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Phoenix Ash

 

Holding on to pain doesn’t do anybody any good. If you are preventing yourself from moving forward with your life because you are worried about letting go, you are not helping yourself in any way, shape or form. In this episode, Phoenix shares why you have to let yourself grow and move on. Let go of whatever it is that’s holding you back from experiencing your life.

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Resources:
Phoenix Ash: Instagram | Twitter | LinkedIn
Savage Fever
Savage Fever Episode #2
Savage Fever Episode #3
Savage Fever Episode #4
Touch Me First
Delectable
In Her MakeUp
Soiled Sheets
Cookies & Crumbles

*Intro*

Phoenix: Well, hello, hello. Welcome back. This is Life as P, I’m your host Phoenix Ash. Thank you for joining me. If this is your first time welcome. It’s been, I don’t know…. It’s got to be like four or five seasons, I don’t even know anymore, but I’m so glad that people are here and there are new people coming in to listen. It’s so wonderful. If you are a repeat, listen, what on earth? Thank you. You, you already know what this is I’m just going to get started. If I get winded, understand that I am on the treadmill now. This ain’t even… you know, I don’t even believe in the whole 2021 is gonna be “this”… it’s going to be “that”…. look for 2020 and told us anything.

It was just like, listen and plan. You can plan, but you know, like sometimes we’d be wrong. So it’s definitely not like on some old new years resolution type stuff, a friend of mine who works out often, I don’t even know how I let him convince me that I’m going to get on the treadmill… to act like…. there’s so many things that I will do to work out like, I’ll dance. I will twerk in the mirror, I, you can’t even get me to get down on a floor and do some crunches is going to take me forever to get up, but I will do some crunches, but the treadmill, Oh my God. The most boring of exercises, in my opinion, unless I have a book or my focus is on something else.

When I was younger, I used to be able to watch TV while I was on the treadmill or the stairmaster and now that I don’t have a treadmill that faces to TV and I’m doing it at night and my baby’s asleep and I don’t know how I’ll let this person convince me to get on this treadmill. I think I gave my word. I’m not even sure if I gave my word. I think I gave my word So because I think I gave my word. I’m going to try to do a little something, but forever the entrepreneur and manager of several businesses, I have to multitask. And that means talk to my people while I’m on the treadmill.

So hopefully it’s not painful for me, not painful for you. We can get through it. So… I’m going to talk about severing of ties. I want to talk about it because I feel like I’ve come across several situations that look like they’ve come to an end and not like so much of like a deadly end, whereas like never again, well, maybe one or two of them was never again, but for the most part is just, the situation has worn out its welcome. This situation is good for a little while.

It was only meant for a little while, was seasonal. And you know, you have to read the writing on the wall, so to speak and know that the situation is done. And I don’t see this as a bad thing. I don’t, I… when situations look like they’re over to me, I take a deep breath because at first it is a little bit somber. It is like, ah, because you wanted to do things on your own time or you want to be the person who decides that is over and the situation, not somebody else… but the situation, it just looks over.

And so sometimes it’s a little hurtful because we’re not seemingly in control. Look at me. I can’t breathe already. Jesus. Okay. It just, it feels like we’re out of control. We didn’t get a choice in this situation. And honestly, our feelings of hurt that we hadn’t determined that we were not ready to end this situation, but it’s over. And so we assume that were not really ready for it to be over. So sometimes we hold on to it. We try to convince the other parties involved, that things could be salvaged. Listen, if it looks over, let it be over because chances are, you’ve gotten all the fruit that you’re going to get from it.

And the longer you stay in it, the more sour that fruit is going to become. You’re not going to nurture the things that you’ve already got from it. And if it is dry it’s dry, like I know you want to get every last drop. Don’t worry about it because there is another fountain, all right around the corner waiting for you. Okay. And it has the abundance. But if you keep stressing over his old situation and keep trying to stretch it, to see what else you can get from it, or you refuse to let go, because you feel like you have so much time invested, you’re going to cut your legs off.

Like, how will you run? How will you soar? How will you fly? You are so tied. So the previous wait that you can’t even see that there’s something waiting for you. And honestly, that thing that’s waiting for you is not necessarily a different thing is not necessarily so much better because I feel like we only like to accept, to move on with some things better. Sometimes it’s just the next step. It is the next step to move forward or go to the next step. And I’m a big, big baby.

Okay. Fear, sometimes speaks first and scares me and it gets my eyes all welled up with tears. But if you’ve listened to my podcast and the past, you know, that I’m very much like “Cry today, plan tomorrow.” So I’m in my feelings for our good 10 to 20 minutes tears and all, I can’t believe in dah, dah, dah. And then I got to play. Then I have a strategy. And once I start with the planning and the strategy, I start to feel good. I start to feel like, all right, the same time that the world, I don’t know why you was acting like it was the end of the world because it ain’t.

And I keep on pushing. I’m usually is a good plan because good strategy easily executed and I’m all forward and everything is just fine. So when you think about this situation in your life that you’re holding on to where the situation looks done, it looks finished. It looks like a closed chapter. It’s done. But you’re trying to stretch it out. Suck up more juice. You’re not doing yourself any favors. You’re actually stopping yourself from getting your next blessing. You’re stopping yourself from taking the next step in your progression.

Stop, stop doing that. Go ahead and walk or move forward. I know it is hard. I know it is scary, man. When I was going through problems in my marriage… I thought about divorce for several years before it came out my mouth. Several years, it took for me to get myself together and be like, look, we are not in love with each other anymore. At least I’m not. This has to end. It’s not healthy. We’re torturing each other. We’re forcing each other to live lives that neither one of us want to live.

I’m asking him to basically be somebody else. Everything I’m asking is outside of his character, everything he’s expecting me to live with is outside of my character or what are we doing? What, how are you still doing this? And we stayed together longer than we should have. And I think that it will probably take us longer than it should be to come to an understanding where everything is amicable. It’s not that we argue and fight now, but I think that there’s still tension. There is still animosity because we were there too long, trying to suck up everything that we could get out the situation, trying to have so much to show for it and still end up with the same, same deck of cards we had.

This stuff’s started to go South. It’s ridiculous how we try to hold on to these things and they’re done. They’re finished. And we sometimes corrupt the relationship by trying to stretch it out is not just relationship like marriage or boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, whatever is not just that. It’s your business relationships to maybe you’re at a job that you’ve been at it for too long, or you’ve been there 19 years fighting the same fight for the past three. Alright. How was 30? What about finding yourself and having the opportunity?

Because at least we’re, I live, there are several companies out here. Ware. If you walk the halls, of these companies and you talk to employees, there are a lot of them have these dreams, these goals, these passions that are outside of the company. And they’re frustrating because they feel like if I step out on faith or if I go to a different kind of company, or if I start over, I won’t make the money that I’m making now…. that’s a popular excuse as to keep us track popular. I’m not going to make the money. But then you ask these people, what have you researched it?

Have you looked into what other companies are in the area? Have you looked into what other people are paying or have you looked into the qualifications for what you want to do? Well no. What, how the hell but doing that research and stuff makes it real for them and is still trying to stretch out something and try to suck up juice and shop. Because I, one point this was the most beneficial situation thus far, right? When I got, when my husband, he was the most beneficial situation thus far. Okay. That’s why I chose them. So but that doesn’t mean you are the best situation for me forever.

And I know that’s a scary thought all in itself because a lot of us believe like, Oh, marriage, I’m supposed to be married forever. I mean, if you feel that way, that’s great. More power it. So you upgraded that comes upon life. My suggestion is if you’re not married, wait a little while before you do that, if you want that to be the situation, getting married young, I think it was part of my wrong choice, but whatever, all that to say, stopped trying to suck up all the juice or move forward progress. Let yourself grow, lets yourself grow.

Let, go and grow. OK. That is what I want you to do. That’s what I want for me. That’s what I want for you. Let go and grow. The situation is done dead. Goodbye. It doesn’t have to be a messy ending. It doesn’t have to be. I hate you. I can’t stand to hear. No, it doesn’t have to be. It could be as simple as like, you know what? This looks like. We’ve gotten all we could get out of it. That’s it. Let’s come to a compromise? Hopefully both people in this situation or both parties, I should say, right? Because sometimes it’s company versus employee or company versus company.

Either way. Hopefully you can done this situation with both parties being mature enough to just be like, you know what? You’re right. Let’s agree. Unless go our separate ways unless support each other. When we’re separate from each other, it doesn’t have to be a bad taste left in anyone’s mouth. You don’t have to take it personal, you don’t have to be overly sensitive. Just know that it’s over and that you’re going to the next thing you’re going to progress. You’re going to grow, but you got to let go. Lord… damn treadmill. Oh, Life as P.

Oh, this is Life. I’m trying to manage. I don’t know how many times I’ll be on this treadmill. This, this thing feels stressful. But in here now please let go and grow. I mean, what is stopping you fear, recently? I’ve learned to ask myself before making any decisions, jumping out the window emotionally. Oh, I’m good for that. What, you tell me something I want to hear. When I tell you out the window, professionalism, all that. I don’t even know what will help me remember to keep it. Sometimes I keep it in. Sometimes I don’t.

Are you telling me something? I want to hear? man. I’m going to work on that though. Once I get it together and if I can get it together, before I say something, that’s going to hurt somebody’s feelings. I asked myself, what is speaking, what’s talking for me? is the fact or fear Because. If it’s facts, then I’m going to handle the facts and I need to go with them. Factually. I need to review what the evidence is. I need to figure out what makes sense to go forward. It’s like a math problem. Figure out the solution. If it’s fear, I need to figure out how to put it in the bag.

Because more than likely that thing I fear is that thing I need that space that I fear is the space I need that severing of Tie, that letting go of hands. That’s probably what I need. And I probably need it right now, which is why it’s coming up right now. The universe don’t lie. It don’t lie. And it’s me who keeps myself staying in still nothing else. It’s me. Who decides to stand still or move forward.

Now what is to make a new year’s resolution? It would be to focus on moving forward. There is a lot of newness to my life. There is a lot of new people in my life. Not all of them are for me. Not all of them are against me. Not all of them are people or situations that I have to become emotionally attached to where I feel some sort of way. When the end, now I’m an emotional person. So I mean, I’m not asking myself to become somebody else. What I’m asking myself is to use a little bit of logic, have a little bit of faith and move forward.

And I don’t just mean faith in God. I mean, faith in God definitely helps. And definitely is my rock and my foundation. But sometimes you got to learn to have faith in yourself. I’m sorry, I’m breathing hard. I had to pause on the treadmill. I’m wiping myself oooh I’m out of shape, but seriously, you have to have faith in yourself, faith in your ability to bounce back faith in your ability to heal. Faith, In the fact that you’ve already overcome all of the obstacles that you thought you wouldn’t or thought you couldn’t.

There was a time in your childhood where you felt like today is the worst day in my life, but you got through it. You got past it. There was a time in your teenage years. My life is the worst, but you got through it. You got past it. You got to your early twenties. Some of you are in your early twenties and you like, how is this life? How? Particularly with us going through a pandemic with the police brutality show, we got a new regime, but that doesn’t take away the hundreds of people who are trying to harm us and kudos to all of the people who are trying to actively take part in the policing of our own community.

In standing up for us in trying to influence the laws, trying to be representative of a culture that wants truth, love and understanding. Kudos to you, kudos to us. Because I feel like I do my part in there as well. You have to trust yourself. You have to because it’s sink or swim. Now, if you gonna sink… that means that it was going to sink anyway, you might as well trust yourself and take the chance on yourself. Just in case you swim. Now I’m not going to be focused on sinking.

A long time ago, somebody was talking to me, all right? So I’m getting biblical. So this, ain’t your thing that you might want to do it. But long time it goes, somebody was talking to me about hell and all these different things that they thought was savings. And how one thing was more, was worse than the other scene and blah blah. And what do you think? That’s, that’s how it ended. Would you think now I’m not fitting to have no conversation about all of that, because that conversation is hella focused and that’s not why I’m going. So I’m not trying to figure out the qualifications to get to a place that I’m not going to win. I’m not, I’m trying to focus on where I believe I’m going.

I’m trying to focus on my growth, my prosperity, my love. I’m trying to pour out as much love into this world as I possibly can. That’s one of the reasons why I wanted to have a child. I wanted to be able to raise someone who can have positive contributions to this world. Oh my gosh, she’s a joy, but we have to learn to trust ourselves. You have to look at your own. I know some times we look, Oh, I made this bad decision, this bad decision as a bad decision. Okay. But what about the decisions that you made to break free? Who cares? How long it took you to get to the decision to break free. You made the decision and you’ve stuck to it.

You got there, you got where you’re going. You free yourself. That’s the important thing that you’ve got their trust. That track record that damn I always get there. I always break free. Eventually. I always move forward. Eventually I always take the next step. Eventually I always get in the right situation eventually. And sometimes the right, this is what I’m trying to get y’all to see, is that the right situation? Does it mean that is the right situation for forever? Sometimes the seasonal sometimes it’s the right situation right now. I had a job that was the worst job I ever had.

It wasn’t work wise. It was people the worst. And you would have thought that my experiences would have been totally different because when I interviewed, they absolutely loved me. I was cool with them. They offered me the job within hours of me leaving from the interview. But I got there and it was crazy, which that’s the second time I got a job in Delaware and it was crazy. But anyhow, they, it was crazy though. And you know that it was crazy if you stayed at a job for two and a half months and they still give you severance when you leave and do your unemployment So yeah, they knew that it was crazy. I know that it was crazy. It was crazy. So one can say, you know, I made a rush decision by taking that job.

I took it on the heels of me leaving another job. So the other job I went on to leave. I was going through some things after losing several of my children at year or the year before, or rather. And I just was really emotional. I had a bad car accident right after I lost my son. So I just had to get myself together. I didn’t feel like my current job was appreciating me. And I was tired of fighting the fight that I had been fighting for the last two years. I have been fighting with them to get a higher salary because I was the only black assistant and I was making the least amount of money yet. I was third and tenure. And the only one with a bachelor’s and a master’s degree clear violation of just me like forget laws and rules and all of that.

It was clear violation of me. So I had to make the tough decision because I had been there for five years. I have made the tough decision to Sever the tie, because I saw it becoming rotten. People who I had loved or who I agree admiration for were starting to turn in my eyes. They were starting to whooped. So the bloom that I saw from them, it was starting to wilt. So I just was like, I got to break free. And so I broke free and I was taken some time and I just was put in the applications out there. It just, for the hell of it, it wasn’t even really ready to go back to work. And I put it in the application for this place to call me right away.

They want to meet and interview right away. And I’m like I said, within hours of me leaving the interview, they offered me the job and I took it. It was making more money, less travel time, better hours, all of that. Benefits weren’t great, but that’s neither here nor there now because I ain’t there, but I took the job. And like I said, within a couple of months knew that it was not right for me so much. So that in the meeting, I paused with my boss and basically said, if we come to an agreement today, will you fight me for my unemployment? I was like, I’ve got to go. And I was pregnant with Saudia at the time I had just found out it was pregnant. It was a surprise pregnancy.

I found that I was pregnant like two or three days before I started the job. So it was just a lot going on and I just could not tolerate a lot of bullshit. And that’s what it was a lot of bullshit and I could not tolerate it. And so we severed the tie and I feel good about it. And there is a frame of mind that would make me question what happened in what I did, because I could have stayed longer at the other job, particularly finding out I was pregnant and I have better benefits at the other job. And I had 10 years. So I have earned some time off that I could have taken as the extra, but you know, when I left, I didn’t know I was pregnant, but it’s okay. And I say, it’s okay because the jobs that I couldn’t stand had a purpose and the purpose was to make me feel okay about leaving the previous job, because that was a really tough decision for me, but I gained some freedom. And the thing that I was tied to for so long when I first started, I feel a sense of freedom, right? Like I, I wasn’t here yesterday. So if I ain’t here tomorrow or am I, that’s just how I think. But after being there for five years, totally engrossed in a culture and being one, becoming one, like a company member, just not even individual face, I’m just part of the company.

It was very difficult to come to the conclusion that I needed to leave. And I needed something to make me feel okay about it. I needed something to make me say, you know what you mean? The right decision. And the fact that I found another job right behind it paying better money after I’ve been arguing to death for two years on how my salary should be increased all for GP, not even like matching the top tier person, but just to make it an average salary. So yeah, that was the purpose of that next position. The purpose was to make me understand that leaving the previous company was the right decision.

That was its only purpose. Well that in the severance and the unemployment gotten through my entire pregnancy where I didn’t have to work in society, it was for months. So yeah, it had to look, I dunno if you believe in God, but I do. And I believe that he doesn’t do anything with one purpose alone is always like dual, triple all of that layers. Layers. I love God, just layers, layers, layers. But anyhow, it taught me that things are seasonal and it’s okay. Just because you, you bumped into this opportunity. That seems great its wonderful.

And after awhile it’s not wonderful. Any more does not mean you’ve made the wrong decision. It may just mean that the season is over it. When I think of being married, it’s a hard thing to describe it in terms of being free, because I will say over and over, Oh, I think I got married too young or, Oh, we had issues that needed to be resolved. That weren’t resolved before we got married, they ended up being dragged into our marriage and they never resolved themselves. Yes. All of that is true. Do I feel like I made the wrong decision to marry him? No. What is it my best decision? No, but do I think it was wrong?

No. There’s fruits that I got from it is fruit from being married, these things that I’ve learned, things that I would have never learned living the life I was living. I don’t want to say I would have never learned from being single because there’s probably single people out there learning who’ve got much softer heads than mine or like learning vicariously. They are learning by reading books. With, as of me, I don’t have to live with this stuff and stress out and then learned the great lesson, but that’s okay because I’m going to pass those lessons on to those people who learned vicariously.

I’m not like you gotta be a burden, but seriously, just because after awhile it doesn’t work does not mean it was the wrong decision. It just could mean that the time is up and it’s okay for the time to be up. It’s alright. There’s another step for you to take your feet are planted, but it’s time for you to move. Get moving. Go forward. It’s scary. I know that you got to let go and you got to grow. So that’s my spiel for today. I hope you got some fruit from it for real, for real.

Because thinking about this topic, I think it gave me some fruit or some things that I need to think over. Some moves that I need to make some discussions I need to have. And I probably should do another 10 minutes on this treadmill because I think I promised I would do a little longer. Anyhow, be good to yourself. Okay. Be easy. I know we all have goals. We have aspirations and I want you to reach each and every one of them. But I don’t want you to wear yourself out with stress. I don’t want you to wear yourself out with the pain and the pressure of not being good enough or not achieving in the way that you thought you would achieve.

I don’t want you to beat yourself up about dead situations feeling as though you made the wrong choice. You got in a bit of fire and you can’t get out. No step out, get out, move forward. Don’t be afraid. Yes. It’s going to be hard. Yes. For some of you, you might struggle, but you know what? Sometimes it ain’t as bad as you thought. I thought I was going to be down to my last penny every single month when I would have my husband move out, how am I going to pay these bills? I’m going to have to sell my house and I’m still here and I’m okay. Now sometimes one month may be a struggle more than the other. Or I might have a heart attack when I look up at the ceiling and I’m like, Oh my God, who’s telling me that my roof is not leaking and I don’t need a new one or whatever, but I’m going to get through it and I’m going to get past it.

And then it’s going to be his story to tell. And then I’m going to say, I remember when that happens to me and this is what I did. And this is how that problem was solved. And because I know I’m going to move past it and be able to look back on it and know how it was solved. Then I should trust that it will get solved. It’s all of that. As one big circle is one big circle. So be good to yourself. We’re going to get past it. We’re going to get through it. We’re going to move forward. We’re gonna progress. And we’re going to take the next step. Now you want to support some of my work buy my books. No seriously for real on Amazon. I have Delectable, which is also available on Kindle and Kindle Unlimited. That’s the romance novels. So if that’s your thing, that’s the nice chocolaty romance. Woof. Touch me first. Ooh. Now shout sexy. Now, if you ain’t ready for sexy, I don’t know if you’re ready for the touch me first with such the first is nice and sexy. That’s also available on Amazon books as well as Kindle, Kindle apps, Kindle unlimited my newest baby Savage Fever. I just dropped episode 4… Duh. If you read the comments, you know, that it’s popping in Savage Fever for real, for real, for real.

So episodes one through four are all available on Kindle. Kindle apps can do unlimited that paperback won’t be available for a little bit. So if you are anxious to get in and go download the app or whatever and get in it like, go read it. It was, this was to make sure you leave me a review though. I know you are so engrossed and want to get to the next one, but please leave me a review. Any how you want to reach out to me and get up in my inbox. Shout out to the home girl who was in my inbox on Twitter, who found me on Twitter @PWrites on Twitter, found me on Twitter. Not only followed me, but was sweet enough to send me a message and let me know who she was, where she found me, how she came across.

You know, I love that. Shout out to you, babe. Thank you so much. Definitely reach out to me at any time because this thing I love to run my mouth. I already know you hear it

On Instagram is your thing. I’m also at Pwrites their Facebook and Phoenix Ash I think if you want to join my Reader group, I have a reader group on Facebook. It’s Phoenix fiyahflies and that’s fiyah it’s spelled F I Y A H my home girl, Butterfly Brooks gave me that spelling, and I’m going to stick to it. Cause I love it. Just love looking at it. But yeah, that’s my group on Facebook. So get at me however you can get at me. I want to connect. I want to be able to encourage you, inspire you all of that because that’s what you do for me. Honestly, it is what you do for me. So until next time when we can exchange our power and our peace. Love ya.

*Outro*

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