On the Brink of Blessing

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life as p
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Phoenix Ash


“I’ve been here before.” You may have experienced this feeling before when you have felt trapped in a pattern that has created a problem in your life or has kept you from achieving your goals. However, have you ever felt like that right before an amazing shift in your life is about to happen? In this episode, Phoenix shares her thoughts on this topic and why she feels like she is on the brink of a blessing!

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Phoenix Hey, yo, what’s up? This is life is P. I’m your host, Phoenix Ash. If this is your first time joining me, thank you, I appreciate however medium you found me. Whether you were just browsing on Apple, or iheart, radio or Spotify, or whatever Google Play, thank you for stopping by. Maybe it was Twitter. Maybe somebody said, yo, listen to this. Thanks. Appreciate you and them. Maybe it was Instagram, Facebook, how have you got here, I so appreciate you stopping by and seeing what’s up with you, girl. If you are a repeat listener, you already know the deal. But I’m gonna tell you again, I love you. And I think you and I appreciate you for being here. Because this is my outlet, we all need an outlet. And this is my outlet. This is how I talk through things that are on my mind. This is how I share revelations, you know, sometimes, when something is revealed to you, or you see the pattern in something or you figure something out, you just want to stand on a mountaintop, and scream and be like, yo, because you just want to put somebody else on. So this is my mountaintop. And I thank you for allowing me to stand at the top of it even when I’m confused, even when I’m lying. So if you’ve been following me if you know the pattern, basically, you know, I’m talking about the messages that have come to me most often over the past week. And I don’t know if it’s because I’m tuned in or just how my life works. But there’s typically a message that keeps blaring, and it’s repetitive. And I saw it a couple of times. And I’m like, Okay, so this must be it, this must be the thing that I’m supposed to pay attention to, this must be the thing that’s trying to speak to me and I try to make sense of it. Because I feel like since I’ve been doing that I’m more tuned into the universe, and I’m working better within the universe alignment. And even when I get out of alignment, you know, I know how to get myself back in. And so that’s the blessing to me. And if you could ever figure out how to master that, I think that you will go so much further, so much faster, if you just learn how to read the, you know, proverbial writing on the wall. But anyway, the message that has been coming to me most recently, well, I can’t even say that it came so many times it came one time. But it was loud, very, very loud. And I was like, that’s it. That’s what I’m paying attention to. And so it was you’ve been here before. And when I think about you’ve been here before. I think that most of the time, at least I don’t know about anyone else. But a lot of people that I see are related to a place of trouble, or a place of pain. And we like you know, I’ve been here before. I’ve been in this struggle before. But very rarely do we relate to I’ve been here before the brink of blessing. And that’s what I believe I’ve been before. And I’m here now on the brink of blessing. So it’s not so much focus and attention on all the things that are going wrong, or all the things that are tripping me up. But mostly the concentration on these things came before my blessing. And so when I learned how to handle when I’m not learning how to maneuver, and I learned not to panic, I recognize that I’m on the brink of blessing and I’ve talked about it before how Wait, like, you know, it rains it pours right before my life is about to take this row, major positive turn. But I feel like there’s too much emphasis on the storm. Too much attention given to all the things that are going wrong and it’s like, oh, this is messing me now I’m trying to buy a new house and um, you know, coming up against a couple of pitfalls in China, you know, finalize the details of my divorce and that was, you know, trip To me up a little bit, it was just stressing me out emotionally. You know, just a lot of things. And thank God, I have some really good people in my life, who are very grounded when I’m not. And thank God for them. But I’ve been here before, I’ve been on the brink of blessing before. And you know how I came to be. I was having some hiccups with getting the new house and putting my house on the market and so forth. And I was talking to my girlfriend about it. And she was like, isn’t this kinda like how things happened? Right before you moved to Delaware? Because, you know, if you didn’t know, that’s where I’m at. I’m in Delaware. I’m a Brooklyn girl all the way through and through. But you know, my house is in Delaware, but Brooklyn song. But anyhow, she was like, you know, before you bought the house in Delaware? Isn’t this? Like, did you go through a lot of hiccups? Like, wasn’t it like, like, oh, shoot at the last minute, this is falling through this house like work? It was and I ended up buying the house. And even after I bought the house, there were a couple of hiccups. When I first bought the house, the people who were selling me the house had moved out. And you know, I can’t recall and I don’t think I had any stipulation that it had to be clear, I had to be clean because a lot of houses I was looking at thing people were already out already prepared to be out. And so I think it just in my mind was a given that, you know, I was gonna move into this house, but we closed and then people were still here. Let’s move any stuff out. And actually the first couple nights I was here, I had to stay in a hotel, because I was given time to move their family out, which was really crazy, because then I started to feel like I was kicking them out because they got kids and stuff is crazy. But yeah, there were a lot of hiccups. You know, I had ordered my bed. And there was a delay with the bed and the bed took forever to come. I was sleeping on the floor sleeping on the air matches, like, you know, it was a lot going on. I didn’t bring any furniture with me. So I was really starting like a fresh brand new. When I moved this time, I’m taking very little furniture with me. You know, very few things are so bad. I’ve been here before. I’ve been here before, but just like that worked out. This will work out. Okay, I’m on the brink of blessing. And it’s not just the house. There’s other things that you know, I’ve been stressed because I haven’t finished the finale of savage fever. It’s slow grinding, it’s coming. But it’s super, super slow. You know, that’s been stressing me out. Even just feeling like I’m not as consistent as I should be with my podcasts lately. I mean, I have the content coming. But you know, sometimes it’s like, oh, shoot, like I didn’t, you know, prepare, or just figuring out my sponsors and where the money’s coming from. And then the baby girl wants to run a business. So you know, I’ve got her selling her t-shirts, because she’s an incredible artist. If you have not seen my daughter’s art, please check out my Instagram page app, he writes, there may be some on Facebook, but definitely check out my Instagram page. You know, my daughter is an amazing artist. And she, you know, wants to go to art school. She’s five, and she wants to go to art school. And we thought it would be a good idea for her to run her own business this summer. And basically, she’s selling t-shirts. So I have a homie that just likes really hooking us up, like helping us out. The brand sees you differently is really like overextending themselves to us and we really appreciate it. So if you want to follow me on my Instagram do that, too. But, um, yeah, definitely pick up a Sadie files shirt. Like she’s such a dope artist guide and supports the kid. But anyway, what is just a lot going on. And try not to get tripped up by the different things. You know, anybody who knows me knows my memory is trash. So I’m not necessarily keeping up with some things, some things that I’m accustomed to remembering and just being on autopilot with, I find that I’m going to have to start making lists so that I can keep myself organized. I can I’m great at keeping other people organized and keeping other people on point and other people accountable for what it is that they’re supposed to do. I need to do a better job of doing that for myself. But at the same time, I’m telling myself Don’t panic. There’s a lot going on. And it seems like there’s a lot going wrong. It seems like things are not in your time frame. That you know you thought you were ready. You felt the push. You prayed for something Annie came, and it came much faster than you thought it was gonna come. And now you’re feeling uncertain. Are you feeling unprepared? Relax, you’ve been here before you’re on the brink of blessing, relax, handily make a list, handle one thing at a time, focus, do what you can afford. I know, I know, when we say focus, we say it like, snap your fingers focus. Now, at least for me, like, it’s not that easy. I really have to train my mind to like, bring everything into scope, I really have to take the time. And, you know, I don’t smoke like I used to smoke so much. The focus wasn’t the problem, though, to focus. But you know, I’m trying to train my mind to not panic level set. And, you know, scratch things off the list. It’s difficult sometimes, because I can have a scattered brain. I could, you know, get distracted very easily, particularly when I’m doing things that I don’t want to do. Distraction is here, I’m not getting enough sleep. So I often feel guilty because I’m choosing between what I feel like I have to do and sleep. And I’m just like, oh my god, I’m starting to look at my age bags under my life. But I don’t need to panic. I’ve been on the brink of blessing before I know what it looks like. I know what it feels like. And I also know what I’m capable of, I know that I’m going to work within the universe, and I’m going to get that blessing or those blessings. Typically, when I’m on a break like this, more than one is coming. It’s more than one. So my spirit is running around crazy trying to get prepared for each one. And so it feels like it’s being tugged in a bunch of directions. But it just excites me. It’s just sometimes I feel like we panic over worry, when really, it’s just the spirit is excited. Because the Spirit knows what’s coming. So I’m telling myself to calm down, make a list, and get things in order and handle things accordingly. What is for me is for me to get my name on it, nobody can erase it. So I still have to let the universe know where I’m at, and that I’m moving right in a direction that I’m supposed to move in, in order for them to see in order for the universe to see that I’m ready. And to see that I’m open to receiving. And I feel like I’ve shown that. So this is not the time where I could slow down. This is not the time where I can wallow in all the things that are not going according to plan. It’s not a plan. I am completely transparent. I got my credit report the other day and was like what that is because I’m so accustomed to having excellent credit and doing everything. And I did a couple things that I thought, you know, oh, I could eat this right here. And I’m gonna fix it in a couple months. And I didn’t realize you know, the impact it was gonna have and I didn’t realize how quickly I was gonna need those numbers to show up properly. You know, I paid something off, but I paid it off. It’s just crazy. So, yeah, it tripped me up a little bit because I couldn’t move as quickly as I wanted to move. I could move as swiftly as I want to move, but it’s okay. Because the other things that needed to work with that weren’t ready yet. But other stuff wasn’t ready, so it didn’t matter. And then I spoke to this realtor who’s like, you know, we got to jump on these properties. And you know, I think just hearing it from somebody else’s mouth made me be like, Nah, we just Slow down. Slow down. Okay, what’s for me? It’s for me. God does not miss me but his blessings slow down. Okay, I’ve never missed it. Never. I’m always on the line, and I received mine. So calm down. I can’t let you panic me. I’m not going to let it panic me. I damn sure ain’t gonna let you panic me. You know, don’t just throw stuff at me. You know, the realtor was like, Oh, you know that property was so bad, got another property and not the property was in a nicer neighborhood but less impressive. And it was just like, Nah, I’m not interested. I wasn’t even looking to really live in this particular city. But because that house stood out to me and the area and I know people in the area like it just it felt right. But, you know, if somebody puts a bid on it, they put a bid on it, but I also know how that stuff works, right? It goes back and forth on the market, sometimes stuff all through whatever. So that’s supposed to be mine and I’m gonna be there when I’m ready. But I gotta get myself in order, this stuff that does not work, you’re right does not look and right does not come together, right. And I have to take my time and look at it and dissect it and figure out how to fix those things. Because I don’t want to move around in a mess. I don’t want to be so anxious to get to the next step that I carry all this mess with me. I want to clean it up. I want to fix it. And it’s not going to take me long, as long as I give it the attention that it deserves. As long as I accept what it is that I’m looking at, acknowledge it and say, Okay, now let’s get to work. Because I’m on the brink of blessing. And I’ve been here before. And I’ve been here so many times before, I know what it looks like when I move with mess. I know what it looks like. I know about the long term repercussions of moving with a mess. You know, I don’t talk an awful lot about my marriage. But I will say this, there was a lot of mess that needed to be cleaned up prior to the marriage. We dated or came and dated because like we live together, we build together immediately. And we were together for four years before we got married. And I think that that was too soon. You know, I die of laughter whenever I see on Twitter or Instagram people like ladies. If you know you’ve been dating for two years or three years, that’s just too long for him not to ask you to marry him. Man, Listen, don’t move by anybody else’s clock. Because sometimes it takes four or five years to get stuff clean. There’s stuff that doesn’t need to be dragged into your marriage. See, the thing is when you clean it up, as a couple before a marriage, there’s a freedom in that like, okay, we working on things, again, things together. But once you bring that mess in the marriage, then everything is a contemplation of if this is the end of this divorce is this. Did I make the right decision? You start asking yourself life questions, when it’s really just cleaning up the mess before I get into this situation. Not that you’re not going to carry some type of baggage. But you know, the goal is to minimize, minimize the baggage, okay. You just want to move with as little mess as possible. The things that could get clear, let it get clear. Let it get clear, if you don’t have to rush to anybody’s also you don’t have to rush to anybody’s next step. You don’t have to rush. You don’t. I know the anxiousness of getting there makes you like I got to do it now. Gotta move. Now I have to do this. Now I have to do this now. And that’s cool. But if you I got to do this now but shit messy. And it’s not an order. You know, I’m saying a lot out of move on this, I got to know what you think is yours may not be yours. Because when I say what’s mine is mine and what my name is on, nobody can erase. What happens is, you’d be like, see, it was mine. I’m up in this piece. And it’s messy. And then you lose the opportunity. You get fired, you get like gold, the contract falls through. Somebody doesn’t want to work with you, whatever, whatever. That’s the muddy erasing your name. So then it wasn’t yours. It wasn’t. You see what I’m saying? So what’s mine is mine. No man could have been raised but I mean, to be prepared, I need to be in good standing. Because I kid you not. I recognize that when I’m on the brink of blessing. Sometimes. It’s not just the brink of blessing, like you’re going to receive this one. Sometimes that’s the season you’re in. I feel myself in the season of blessing. I’m in the season of blessing, but wow, I’m in the season of receiving, I need to be in the season of preparing. Because there’s one coming after right? And then there’s something else coming after that. And then after that, and then after that. So I’m constantly receiving but I’m also constantly preparing to get myself in order. Because I don’t there was a time in my life where I moved from tragedy to tragedy, trauma to trauma. And right now I’m moving from blessing the blessing. But I’m not just you know, I respect the blessing too much to just have my handout. I want to maximize what it is that I receive. So I need to be prepared. And in order to be prepared. I have to be honest with myself about where I’m at, and what my shit looks like and right now it’s a little bit of a mess. It’s a little bit of a mess, and I gotta clean it up. I do. But I’ve been here before. And so I don’t need to panic when things are going a little bit left with things that seem like they’re not coming into fruition like I thought I planned. There’s no need to panic because I’ve been here before. And I recognize that I’m on the brink of blessing you to maybe realize this. Or maybe you don’t feel like you’re on the brink of blessing and everything is just going wrong. Take your time, clean it up, write a list, physically write a list. I know it’s overwhelming. And I know it’s like but this but this, but this, just write a list, even if the list says take the kid to school, make breakfast, put on clothes, take a shower, oh, maybe I should reverse those two. Whatever, physically write a list to help you know, if you feel overwhelmed physically write a list to help get yourself organized, it works for me. It works to calm my mind down. Because my mind could get really busy. And I start thinking of everything all at one time. And I will drive myself nuts. Especially if three or four things are going wrong. Because then I’m like, should I fix that I fix that fix is too much, is too much. So I need to reload Matter of fact, like as soon as I get off a job, like I’m going to create another list because there’s more things that need to be tended to. And so I’m gonna handle it. I saw my handle it you know, I have questions about certain things like Yo, how did this happen? How did this go? But at the end of the day, it’s like, but this is where I’m at right now. So let’s fix it. Let’s fix it. As long as nothing too crazy, like I need to change a habit or something else is going wrong like that. I just need to briefly recognize, hey, you’ve been on the brink of blessing before. So like you know how this goes. But let’s maximize this next one. And let’s really get ourselves in order to receive it because not only are we going to receive all of this, but we’re going to be so blessed that we won’t be able to give it out. We won’t be able to bless other people and give it up and the spirit is going to do that. So yeah, let me clean myself up so that I can be open and receiving abundance. So that I can overflow and pour out to the people around me because remember, if you’ve been listening to my show for a while you remember that’s the goal to have a circle of people who eat off your plate you eat off mine, you know, I mean, I feed you, you feed me, there’s never a question, we need each other. And we can circulate our gifts within our own group, we can rise within ourselves. Like that’s the goal for me. So take your time, breathe, and recognize blessing is on its way. But you have to get prepared for it. You got to clean some stuff up, you got to make room for it. Make room for it. Because the blessing is like not in a container. So the more room you make for it, the bigger it can be, the more chances to expand. And that’s how I’m thinking about it. You know, I want to expect not just receive the blessing, I want to expand it. Okay, I wanted to overflow. So, if I make sense to you, that’s great. If I don’t, I apologize. But I hope you at least had a good time. Thank you so much. Because I’m off the soapbox. If you want to put into Sati files and purchase a shirt from her, please check out my Instagram at p writes. And that’s p WRIT s I’m also at p writes on Twitter. You know you can join in on my shenanigans. I’m all over the place, I manage a group called the DR vibes, which was created by this man who’s a Baltimore police officer. And it’s incredible because he wanted to create a space where people could feel good and enjoy themselves. And people will come together through their love of music and their need to be pumped up during the day because the day was dragging with the whole pandemic, everything you know, people work from home all kinds of stuff that day was dragging and you know, just created a space where we could all support and love each other and I’m telling you is so much support within this group. You know, if you sell something, they buy it, okay? Or they promote your stuff, they talk about a day encouraging you to get a promotion, they’re like, yes, that’s what’s up and it’s all people of all walks of life. You know, I’m saying it’s, you know, different nationalities. It’s, you know, people all over the country. At one time there was somebody from London who was in the group, so it was just, it’s just really good. So you want to check that out on Twitter. You can see that hashtag afternoon drive vibes. Um, you may see me sport the T shirt and my fleet says Um but if you want to you know purchase a book like hey you like to read yo hit up Amazon look up Phoenix az you can pick up any one of my books I’m also having a sale if you you know you like I really like to read but I in China play you know 12 hours a book or 14 hours a book or whatever hit me up slot up in my DMS I got a couple of books here in the crib that I can let go for like seven bucks. So let me know I am at p writes pw RITS on Twitter as well as Instagram. You know, let me know you can take a look at the pitches to see if you want a Sadie files shirt. This is dope. the original art I’m telling the girl is bananas. Okay, she’s five years old. She looks at YouTube. And she follows directions in a way that I could never. I could never. So yeah, she’s pretty dope. Anyway, thank you so much for joining me. I appreciate every bit of attention that you give me. And every time you retweet or repost or telephone, the telephone the telephone. Thank you so much. I appreciate you and I love you until the next time when we could exchange power, peace.

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