Are you someone who craves routine or do you absolutely loathe it? Today Jenny and Jai discuss time management, how to set boundaries and how to manage your expectations, realistically. If you’re an A-type overachiever, this episode might be extra helpful for you!
Jenny 0:27Why aren’t you doing the opening?Jai 0:29Because I never do the opening.Jenny 0:31I was waiting on you to do the openingJai 0:34would have been sitting here in silence.Jenny 0:35 Well, why do we need to have a routine for the opening? Jai 0:41Because that’s what you do.Jenny 0:45 Yo, yo I’ll tell you what I really really want I want to, I want to I want to I really really really want a routine in my life. I came up with that on the spot… What up guys welcome to my podcast. And we are so glad you’re here. Welcome to the unfuck with the bowl season. We are however many episodes in if you are listening for the first time make sure you go back and listen to past episodes. We have all kinds of great stuff for you in this season. And in past seasons like last season was fluster cluck. The season before that was like beginnings, and we did some coping through COVID interview series. Now like I said, we are in unfuck with a bowl and if you don’t know what unfuck with a bowl is Jeez, I can’t even say it. We always laugh when people say you guys are unfuckable , that’s not what it is. Anyways, so we actually did an episode that was called unfuck with a bowl where we talked about what the hell unfuck with a bowl is and what it means today already told you to be talking about routines. Do you have a routine in your life planning? Like what? What’s the routine to hell? Is it like I mean, is it like this boring thing that you do every single day? Yeah, I know. It’s funny because like, people like me, we crave routine, but we hate it so much.Jai 2:07 I’m gonna call bullshit. You crave structure.Jenny 2:11 Okay, I like that better. I like that better. Because we literally like what we want. We were like, I want a routine. But we want structure because routine just makes drives us fucking nuts. And we like to fight it every step of the way. Like every step of the way.Jai 2:26 I want you to show me the way here’s the way No, I don’t like that way. I want you to show me a different way. Here’s a different way. No, I don’t like it that way.Jenny 2:32 Oh my god. That’s why like sales or entrepreneur type of stuff can be so good for us types because you can have the structure, yet you have all the freedom in the world. Literally sales was probably one of the best things I could ever do as a career because it was so structured yet so not like, not at all, because every day was different new people, new conversations, new things. But it was still like, here’s what I need to take care of. Right. And one of the things that you know, Mm hmm.Jai 3:06These little mid sentence aha moments.Jenny 3:09Yeah, cuz I get excited because I’m like, Oh, I got it. Because I think a lot like me, because I want to do so much to be so much achieved so much. Like, there’s so much I want out of life. And there’s so much that, oh, even this is a moment right here. I have said this so many times before my life. I have so many things that I like to achieve that I want to be. But as I was saying, and I’m like but do I because I’ve really been reframing and rewiring. I’ve said that for so long. It’s just been so much a part of my identity that I just questioned it like, Wait, do I really have to do that?Jai 3:51 Wow…profile.Jenny 3:55 Yeah, cuz I’m like, I have all these things that I want to do and be and achieve. And I’ve literally said that my whole lifeJai 4:00 just now, when we were walking, and you were like, I want to do all this. What about you? And I’m like, you were like, how could you not?Jenny 4:08Know what? What’s wrong with you? You don’t want to do anything? No. Why? I mean, I look, I still want to do all the things but I think that because I guess what I was gonna say when I had my first like, Oh, here it comes. Because, gosh, this is tough, because now I’m speaking until like, my past beliefs. This is so cool. So because I always had wanted in the past, to like, make it and to be the person who achieves all the things and to you know, always be like looked up to and, andJai 4:46…so is that like an ego thing? Jenny 4:47I think it’s a little ego, but it’s also just being an overachiever. I was so used to being the leader and achieving all the thingsJai 4:54but even with that I’m totally playing devil’s advocate By the way, but wanting to be looked up to as the leader. What do leaders do leaders usually have people who follow them. So that’s kind of why I asked, was it like a little bit of ego thing? I guess for me in the past, definitely wanting to do those things was definitely an intention thing and ego thing. Look at me look at what I’ve done.Jenny 5:16 Yes, yes. And I feel like yes, yes, yes. But like, I want to get to my point. But is that okay, and I want to get to my point. Okay, so wanting to overachieve and do all the things, I was always looking for ways in the past to, I guess, I guess, level up. This kind of went to our last episode that we were talking about ctfo and talking about, like ringing the most out of life, right? Because I want to bring the most out of life and get the most out of my time, right? It also was like, Alright, if I get up at 5am, I need to be showered and shaved by 515. I don’t do that. But you know, it’s kind of like, I need to get these things done by by 515. And then I have to get my workout in by 545. And then, you know, looking for people who were successful, and what were the routines and things that they did, okay, well, the people who are successful, they read 1000 books a year, and they, you know, are up at 4am. And they only get four hours of sleep. And I mean, I could probably keep naming off all these types of things. Because I was always looking for ways to get more out of my time and to make the most out of the day. Because my old routines were that of waking up early, I work, I work out, I take care of me first. But like you know, who’s just you know, the amount of time and as soon as I’m done, I shower and I go, and you know, this you you experienced some of that living with me. I was off to the races. Okay, you don’t agree.Jai 6:48Didn’t say that? I was trying to remember, but okay.Jenny 6:53That’s a good thing, because I don’t do that anymore. And go off to the races. Although it’s sometimes like this morning, I kind of went off to the races. First thing, so I was like, I gotta get some stuff done. I got excited. Because I was like, Yes. Not doing these things in the morning, I normally do I get to do the work. So it’s still there, right. But if I did this every day, and eventually burnout, right, I would eventually get tired of it, I get worn out and it just wouldn’t serve me. And so I sell that because I feel like sometimes certain of us, those of us in the world who are into gogogo, and trying to cut corners, wherever and hook me up to a firehose, because I need constant stimulation. That routine is literally how can I get the most out of every minute in the morning? How can I get up earlier? How can I go earlier? Like how can I absolutely maximize all my time?Jai 7:49So do you think that’s a condition thing as well, though, like, you know, you can sleep when you’re dead? You know, I’m saying like, you need to be working breakfast, lunch and dinner and snacks on hitting your goals or you’re not successful?Jenny 8:05 Yes, yes, it’s learned. And I just think back to when I really decided I wanted to start doing something entrepreneurial. And I was new, I was open, I was hungry. I was really hungry. I wanted it , I had the energy and the passion. I was ready. I was like, tell me what to do. And I will do it. So I listened with little discernment with little discernment to what people were saying. And I just took exactly what they were saying at face value. And I put it in my life. without even thinking, does this serve me? Does this honor me? Does this help me? I thought and I believed that if so and so the guru so and so the expert so and so, you know, the the person on the stage speaking, if they told me they made a million dollars a year and this is what they did to make it if they got up at 4am and showered and shaved and listened to an audio book, and then worked on their emails from five to 6am and then wrote their book from seven to eight, or whatever it was. That’s what I felt like I had to do. I had to have that level of focus. And that level of plugged in this. From the moment I woke up, and then I carried that shit all the way until the moment I slept. Because it goes back to that belief of that I have to get every moment out of the day. And if I don’t get every moment of the day I’m not successful. Jai 9:40 So there’s people like that walking around the world. Yes.Jenny 9:48 Y’all need to listen to the last episode we did came out last weekJai 9:51 that this all sounds stressful and overwhelming with itself.Jenny 9:57 Well, that’s that’s even like Okay, thank you. planners even because we’re talking about routine, think about planners. There are so many planners that are sold because everybody’s looking for a way to organize their day time management to get the most out of their day. But also to now I’m curious, Jai, what do you think is the difference between, like time management and routines?Jai 10:18 It’s a very good question. I think routine can because there’s like, something that you do in the morning, and something that you do in the evening, like, for me, the whole while sleeping thing, get better sleep, and one of the big things was like a nightly routine, you know, I feel that, like your time management, and routine, they can kind of play off of each other. But you know, it’s like, being flexible, I feel like depending on the type of individual you are, like, you could get caught up in the weeds like the time management thing. And I’m saying, like, I have to do this at this time, and whatever, whatever, whatever. And that may work for some people, but still, like, knowing scene understanding, like that flexibility in that. So like a routine for me, like, especially the nightly thing is like, I’m off my phone by 10 or 1030. You know, I don’t go to sleep till midnight, but 10 or 1030. So, I try not to do any type of screen time. So if that’s the case, you know, like, if I need to do yoga, for example. And you kind of need a screen for yoga, right? Unless you’re doing an audio thing, which would be kind of weird for me. But you know, so if that’s the case, if I know there’s no screen time, and you know, hour, hour and a half before bed, that means I need to be doing yoga, or finished with yoga by 1030 to meet that time. And then it’s kind of like within that time frame, from doing yoga or to whatever it’s like, I don’t even want to say squeezing, but like finding time for other things. So like listening to an audio book, or reading something, not something that’s going to get my mind all worked and wired up, you know, but something calming, relaxing, or something or listening to some music, meditating something that’s going to, like, calm me down, right. But within that there’s, there’s time for getting prepared for the next day. You know, I’m saying do your personal hygiene. So like the routine is, if that type of stuff becomes automatic, it becomes second nature, you’re on autopilot. And I think that the time management comes in with like, Oh, I have to do XYZ. But like, okay, it’s 10 o’clock, do you really need to be emailing or texting somebody right now? If it’s not an emergency? Like, when is your cut off for work? Like when do you hang out with your family? So I think routines and time management can work hand in hand side by side, but you have to be flexible with both of them. So perfect example, like, we’re at home right now. So I can go to sleep at midnight and get up at seven 730. But if we happen to be at a function where, you know, I may have to meet and greet, socialize or whatever, may go past my cut off time. Yeah, but I don’t even want to say go past the routine because the routine doesn’t have any time for Good points. So in particular it still falls into time management, you know, I’m saying so we’re out to like, say 12 one I know I need like seven hours of sleep. So instead of getting up between 730 and eight if I’m not asleep by 12 I know the next morning, I’m going to maybe get up like 838 39 whatever so you can’tI feel that you use it that’s where it comes to time management comes into the thing if the routine is this spins off to a whole whole nother thing though if if your routine is prided yourself is your priority. If maximizing you and being in the best shoe is your priority. That routine is not non negotiable. You know, I’m saying and that’s not saying, Oh, I need to go to sleep at 12 every night, that same day, your nightly routine no matter where you are. You figure out where on the clock that fits you I’m saying so if I’m at a function if I have to be somewhere, people need to understand Alright, I’m out to like 12 or one. I need six or seven hours depending on what it is. You might not see me till like nine or 10 Or if whatever starts at this time, I may politely excuse myself or not, and just Bruce Wayne on you, boys. And you will see me the next morning when it’s time for me to show up. So, that’s what ties into our boundary compensation. You know, so asleep is important to me. So my nightly routine is a priority.Jenny 15:26 So okay, so let me let me ask a question based on a tight mindset. Okay. So if we just did an episode on how to ctfo and chill the fuck out and just relax a little bit like, chill out, stop being so good about everything. Now, we’re also talking about things that are a little more rigid, like, routines and time management. So we’re How do you kind of find the balance here? Because I mean, here’s what I’m thinking. And you’ve seen me really, like chill out from this. But it’s still there. Because it’s still like my personality. I’m just not. I’m not going overboard with it. I’m sure there’s moments I am Feel free to point them out. But like, how, how do you ctfo and still have routines and structure and time management without going AhJai 16:23 I just explained it, though. Like there’s there’s, it’s once again, it goes back to the foundation thing, what we practice foundational beliefs and your mindset, like what I just described, there’s no I just explained being flexible in the routine. So like, if I’m like, Oh, no, I have to cut off this time. That’s no, that’s rigid, that makes your routine rigid. So there’s an understanding, there’s going to be times where you’re going to have to be flexible, especially depending on if you’re an event planner, or one of these planners, you know, I’m saying you might be working 16 hour days. So you need to find that time in your schedule, let’s see if the wedding quote unquote, ends at 11. I have to help break up or whatever. Well, what I’m learning, I’m learning the industry, like, it’s over at 11. So like packing up everything, you’re walking out the venue at 11. Right? That’s 11 it takes you and let’s say, an hour to get home, right? You’re not getting home until 12. And depending on who you are, you still might be wound up wired. So having that power down our understanding, you might not go to sleep till one, one or 130. But still understanding this is where the flexibility comes in, I need six and a half, seven hours of sleep, if I’m going to sleep at one or 130 I’m not getting up to eight, all my appointments, and everything. I’m not going to be any good to anybody till after 10am. And that’s where you have a team in place, who you trust, who you can delegate, who you can let them work in their area of genius. So you don’t have to worry about shit like that. Yeah, so like the routine and the time management doesn’t have to be rigid. Yes, it’s flexible. within the constraints of your schedule, it’s us who makes it rigid?Jenny 18:26Well, I was gonna say I feel like where the rigidity can and should exist, is in your boundaries. Exactly. And And in that moment, when you get home, when you get back to the hotel, when you get back to your room, whatever, at 12 o’clock, one o’clock, and you’re wired, I bet you a lot of these people, pull out their computer backs, do emails, wonderful check, whatever, take care of whatever else for the day, then they go to bed or try to go to bed. And then you know it goes late, late, late. It’s in that moment where the rigidity must and can exist for you to support you, where you have that routine, or you have that wind downtime, because in that moment when you’re done, be done…Jai 19:17 be done period.Jenny 19:20 …period and then do you know the meditation or the yoga or the prayer or the gratitude journal or the or whatever. And I wouldJai 19:28 I would love maybe we could talk to Ashley and get her on here about team building stuff because I would love to dig into her brain about that. But like having a team where, like, let’s say you have a person who’s a night owl, you know, I’m saying you have that person, if it’s after a certain time because night owls have two times a day where they’re like their goal mode, right? So, Night Owl and it also goes into knowing who you are to where Your night out, if you know you’re at an event, so 11 you’re not out there on the clock, or whatever. And they’re picking up the pieces of the things you have to do for the next day. So you don’t have to do those. So you can set those boundaries. So you can fully embrace your routine. You know, I’m saying, we talked to somebody who said that, usually when he’s supposed to be having a quality time with his partner, he finds himself still on the laptop, doing stuff, watching TV, although you know, the mindset, the headspace is, I’m here with you. So what that I’m on the computer, I’m here with you in the same room. I’m not watching, but I’m here with you. And that can be dangerous, too, because the other person says, but you’re not. You’re not just because you’re physically sitting here doesn’t mean that you’re here. So it’s yes, I do agree and say the rigidity should be in your boundary, that should be non negotiable.Jenny 21:00 Right? Right. Well, and that’s where you can get excited, right? You’re like, okay, I like control. And I like rigidity. And I like structure. Well, guess what, that’s what you can control. That’s where you put your effort and energy into controlling those boundaries, controlling and making sure you have time for your morning routine. And here’s the thing, if you’ve got a busy event weekend with 1214 hour days, know that your routine in the morning and night can still exist. But let’s say your routine is normally 60 or 90 minutes of the things that you do, pick out the thing that can help you get the headspace the most and trim that down to five or 10 minutes or 30 or whatever your schedule allows for. Because you still need that time, you still need that routine, you still need that space to get granted and set yourself up for the day. Even if you are working, you know, through an event or through a bunch of 1012 hour days, that’s gonna be the most important and on the other side of it, making sure that you build into your schedule, some rest and recoup time. So that that way, because if you just go straight in, and this is what used to bug me about corporate America is I’d have to go work an event all weekend, get up, set up the booth, work all day, entertain people entertain people all night, get back at two and turn around to be at the booth again at 678 in the morning, do it again and do that three or four days. And then I was expected to be back at work bright and shiny on Monday or Tuesday, bright and shiny. Now, here’s the thing. I felt like that expectation existed. So I did it. And I showed up. I bet you If I would have taken Monday off, I could have been in a corporate job, you know, you’re still getting emails and whatever. And you have to work that out with your boss, like knowing what I know now about becoming and being unfuck. with double, I want to have that conversation with my boss and be like, Look, here’s the way it’s gonna go. I’m gonna be Mia till two, right? I can check emails for an hour, I’ll take care of shit. But the rest of that I’m gone Monday or I’m gone Monday, Tuesday. As far as showing up, let me recover. Let me recover and come to an agreement. But guess what, when you have your own business entrepreneurs, you can completely build that in, like Jay said, a leverage team. If you really need to have availability on those days. But during the busy season, you could easily just be open Tuesday through Sunday or Tuesday through Friday, or it’s your business. Yep, you can do anything you want. Just make sure that people understand what your boundaries are or the business hours, so they know what to expect from you. Because if that’s not there, if you say you’re available 24 seven and you never answer, that’s out of alignment, which doesn’t need to be available. 24 seven, that’s that’s a whole that’s a whole nother thing we can help one.Jai: 23:53Right. SoJenny 23:55 …as always, we’re here for you to reach out on Instagram, the number two underscore the letter J holla. We want to hear what your boundaries are, what your routines are. What’s working for you is how you’ve changed how you’ve used this episode, to be able to change your life and change your business and change the way that you look at things and the way that you show up. Let us know if you have any issues or challenges or struggles with that. We’d love to help you. help bring clarity to that and help get you through that and help you get focused. And of course you have any ideas you want to know what else you have any other ideas of what else you want us to talk about, or chat about or any guests that you think would be good.Jai 24:36 If we don’t know we’ll find an expert.Jenny 24:38Whoa, yeah, hell yeah. All right. Love you guys. Holla