve had. Introductions to people who were pretty high up in television, working for movie companies, even people, publishers, magazine, editors, book reviewers, stuff like that, that I did not cultivate the relationship mostly because I was not comfortable with it. I only knew what I wanted from them. And I was not comfortable with the mindset of coming to you for what I can get from you.

I feel like that’s the customer mentality, right? If I’m going to come to you for what I can get from you, I should pay you for it. Why should you give me that for free? I should pay you for it. And it wasn’t until the past couple of years where I started to. Work on my own craft, work on my own talents and abilities and really study what it is that I wanted to do and really hone it and focus on it and get a clear vision of what it was that I was able to assess what my value was.

And once I was able to figure out what my value is to someone who is in movies, in television, in whatever. Then I was able to network. Then I was able to have conversations and build relationships with people in and around those industries, because I knew my worth. I knew that I had value. Not just because I’m a talented writer because I am.

And I’ve always been, so that’s always been there. Have I always recognized it, not necessarily in the way that I should have, but I’ve always known that I’ve had a talent when it came to writing. I wrote rhymes for so many years and. People of all walks of life, have always given me feedback on how well or how I didn’t perform or whatever, but no one has ever said that I didn’t have talent or the ability to do what it is that I was pursuing.

However, I still didn’t know what my value was. And so when building a relationship with someone, I didn’t know what it was that I was bringing to the table. I have been writing all my life. So it was almost second nature to me. We’re all in the creative industry. Aren’t we all coming with some type of talent.

So I devalued it and didn’t know what it was. I was showing up to the table. But when I started to pour into me important to my craft, I started to really assess who I was and what I bring with me into the room and to the table. First things first, I am the type of person who is very comfortable with building my own motherfucking table.

Okay. I don’t necessarily need a seat at chores. I can build my own table. It may not be as big as yours. It may not have as much food on it, but I’m getting fed and I’m getting fat. I’m good. I’m fine. With my table. However, do I think it makes sense to invite others to my table. Does it make sense to maybe push my table closer to yours and we can have two tables next to each other?

Yeah, I like that, but I work best with people I care about. So when I go into a room, my value is that I care. I give a shit. So when I ask you, how are you, how are you handling life after COVID or how are you handling life after the election? Or I want to know the answer. And I want to know how it affects your work.

I want to know how it affects your family. I want to know what it is that you struggle with. I want to know, is there some place that I can help you? Can I fill in a gap somewhere or do we relate to each other somehow some way, are we having the same struggle? Are we having the same thought? And if they’re different, can you tell me a bit about it, the logic or the process that’s happening for you that care what you think.

I care what you think. I care what you go through and I care how you survive it, because if it’s not me who needs your survival guide, chances are I’m going to run into someone else. Who’s having a similar experience or struggling with something. And what it is that you give me, I can give to someone else.

If I can’t use it, I can give it to someone else. None of it is waste. So that’s what I bring to the table that when I ask you stuff, or when I’m inquiring about what it is that you do, or how you move or how you’ve been able to do X, Y, and Z, I’m truly interested. And I truly care about the answer. I’m also truly interested in the connection outside of what you can do for my career.

Perfect example. I have a girlfriend who I met in Hawaii. Originally. She worked for one company and then she started working for Netflix and both positions that she had. I think the first one was the audio industry. And then I think she went more so to like movies, content and so forth. Totally up my alley.

We have been friends for a couple of years now and not once have we made an arrangement to work together and I’m totally fine with that. And as far as I know, she’s totally fine with that. Because we love each other as friends. And so the decision on both of our parts, it was not verbal. It was just how we moved.

And the decision on both of our parts were to love each other as friends and be friends and just keep it moving like that. And if our paths cross, if we have mutual interests that align at the same time, if during discussion. I say, I’m working on something and she says, Hey, that’s perfect for what I’m working on.

Or she says, she’s working on something. And I’m like, Hey, I think I have something for that then fine. We will work together. But the friendship stands without the work. I will probably always be her friend. She will probably always be my friend without the work, no matter where she works, no matter what I’m working on, we will always be friends.

Another example, which is quite different, is Jess from SayWHA Radio. I had, someone who was very kind and invested in me as a mentor, introduced me to Jess and we started off just like, Hey girl, what’s up? And she interviewed me on her show and then the crew interviewed me a second time and we had a great time we all were laughing and it was great. So she was helping me. I was a guest for her and it could have left like that. We could have been like, okay, now I can’t do anything else for you. So it was nice meeting you. And I’ve had podcast experiences that are like that, where I’ve guest on podcasts. And that was it.

That was it. It was an interview. And that was it. I’ve had a couple, but something clicked between her and I and we maintained our friendship. We were friends for a couple of years before I ran past her the idea that now that I am focusing on a writing career, I think I might want to do a podcast. And I really was coming to her for advice and how to put one together.

And she was, well, I’m trying to grow my network so you can have a show on my network. And I was like, what? Huh? And basically that’s how Life As P… the podcast was born, but that was through a friendship. And so from the outside, it could be network materializing into something real. However, it was born out of friendship.

It was born out of love. It was, I love you. I’m going to help you. I want to see you grow and I have this talent. I have this skill. I have this platform that I can offer you. And on my side, it was, I love you. I trust you. I believe you know this information. So I’m coming to you as a friend to talk to you and say, can you tell me what I need to do?

Not because I want to use you, but because I’m asking you where to go, where do I find stuff? And it just so happens that the relationship made something work for us, both. So I’m not the person who can successfully attend a network event and walk out of, there with all kinds of connections. I feel like so many people attend these networking events and granted, now that COVID is a thing, right?

They’re more so virtual than they are physical, but either way to attend anything, I feel like the attendees are expecting to be used in some way. And sometimes I’m like, what are you here for? Because if you’ve got this resistance of being used, I mean, you know, well, everybody’s coming forward because it’s a networking event, right?

So there’s the undertone of what can you do for each other? So if you’re trying to hold on, so what you’re able to do for other people without freely dishing it out, would you be here for. And I don’t know if you guys have ever had that experience, but I’ve been in networking events where it’s just, people are holding their information and knowledge close to the chest, their access, close to the chest.

And it’s, I mean, you looking for somebody to appear with a halo around their head and a big sign. Like this is the one, this is the one you need the help. I don’t have the halo. I don’t have the light on nothing. But I, I got some care and some love and that if that’s what you on, that’s what I’m on. That’s it.

I say all that to say that you don’t need a network event in order to meet the people who can help you further your career. You need to know your worth. You need to know what it is that you bring to the table. And every day that you move about that you meet people that you have conversations with, that you strike up conversations with, that you are genuinely interested in, who are genuinely interested in you.

That’s your network. When people recognize your worth. And you recognize there’s. I feel like it’s easier to recognize other people’s work when you recognize your own, because you’re confident in your worth. So you’re not studying your worth. You’re not studying what you’re doing. You’re not coming to someone distracted with your own agenda.

You’re coming to someone you’re confident. And so you don’t have to spend every waking moment thinking about yourself. You have the freedom to think about them. And I think people are more receptive to other people who are genuinely interested in them because at the end of the day, I don’t care what your position is.

I don’t care what you do for a living as nice to know that someone gives a shit about what you do, what you’re going through and how you’re surviving. It’s great. When someone wants to hear your. Success story. But what if you’re someone who doesn’t see your story as success, you’re still on the path you haven’t reached your plateau, you haven’t reached your goal yet you consider yourself still on the journey.

So you may look at someone who’s coming in. Hey, how’d you get to where you’re at and you just may be like, what? I’m still going. I applied for a job and you may not get what they get. Right. You’re like, I don’t know. It’s like, what are you talking about? But the person who’s confident and knows their worth is not coming to you, asking you what your success story is. They’re asking you what your experiences, what is it like for you? What have you done? Do you like what you do? Do you love this life? Is it what you thought it would be? Wow, because those are the things that people want to talk about. There’s a lot going on in this world a lot, and we are all heavy minded and we are all heavy hearted.

There’s just so much that each of us is carrying. It’s just nice to have someone ask you about those real experiences and care about the answer and have something to share. When you build those kinds of genuine relationships, that’s your network. That’s your moving about? Those are the people who will not only help you, but they’ll help you over and over and over again because you are also helping them and you’re helping them over and over and over again.

Nobody wants to just be used in that’s it you’ll dry someone out you, you want to pour back in. You don’t want to just, none of us are emotional or even corporate or creative bank accounts where you just withdraw, withdraw, if there’s no deposit. There’s nothing for you to take. And I think that’s why people are resistant and why they hold stuff close to the chest, because they’re not seen as people they’re seen as an opportunity.

I may not move as fast as someone who recognizes people as opportunity and jumps on each opportunity and figures out how to finesse people into helping them. That’s great for you if that’s who you are, but I need to balance how I move through the industry with how I feel about myself and how I feel about other people.

Listen, that’s what I do. I feel there were years where I tried to run from how I felt. Years where I considered myself so soft because I felt everything so deeply and felt like I was constantly being used or stepped on or taken advantage of because of how deeply I felt things and people could manipulate me based upon what they thought I felt until I recognized and owned what it was that I was doing when I gave to someone or when I was there for someone, it was out of my heart. And it was because I had enough to spare. I never feel like I’m down to my last. So I can’t say that I would give you my last, because I never feel like I’m down on my last, when it comes to being there for someone I’m a hustler.

So if I give you the last dollar in my pocket, best believe it’s not my last dollar, because I done figure it out how to get another dollar in the transaction of giving this one to you. I didn’t figure it out. Okay. So I may be strained or stretched, but never down on my last. When I own who I am and that I give from the heart and that you taking advantage of that is on you and not on me.

It doesn’t make me weak. It doesn’t make me stupid. It makes you stupid for taking advantage of someone who will always find a way to give. You’re stupid. I’m not stupid. No, because I’m not going to fight myself and not be who I am. So I can guard myself against you. Because at this point in my life who I am, I believe that I’m strong enough to survive anything that you throw my way.

So this, but so much you could do to me. Outside of bodily harm, there is, but so much. I’m just built like that. I have seen my share of trauma. I’ve seen my share tragedy. I’ve seen my share of loss I’m here and I’m doing fine. I’m doing fine. I’ve had my heart broken a couple of times in my life has been a long time since I’ve had it broken and yeah.

Even though ending my marriage recently. Yeah. That did not break my heart. I just sad to say, well, I don’t know if it’s sad to say because I’m cool on it. I’m glad it didn’t break my heart. Yes, but so much you can, you can do to bring me down. So I’m cool with what I bring to the table. I know I give a shit about you.

I know I care about you. I know that I’m genuinely interested in your story. I know that if you need encouragement, I’m here. I got it. I’m your cheerleader. And I’m okay with moving at the pace that I’m moving. I have multiple ways of feeding my family. So I’m never so desperate in one particular way. And there’s people who will disagree with me and be like, no, in order to succeed, you have to, you know, make yourself believe that this is the only way.

And it doesn’t work for me. I don’t, I can’t move with that kind of stress. And I’m doing just fine. So my whole spiel is when you network with people. When you get to know people, you probably have a lot of the resources within the people that you actually care about. You probably have a lot of the resources you need in order to go to the next level or to research the next level or support into whatever it is that you do.

And you probably have those resources. They may already be pouring into you and they just need more attention or just need you to pour back. So that’s my deal. This that’s my message. I don’t even know if it wasn’t concise. I know that for sure. That’s what’s on my mind, basically. I just want you guys to love each other and not look at people as pure opportunity. Look at people as people and know that opportunity will come. It’ll make its way to you, but people are human beings that live, breathe, feel, go through emotional stuff. We all hate when we work for companies that she does, like just numbers or chest pieces. Let’s not do that to each other on our own accord.

That’s enough heavy stuff. If you want some light romance, you should read my book Delectable, a sweet romance. Yes, child. It is available on Amazon as well as Kindle. Kindle has a free app for iPhone and I believe for Android. So you can download the app. Most of the books on it, it’s like 99 cents. Yo, get your read on.

But it is available on Amazon. If you like it, a little, a little extra freak and you can pick up touch me first. That is my first book that made it to the erotica charts and it actually debuted as number one. So go me. That’s also available on Amazon books as well as Kindle and Kindle. And they’re both available, Kindle unlimited.

And then my baby Savage Fever have child. Hell yeah. I’m talking about less love drama, crime, betrayal, like a whole soap opera. I’m telling you. It’s like… Pick that up, that’s available on Kindle and Kindle unlimited episode one and episode two is out, I believe, episode three, she’ll be coming later this month.

So I’m really excited about that. I’m trying to get out episode four before the end of the year as well. Let’s end it with a bang. So yeah, definitely look out for that support that I’m also working with a good friend of mine. So put some stuff together for her. It’s an erotica author. So look out for that.

I can’t reveal her name yet, but. It’s coming. It’s coming. It’s coming. All right. So as good work as my boy was saying anyway, I appreciate everyone for giving me the time listening until the next time when we can find some power to exchange. I love you. Be safe. Peace.

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