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Phoenix Ash


You may not be able to stop waves from coming but you can choose which ones you surf. Emotions are not that different. You can choose to let an emotion overtake you and react on it or you can choose to sit with it for a moment and gather more information. In this episode, Phoenix explains the importance of taking pause before you jump into any situation to reevaluate if it’s something that you should really get into or if it’s just your emotions taking over.

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Phoenix: What the deal is, this life is P. I’m your host, Phoenix Ashe. If this is your first time joining me, thank you for checking me out with Louis word. You got retweeted on Twitter and you peep at them like, let me see what the deal is. Did you come across it on Facebook, Instagram, I just scrolled through a podcast and he was like, let me give a home girl a try. Either way, I appreciate you being here. Thank you for giving me a shot. And let me talk some junk into your ear. If you are a repeat listener, as always, love you, appreciate you. Yeah, my Roxy, oh, y’all really hold it down. So I’m just gonna jump right into it. This week, I feel like the theme for me in my life is pause and not necessarily pause in terms of like, don’t make any moves right now. But pause before you do something. I’m a pretty impulsive girl, woman rather, sometimes I feel like a girl. But I’m pretty impulsive. And my emotions are heavy. They’re very heavy. However, I’ve gotten to know myself a bit. And I know that I can be fully invested in one emotion in one moment, and fully invested in a different emotion, just seconds, minutes, hours, whatever later. And so I’m still kind of learning not to get hung up on each one of these emotions. Because it is also about action. And, you know, emotion will drive me into action. And that’s not always good. And I know it’s so well, there’s sometimes a hurry into the action. Because I know that the next morning, I’m going to feel differently. And I need to trust that if I feel like I’m going to feel differently, I probably should just chill out. I don’t have to force myself into any other action because I feel like I’m doing the right thing at the moment. And I’m like, you know, but I’m not going to do the right thing. In an hour, I’m not going to do the right thing in the morning. That’s not necessarily a true depiction of myself. So even I’m looking at myself incorrectly. I’m always going to try to do the right thing. The reason why I’m probably going to feel different in the morning is probably because I’m going to get additional information. That’s usually how it happens for me. Because after the fact I usually feel like I asked, and I’m like, oh, oh, I didn’t know this piece. So I’m making this decision and being real firm about stuff in which I didn’t know a piece. So I’m trying not to be as impulsive. My ex. I don’t know if he was like that? Or if he came like that? Or if he picked up a little bit of that from me, we were together so long that some of our traits, you know, it’s kind of hard to figure out where they came from, and if we had them before we got here, but he bought a car impulsive like that, you know, in an emotion, feeling some kind of way, and came home Monday. And I was like, What is that, and you know, he upgraded his car to something that he couldn’t. But that’s neither here nor there. But it was very impulsive. And it was a reminder for me not to be that because it could really jam you up. And as funny, a really good friend of mine had a dream and was explaining it to me. And I was trying to like to tune in and listen to the universe and hear what messages I was being told. And I was told that message once again, chill out poise. You know, sometimes it’s not because you’re so emotional. Sometimes it’s because you have way too much faith in yourself. And not that having faith in yourself is a bad thing. But your ability to fix other people’s problems, your ability to jump in and rescue someone else that you believe is in trouble, your ability to handle things. This is how we become overwhelmed. This is how we start to take on too much when we try to be the answer for everyone. And sometimes if you’re anything like me, I rush into being the answer without totally contemplating what the answer takes to accomplish. So like You know, you need help? Oh, Yo, I’m there. But wait, hold on a second. Let me think about how I am going to be there? Let me think about what it is that you actually need me to do or be? Before I jump in and commit and say, yes, this is me, because I still have to weigh out, I still have to weigh out. How much of my energy becomes depleted? How much of my resources become depleted? In order for me to help? Right? Doesn’t mean that I won’t help once I do an evaluation, but I may need to strategize? How can I help, I may need to figure out how to help the most people with the resources that I have. And sometimes when we rush into things, and we don’t think about it, we don’t strategize about it, we don’t contemplate the big picture. We then break it down into the details and figure out the how, what, why when, when we don’t figure that out. Sometimes we jump into stuff and we hurt everybody. We hurt everybody. You know, we trample over a bunch of people. And it’s because we didn’t take the moment to think we didn’t impose. We just assume that Yeah, I’m strong. I’m great. I can fix this. But you know, how much of that is fixed? Have you been giving out lately? Are you near II? And is this where you need to draw the line? Or is this where someone can’t have you in the next five minutes, but maybe he needs to get you in an hour, maybe they can’t get you tonight and need to wait till tomorrow, maybe they can’t get you during the week, and he needs to wait till the weekend. Or maybe you are just unavailable. And as hard as that sounds as much as it sucks to not be there for certain people in your life. You know, sometimes that’s what’s necessary in order to preserve what you have, when people revisit the same situation over and over again. You know, sometimes those situations for me are like, a great way to pause right? Because then I can answer you in an hour or in a couple of days, because you are either gonna work it out, revisit, get over it, it may have happened twice. So I’m making a pause, and not jumping, which you know, me and my ex will argue all the time. Because what my daughter, like, you know, if she had a want, a need, or whatever, his response always was, like, the pressure of making me jump, because she needed me. And that’s a very difficult thing to turn down. If I’m not careful, I will easily give into that. And it’s not that I don’t want to answer my child’s needs, I absolutely wouldn’t be her rescuer, resource responder, all of that. However, luckily for me, I recognized that he was training her to expect me to jump when she wanted me to move. And you nine about to do that, like we were not going to set up a household where you run it, still your mom. So I was able to nip a lot of that in the bud. Because I was like, you’re not going to train my child to direct me to move here, move there, do this, do that, like that’s just not going to go down. But you know, that was the beef of ours anyway. But it’s better now, of course. But, you know, jumping into things without taking a pause, even just little things, you know, the other day, I went out with a couple friends of mine, and we all hopped in the car, and we were getting ready to go. And my friend who was driving was like, Yo, I’m about to put my foot on the gas, where we were going and was just like, hold on a second. Let’s figure it out. Let’s get the address, let’s get the directions. And it’s like, you could just tell me it was like, yo, just hold on, let’s just pause. Let’s look at the information. It’s gonna take us three extra minutes before we go anywhere, and let’s do this now. Not that we couldn’t make it our destination, it was there by but like, you know, trying to wing it could have caused the accident could have caused us to take an extra 20 minutes to get to where we were going. We could have missed the exits. We could have, you know, because we weren’t prepared. We weren’t expecting it and were just going off the fly. Just all kinds of things happen where I think the safest thing for all of us, even in a small little example, this little situation, the safest thing that could have happened for all of us is to pause, pay attention, pull up the information and take the extra time. I just had the same friend, I just had a conversation about cutting corners. And it’s like, you know, you’re gonna save 100 bucks. If you use a person who’s not a professional, and in you can excuse it by I’m helping to Contribute to someone’s pockets that, you know, I’m trying to help rise, or you can use the professional who has had experience who’s going to strategize is going to figure out how to get the stuff moving that you need to do. And they also have a brand that they are responsible for. And so if anything goes wrong, they are more likely to be concerned. But really, they’re they are more likely to have a plan to execute what you’re looking for more in a manner that doesn’t damage what you already have, what may happen is that you can save the 100 bucks, and then the person fail, you damage your stuff, or decides that the last minute that they can’t come through, and you may end up having to spend the other money anyway. So rather than cut the corner, pause, think about what makes the most sense. and execute based upon your Realization. And just, you know, just not move so fast. You know, patience is not my virtue. There are times when I can be patient and my phone is just laughing. Because every time I’m on hold, like you You be on hold, and then the person goes and talks to somebody else for like two minutes. And those two minutes seem like they go on for an hour, right? I stay on hold, but I stay on hold for certain people, most people I’ll be like, I especially if I know that you somebody who just got up and forget that I’m on the line, are you not a phone person, and you’ve been going for a while like somebody caught you, they probably been trying to catch you. And you know, call me later, or text me or however we do. But I just feel like you know, certain people I’m willing to be patient for. And I like exercising patience, because I feel like I need it to spill over into other areas of my life. I can be really impatient. And it’s that, oh, I want what I want, and I want it now. But the problem is that I can get what I want. And I can get it now. But it’s not gonna be how much. And it’s not gonna be what I want to its full capacity, it’s going to be like a slither of what I want. And then it’s going to wear off and I’m going to go back and chase it again. So I cut a corner for no reason, because I’m going to go back and chase it because I’m going to chase it in its entirety. And I’m going to chase the fullness of whatever it is that I want. So why not just chase the fullness and be patient because the fullness is coming, you know you’re going to get it. But wait, you gotta chase it twice. Why you gotta chase the way you gotta settle for a little piece, and then go back and do the chase all over again. Just be patient. And so when I say Paul is I don’t mean pause without movement. I just mean pause the rush. Pause the rush even so like you know I talk about all the time, like, I’m on Twitter a lot. And I see these people who meet each other on a Thursday. And by Tuesday, that’s my man. And by Thursday, I’m so in love. And then by next Tuesday, Yo, I’m gonna fly out. And yeah, first of all, it’s all on a timeline. And, you know, I’m a little more private than that. It doesn’t seem that way right with my podcasts. Like, I’m just giving out all my business, but anywho you know, I see all of that. And people can’t figure out why in two months, or three months there, their relationship is over. I was so in love three months ago, but now, not only am I not in love with the person and shit. Like, are you sure that they ain’t shit? Or did you guys jump into a serious relationship without taking the months and sometimes years to get to know each other to understand what it is that you’re looking for to understand what each other’s expectations are. And to just give each other the freedom to get to know everybody wants monogamy like straight off the top. And there’s nothing wrong with monogamy. However, I personally feel like that’s not how you date. I feel like if you want to date only that person, that’s fine. But I feel like forcing it and demanding it is like what’s the difference between dating and a serious relationship if that’s what you’re trying to get at. Like, I feel like the dating phase should be really fun, and should be very light. And you should be getting to know someone if you happen to fall in love. That’s excellent. But you don’t start there. I don’t believe you start there. I think it’s very, very rare. And everybody wants that rare love story. But it’s so rare to have someone that you meet and then five minutes here and love. I don’t know if I connected with someone really quickly one time. And I was lucky enough that that was love. And it didn’t happen again for me until like a lot of years later. I’m giving out numbers. It was a lot of years later. And I don’t know it’s just so rare that I feel like you can’t expect it with everyone you’re going to date and I think that You know, you need to pause and just think about some things and think about what you forced. And sometimes I think the issue for some people that I see, and this is me clearly speculating, because I’m not having conversations with all these social media people to find out, probably should do a survey. But what I’m seeing is that you know, you are hungry for something, you think that it’s about to get fed. And you may be ignoring the other signs that this person is not for you, not aligned with you, not on the same page as you, you may be ignoring some of that stuff, because you’re so blinded by your own ones who’ve noticed on the stone. And this thing’s right to recognize that I’m so blinded, and so up my own, asked about my own wants and desires, that I’m probably ignoring some signs, I’m ignoring some things in order to paint the picture that I want to look at. People do it in business all the time. And that’s why they’re overly persistent. And they annoy the people that they’re trying to talk to. And people don’t throw bones, and they build this reputation of like, stay away from this person. They’re so annoying. They’re so this and they’re so that and it’s like, yo, dawg, just pause, pause, pause and think about how you’re about to go about something. pause and think about what door you need to knock on. Think about how you’re going today. Once you get through the door, like all right, you’ve been knocking at this door you’ve been trying to be I don’t know, assigned r&b singer or something. You’ve been knocking, knocking, knocking, knocking, knocking, do you know what you’re gonna do when they open? just knocking, knocking, knocking, knocking, knocking? And then, like, what do you say when they open the door? What do you say? What do you do? How do you move? How do you sound? How do you sell it? How are you believable? How are you managing your business? How are you? You know, there’s just so many questions. There’s a relationship that to be had with both business and personal all of that. But there’s so many questions I feel like need to be answered. And I just don’t understand why we think we’re gonna get all the answers in the span of a week, and then be in love for the rest of our lives. Whether it be with a job, whether it be you know, I finally got to the point in my life, where I’m on a job interview, and they’re talking about salary and all these stuff in, you know, I’m given what my expectations are. And finally, at the place of my life, I’m saying, you know, I’m going to put my best foot forward, I’m gonna give my best work and put that on the table. But I expect that the company is going to put something on the table for me, like you want the best of me, I want the best you got to offer me like this, let’s figure this out with our middle ground. Because sometimes, particularly when you run from your old job, or when you’ve been unemployed for a very long time, you know, people will like to try to leverage that. And because they fill in a spirit, and you know, lowball you, or come to the table with ridiculous requirements. I’ve seen it, I’ve heard it is ridiculous. But like, come to the table with ridiculous requirements, and all these verbiage to allow them to dig you later. Like, this is my all inclusive list of your tasks. These are some examples of the regular shifts you’re supposed to do. And then I’m going to add another two pages of shit that I want you to do, which essentially you are doing for free, because what I put on the paper is what’s equal to salary and what’s going unsaid is not. So that’s a different conversation for different Danny. But anyway, if you pause, and if you take time to consume what it is that they’re feeding you, you may realize that this is not in your best favor. Or you may say, you know what, it’s the best favor I got right now. I’m gonna take it but you strategize. You make a plan to either leave or elevate further, whatever advantage you can take of it, as opposed to them taking advantage of you. Most of the time when we’re upset at someone for doing anything. I honestly believe when people are very, very upset, there’s some self blame that’s happening. You know, I wish I would have seen I wish I would have known I wish, but sometimes you could know if you just take the time and pause, just pause second, just think about it all and see how you’re gonna go forward. When I first started this podcast my first season and I did my show I did not post so like my first show is a lot of thinking you hearing no way Do you hear nothing. It’s a lot of thinking. I was like, right when I was playing, were you here I was talking about the applesauce. So but then as I got more mature with what I was doing and started to take it more seriously, or really just understand what was happening to me Me in documenting it through the broadcast, I started to realize, you know, I had to pause before I started the show, I had to think about it, what am I going to talk about what’s been the message, I have to ask myself? What’s going on, basically, so that I know what I’m going to address, what I’m longing to bring up, what I’m going to share with you, or how I’m going to help you because some of this information has helped free me for referral. But you just have to pose and sometimes like, not pause doesn’t mean that the whole situation will be detrimental when you know life or death or something serious. But you can really maximize what you get out of the situation and what you get out of the universe. If you just pause, just take a second to think about it, just take a second you were given a brain to use it. Just take a second and assume that, you know, I have girlfriends who are writers who, you know, find it hard to come to other people to help with different pieces of the business. And so when they’re doing a release, and they’re rushing, you know, they just slap something together, they do something for like the synopsis or whatever, and then later come back and say, such as I should have called you or I should have called you because I’m not happy. And it’s like, you know, I can redo your synopsis because you can always re-upload it or whatever. But like now the work is being done twice by two different people. When both of our efforts could be geared towards my project or another project of yours, because you didn’t pause to think about something and you just slapped something together, who just hurried up? no pause to think about it. Pause. I admire women who wear makeup. I’m no good at makeup. I can’t draw a straight line and say my daggone life. So yeah, I need to spray paint a whole face. Come on when I spray paint when I spray just the whole face thing to come on. Because I have no skill. None was advanced though, like really perfecting on Oh, foundation looks good today. Or maybe tomorrow the foundation is mascara. And it might be some lip gloss. And most of the time lip gloss and available SOS vitamin E oil on the lit, we’re talking about transparency. But the reason why my people wear makeup is because I feel like they’re pausing. That’s their point. That’s why when they go out and then put on makeup in the outfit, they are so freaking confident. Because they took time to put that together. They knew what they were doing. They took time with somebody like me. I mean, by the time I get out the house, I’m pretty much like look, this I can’t, I might have missed this by shaving, let me know if my foundation needs to be blended on the side a little bit better, because you know, I’m rushing, I can’t move in. And now they impose the just, you know, I was in a hurry. And so I left the house in a hurry when it would have taken me probably an extra two, three minutes to just give myself one silver, make sure that the foundation is blank blended correctly and stay away from eyeshadow because it’s always a disaster when I do it. Um, but just you know, think about those things, and then keep moving. But because I’m not a big makeup artist, we’re not forced to have all that time to think about what I’m doing. So, you know, sometimes I come out and I’d be like, oh, shoot, I didn’t realize I put so much foundation under my eye like with the bags. And it’s looking crazy right now. Or I didn’t realize how shiny I was or Oh, I didn’t realize I still have brushstrokes on my face. And I need to blend more little things like that. Because it implies I’m in a hurry, I’m trying to do things quickly. He knows what’s gonna happen, then I’m gonna step away from what I’m doing and have to sit in the car and do all the things that I should have did when I first left, unnecessary, and it takes time away from whoever I’m showing what it does, and who you know, can honestly feel slighted, like broad I know you to employers to Google, fix your face. You don’t even wear makeup like that, and you have to go fix your face. It could turn into something potentially. But I think you know, you guys got to just pause, take a minute, think about it. Write it down. If you have to think about how you’re going to make those moves. Right? Don’t let the situation just happen upon you, and catch you slipping. Just think about it. And it’s also part of your message out into the universe, that thing you want, that thing you desire, that thing you want to fulfill, talk to the universe about it. And part of talking to the universe is body language. And your body language needs to point to that it needs to point to this is what I’m ready to execute. This is what I’m ready to perceive. Let your whole body, your whole spirit talk to the universe. The whole thing, just let it talk to immerse. Okay, and just pause, take a moment. Think about what it is you’re doing. Think about this still the thing that you want to do. Think about this is still the direction in which you want to walk and think about all that stuff. But that’s my summertime. Don’t be too happy. Zilla was heavy. Anyhow, I’m getting sleepy. And I feel like Sadie is Jimmy somewhere thinking that, you know, she can go do her thing without me saying anything, which she did and she could, but now it’s time for me to be an okay girl. Let me be mommy now. But anyhow, you know, I appreciate your time. I appreciate you letting me get that off. If you want to support any of my books, please go on to Amazon. The name is Phoenix Ashe. You know, you can find most of my books on Kindle. I think all of my books you can find on Kindle and Kindle unlimited other books, you can definitely order the paperback. I also have a bunch of paperbacks at home. So like if you want a $10 book, but you want a signature on it, you know, hit me up slot up in my DMS at p writes. And that’s p w r i t e s, and that’s on Instagram, as well as Twitter. Alright, so hit me up. Let me know if you want to buy that book. Somebody hit me up. So he was going by it as it was $10 and went to send money to and they said yeah, that sounds great. And that was the end of it. So I don’t know what happened. Don’t do that. By the books. I have books though. I have books where you can reach out to me slide in my dm if you want to know what books, I may put a picture up in my fleets but memory is trash. So that’s the plan. It may not happen tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Anyway, All right. Well, I’m gonna let you go. But thank you so much for joining me. I appreciate you and until the next time we can exchange power, peace.

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