* Intro Music*
Hello. Welcome to life is P I’m your host Phoenix Ash. Thank you so much for joining me. If you are a repeat listener, I appreciate you. I always do, so glad you’re here. If you’re a new listener, thank you for giving me an opportunity to say what’s on my mind. For you to listen to my thoughts, possibly help me with my problems.
If you want to reach out my DMs. Yeah. Ciao. I’m at Pwrites on Instagram, as well as at Pwrites on Twitter. I’m Phoenix Ash on Facebook. Definitely come check me out. See what we talking about. If you have listened to the show before, you know that I go over the theme for the week. What I’ve been seeing as a sign in my evolution as a writer, as well as an author, as well as a mother at one time, it was a wife. Now it’s on my way to being an ex wife I’m which I’m actually kind of excited about. It’s not on my way to be being anybody’s girlfriend yet. The universe has taken the time that it says I need. Which is funny because I think that’s one of my themes overall is trying to figure out what exactly I want going forward.
Whether it be from a relationship or friendship or just someone that I’m interested in. And there are so many stereotypes, there’s so many means of advice. There’s so many people who based upon their own experience have sort of like rules of thumb and they share it and they put it out there and it can really confuse you because, or confused me because, cause I struggled to see like what’s my own mind, what value what’s out there have for me and how does that translate into my own experiences? Sometimes, we can make decisions or feel bad about decisions based upon how someone else outside of us have colored them. I’ve talked about it before, in terms of knowing your pace and knowing if it’s you who’s not ready or your situation isn’t ready.
I give myself as an example, in terms of, I talked about being in a situation that’s basically over and going forward and thinking about dating and who I’d like to date and who I’d be interested in and what I’d like to do that can sometimes be a little difficult to navigate, particularly when so many people have chimed in, even without you asking in terms of what’s the appropriate time to move forward.
A lot of people feel like, you know, you shouldn’t move forward until after your divorce is final. I am not one of those people. And that is because I feel like you should take that on a case by case scenario for myself, my marriage had been dead for a very long time prior to us deciding that we were going to get a divorce.
So the thing that my heart was missing or feels as though it’s missing, has been missing for a long time. So for me, Just the acknowledgement of knowing that we’re getting a divorce, the fact that there’s paperwork that’s been filed, there’s decisions that are being made in order to try to finalize this thing.
That to me, is I’m in the clear to move on just as he is. I would never feel some type of way about who it is that he’s dating. Unless for whatever reason, that person was dangerous to be around my child. My child is number one in my life will always be. And so my primary concern when it comes to her, is that the people who are around her love and protect her.
And I am not a jealous mom. So I do not feel as though someone else can’t love my daughter. I don’t feel as though someone else can’t protect my daughter. If they have feelings for her father, if they have a relationship with her father, she is an extension of him. And I think that if they have the ability to care for her and be respectful of her and nurture her, help her grow, then that’s all right with me.
She can be around them. So I think the acknowledgement of that for me was a sure sign that I have moved on. I moved on. I’m not thinking about what he’s doing, who he’s up in, none of that. I don’t care. I don’t miss that portion of our relationship and it’s not a slight towards him. It’s just, I’m over it.
I’m over it. And I think, I think that the whole process of divorce is actually surprised me a little bit, because I was pretty naive in the beginning. I thought that we would agree that this didn’t work, agree to parent our child in the best way possible and maintain a friendship. Just understand that, you know, it’s all about her and respect each other.
I am a giving person. I will still bring you some macaroni and cheese when I cook a batch for the weekend. It does not mean I love you that way. It does not mean that I miss our relationship. It does not mean that I’m doing wifely duties. It means that I made this big ass pan and me and my daughter is not going to eat it all throughout the week and I got to get rid of some and I know you like it. So I give you some cause I’m a feed you and your girl. I know for a lot of people’s like why, if your girl is helping to take care of my child and she’s protecting my child and my child likes her, she’s coming home, she’s laughing, had a good day. She’s really getting along. I’m going to send enough for you and your girl.
So I’m really not that person who is trying to hang on or is trying to fight over anything. That’s just not who I am. Nor will it ever be, nor will ever be when something is over, it’s over for me. And it’s over for someone else who is involved with me. I respect that is over there. I’m not going behind you trying to convince you otherwise, just like I don’t expect somebody to come behind me to try to convince me otherwise, unless I appear shaky and maybe I want you to chase a little bit. I have had a situation where I was like, you know what, I’m just trying to get this man out of my mind. And when he came back around and pull me back in a little strong, I kind of was like, Oh, okay. I liked that. But honestly, I was naive in thinking that everything was going to go so smoothly that it was just so simple to make an agreement.
And I think what’s making that on my mind is one I’m writing. I’m working on a couple more books. Touch Me First, did excellent. It debuted as number one on the African American Erotica Charts. Yay, I am so hyped! I’m really hyped about that. It did well. And riding high on the momentum, I’ve been working on a couple of other stories. I kind of got a plan for the rest of the year. And so some of these stories that I’m working on now is probably gonna make it to next year schedule. So I’m really trying to like push forward and unfortunately I’m not an emotional writer. Um, uh, I’m in a emotional break taker maybe? When I am emotional, when things aren’t going right. And I’m very stressed or very tired, I sometimes will take a break and not write as much. So I’m trying to break out of that as well, because I feel like it impedes my consistency.
It is partially why some of these stories are taking a year to tell or six months to tell because I am pausing them at a time that I’m emotional. When I come out of that emotional state, I’ve lost momentum for that particular story. And I decided that I needed to write something new and fresh or revisit a different story, which seems to be impeding the progress on.
All the stories across the board have to do something about that. So I decided to take some time for myself to just step away from everything for a second. I was disappointed and mad with myself because I took a trip and on the trip, I forgot my laptop. I was so blown because I can’t tell you the last place I went without my laptop.
Yeah. I mean, I take it with me to the nail salon, the hair salon, all of that. So I was really blown and I was in a space where I could not, the drive home would be just too long to retrieve it. So I had to think about what other ways can I get my story ideas down can particularly capitalize on this time that I have by myself and really dig into some work and just come out productive. And then I talked to a good friend of mine who basically was like, listen, you’ve had a lot go on this year. Like I’m not even talking about your rough week talking about a rough couple of months. I’m talking about, you’ve had a lot go on this year. And she was like, you know, you have to tell yourself, okay, to do nothing. You’re struggling with sleeping. Well, you are stressing it without, because you left your laptop because you’re feeling like you’re not productive. You’re not completing work. And she’s like rest contributes to productivity just as much. And I feel like I’m trying to hear that. I feel like that really been my theme.
I know it was such a long way, such a long route to get to what the theme was. Right. But yeah, I feel like that has definitely been the theme this week. I was extremely forgetful. It wasn’t just the laptop. It was things I have to drop off for a site. It was forgetting my daughter’s lunch and it really started on Sunday when something was said to me that put me in awhile, mental state for a second, I feel like it made me feel extremely combative, like ready for war, combat and I think it kind of lingered into my Monday, move the energy, the universe, the space, all of that. It all lingered in some on Monday. And I brought that. Energy and some are new week because the person who said what they said, said it on Sunday, I didn’t see them on Monday. So it was me who was bringing it into my Monday.
And it was just a list of events that happened after that. That seemed to make my week extremely difficult. But here I am. I survived because survival is a given for me. That’s a given thriving is the thing that I aim for because survival is a given. I’ve had so many bumps and bruises, so many losses, be it through death, breakups, illness, whatever, survival is a given.
So, I have to figure out how to thrive. And I feel like sometimes we go, Oh, through these weeks or months or years that are extremely bumpy. Overwhelming. We’ve got a lot of things on our plate. We’ve got a long list of things we need to address. And I feel like sometimes we dismiss the option of rest as a way to help us deal and cope with these things.
If you’re anything like me, you definitely dismiss the idea before it forces itself on you and you have no choice, but to pick it up, it genuinely takes me, it really takes me a long time to take heat and stuff like that. I’m trying not to take so long because. I have the experience of knowing what the result is when I don’t take it.
So I’m trying to rest my mind, but it’s difficult. I’m extremely exhausted looking like a whole raccoon because my eyes so black, because I don’t sleep. I got these dark circles around my eyes. I got to put a filter on a picture just to make sure that you don’t see or don’t think that somebody somewhere socking it to me banging my face up on a regular basis because I’m not sleeping.
I go on this trip, alone, and I’m still not sleeping. I have no true responsibility and I’m still not sleeping. That needs to stop. I need to figure out whether it be to take melatonin, whether it be to have some prayer before I go to sleep, whether it be meditate, whether it be find a consistent companion. I’m gonna need to put myself to sleep.
I’m going to have to, but I feel like there’s a lot of us out there who are entrepreneurs, writers, creative minds, even a friend of mine, I don’t even know if he would really describe herself as a creative mind, but definitely very responsible obligated and busy and takes on a lot of different things. A lot of different projects, very caring person may not be extremely caring in words or immediate in front of your face action, but definitely takes on responsibilities for other people, very much trying to take care of things for everyone else. I think that is his way of showing that he cares and it’s a great way. It’s recognizing his love language in terms of whenever we think of love languages, we think of how we receive love. But I also think that the language of how you translate, love, how you transmit love is important too, you know, people think about my love language, you need to speak my love language, but I feel like the receiver and the giver needs to understand each other’s languages on both sides of the spectrum. Like I, fortunately, I think I have a number of love languages, and I’ll talk about that in a later podcast, but I think it’s fortunate because there’s multiple opportunities for me to receive the message of care.
But anyway, all of that to say is if you’re anything like me and I talked about my friend, because he’s very busy and very responsible and what he does a lot of hours, it takes a lot of effort. It takes a lot of mind energy, and I feel like him too. He doesn’t give herself permission to rest too. Really take some time and just like chill.
Like if he rests his, it would be for the night. It’s never like consecutive days. So I think that creative or not creative, there’s a lot of us that are like that. Whether you have an analytical mind or creative mind or you’re like me. We don’t know key to the message that rest is just as productive as the work.
And I feel like that is basically the message that I’ve been receiving, because like I said, I’ve had a hell of a time. It’s been torturous it’s been a rough week. It’s been every day incident after incident, after incident, after incident, it was the planning up to a trip that I was taking. And I think that everything was rolling in the direction of telling me that when I go on this trip, I need the rest. I need the rest. And it was showing me it was trying to blow everything up. Like the situation, the universe was trying to blow everything up so that I could hear it loud and clear. It was making big booms so I can hear it loud and clear. And yet it’s still taking me time to take heed to this message.
So speaking to my girlfriend was great. Because I needed, somebody had to say is like, girl. Cause some I needed tell me that rest was just as productive as the work. And we were sitting on the phone trying to figure out like when did my sleeping patterns go off and it really broke down to when my daughter stopped sleeping in my bed, And I’m like, do I just miss my baby? I used to fall right. To sleep right behind her and I don’t know if I just miss my baby or if I just miss having somebody be honest with you, like, ain’t nobody, but, but I have more opportunity to rest and still I have less, I’m not taking head, I beat myself up when I’m not productive.
I beat myself up when I haven’t written for the day when I haven’t reached the word count. When I lose momentum, I beat myself up at each term. And is it really necessary? Then at one point, I’m going to have to stop beating myself for everything. Just, just rest, go ahead and rest my body is saying I don’t want to do it right now.
I need to rest. And half the time when I’m beating myself up for not writing up. And then I finally fall asleep, I fall asleep late, and then I may that I wasted all those hours. Thinking about stuff and I could have been writing if I was going to be up anyway. It’s really a vicious cycle. Yeah. But I think that’s the point that we can all pick up like I said, rest is just as productive as the work. And just as necessary is just as necessary as cleaning your face as the other portion of your skincare. It’s just as necessary as brushing your teeth to maintain your hygiene. It’s important. It’s important. So I’m going to give it a shot. I’m going to try to make more of an effort to balance whatever time I have left.
Cause you know, I have full time responsibilities and then I come home and I’m with my child for a couple of hours and I’m beat in our child to give those couple of hours to writing. And then I always go over. But I feel like I need to structure that time more. I need to be more focused. I need to write lists.
I need to start checking things off a list. I need to get back to that rather. And I have to put rest on. I do. I have to put it there. Maybe if I get some rest, I can stop rambling. Just maybe, I don’t know if that’s going to work. Cause stop turning left. I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s going to happen.
But anyway, soap box over. I hope that you were able to get what I was trying to say. I want you to take some time out for yourself. I want you to give yourself the okay to rest, the okay to rejuvenate, the okay to replenish, to cleanse, it’s okay. It’s okay. And when the universe offers it or forces it, let us figure out how to maximize it so that it’s not a punishment.
It’s the needed meal. Let’s figure it out to try to hold it, have put it somewhere, make it function within our schedule. Within our commitment to our goal within our committee, it meant to our dreams. Let’s put rest in there as an important member of the crew. That’s going to get it done. If you want to check out any of my fictional books, which is way less heavy, Touch Me First is nice and erotic yall, go pick that up. It’s actually now available on paperback. So you can read it on Kindle, Kindle unlimited, or you can pick it up on paperback. I would love if you did that. Definitely. If you are a paperback reader and you’d like to have signed copies, hit me up in a DM, I will definitely figure out a way we can coordinate. How are we going to get some books to you? That was good. That’s again on Pwrites on Instagram, Pwrites on Twitter. If you want to read just pure romance. Listen. Okay. My book Delectable, a sweet romance. Yeah, it’s sweet. It’s sweet. It’s nice. I liked that book. That was my first romance novel, it’s great. If I do say so myself. No, for real, for real, if I don’t say who wants to hear right now, I want you to be well, I want you to pursue your dreams, take hold of your goals and figure out how to fit rest in there as a necessary crew member.
All right guys, I love you, until the next time when we can exchange power, peace.