Peace and It’s Protection

Phoenix  

Welcome to Life As P… I’m your host, Phoenix Ash. If this is your first time joining me, I appreciate you. Thank you. I don’t know if you find me on Twitter. Somebody retweeted you found on Facebook my posted i g how know? Your sister, your brother, your cousin, your homegirl, your homeboy, I don’t know. Thank you, though, I’m so glad you decided to give me a shot. Let me see if I’m spitting something that you want to fool with for a while. If you are a repeat listener, thank you, I appreciate you so much glad you’re still riding with me. I know sometimes, you know, I can rattle off some things I might seem shaky or whatever. But you know, if you fool with me, I forward shoes. So I definitely appreciate that. You know, if you’ve listened to the show, you know that I’ve gone over all kinds of things that, you know, speak to me from either the universal my week, or just, I mean, I guess it’s all universal guide, depending on how you look at it, but like just constant themes that I’m keep picking up on, that shows me I need to pay attention to this. And then I need to figure out the gift in it and see how I can apply it in my life, and how I can share that gift with somebody else, so that they can see the fruit of it as well. So this past week, the ongoing revelation is really about peace and protection. You know, I’ve fought a long time to gain some peace, not just from other people. But in life in general. I feel like most of the time I’ve been running through my life just running from trauma, the trauma, the trauma, the trauma, and constantly in the need of healing. And it’s only been in the past. I don’t know about two or three years that I’ve been truly purposeful in healing. And seeing the fruits of that and feeling like I’m at a place where there’s some closure for some things in my life, some things that I finally got past and have become better from or better for. Because I figured out what to do with them. Not because I’m like, oh, everything happens for a reason. I’m sure it does. But sometimes I have to give it a reason. And I’ve talked about that before, like some stuff, you just got to give a reason. In the meantime, you gotta make it work for you got to make the pain, make the trauma. You know, Mary was good for that. Right. Mary J. Blige knows me banging songs, you know, or for trauma, or for hurt or for pain, you know, but she made it work for her. So, peace. Yeah. I’ve been fighting hard to gain it. And it’s not one battle. I don’t feel like you gain it in an essay, you have it all the time. It’s not my constant need to fight for something I’m constantly got to defend, which is where the protection comes in. You know, there’s so many things that will interrupt What is my ongoing peace and my peace of my joy. You’re connected, and I’m not willing to give either one of them up. I don’t want to hand anything over. And yes, sometimes I get really emotional, I react to things to get upset, angry, even act out a bit. But at the end of the day, like I have to reel myself back in. And sometimes reel myself back in, is not a self sport, right? Sometimes I gotta know who my resources are, who got to have a really good friend, amazing, amazing friend, who every time I go to him, you know, he can just like reel me back in and just, you know, talk some sense to me and make me see the brighter day. And I have a couple of girlfriends who do the same. So I’m very lucky in that aspect. And even luckier to be able to recognize them as resources. Sometimes we have them, and we don’t recognize that those are our resources. Again, I’m very lucky in that realm. But, you know, lately, I’ve had to fight an awful lot to protect my peace. You know, without going into too much detail. You know, it’s a bit of a chance to get everything settled with my divorce and figuring out the finances of it all. In my house. You know, I’m selling my home, because I have to not because I can be mortgaged but just because it’s the part of my day Worse settlement. And it’s just a lot. It’s a lot because, you know, unfortunately, my ex partner is not helping in the sale or anything like that. So it’s a lot. And then you know, you’re a homeowner, it’s a single homeowner with, you know, the gutters hanging or the garbage can needs to be replaced, or, you know, you need a new air filter for some stuff downstairs. And I’m just like, I don’t even know which thing needs the air filter. Like, which thing is that that the air conditioning unit is? What is that? So I’m learning a lot about my home. But yeah, it’s a lot that’s coming against that piece, you know, even they time sponsor working with them, and all the expectations they have with me, and wanting to stretch, stretch, stretch, and take up more of my time and more hours in my day, which is less hours towards my daughter who’s home for the summer. So, you know, I got to protect that I got to fight for that, because part of my peace is knowing that my daughter is good. You know, she’s five. So it’s very difficult to ask her to self manage for eight or nine hours a day. That’s too much to ask you, right? So I got to give her my time, I gotta give her my attention. So, you know, ya can’t get 12 hours from me at all, at all, ever. Because my daughter needs my time. Okay, you’re lucky if you got the eight or if I was able to split my attention for the eight. Because she comes first in my life, always. All day, she comes first. So again, thought of you know, and then just being a mom, right? You know, as much as I’d love to be like, My daughter is so perfect. She is perfect for me. I absolutely love her. She’s pretty well behaved, for the most part, pretty independent, for the most part. So that’s great, too. And very smart and understands things through logic, so I can have logical conversations with her. Yes, at five years old, understands logic. So that’s great. But you know, you have your challenges. Being a single mom is not easy. I’m sure a lot of you know that. Being a single parent, not just a mom, like even dads too. Like, I know, some single dads and hats off to them too. Because doing it by yourself. It’s just not easy. It’s just really challenging to have so many things going on at the same time. You know, I had all of this going on. And then the other day, like my check engine light came on, and I was a complete wreck because I was like, Oh my God, if I and then they’re like, is something wrong with your transmission? I’m like, No, no, no, no, my car is only 2017 kibuye dimensions, there’s Yeah, I’m just having a hole fit. Like, everything is crumbling. However, I will pat myself on the back because I recognize that everything crumbles right before everything shines in my life. So I was like, everything is crumbling on a buggy, I noticed it means all kinds of lessons are about to come. But it doesn’t make it less frustrating. It doesn’t the knowledge it makes you know that you’re going to get past it. So it makes it less earth shattering, but still frustrating to have all these things happen at once. And I had to call upon my team, I had to be like, Yo, I need to make some phone calls. I need some people to speak some life into me. I need somebody to, you know, virtually dry my tears, cuz I’m tripping. I’m tripping. And you know, then finally my daughter’s father. It was a rough week out. It was definitely so much so that there were other people that I was an asshole to and I had to apologize or use just greatly. It got me to think I’m like, how am I gonna protect this piece? Because it’s important. It’s important to protect the piece that I’ve earned. And I feel like when we think about protection of our peace, we think about protecting ourselves, from the outside world, from other people, from stressful people from stressful situations. I feel like that is the primary focus when we think about protecting our peace. But what about protecting your peace against you? against your own mind? Your own panic? Your own self loathing, your own confusion? What about protecting the peace from you? Because I have sometimes destroyed my own peace. You know, I sell all this stuff like, you know, my life was all in shambles for a good four days. It was crazy. I took my car and after everything, it didn’t cost me a dime. And I’ve got my car fixed. I was under warranty and then closed it down. The problem wasn’t as serious as it first was made out to be but my piece was on the line for a second, it was. And the thing that protected my piece was a conversation with someone in my squad, like, yo, and my friend is like you crying that was wrong with you, you have solutions and just like laying out the solution to each situation just like this, this is you either going to do this, or you’re going to do that, you know, for each situation. And he’s not telling me things that I don’t know. I know these things. They’re at my fingertips. But sometimes you need to hear it back. Right? So I knew to call my friend to stop me from sabotaging my piece. Because I was panicking. And I was frustrated and I was sabotaging my peace. It wasn’t all those things that I had no control over. It was me letting down my wall to let those things come in. And giving those things the room to attack my piece. Now this is definitely easier said than done. word because I still don’t have a handle on how I can do that within myself right now. My fix is like I automatically know who is on call to level set. Who’s going to get me straight? Let me talk to this person. And let me know my girlfriend’s knowledge is good for that. She’s right. So like, my girlfriend Chad is like my girlfriend Deidre, like, you know, I’m saying, like, I need to get a level set. So I just be like, I, you know, and I, everybody go for a situation that kind of know, like, Okay, this is the person I’ll talk to faith, whatever. My hope is that one day, I will be able to do this for myself. I started to do it in a situation, I started to talk myself off the ledge and just be like, let’s say, Okay, you know what this is? Okay, this is the storm before you’re calm. You get that all the time. This is the storm before you get calm, the rainbows coming, chill out, make it through piece by piece, one thing at a time. But it was just mounting. Every time I would talk to myself something most were happening. It was mounting. And it became insurmountable. It was just too much for me. It was really too much for me. And so I had to go to my network. And I had to get clear. And thank God, I was so intentional in building my network. For the past few years, I’ve been so intentional, winning so many and now I’m like receiving the fruits of all that intention, all of that, making sure that you know the people in my circle of people that I can eat from and who can eat from me, and who trust me. So that I may trust them. You know that all that’s intentional looking for those people and wanting those people to be in my life. And if I already had those people working on the relationship cultivating him, strengthening the bond, because that’s, that’s a good life to me. So I had to do that. But you know, my question to you was how do you protect your peace? What are you doing? You know, I haven’t written much lately, right? Keep promising savage fever, I’m working on it. But I don’t work on it in big chunks at a time I can’t live, you know, this as a con. If I could write 100 words in the morning, I’d be so happy because I’d be like, Yes, I wrote something. But, you know, writing is part of protecting my piece. So you know, I got to figure out how to schedule in a bigger chunk. Because that’s my piece right there. I’m not at peace when I’m not writing. When I’m late on a book, when I’ve got 42 stories building up in my mind, and nothing is getting worked on. I’m not at peace. I’m not at peace. This is the reason why I can’t sleep well. And then I’m so exhausted, though I can’t get up and be creative, like so I’m like this in between, I gotta figure it out. Because that’s important. An important piece to protecting my peace is doing the thing that I love and completing it and going on to the next one and fleshing out my ideas. Like that is all a part of protecting my peace you know, you are chasing something or you have this goal or this dream in your life that you know when you reach a certain age, you got to do such a schedule, but then certain number of years or whenever, you know, when you’re not working towards that thing that that passion that love, you know, and people will fool you into thinking that because you’re not working on it. You don’t love it. Or it’s not your passion. Don’t believe that shit. You just in a stalemate, need to get the fuck out of it and need to step to the plate and work on it. But don’t convince yourself Oh, well, maybe I don’t love it. Don’t do that. Don’t do that. Don’t let anyone convince you of that. You just got to protect your peace, and you got to work your thing and develop your craft or live your dream and work towards your goal, invest in yourself, invest in your piece, you know, when I had my daughter, that was like the biggest push of pursuing my writing career, because now I had this tiny human, who I wanted a better life for. And when I thought of a better life, it had nothing to do with finances, because she was gonna grow up well, I did what I had to do, and I was able to take care of her and she has a good life. But when I think of a better life, for her, I think of not having to choose between making money for now and living her dream. I wanted her to always move forward in the thing that she loves with passion, always move forward. And in that direction, I didn’t want her to be in a position where she had to choose, you know, paying bills and living life, you know, over the thing that makes a heart sing. So in order for me to do that, in my mind, the best way was for me to do that, for myself, be that example, make it tangible, for her make it live in her house, it lives in her house, chasing her dreams and living the life you want lives in her house. It’s next door, it’s the next bedroom, it lives in her house, it’s tangible, it’s real, it’s life for her. I don’t want her to know, a way of like, you know, being so torn. She’s gonna have our own battles. I know, people are like, Oh, you know, but there’s certain things that build character. And if you take away the challenge in this, you take away the exam, life is so grand and so great, it will build its own challenges for each of us, we don’t have the same challenges for each other, we don’t have the force struggle for our children, in order to build character, life will take care of all of that. Okay, stuff we can’t fathom that we can’t mentally prep for it, we’ll take care of all of that, I’m not gonna force the challenge on how I’m gonna equip her to be able to rise to her challenge, because my back is strong, because she’s been living in love and her life. And that, in my mind, is a better life. That’s what I want for her. But again, I had to do that for myself, in order to be able to give it to her, so that she could see it, breathe it, eat it, love it, live it, protecting my piece is a major point of that. Because she too, is going to have things that come up against her piece that come up against her joy, that shift her, you know, she’s bad experience in and out, right, every time she throw a temper tantrum is something that shifts her something that gets her in a mood, okay, she’s doing a great job managing it, because it’s very few and far between, but they still happen. So we have to figure out what makes you back so strong that when this thing that you don’t like, or that you’re not happy with comes up against you, that you don’t shift into somebody else. You don’t shift into a panic mode and get upset , cry and throw everything, not that you can shed some tears, because sometimes you need that kind of water to nurture your growth. But let’s not lose our minds. Let’s not go forward with blurry vision. You know, when you cry, Parker cries and gets upset and you’re just angry and all you see is red, nothing is clear. And good decisions don’t happen like that. So I’m, you know, trying to fix my piece. So I can teach her how to fix her own. Because I’m not going to be able to create peace for her, she won’t have to create peace for herself. All I can do is show her how I’ve manifested my tools because she can’t have all my tools, she can have some of my tools, but some of my tools do not all work for her. She’s gonna have to grow and develop her own tools, but she’ll know how to do that. She’ll know how to do that. It’s a mindset. And it’s a mindset that lives in her house. So that was like my greatest push. And this past week just really reminded me that Okay, it’s time to fight that battle again. It’s time to go protect that peace again. Let’s go to war for peace. It’s time to do that again. So again, I asked you how you are protecting your peace? And if you’re not When will you start? When would you start protecting your peace? This time? This time, go get it and then protect it. All right. I’m off my soapbox. If you want to support Thank you leave a comment. I think when somebody’s streaming services, you can rate the podcast and you can talk about it whatever. Say what radio on Instagram and that’s sad. W h a radio will sometimes put posts for the show up there. You know, love to see your feedback there if you want to DM me, I’m at p writes. And that’s ping w r i t e s on Instagram, as well as on Twitter. Now listen, disclaimer, if you don’t follow me on Twitter, don’t police me Okay, cuz that’d be reckless sometimes. But that’s fine, like my outlet. So you know, just either join in the fun or just keep scrolling or whatever. But you know, that’s how I go. But yeah, you want to DM me talk about the show, you want to, you know, expand upon some of the ideas that I talked about. I’m all for compensation. If you have an accomplishment or something like that, just want to share with me, I would appreciate that. I love being a cheerleader. I love a reason to celebrate with you. So yeah, come share that stuff with me. Love to see it. If you want to support my daughter, she’s saving money to go to art school because she’s an incredibly talented artist. She’s selling t-shirts to a site called cu difference. So hit me up on Twitter. I’ll give you the details. You can find some of that information on my Instagram page as well. And again, that’s where it is. If you want to read any of my novels, any of my novellas, they’re all available on Amazon. Again, I’m the writer, Phoenix Ash. Some of them are available on Audible. I have a couple more audible um, yeah, I’m kind of doing the damn thing. Yeah, I said, I’m kind of doing the damn thing. You know, they’re available in Kindle Kindle apps. There’s a free Kindle app to your phone if you don’t have the actual Kindle, or iPad or anything like that. But Yo, download it. Read it. Leave a review. Please let me know what you think of the book. definitely leave a review. Those things matter. Yo, they definitely do. It’s a lot. There’s a lot of stuff that matters. Sometimes it’s kind of stressful for that too, because I just want to write the book and other people are reading it. But yeah, do that. Alright, I appreciate you so much. The savage fever finale is coming soon. I promise you, I promise you, I promise you. It’s coming. It’s coming. I charged so the next time we can exchange power, peace and I love you guys.