Search

Sacral Chakra with Klara Wilder

Play episode
the-life-adventurist
Hosted by
Jeni Holla

 

The power of touch is profound and something so many people shy away from. Klara Wilder is the “Goddess of Sensual Massage and Professional Sensual dominatrix.” As a sexual educator, Klara has a deep knowledge of the Sacral chakra which is all about sexuality, sensuality and creativity. In this episode, Klara joins Jenny to discuss the importance of embracing your own sexuality. Listen in as she shares advice on how to approach the topic of sex with your partner and why the first step to a

See More
Resources:

Klara Wilder: Facebook | Website

Jenny: Welcome to another episode of the life adventurist podcasts. We are into the Chakra series and we are on the sacral chakra. And this is our second person of two. And I am so excited for today. Now I will say, if you are listening to this and you are maybe around kids or you are sensitive, I don’t know, just heads up.

We’re going to be talking about some things that could be like, I don’t want to hear those words, but I think that’s part of the learning. So maybe you do stick around because you’re like, Oh, what words are they talking about? But today we’re getting into sexuality and that’s a huge part of the sacral chakra.

And. You know, it’s the creativity, the sexuality. And when you’re working with your chakras, especially the lower three, as we talked in a previous episode in that triad of your chakras, getting those blocks unblocked so that you can open up the rest of them is so, so important. I will say, this is, this is an episode I was very much looking forward to because this is something I wanted to work on in my own life.

But without further ado, I’m going to introduce our guest today. Her name is Klara Wilder. She’s a sexual educator. A goddess of sensual massage and a professional sensual, dominatrix. All I got to say is I want to know more and whatever the next thing is, is welcome to the show. But what I’d like you to do is just share a little bit about who you are. Tell us what some of those things mean in your title. And then after you’re done with that, you have to share something fun about you.

Klara: Wow. Hi, Jenny. Thank you so much for introduction. Of course, like a big tall order to finish. First of all, I’m a mother of six. Maybe I’m starting out with the fun. Is that okay. First let’s start by. And two that I have for my six children. There are five are boys. And one is a girl. Wow. Uh, one is 26. One is 25 and then I have four young boys that are 12, 13, 14, and 15. Wow. And I absolutely love that fact that I’m a sexual educator because we talk about sexuality.

Um, like it’s just a normal topic. And I actually love that because I think, um, there is not enough sexual educator in our schools as it is. So for me to be able to actually talk to them openly about it and how to have sex, what is sex all about how to treat women. Um, to that is absolutely my jam. Oh my gosh.

Jenny: Okay. So I have so many questions, but let us know, like, what does goddess of sensual massage mean?

Klara: Well, actually Goddess of massage that was given to me by my clients. I am originally an aesthetician. Okay. And I used to have a, my spa, which I lost during my divorce proceedings. Then I thought, well, what can I do?

I really love people… make people feel good, feel good about their bodies. And I enjoyed massage. So I, um, started massaging from my home kind of little bit as a hobby. And when I actually pulled the ad up, all that came up were, were men. Hm. And I was like, Oh, well, I really, I was in that space. Like, you know, I like, I like working with women and I like making women feel good and feel about their bodies.

And now while I have a men coming to me and I was like, Oh, Okay. So that was a big stretch for me. And it was a big learning curve because it’s different energy to massage men and women because with men and no matter what it does become a little bit more sensual and more sexual in a lot of ways. So, um, I had to get over certain stuff and certain stigmas I used to say, well, I don’t want to massage men because I don’t want them to pitch a tent on my table.

And then with every single client that’s what happened. So I had to kind of thing, well, do I want to do this? And, uh, or don’t I want to do it. And if I don’t, what is stopping me? What really bothers me about it? Doesn’t really bother me personally. Or does it bother me that it kind of comes with the stigma, you know, the stigma of a massage parlors and of sexuality and stuff like that.

So that was another big thing I had to really think about and works through. And once I worked through it and I realized that it’s really just that. A natural physiological response, that a fact that they’re relaxed and their body like bloods go, then, then I was okay to actually go and actually go deeper into it and enjoy actually the fact that they pitched tent on my table.

Jenny: I never even thought about that being something cause I get massages regularly and I never even thought about, you know, When a male goes and gets one, you know what may happen?

Klara: Often my clients, when they would ask, they’re like, well, what if I do get direction on table? What happens? Or I could see them really struggling and kind of checking out of their body because they were trying to concentrate on thinking about things so they will not get erection.

So they got out of their body when I really wanted them to be in their body. Right. So those were like a big learning curves. And then when I could actually think about getting them into her body and showing them how their body can respond and what it actually feels to be in your body, then I’ve really started enjoying it.

And I developed my own method, how I massage. I stopped thinking about what steps I’m supposed to do and I really stepped into the sensual massage and, um, I love it. Yeah. I really love showing people what it feels like to be touched to beat touch intentionally. And, um, how to, how would it feels to be in our body and feel the sensations?

Because very often we are more in our head than we are in our body. Right. And it’s a very important to get into our body. And I just, I just know how I just have a knack for it, how to get people into their body, at least for the hour or hour and half they’re with me.

Jenny: Right. So for, for the essential massage, is that. For men and women, or is it like a massage? How is it different than going and getting like a deep tissue massage?

Klara: Well, deep tissue massage. He usually deals with some, uh, issues that you have with your body. And it’s exactly what I say. It’s a deep tissue. So it goes really deep. I like having a different strokes and different sensations and sometimes I use a light touch.

Sometimes I use, uh, Deeper touch. I don’t worry about actually getting closer to genitals, which deep tissue when you are like RMT. Usually there are a lot of roles and I do not follow those rules. So if clients want to be nude because a lot of clients enjoy being nude, they’re nude. Usually the first massage you would have, there is a certain little covering, but I don’t worry about big covering or anything.

And if later, if there is a good understanding, if there are understanding my boundaries and respecting them, Then we can go nude.

Jenny: Got it. So, uh, because I don’t know a lot about this is this like, so it’s not a traditional massage house or whatever. Okay. So they’re coming specifically, like the clients who are coming for central massage already know what that is, or have a curiosity about it.

Klara: Yes. Yes. Yes. And usually before the massage, before the first massage, I laid down the rules and, uh, as I said, and they tell me whether I can, you know, what kind of fudge they like or be explore the, explore their body, find out which erogenous zones they like. And. Stuff like that. It’s got more, it’s more like exploration of their body for our first few massages.

Jenny: Um, I’m glad we clarified that because I really wasn’t sure. Right. I was curious. I was like, what does this mean? Especially when you said like, you know, maybe even getting out of your head and more into your body. Because I was thinking from a traditional massage standpoint, how much more I enjoyed the massage when I’m present versus what my mind is thinking about all the other things.

So I could only imagine if you are exploring your sexuality and your sensuality, how much more important that would be to apply that concept of going from head to heart.

Klara: Yes. And your whole body. Right? So usually what we usually concentrate on is our head and our genitals. Those are the only two kind of parts. Would it be, would it be usual feel . But our whole bod has got so many erogenous zones and that we actually can feel so much more.

Jenny: Yeah, no. And, and so now let’s pull this into the shockers a little bit. How does all of this tie into the sacral chakra from your perspective?

Klara: Ooh, well, so the, the orange sacral chakra is all about sex. Sexuality. It’s about all your passion. It’s about indulgence, right? So this is a really about our personal power. So this is really how it ties in that very often, we don’t allow ourselves to feel pleasure. And we don’t allow ourselves to feel in, in the first place to feel at all right. We have a very few feelings yet.

We don’t allow ourselves to feel excitement very often. We don’t allow ourselves to just flow. So when, when I’m massaging, I actually. The sacred chakra really flows allows the flow of the energy because I do go into the lower abdomen. I do not touch the genitals that I get very close. I go through the hips and I do the inner thighs and I do the lower abdomen.

So it really allows the energy actually flows. So if there is a stuck energy, I get my clients to breathe really deep into their abdomen. So they, that helps with the stuck energy as well. So as long as we start feeling that energy, it kind of, I can spread it all to the whole body.

Jenny: How can you tell that they’re stuck energy? Like, does it show up? Like, I’m just thinking for myself. If my massage therapist in a traditional massage goes a little bit close to my inner thighs, I get ticklish. And of course then it creates. I mean, depends if you’ve worked with the person, but I’ve, I’ve been with some massage therapists are like, ah, okay, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m like, it’s fine. I’m just letting you know. I’m really ticklish. And I’ve been told by my massage therapist that I have the most ticklish client she’s ever had on our table.

And she’s been doing it for a long time. So I’m like, Hmm. How can you tell if there’s stuck energy? Is there, you know, or is that, is ticklish a different thing?

Klara: Ticklish can be actually, I think it’s just very interesting because the ticklish can be that you are uncomfortable being touched in that place. So the body kind of gives you the ticklish response and all you have to do as a let go. And breathe deep and try to relax, and maybe they can go a little bit deeper and do a little bit different thoughts. And if you can go through it under the, it can be actually the most exquisite feeling that you can actually access.

Jenny: Do you feel like that is on any part of your body? Cause the spots I get ticklish or like my underarms, my calves, the inner thighs at sometimes the bottom of my feet.

If they go too light.

Klara: Well, as an aesthatician, I used to do a lot of pedicures, right. So I would have people who, uh, will have very ticklish feet. And that’s also because there’s a lot of nerve endings in our feet. Right. So what I would say is just, again, relax and breathe and I’ll try different movement on different pressure. And then if they’re okay with the pressure, I’ll do it for a little bit and just let them breathe and go. And sort of lighter pressure and then be able to usually usually get through that.

Jenny: Now you got me thinking, cause I’m wondering, okay. I mean, I just always laugh like, Oh, I’m ticklish, but I’m almost wondering too, as we’re talking about here with the chakra and blocks and energy and even just how we respond to sexuality and we haven’t even gotten into that part of the chat yet, but I’m just sitting here thinking when these things come up, you know, even doing some self-reflection. And asking yourself, Hm, what is this? Right? What is this, why am I showing up this way? Do you feel like those kinds of questions when they come up when your body has a response or when you’re not fully relaxed that we could ask those kinds of questions, the self-reflecting questions.

Klara: I think there’s always a good time for self perfecting questions. I mean, every time you feel different, Uh, you feel like there might be something under the sensation or the feeling you have. It’s always great to ask yourself why and kind of self-reflect on that because, uh, there might be some really incredible gems under that just like, I, I did, you know, feeling that it wasn’t maybe appropriate to massage, men. It was like, well, why is it, why do I feel that way? And is a really my feeling. Or is it somebody else’s?

Jenny: Yep. Yep, totally. Yeah. That, so how do you think? Cause I mean, I’ve been doing a lot of that work in all other aspects of my life, but going into my sexuality is something that I’ve never really done. I’ve maybe thought about it here and there, but I’ve never really like applied some of those life transformational and life growth aspects to my sexuality because I feel like it’s kind of like, who do I follow? Who do I learn from? And thank God we have you on this podcast. So we’re going to learn, but that’s kind of like in the question, like, who do you learn from to where it’s not, you know, stigmatized or this weird icky thing, or maybe it’s not icky? Like what, what do you think about all this? Cause I feel like I grew up here. Let me just back up a little bit. I grew up under like the idea that here’s a couple things in high school I was afraid to kiss guys. Cause I didn’t want to get a detention. Because if your kid got caught kissing in the hall, you get a detention. So I was like little miss goody, two shoes.

And also for whatever reason, I picked up through whether it was my parents, like trying to protect me as a teenager or whatever. I’m not sure exactly how it manifested, but I was so hardcore. I’m not having sex till I get married. Don’t touch me. You know, guys would ask me out or I’d ask guys out. And then they would say, well, are you a freezer?

And a freezer meant. You you kissed or you messed around or you didn’t and I would have to circle yes or no. And I’d always have to circle. Yes. Because I wasn’t willing to kiss or do sexual things because I was so mortified of being called a slut or having sex too early or whatever. So, I mean, like all of that started early.

And then from there it’s like, who do you learn from you? Learn from your. Friends or, you know, I just watch one of your great videos on Facebook, where you’re talking about different sex toys and how to use them. And you said, it’s okay to use a sex toy in a sexual act if that’s what works for you and your partner.

And I feel like too, I even picked up back in high school, you know, like, Oh, I don’t use sex toys because it has to be the real thing and I’m a loser if I use one, like just all these beliefs that we pick up. Especially at a young age. So I guess that’s kind of where I’m like, I feel like so much of it, at least for me has been very stigmatized to talk about it, go into it, explore it, own it, et cetera, because it’s like, who do you talk to? Where do you go? Where are the safe places?

Klara: Ooh, that’s actually quite, that is a lot because a is really hard to learn about sexuality. I mean, I’m quite open in my posts. I don’t get many likes and I used to be so really hung up on, Oh my gosh, nobody likes it. And it, and then I get private messages. Yeah.

Jenny: Because people don’t want to be seen. They don’t want to be like, Oh, I like this. Cause I need it. Or I like this because I am dirty or whatever stigma is there, you know? Yeah. Like I’d rather just be not seen.

Klara: Yes. I think the best thing really is to listen to yourself. It is too really sit down and give yourself time to see whether those beliefs are really yours. And if you subscribe to them or if they are somebody else’s and you are subscribing to them because you are afraid of being slut-shamed slut-shaming is huge in our society. It’s just, it’s heartbreaking. You know, and, um, if you are a woman who is really powerfully standing in your sexuality and in the fact that you are sensual and sexual being well, you are going to have haters and you are going to be shamed.

So it’s really up to you to actually work out the, no, I am, this is me. And, you know, we all come from sex. All of us, whether we like it or not, sometimes we don’t want to think about the, how we got here. A lot of people don’t right. But I mean the, the societal messages we’re getting the messages from, we got at home a message.

We got in a school in the church. It’s always, uh, been all about being a. They’re very pure tennis, domestic, and, you know, especially for us, for women, it’s like, we shouldn’t feel pleasure. Pleasure is not good for women. It’s a dirty word and it’s not just sexual pleasure, like pleasure in general. That’s why we have stupid things like guilty pleasure.

Guilty about pleasure, right? It makes you feel good. It makes you feel strong. It makes you feel cared for it’s. Um, our society is that a really big number on us, and I think it’s up to us up to our generation and the younger generation to kind of, uh, Just make it normal, normalize conversation about sex normalize the fact that women have a huge desires, you know, and that it’s not the, just that it’s the woman who gets headaches actually more lately. What I hear is that. A lot of men have a headaches too, but it’s all about our society, that it could be our toll that women are supposed to be this way and men are supposed to be this way.

And this is how it’s going to be. Yeah. And you know what we are in 2021 and we still have various schizophrenic relationship with sex. On a one side, we are really bombarded by a sexuality in ads and magazines and, you know, half naked women, the beautiful bodies. And on, on other side, We are still very afraid to talk about it.

And one thing you ask about who to follow don’t think that if somebody is acting or talking about sexuality openly are actually really cured and open with their sexuality because very often people act like they’re sexual, like they’re open to sexuality. Yet they’re doing it just to please others or just to look cool.

Jenny: Hmm. Interesting. I mean, and we see that in other facets of life, but I feel like in this very vulnerable place to, to learn about sexuality, Because I can remember back when I very first wanted to be an entrepreneur, I was very vulnerable and I was looking for anybody and I listen to anybody and everybody, because I was in that like new space.

So I feel like in the vulnerability space of our sacral chakra and our sexuality, that is so important. I’m glad you pointed that out to be mindful of who you’re following. So how could you, how are there ways you can identify if someone is authentic in teaching and talking about that?

Klara: That is a tough question because I, myself, I have a, my own coach for my, and I’m just actually now finishing my course on, um, being sexual educator. And we talk about that and I can tell you it’s, it’s really difficult because I’m supposed to do my videos about certain things. Like let’s say masturbation and just really say it as an educator. And I. Always put some, like my kind of points of view. And she always says, no, it’s not about you putting your points of view or seeing it through your experienced lenses.

You are just an educator. So you’re just about, you’re just supposed to say the facts. And I have a really hard time about that. So, and I do notice that sometimes there are certain sexual educator or sex coaches that they do rely really heavily on their own experiences. And even though it is good, sometimes, sometimes it’s not because if there is a, for example, somebody has a issue with men, you can kind of feel it through it.

Jenny: And I feel like too, I guess what I’m hearing here is it’s step one is being open and curious to find out and find the people. You know, like I, like I mentioned, I watched a couple of your videos and what I loved about them. Cause you know, at least at first I was a little bit hesitant.

Like, I don’t know. I mean, I’m having on the podcast, I’m curious. Right. But also I was like, okay, what am I walking into? Right. What, what is this I’m about to watch with all these different sex toys on the screen. But then I have that level of curiosity and then I was like, wow, this is just a regular conversation.

It had your personality on it, but you just very clearly went through the different toys, how to use them, some of the pros and cons, like I felt like it was like, okay, this is cool. I like this. And this is not, I didn’t feel like I was watching what maybe I perceived, not necessarily, if you, but of the industry, like I’m gonna be watching some porn star telling me how to go pound town, you know, around the corner like that, those preconceived notions we have around what a sex educator may or may not do, or maybe be that boring science teacher in fifth grade, you know, who had to talk about sex ed to us or whatever, you know, like. There’s gotta be a happy medium. So I love that you are sharing and I want you to share even more because I feel like this, like you said, this can really help unlock a lot of things for a lot of people.

So where do you feel like, you know, where do you feel like there’s like the time and place for sex education and then where do you feel like it crosses the line and maybe goes into another realm? I don’t even know how to ask it. Like, do you feel like there’s a line that could be crossed. That now it turns into…

Klara: I think you have to choose really what works for you. For example, I studied pleasure with mama Gina in New York city, 2019. And I remember in the first meeting we had, they were women who couldn’t even say the word pussy.

Jenny: Yeah. She wrote that book, right? Pussy, mama Gina school.

Klara: Yes. Right reclamation. And so there were women who were really couldn’t even say the word. And at that point I was already studying and I was already doing my essential dominatrix stuff. So. You really have to find somebody who would work for you. So if you’re somebody who’s just stepping into sexuality and really learning about it, you want to find somebody who is kind of on your level. If you, if you know what I mean, somebody who you would understand and you will not feel that triggered.

Yeah. Let’s go point, right? Because sexuality is a huge trigger. For almost everybody because we all have some sexual wounds. So one thing that can trigger somebody evil might not trigger somebody else. So if that is already, if you’re already past certain level, then you can find a sexual educator who would go a little bit deeper into it’s like, if you’re learning how to reach, you know, you reading really easy books.

Letters or you can go and read those three at scale. It really depends on which level you’re on. I find the same for sexuality. You might find somebody who has a great sexual educator, your level and somebody or somebody, if you need to go into more depth, like the BDSM and stuff, like where do you feel?

Jenny: Where do you feel you fit as an educator? Like, do you feel like you’re a one or a you know, level 10 or all of the above, like where do you fit? You know, if someone’s listening and they’re like, Oh, I like this talk. Can you kind of do them all? Or do you kind of serve a certain niche?

Klara: I can do them all. Like from my own experience, uh, I see… I can do them all and I. Think I’m pretty good at actually gauging where people are and how far I can push it. So I wouldn’t take somebody who’s right. Beginner to go into something more daring. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. I actually personally where my niche is where I really love to be as, uh, to work women and with women in, uh, Sexless relationships.

Jenny: Okay. Yeah. So when, when you talk about, you know, like, okay, you can go and you know where to maybe push them or what’s dangerous, or you didn’t say dangerous… crap, scratch that. Um, what did you say? Daring, daring! Dangerous. Oh my God, that, that right there is a subconscious thing that needs to be unwound, like right there, like that.

I just totally. Just discovered something right there. Because when, when you were taught, when we were talking about, you know, the different levels and I said dangerous for a level 10 or whatever, that just shows where my mind is that right. Like when it was really daring. So anyways, so there’s more daring things.

Do you feel like everybody on their journey is eventually going to get to the more daring things? Or do you feel like, you know, each of us is defining our sexuality.

Klara: I think it definitely, each of us is defining our sexuality. And if you do not want to go into a daring, then you don’t have to go because sexuality is for you. And you only, right. It’s not for anybody else. It’s not how cool or uncool you are. It’s just for you. What feels good because sexuality is supposed to feel good and empowering.

Jenny: Hm. No, I love that. Now, one of the things that you said, and some of the notes you sent over to me is you mentioned pleasure as a birthright. Talk a little bit more about that and your belief and thought.

Klara: Well, I believe we all. Are supposed to feel pleasure. And, um, one of the biggest things that I have, if I talk with somebody who says, you know, I offered here of pleasure. I don’t have a time for pleasure. Like pleasure is just it’s it’s pointless thing.

It’s it doesn’t matter to me. And it’s usually of course, women, I talk to about this. Then I, then I mentioned the tiny little part we have in our body that is called the clitoris. And the clitoris is, is the only part of our body that is meant just for pleasure. It’s got 8,000 nerve endings that are just for pleasure.

Wow. Wow. Men don’t men don’t have any organ like that. Men have a penis that is a multitasking too, right there for us. Clitoris is just for pleasure. So doesn’t matter who you believe created our bodies, but somebody very smart. So they wouldn’t make a mistake putting clitoris there.

Jenny: Yeah. Yeah. No, and I, and I love, I love that perspective too, because that’s the thing, like we have this part in our body that has all these nerve endings that’s meant for pleasure.

So why not explore and embrace. That for ourselves. Like, I think that right there is a potential breakthrough for a lot of people because that’s, it’s like, Hey, this is already part of me because I think sometimes when you said it’s even more than the penis, I feel like society or what we’ve learned or at least what I learned is that the penis is it’s the spot.

You just look at it and it stands up, you know, it just, it just go like, it’s already, it’s already ready to go at all times. You know, it seems like they’re like, Hey, it’s like, woo. You know, it seems like that’s the one that you don’t need to have to do anything compared to, you know, what women may have to have more of a buildup.

Yeah. So that’s, that’s a cool perspective. So let’s talk, cause one of the other things too, that you said is that how to have a thriving sex life and even to like what this can do to open up and clear your sacral chakra.

Klara: Well, we always should have a thriving sex life because you probably know yourself when you have a really good thriving and happy sex life…Then you feel like on a top of the world,  right. In one way, it is because of all the hormones that are being released during sex life, but it’s also how it makes you feel about yourself, how it makes you feel as a woman that… That is huge. Right? And we can have a thriving sex life, not just with our partners.

They can have a thriving sex life when we are a single or if we are in a sexless relationship, whether it’s for health reasons or, you know, raising family or all that kind of adds up to, um, it’s all the blocks we have. We can always have a great thriving sex life with ourselves. With our imagination…

Jenny: What are the steps then like, are you able to share what the steps are to how that we can do that? So, I mean, we know that it’s good. We know that it’ll block, you know, if someone’s, you know, if someone’s looking to align their chakras and they feel like they have a block with sexuality or creativity, Right. Like then what is it that they can do? Cause it’s like, Oh, you just have to have a thriving sex life.

But we also talked about how the education is not there. The conversation’s not there, you know? So if we don’t have a model of possibility of what that looks like, like how do we get there? How do we know we have a thriving sex life? Like what are the steps to get there or to embrace that or to know if we have it or, or even where it could be better because maybe we think it’s great right now, but it could be a whole other level of awesome.

Klara: I can tell you what I do with my clients. They would like to have a thriving sex life. And that usually starts with loving and accepting your body. That is number one, because you have to enjoy the body and you have to enjoy your own body first. Hmm.

Jenny: I think that that’s missed a lot because think how much culturally it’s. Like, Oh, well he should know how to please me, or she should know how to please me type of conversations,…

Klara: but it’s really hard to have that conversation if you don’t know yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Because you know, you know, your body the best, if you don’t, then it’s your number one step is to actually learn to love your body. And that is, uh, an exploration. It either. It’s a yourself exploration. It’s a during masturbation to actually find out what makes you tick, what feels good, what doesn’t feel good. And it’s not just exploring your genitals, but the explore your whole body. So it means, um, if it’s just touching your inner thighs and seeing, you know, maybe you’ll like being touch.

When he goes, when your hand goes up, maybe when your hands go down, slower strokes, faster strokes, scratches, scratches are really incredible. So to know your body really this well, and then when you actually know what your body likes and what it feels like. Do then you can actually go to your partner or partners and tell them what you like.

And that’s how you can start a conversation.

Jenny: Yeah, no, I think that, that works a lot better because I mean, I just remember dating, at least for me, it was like, That was always a weird intimate comments conversation in my experience, you know, so I’m sure there’s other people had similar experiences. So if someone is single or even in a relationship with one or multiple people, I would just say like the big takeaway there is, if you feel timid, it sounds like you’ve got some self work to do.

Klara: Yeah, totally. But what is usually hard for especially women is still asked for what we need and what we want and to tell our partners that we enjoy pleasure. We love pleasure, because before we were talking about the slut-shaming, we are very often afraid to actually say what we desire and to admit that we have desires because we are, we are afraid of being slut-shamed right.

But. I get a lot of press often question. It’s what makes a good lover. Well, what makes a good lover is a to know your own body and to have these conversations and especially with men, because men do not want to be guessing what you like, what you don’t like, because we are all different. So what one partner like the other one might not.

Yeah. So there is really not a thing as a signature moves.

Jenny: Yeah. Yeah. You know, it’s so funny. It’s funny. I just am thinking back to my dating days, you know, they would be like, miss say something along those lines, like, Ooh, baby, I got my signature move. It’s going to make you scream or whatever. And I’d be like, Oh, get outta here.

You know, so at least I know my intuition was telling me, right? Like these guys, just talking up this game, our intuition is always right. Funny.

Klara: Go ahead. But it’s not only that every person is different. It’s our body is different. So what might’ve felt great yesterday or this morning? My not feel great in the afternoon. Yeah. And especially with us women, right. It depends how tired we are or how awake we are, how much we have eaten, how hydrated we are, where we are in our cycle or what our hormones are doing. Right. So, as I said, what felt good? Even in the morning may not feel good in the afternoon. So that’s why these conversations are very, very important because there can be so many misconceptions.

There are going to be so many misunderstandings. You might be heading for disappointment. So say what you want.

Jenny: What if your partner is not open? What if your partner like you start sharing and your partners kind of the one who’s uncomfortable.

Klara: Well, then you have some work to do. Okay. Yeah. But there has to be a certain level of intimacy. So you actually feel like you can talk about it, right? Because sexuality is so important in relationships and, um, you don’t want to put it on a back burner because if you don’t have a great sex life, then there becomes a lot of when people are just not sharing. Um, people are, what is the word I’m looking for?

Um, there’s a lot of resentment built. Yeah. A lot of resentment and resentment is very hard to get rid of. So, um, sharing and being open about sexuality, it can be uncomfortable. Totally can be uncomfortable, but it’s to build that intimacy levels between the two of you that you. Can talk about it and that you do not take it personally, if you are not doing everything that your partner wants you to do or not to the degree they want it, don’t take it personally, take that completely out of the equation and just think about it that you want to please your partner.

You want the pleasure them the way they want to be pleasured.

Jenny: Yeah. Not the way you want to, the way they want to. Yes.

Klara: It’s you know how people say the golden rule is treat people the way you want to be treated? No, actually treat them the way they want to be treated because we all have different love languages, or we have, uh, like diff different things.

Right. That makes it more interesting and more fun, right?

Jenny: No, definitely. What can we do to amplify and raise our sensuality and our sexuality?

Klara: Well, for me is actually being in my body it’s for, for all of us as being in our body, being present in our body and sensuality means actually employing all your five senses, but how often we actually don’t.

Because we are walking in a life, just kind of on autopilot, you know, when you’re driving somewhere, you’ve joined their million times before and you’re like, Oh, how did I even get here? I don’t remember driving. Right. Right. So just on the auto pilot, especially with dads in a job or a business, or, you know, you’re just kinda going through the day, every day, all the tasks.

Exactly. So it is to give ourselves times, times during the day when we actually pause and explore our senses, I give my clients exercise where they actually set uh, there. Timer on a few times a day. Uh, there are, there’s some, a really great app it’s called randomly. Remind me app. It’s a, it’s not on a, it’s not on an Apple products, but it’s on a Samsung and all the other products.

And you can set the timer a few times a day. And when a timer randomly goes off, You decide for 30 seconds to explore one of your senses. So for 30 seconds you stop and you, for example, close your eyes and you listen and you listen for the sounds around you, and then you can listen even further. Because very often we don’t listen.

We just hear all the noise, but really close to us, but what’s, what’s underneath it. What’s behind it. Right. We can do the same with smell. We can just pause and try to smell around us, you know, look at the different things. Close your eyes, and look at open. Sorry, close your eyes. Open them and look for new things around you.

Or touch yourself for 30 seconds, you know, explore how your skin feels, how your jeans feel, how your sweater feels, whatever you wearing, but the really actually exercise all five of your senses. That can be one way a other way is movement. And for me that’s dancing.

Jenny: Do you dance? Like you just kind of jump up and down or do you move your hips a certain way? Or both.

Klara: It depends what mood I’m in and what music I have. So any type of dancing or a certain type of dancing? Yeah. Any kind of dancing that makes you happy. Okay. For us, women are moving. Hips is great because hips are actually governed by the, by the second, by the sacral chakra. So, and be whole lot of.

Tension and emotions in our hips too. So actually I have them like sway your hips. Well, how does it make you feel when you actually sway or hit, especially if you’re tapping into that, right, exactly. When you tap really into the movement of your hips, well, you can actually feel the energy slowly, actually rising and, um, it feels extremely sensual and sexual too, and powerful.

So dancing as a great shaking as a really great way to, because we store our emotions in our body. So when we shake, we are freeing all these emotions and our body is become more loose. So that’s really, it’s one of the tantric practices actually is a lot of, lot of shaking.

Jenny: Okay. Those all sound like great things that we can do. And, and I love it because it’s, it’s almost like. Very similar to what Jai and I talk about with our clients, you know, just when it comes to movement and mindset and all of that, it’s like, sometimes you just got to shake it up or you gotta dance. You gotta move the energy. But I feel like what the distinction here is, is like the intention behind it and really paying attention in a different way.

Klara: Yes it is. And, and get into your body. Like really get into your body. That is the most important, as I said, we usually mostly in our head. So get into your body and feel with your body feels through the body because our bodies are amazing. Yeah. There really are. And they’re designed for a lot of pleasure.

Jenny: I love that. And that’s exactly why you are, who you are with all of your amazing titles. I mean, like you just, I wish you guys could see her face. Cause like, when we talk about certain aspects of pleasure and certain aspects of this sensuality and sexuality, she just lights up. She just lights up like her whole demeanor changes and it just gets really like light and playful and, and fun. So, you know, this is, this has been like an amazing conversation. I think this has been a great way to really round off the sacral chakra and to be able to bring it an additional perspective. Into what the chakra means. And if you are listening and you were like, Oh my God, I want more, I want to go further.

I want to continue this conversation. What would be the next steps? Like where does someone go to find you? Or how can they work with you? Do you offer coaching? You know, do you do virtual stuff? How do you work with people?

Klara: I’m actually just starting to coach because I was mostly doing my somatic practices of working with clients hands-on and now during the COVID and everything, I was like, okay, I got out, started doing something else.

And, uh, I’m doing one-on-one coaching right now. Okay. And working on my group coachings, but one-on-one, I think that’s really where my jam is because I love talking to people. And as I said, sexuality can be quite triggering. So this is what I prefer to do right now. The easiest was to find me on my Facebook, which is Klara Wilder.

I have a website that is mostly just for my bodywork. That’s called apleasureinspiredlife.ca. And working on my coaching website.

Jenny: Oh, perfect. I think you guys, if once, like I say, on every episode, if you are vibing with her and you want to take it further, please reach out. I mean, we’ve got some amazing people that could really help open up a lot of things for you in your life, in your sensuality, in your sexuality.

Why not start now? Thank you so much for coming on. It’s been such an amazing episode.

Liked it? Take a second to support Jeni Holla on Patreon!
Become a patron at Patreon!

More from this show

Recent posts

Season: ChakraEpisode 56