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The Language of Our Lovers

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life as p
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Phoenix Ash

 

Do you find that your “love language” doesn’t seem to fit into one particular box? You enjoy words of affirmation, but things like trust and communication are also your ways of showing love. No matter your preference, not everyone expresses love the same way they receive it. Phoenix knows this all too well. Listen in as she explains what she has learned about herself through her past relationships and the unconventional love languages she will be focusing on in the future.

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* Intro Music*

Hey! What’s up y’all on Phoenix Ash. I’m your host of Life As P… thank you for joining me. I appreciate it. If you are a new listener. Welcome. Thank you for hopping on board. If you are a repeat listener, what’s up? If you hear a lot of noise in the background today, we’re going to try to minimize it. But, you know, I like to sit outside and I actually did a little bit of traveling still social distancing. So, you know, I ain’t going to get on a white plane, but you know, I’m sitting out in the park on a bench by myself, got my Lysol with me and everything, my wipes, but I just wanted to be outside and not be like trapped inside for a little while.

And I think the last show I was kind of thinking about. I kind of hinted toward it, but like love languages. And I was like, you know what, let’s talk about some love languages, because I don’t feel like that is a separate topic from me being a creator and trying to find what my evolution looks like. I feel like love languages are a very important part of evolution for oneself. Its definitely important for relationships, whether it be platonic or romantic or with your child. I feel like it’s very important and I’m not going to talk about it in the normal sense. And what I mean by that is that there’s a lot of chatter, particularly online about what’s your love language.

How do you receive love? How does someone know? Um, this is how to feed that portion of you. I think that’s important and we’ll probably get into a little bit of that. I think that we also need to evaluate what our partner’s love language is and how they express love, not just how the love is received, because I don’t necessarily think that everybody expresses love in the same way that they receive love.

I don’t know if that makes sense, but like, there are some people who’s like, well, I like to receive gifts. So I give gifts. But that is not necessarily everyone’s and I’ll give myself as an example. Right? Of course. I’m always an example, for real though. Like I like to give gifts. I love Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday. I love birthdays. I love celebrations. I love giving a token of my love of my appreciation. Yeah. And I think hard, long and hard on gifts. I like to make them specific. I like to make them something that when you receive it, you know, that I put thought into it because I was thinking about you and it was so important.

Yeah. And you may not even think all of them layers, but for me, when I give a gift, there was some layers of thinking about you and how much I care about you and care about the things you like. However, it’s not necessarily the way I receive love. I like gifts. I appreciate gifts, but it’s not like my top thing.

It’s not, I am okay with minimal gifts. Now, come on, give me a gift or something. It’s like if we in a relationship, but I’m okay with minimal gifts, that is not how I receive love. And I don’t necessarily know. So here’s the thing with the love languages, right? They’ve broken them up into different boxes and hell if I know what each box is, I know that one of them is gifts.

I think another one is like doing nice things and another one is touch and affirmations. How many is it? Five. I don’t know, but I feel like I receive love. I touched on a little bit in each box. So for me to receive love from a gift, if it’s something specific, like, I don’t know, I got my second man or something and someone came and was like, you know, I’m really proud of you, here’s that? Or like, When I had my daughter. So I don’t know if it’s called a push gift. If it comes from someone other than the person you’re having a child with, but I still call it a push gift. My mama, well my auntie who is basically my mama. She gave me these two bracelets. What are they? This little charm bracelets, I think they’re called like Rose or something like that.

I probably said it all wrong probably, but anyway, she gave me these two charm bracelets, which I absolutely love. I don’t care if I have on gold or not. I wear them because they’re gold because they mean a whole lot to me, but this is not something that a kind of gifts that I received from her often.

It’s how she shows love as well. So maybe that’s how, where I learned to give gifts. But the reason why they mean so much to me is because there’s so many points in life where it was just her and I like. There’s so much trauma, so much overcoming, so much survival, thriving that her and I share that it’s the specific reasons.

It’s not just two bracelets. It’s the specific one she chose. It’s the specific messages she was giving to me that meant something. So it was actually less of the gift giving and more of that affirmation the affirmation in the message and what she was telling me that spoke loudly to me. And this is just proof of the affirmation.

So she’s given me other guests before other people have given me gifts before, and it was great in the moment to receive them. Like I’m very few things in my life holding on to for a very long time, because they just mean so much to me. So I feel like, although I give gifts as a token of my love, I don’t necessarily receive it that way.

And if you are a friend of mine, you know how hard it is for me to receive guests, particularly gifts of financial assistance, because you know, like I could hold my own right now. There were times where I could not hold my own, even when I couldn’t hold my own. I’m very reluctant. To add, to allow someone to pay for something for me, or to ask to borrow something like I really have to be desperate and that’s not to say anything about someone who’s more comfortable asking for help.

It’s just who I am. I’m a hustler, I’m a grinder. And I try to do everything on my own. I try to move my own way. I try to figure out how I can get it so that I can be proud of me. For me, everything is like a math equation. It’s just something to figure out. I just got to figure out how to get there. I got to figure out how to get to that next step.

I got to figure out where that dollar is, but I’m going to find it. So, yeah, I probably have a lot of friends who are listening, who are like …. I know she don’t receive gifts cause she stays telling me no. And sometimes I got to watch myself. I’ve had friends when my daughter was going through a hard time or as she’s going through the hard time, I’ve had friends who are like, I want to send her something and I’ve given push-back, like hold on. She showed out in school, she disciplined or her for that, but you know, I’ve also had friends who were like, yeah, but watch the fine line you’re walking. Think about the gifts that people are sending her first and why they’re sending her gifts because they are hurting for her. They know that her showing out is just a symptom of what it is that she’s feeling with all the transition that’s around her, she’s going to the next stage of her life. She’s going to be five soon. And, you know, for some people they like that’s the next stage, but from what I’ve heard from other parents is that there’s something that happens when they turn five. That, that is definitely a plot point on the map.

There’s some things that change within them, some maturity that happens. And so she’s going through some growing pains. In addition to that, at that point in her life. Her parents are transitioning. We have separated households. We are raising her as best we can, but it’s not always consistent in terms of discipline or what’s allowed at one person’s house or whatever.

And we’re still like trudging through that muddy water and to be truthful, we don’t always get along. And I’m sure that the tension is probably a lot easier to pick up now that we have separated households, which means we don’t work as hard to hide that tension. At least I don’t think so. We don’t work as hard to mask the emotions that are flooding within us.

And she may be picking up on that and she’s very keen. She can pick up on a lot of things and she’s sensitive. And so she just got a lot going on, but anyhow, These gifts that people wanted to give her someone a very good friend of mine. Mel, she’s a writer also on BLP. She sent her some books about emotion, about helping her learn to breathe through her emotion, another book where they use colors to identify emotions and just these tools to help her understand.

So where I’m giving pushback, like yo don’t send her nothing. This person is, and in her tools to get through what she’s struggling with. So I have to like chill out because that’s my own. I don’t receive love that. I mean, I know you love me. You don’t have to send me anything, but like, let me show for a second, evaluate this and see why you giving this to me.

When I think about how I express love, you know, I also give words of affirmation. I appreciate words of affirmation. However, I find that I’m not someone who needs to have that soft rub on the back, ‘re the best honey. I don’t feel like I need that every day. Which I feel like can make it difficult for someone to love me. Not love me. Let me not say that, but it could be, make it difficult for a lover because I need it, but I don’t need it a whole, whole lot. So trying to find balance of, and I feel like all my ways of expressing love, I need them all or receiving love I should say I need them all, but I don’t need them all, like at the same time all the time.

And I just don’t know if it’s because I give so much love to myself, maybe, or maybe it’s because I really do have a strong family background. My aunt is very supportive. I tell you, that’s my mama, very supportive, my little sister, very supportive, cousins, very supportive. So I have a multitude of places where I can receive the different things that I need to feed my soul.

So there was a time where I thought that that would make it easier on a lover. That I don’t need all of that all the time. And I found primarily through my marriage that that could make things difficult. And I say that because I’m not on one side of the spectrum. So the fact that I didn’t need that all the time, it got to a point where I wasn’t receiving it at all.

And so my spirit, my heart, my need. Was like increasing, we were starving. We were starving for appropriate affection. It’s nice when someone looks at you and they’re attracted to you and they want to be with you. Yeah. That’s nice shots. I’m not even going to act like it’s not. However, if you are with someone a long period of time, and that is the only way.

That they’re showing you affection. It becomes dry, stale, you don’t want to participate and you are questioning how thorough this emotion is. You’re questioning what you’re doing, why you’re in it. And then you think that you’re showing love in the way that you want to receive it. So you start doing more of the things that you want to see, and then you become resentful because it’s not reciprocated.

Meanwhile, the whole time I’ve convinced him that I don’t need that. And I’m sure there’s someone who’s like, ma’am bump him. He just saying that stuff so he can excuse himself. But whatever the thing is, I receive it. I feel like there is a little bit of that. I have a very strong personality. I can buck up on you real fast.

However, I feel I’m also very loving. I will be the person who will rub your back. I will be the person who will speak words of affirmation. I will celebrate all your accomplishments, your achievements. I will cheer when you get that promotion at work. I will push you to do whatever it is that you dream about.

I will remind you of what you wrote down as your goal. I will question where you are in your goal setting and where you are on the road of achieving it. I will do all of that. I will touch. I’m very touchy feely … well before COVID.

I’ve got my hand on your back. I’ve got my hand on your waist. I’ve got my hand in your face. I’ve got my hand on your beard. I love hugs. I love to be in arms. I do. I love to be wrapped up in arms, particularly arms that I feel a genuine and it’s authentic and it’s full with love. I love that. So I have a number of ways that I like to receive love.

However, like I said, I don’t need it often. I don’t need you to hug me every day. I really don’t. I don’t even need you to kiss my face every day. I don’t need you to kiss my lips every day. For some situations it’s a want, but you go on a business trip. I’m not going to die. Go on a business trip. Like I’m not going to die of my god, what are you doing?

Where are you? I can see you if you go on my wave for a day or two hell of you going away for a week. And I trust you now, if I don’t trust you. Well, first of all, I need to question why we even in this thing, why. But if I trust you, I can be away from you for a week, two weeks, three weeks, I probably would have made a great military wife.

Like if I trust you and I can be away from you for a very long time, I can miss you, but I won’t die. I have other stuff to do. I will dive into my work. My child is always top priority. So she keeps me on my toes. She keeps me busy so I can go long periods of time. I probably really. You know, like I’m learning a lot about myself. I’m starting to think I’m probably really good at long distance relationships. Hey, is there a resume building who you be as a partner? Understand, I said partner. Cause I don’t even know if marriage is on the horizon for me ever again, if it is great, if it’s not I’m cool.

I ain’t dying for that. I just feel like I never really evaluated my ex husband to say, how do you give love? What is it that you do? And one of the things when I look back on is that even though I give love by giving gifts and I don’t receive it necessarily by receiving gifts, his way of expressing love was by giving gifts.

He would love to surprise you and give you something from the jewelry store. I mean, come home and there would be… one Valentine’s day, he said something was wrong with the shower head and he’s like, you need to go see what it is. Cause I couldn’t figure out what it is. And I go. And there’s a jewelry bag hanging on the shower head that was not Valentine’s gift for.

And that was times they cause. Right. I’m not all that. And so it was even good. So Valentine’s day is kind of hit or miss with me. Like if you give me one single Rose and a card that I believe the words in were authentic, I am into this and ready to give you all the booboo. Yeah, but you know, his thing was like his, some rings is a chain, has some earrings, you know, whatever.

And for someone that is great for me, I appreciate it. I’m thankful. I think it’s really sweet or whatever. But I want some genuine words to come behind it. I want some declaration of love. And like I said, it’s not something that I need every day, but in that moment, you know, I need that to accompany this gentleman, just, you know, so.

Right. I didn’t set that precedent though, because the way I received the proposal, I don’t even know if I accepted with him down on his knee. He probably was sitting next to me. And I said something to the effect of if you could have proposed with a ring from the bubble gum machine. And I would have said yes, because at that time, like I didn’t eat much.

And I told you receiving gifts needed to handle this for me, but the words of affirmation or words of love the declaration of commitment and. I am the moon, sun and the stars for you, but I don’t need you to tell me I’m the moon, sun and the stars every day. You need to say it periodically. What’s more important is that I believe you when you do say it.

So I don’t know if trust is one of those things that is love language. I don’t know. I haven’t seen it anywhere. I don’t think, but my love language, I believe the most prevalent one for me is trust. I need to believe you. I need to believe you’re going to do what you said you’re going to do. I need to believe you’re going to be where you said, you’re going to be.

I need to believe when you say you’re busy or occupied that you are. And I’m really just evaluating this now where, uh, meeting new people, whatever. And when I meet someone that I actually believe, I’m like, Oh, I knew it was important to me, but I know it was this important trust. Is my, I don’t know. Can we add that to the love language list, trust is my love language, and it’s not just me trusting you and me believing what you say to me, but it’s you trusting me? So I am somebody who I feel like over time, if I date you or we’re friends or something, then listen, you’re going to have to confide in me. I have to be a confidant. I can’t just be hanging around because that’s my love language. It shows me that if I feel like you trust me, then I feel loved. If you trust me, I have a friend who, when I tell you, we went through some bumps and bruises in our friendship, and I have a couple of friendships where I was like that.

I don’t know why I’m like that, but whatever it happens. So we went through some really tough times. We went through a couple of years and not speaking to each other. Not necessarily. Why do I have all these friendships with people? Don’t tell me why they don’t talk to me. I don’t know. Maybe cause I’m argumentative when it comes to that. Then when we did reconnect, to find out there was someone who was very dear to her who passed away. And I know the strength of the relationship she had with that person. I know what that person meant to her. I know how much she loved that person. And I was really hurt by her not sharing with me that this person passed also too, because I would have gone to the funeral.

I would have done everything. Despite the fact that you hadn’t talked to me for a year, I would have been there with my shoulder, with my tissues, my hugs, I would have forgiven everything. I would have been trying to talk it out, find out what do I need to ask for forgiveness and tell me what I need to ask for it for us so we can discuss it.

But I was just like, wow, you didn’t feel that that needed to be something that you would share with me so that I can help you through. And when I talked to her, not like she didn’t need. Helped to get through. Definitely was a hole in her heart, definitely needed love and compassion, and even shared that she missed me during that time, but probably mirroring some of my own pride. She’s a prideful person. And had already decided that she was cutting me off. She probably was like, I’m gonna just have to mess up and love me from afar. But yet. And there was a point where I struggled with thinking, like, was I selfish to think about her pain as something that she needed to share with me so I could feel better about me or so that I could feel loved, but it’s kind of weird because it’s not just so I could feel love is so that I can have more opportunity to love her.

That is something that I’m trying to figure out within myself. Is that, what is that? When I care about someone, I want them to give me more opportunities to love them. I want to love everything. I mean, if I ever dated someone seriously, I’d care about you. I care about your kids. I care about your parents.
I care about your cousins. I care about the coworkers you like, I’d be mad at the ones you don’t like, first of all I’m very aggressive. I don’t know if, okay. So often when somebody, and I’m gonna click back right behind you. I got you.

I’ve thought about that. I had the experience and I was just like, cause you know, when I love someone, I want to protect everything about them. My friends, my family, I just want to protect everything about them. I want to. Not only protect your physical being, but I want to protect your heart. I want to protect your mind.

I care about how you go out into the world every day. I care about the person that you are when you have to face the most difficult circumstance. I care about the mindset you’re in when you face opposition and you face someone who’s trying to deteriorate you, or who’s trying to knock you down. I care about how strong your back is when you have to face that.

And I want to help build that strength and if you’re already strong and that’s great, I just want to solidify that. I just want to back it up and that’s really the kind of love. I think that’s how I receive love as well. I like to feel protected. I like to feel that you got my back, which is probably why I’m like less about gifts or sweet talk every day and more about trust and protection. I’m more about trust and protection. I want to know. And sometimes that trust in protection means words. Sometimes that trust them protection means a hug means a slap on my ass. Means a hug from behind means giving up some flowers or it means giving. Some type of guests, I wear minimal jewelry.

So I ain’t even want to be like, I need gifts of jewelry, but it’s more about trust and protection. For me. Those are my love, languages, trust and protection. I want to be able to believe you are authentic, genuine. I want to believe that you genuinely care about me too. I feel as though if I needed something you were who I could go to, and I’m not talking about something materialistic, I’m talking about if I was standing on a corner and five people was approaching me, like they was going to whoop my ass. I want to know that you are someone who will come running. I’d prefer you not to take this ass whopping with me. And with me be somebody who could whoop some ass. However, if you’re willing to take the ass, look, and with me, if we’re going back to the back, like you my G for real, like, I need to feel present for a long time, I like put that off and I lessened, I mean not lessened… I minimized how important that was to me to feel protected and coming out of this marriage, coming out of this long lasting situation. And trust me, when I say this marriage lasted way longer than it should have. There was so many things that I tried to do, to stretch it out like renew or rekindle, but like, It just wasn’t happening. And at the core of why, my trust was not based on his actions, but based on me, convincing myself. I needed to trust. And that’s something different. That’s not true trust. That’s me convincing myself that I need to trust you.

That’s me building it up in my mind, despite the fact that all your actions, whatever, saying that you might not be the most trustworthy. But in addition to that, my feeling of protection, that was like really the major thing, my feeling of protection had gone out the window. And like I said, I don’t say any of this to spite him because I feel like he has the right stuff to give somebody. I am not the somebody. But it’s going to work for somebody just like my way of loving didn’t work for him, fulfill him and didn’t keep him however, but it’s going to work for somebody. Somebody is going to be like, I don’t need her to be all over me. ‘Cause I’m not all the time. I am very much about manage your own emotions, manage your own time. I’m going to show you affection when I see you when I’m around you and stuff like that. But I could be in a house with you and like not be up under your ass. Okay, I’m going to be working on something. You can be working on something.

And just us being in the same vicinity is fine, I don’t need to be up under you. Why you working and stuff like that. So I’m not clingy like that. Believe it or not. There’s some men who need you to be clingy like that. The only person I’m clingy with is my daughter. And that’s just because she clingy.
Okay? And she not clingy to everybody. She clingy to me. And I just refuse to make her feel as though it’s not reciprocated. I might be clingy to my aunt. When I see her I want to hug her. Cause I be trying to cherish her everyday that she is here. Cause listen the whole world will be set on fire if I ever have to part from her.

But I think if I had to spend time, not just assessing how I need to receive love, but how the person I’m with is giving love. I think that we might not have come to the conclusion that divorce is necessary. And I don’t say that, like, that’s what you should do to evaluate. If you need to get a divorce, I honestly feel like it’s also what you do to evaluate if you’re going to get into a real relationship with someone.

I don’t necessarily feel like we have to speak the same language. I just feel like we have to recognize what the language is and be willing to offer those things that that person needs. You see what I’m saying? Like. If I know that you need words of affirmation, like I said, I’m not going to be the one who’s sweet talking you all day every day.

So I just don’t…

Well that was very nice. He offered me a water for 50 cents…

Anyway, I feel like we need to identify the love languages so that we know when someone is telling us they love us. Like I said, it doesn’t have to be. We speak the same exact language. We both give it in the same way, exact way it might be and that might work. I don’t know if I ever get in that situation I’ll let you know, but I feel like more important part is that we identify what is being said and acknowledged. I have a friend who sometimes speak pretty aggressively and I went somewhere and I forgot something. Right. And they were like, how are you supposed to write?

And it’s like, they’re yelling at me. How are you supposed to write? I feel weird saying that. That’s a love language for me. Do I appreciate being yelled at? Probably not. I’m probably like in the moment, probably with two seconds of screaming, my own stuff, but I appreciate the passion. And the care because, you know, writing is so big to me, you know, writing matters to me, you know, I have deadlines, you know, I have intentions, you know, I have dreams, not goals.

And you’re like, where are your tools? You’re supposed to walk with your tools, how you don’t have your tools to do what you need to do. And I feel like I need that. I need that. So I appreciate that friend for being like that, despite how’s it delivered, but I get the passion and I get the, do what you supposed to do.

Unfortunately, that is also how I give love. So I have a lot of friends who feel yell back.

I do I have friends be like, yo, why she’s screaming. So it’s funny to me, I think that might’ve been like the first time that I’ve ever been on the receiving end when it came to writing. That do feel kind of weird. Okay. So friends, I might modify how I check on you and make sure that you’re following your goals and aspirations.

But I caught the message and was like, this is how this person shows care. Cause this person, I don’t feel like apologizes for anything. They just move on. Like, what is this? But you know, like I said, you gotta recognize when the language is being spoken. You’ve got to recognize when someone cares about you.

There are people who are there for their family members have a responsible party. They are. The one who get everything taken care of. And I feel like to some degree, that’s me for some of my family members. Yeah. But it’s also part of how I’m showing love. There’s no greater way than to piss me off than to say some shit like what I didn’t ask you. I know you didn’t ask me. This is me showing you love. This is me showing that I care about your whole thing and everything, and you’re just throwing it away or something. I didn’t ask you? Anyway, in evaluating how I receive love and how I give love. I’m also evaluating how other people in my life say “I love you” because I don’t want to be thinking that somebody doesn’t love me, or I never want to get into a situation where I’m testing your love, where I’m trying to test you, push you to the limit.

Let me see if you do this. Let me see how you react when you see if you’ll do this. Because I feel like in those situations, you always going to get disappointed because you’re looking for a way that you receive love and you don’t necessarily know if that person has identified that that is your way.

Particularly, if you have not had a conversation about it, me, I need communication, but I’m not going to be the person who doesn’t communicate and doesn’t tell you that I need communication. I want to speak up. You need to communicate better if I feel like I’ve said it and you don’t do it. Then I’m going to go back to it. I’m going to say maybe you need an outline on how to communicate better. So I’m gonna need you to communicate more often. I’m gonna need you to tell me what is going on with you. I’m going to need you to not be vague. I’m going to need you to remember. I said, I need to be somebody confidant, right? So you want the clue me in to some stuff, let me know, because I have an imagination.

My imagination runs wild. You know, when I’m not with my child, I’m like, I have to know exactly who she’s with. I’m calling two, three times. I have friends who were like, could you relax two seconds? Could you relax? I got her. I’m gonna take care of her. And I’m like, I know. But my imagination runs wild and I’m like, what’s happening?

Is she acting out? Are you okay? My imagination runs is the same thing in relationships. My imagination acts the damn fool. That’s how I’m able to write a book, my imagination acts a damn fool. And there was a time where I was convinced that that was an insecurity. That that was something that was wrong with me, but it’s also my skill.

It’s my skill. It’s a double edged sword, right? Like when I’m in a certain situation, it may not be the healthiest way to think, but I can’t take it out of the equation altogether because it’s my skill. It’s the reason why I can craft the story. It’s the reason why I don’t necessarily have to experience something in order to put a story together.

It’s the reason why I have empathy. It’s the reason why I can put myself in someone else’s place, even though I’ve never actually been there, it’s the reason why I can detail something in my book where people think that it’s my actual life. No, it’s not now granted I do hide a piece of me in every book that I write.

However, there are some elements that are pure imagination. Reading my work, that is the love language being concerned about my work. I don’t need you to read every book I write. I don’t, because it’s going to be a lot of them. And I need you to have something to do with your time other than right. Like, I love people who got stuff to do.

I be low, key annoyed when it stops conveniences for me, however, One of my…I respect people greatly when they have accomplishments and they have responsibilities that they hold themselves accountable for. I love accountability. God, dang it. Do I love some accountability. I love it. I love it. So yeah, I guess I’m just told you guys all how to love me.

So I’ll be looking forward to this.

No, but seriously, are you thinking about, I mean, because like I said, there’s a lot of chatter and so we’re all probably thinking about what is our love language, but are you truly understanding like the person who’s saying, I love you, do you recognize that that’s how they’re saying. They love you and have you dismissed them because it’s not the same exact language as yours.

Let me know, like, why do you feel like it will only work if someone speaks it the way that you speak it or that you need to understand that upfront or the fact that maybe sometimes we get together and it’s just too late to understand and too late to rewrite it. I don’t know. I am one who you don’t have to speak my same love language.

I just need to understand what language are you speaking? That’s it. Yeah. And I need you to care enough to understand what I need in order to show loved. And so it may not be something that’s natural for you. However you care enough about me, that you’ll dip into the pot every now and again, because that’s what I am going to do for you.

It may not be natural for me, but I’m going to dip into the pie every now and again, because I know I want you to feel my love. And although I want to give you a gift, if that’s not how you feel love, you know, what this person feels loved by X, Y, and Z, I’m going to do this. I will do that. Because if I love you long enough, and we love each other that way long enough, it does become natural. It does become instinctive because it becomes our routine. So just some things to ponder and things that, you know, when I get my alone time, ya’ll be outside and stuff. And I think that this stuff is imperative to me as a creative because when I create my best work I think is when I’m in a state of feeling loved and appreciated. I struggle with actually finishing projects when I am void of any of my languages. It’s a struggle. And like I said, I don’t need you to speak it every day. I don’t need all of them at one time, but I need you to dip into the pot every now and again, I have friends who definitely understand this.

I have a great group of friends. It was some times in my life where I was like, I have no friends, so I don’t have no female friends or whatever, but now I have a strong female tribe. They’re strong. They got my back for real, for real. I trust them. I believe them. And I know they got my back. I know there’s nobody outside or nobody corner squaring up with me without one of them coming to run.

They coming and they whooping ass. They’re not taking an ass whooping. I got one in Georgia. Who’s like, I will come to Delaware with my bag. Okay. Is she not playing? Is she not lying? I got to chill her. She’s a great example. Like she don’t receive love the same way that I give love and she definitely don’t give love the same way I receive love, but we’ve been friends so long and we understand each other so well that we dip into the pot every now and again, to make sure that, you know, I love you though.

Let me make sure. So I just feel like you may not necessarily have to dismiss the people that you really like, like ah man, but you don’t really speak my love language. I think if you sit down and discuss it and ask someone, how do you feel love? Like in what instances or what actions, or like, when do you feel loved and you really have to say, this is when I feel love, then I feel like if you care enough about each other and you’re willing to dip into the pot every now and again, to make sure the other person knows how you feel. I feel like you may not accept… I said feel a whole lot there didn’t I? But I think that you don’t necessarily have to dismiss someone and throw them away because they don’t speak the same level. I don’t know. You guys tell me what you think.

Hit me up in the messages at Pwrites on Instagram, I’m at Pwrites on Twitter, a Phoenix ash on Facebook. You want to read some sweet, nasty romance, you want to read my first Erotica book, which is Touch Me First. It’s available on Amazon Kindle as well as Kindle Unlimited. It’s also now available on paperback. So pick that up.

My first romance ever was Delectable: A Sweet Romance. That’s also available on Amazon books is available on Kindle and Kindle unlimited. My first novel ever, which is In Her MakeUp, is available on Amazon books, Kindle, Kindle unlimited as well as Audible. And I got some of the books in there too, is like, if you find yourselves, you know, falling in love and he is a writer or something, you know, and want more work. There’s some other stuff up there too. I’ve got another book coming out very shortly. So I’m very excited about that. So I’ll be giving you the details on that.

So alright guys, until the next time where we can exchange power. Peace!

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Episode 122
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