The Return of Butterflies

Play episode
life as p
Hosted by
Phoenix Ash
The Return of Butterflies


When we are chasing our dreams or chasing our passions, sometimes the grind can wear us down. Things don’t come into fruition as quickly as we would like and we become discouraged. So how can we rekindle the excitement we once had? In this episode, Phoenix shares the importance of discipline and explains the steps she has taken to get her butterflies back.

Do not forget to like, share, and subscribe to Life As P…. on your Podcast Platforms and all Social Media @pwrites!

Check out Phoenix Ash website, Pashentmedia, for author services and more!

Phoenix Ash: Instagram | Twitter | LinkedIn
Savage Fever
Touch Me First
In Her MakeUp
Soiled Sheets
Cookies & Crumbles


Phoenix: Hey guys, what’s the deal, welcome to Life As P I’m your host, Phoenix Ash. They call me P. If you are a repeat listener, thank you so much. Shout out to those will be hitting me up on Twitter. Facebook, Instagram, talking about like yo last weeks show is dope. Thank you so much. I appreciate all those encouraging words.

People who reach out to me like other podcast hosts, who are like, yo, what’s up? Where’s the episode. Yeah, that is much appreciated because whew. Sometimes I’ll be like, yo, can anybody really hear me? So I really appreciate those. If you are a new listener. Welcome. Thank you. Hit me up. Let me put something in your ear a little bit.

So, boom, that was the Brooklyn in me, or you came out real fast, but anyway, I just finished the edits for one of my books. It’s one of them books in the series for Savage Fever. And I’m so excited about the series. I feel like I get excited about the series. Yeah. Over and over and over again. If you haven’t picked up episode one, it’s available on ebook.

It’s on Kindle. I’m gonna wait to put out the paperbacks because I’m going to do something special for it, but definitely download it. It’s what’s up. I got people who are like, yo there’s episode two. It’s really like watching TV, but you’re reading in a book. But anyway, what I wanted to talk about was this rekindling of the butterflies for the craft.

And I feel like. When we are chasing our dreams, chasing our passion, being entrepreneurs, whatever, even if it’s just the dream job, like you’re an accountant or you are a teacher, and this is something that you’ve always wanted to do. Sometimes the grind gets a little stale. Sometimes things don’t come into fruition as fast as we would like, or we think, you know, we’ve ordered our steps and the result should be this.

And it’s not. And we get discouraged. Sometimes we do have success and we’re still all discouraged because the success is very a flat line. It’s the same kind of successes we’ve reached this level. Certain people have reached out to me and gotten work done. I don’t know if you know, I have like a side business.

I do synopsis for a lot of other authors for a while. It was kind of dry and it was like, I would only get two requests per month. And. The little bit of money in my pocket for like picking up a few groceries or whatever is definitely helpful. And when I first started, the first two was like, yo, ah, two people reached out.

Thats was up and you hype. And then after like three months of just two people reaching out, it gets steady. And it’s just, you forget that there was no steady business before you forget that you will be thankful to get just one person. To say that they needed your services and they would actually pay for it because you’ve elevated.

You’ve gone to them next step. You’re not stuck in that. I wish, I wish I wish you’re doing it. You are being compensated for it, but it’s been looking at for a long time and sometimes that can be discouraging andI encourage you to continue to so to speak hammer at that nail. Just keep going, because it’s sorta like a relationship where you’ve been with someone for a very long time and you’ve fallen in love.

And at first you have these butterflies and you’re like, Oh my God, this person so amazing. At least for me, that feeling is very similar to when I first first made that decision that I’m going to become. Who I’m supposed to become that I’m going to write, I’m going to write professionally. I’m going to be an author.

I always was a writer. So I don’t want to say, to become a writer. I’ve always been a writer who I am. I’ve been writing my entire life, but to be a published writer was something different for me. And that decision to chase that, to make it come into fruition. That was so exciting. Then a guard because I made the decision.

I didn’t have a real plan. I didn’t have a budget. I didn’t have of resources or knowledge of resources, but somehow got through and I made it happen. But that initial decision was just so key. It was so exciting. And then that first book that I published. Same thing. And the first book published long neck bottles is a nonfiction book.

The first fiction book I published, which is really my wheelhouse is in her makeup, which I’m still incredibly proud of in her makeup. I think it’s a wonderful book. Of course they do. I wrote it, which is why it’s on audible and all that stuff. But putting it out. It’s like, Oh my God, I’m still in love. And see, like already, I’ve been able to give you three different instances of the same journey that excited with the butterflies and the reason why I can give you those things is because the butterflies come back.

I know sometimes it gets stale. I know sometimes you get tired. I know. It’s like, how long is it going to keep steady like this? And we forget to be thankful for the steady. I know that it’s all of that, but if we keep at it and we keep going, those butterflies come back, we have different milestones that say elevation.

Isn’t always planned to the detail. And I say to the detail, because we’re putting in the work, we plan on elevation, right? Because we’ll put it in there, work, we’re doing everything that is supposed to take us there, but it may not take us there the exact moment, that exact day and time that we think that once I turn this in, I’m going to execute this elevation.

It doesn’t always happen like that. And sometimes we have to revisit that what we think is the end point or the entry point to elevation. Sometimes we have to revisit that two, three, four, five, six, seven times before it finally kicks the wall through, but it happens. You do knock the wall down. You do get the butterflies all over again.

I was stuck in a rut. It took me so long. To get through episode two of Savage Fever. And it wasn’t because I didn’t know the story and it wasn’t because the story wasn’t exciting to me, I loved the story. It was because writing in itself had dried out for a second. For me, I had so much going on. It was very difficult to be excited about anything between the stress that was happening with my daytime sponsor and going through a divorce. It’s a lengthy process, much longer than I’d like it to be. It’s not always, roses is not always amicable. Being a single mom, figuring out how to be a single mom. My garage door broke. I was like, Oh my God, I’m having to make these phone calls and foot expenses by myself in order to get things repaired, replaced, or whatever.

All of that. Couldn’t dry out your creative spirit. And if you’re anything like me, you have to feed that creativity. Like it just it’s like, it’s like a gremlin. I don’t know. I’m telling my age was back in the days we had gremlins. So if you’re not anything about gremlins, once you feed them, like you gotta feed them.

They’re yours. If you don’t tend to them properly, they can really get out of hand. That’s really what, like, my creativity is like, I don’t feed it. It’s going to get out of hand. It’s going to get ugly and it’s going to get nasty. It’s going to get irritable and it’s gone. Come from me. Sometimes my creativity is just screaming in the back of my head.

Like pay me some mind. I need some intention. I say all that, to say that I had so much going on and was kind of like dry and writing just become another tiresome task for a little while. Oh my God. I have to finish this book. Oh my God. I also have to do synopsis all my, there was no excitement about, wow.

I get to finish the next piece. So I employed someone to be my accountability partner because it was like, listen, I reached out yo SIS. I’m struggling to get to the end. I need somebody to read what I have, but I also need somebody who will hold me accountable, who will check in with what asks me, where I’m at with it, what I’ve done with it thus far.

And my sister Chaz. She’s just amazing. She did everything that I as, and she’s no joke. She’s not playing with me. She’s like, come on sis you got to get through it, come on, you got to do it. And I got through it. And I did pretty well. I must say so myself, but doing it and completing it, brought the butterflies back.

And it’s so crazy because how do I not written anything? Because I was waiting on the line. Yes. I would not have had the realization that okay. Sense of accomplishment as well. Awaken the butterflies for me. So I finished it and I was so excited to do the next project. I started the next project. Can I have this other, the short story that I’m about to kick out?

And everything is like starting to flow all over again. It’s like I’m refocusing all over again. All because I pushed through that one moment where the butterflies weren’t present, it was a task. Wasn’t exciting. It wasn’t love, it was a task and I had to complete it and I actually need to go back and take out the fact that I say it wasn’t love because in my eyes love is a decision and sometimes it comes with tasks.

Sometimes it comes with obligations. When we, I have a relationship and we’re just like, Oh, the relations it’s dead because the butterflies are dead necessarily. Think that’s true. I think just like in this situation, they come back. If you work at things, if you’ve decided that that’s who you want to be with, if you’ve decided that, Nope, this is where I want to be.

I feel like you keep working at it and the other person keeps working as well. That those butterflies come back. It’s the same with the creativity process. At least for me that I butterflies when I read some of my work and I go, Oh my God, I can’t believe published. And I’m what eight, nine books in. And I’m like, Oh my God, I’m a published author.

Wow. That’s crazy. I’m so proud of myself. But had I waited to get work done for when those butterflies were present? I would not be eight, nine books, then I would not have what I have published. I would not be signed because I will be waiting to be moved, waiting to dream some way that stuff doesn’t happen for me.

That’s why people outline too, because like when your character stop talking or you’re not motivated, that’s how outline is helpful because you’ve basically already curated the story. So you just have to go in and fill in the details and make it happen. You can do that, like a task you really can, and you can do it well, like a task.

You don’t necessarily need those butterflies, but if you wait for me, it’s, it’s difficult because outlining has yet to work out for me. First of all, I’m so left of the outline. I’m so left-field, I’m always left. I’m always making a left look. I can’t even part my daughter’s hair in a straight line. Like I cannot keep straight.

So that’s difficult for me. So I write. I wouldn’t necessarily say freehand because I think I have a mental outline I’m missing. Totally. No, the tracking of the story where I want it to go, how it’s happening. I’ve talked about it before. That’s pretty much because when a story comes to me, I actually see it unfolding.

I’m watching it. So almost like I’m watching television or movie in my head, I’m watching it unfold. And so by the time I’m writing a book, I’m basically documenting what it is that I saw. I don’t necessarily have characters that talk to me. I have characters that I feel like speak through me because when I’m watching these things, it’s almost like I’m experiencing them myself, very difficult to do.

If you do not have an outlet line and characters are like, no, not, I’m not fitting to use you today. This month. I’m on break, but easier to do with, you know, the story from the beginning. So I have to remember regularly not to wait for inspiration to come bite me in the ass so that I can fly through some writing.

Even if what I’m writing is horrible. I can always go back and edit, but I have to execute what the story is. Like, there’s nothing to edit. There’s nothing to fix. If I get nothing down on the paper, I’m getting better at this because sometimes I realize like I have to get it down errors and all. And send it to somebody to read and let them tell me what’s wrong with it.

And let me go back and fix it. When I was in school for my master’s in screenwriting, that was like my saving grace. I used to be able to send my mentor, Ross, just send him my stuff and he would come back and tell me what was wrong with it. And it just felt so freeing that all I had to do is go back in and fix those issues, not critique myself and annoying myself to death or over parent myself or.

Beat myself up for things that only ASOS flaws that made things so much better, not waiting to get to that source of inspiration, not waiting for those tingles in the pit of my belly before I sit down and write is it’s key. It’s key. And I think in any business, in any entrepreneurial business, particularly creative businesses that you cannot wait for the muse to show up.

I know that we read about a lot of old authors, people who are resting in peace or who have written for years, whom moved based upon a muse. And maybe that’s your thing. Maybe you want to only write one book. Maybe you only want to write two or three in your lifetime. And maybe it is incredible. But for someone like me, who has a ton of time ideas who needs to get them out, who needs to move on to the next thing, get to the next step.

Complete this idea, share it and then move. If I wait for the muse, I’m not doing anything. If I wait to be inspired, I’m not doing anything. If I wait to be excited, I am not doing anything. First of all, do you hear my voice? Do you hear a monotone? I could be. I’m not always very excitable. Yeah. But what I have realized over the past few years, that accomplishment.

Makes me excitable when I am your cheerleader. When I, the person that’s in your corner, that’s like you do that. I got you. Or the person was like, yo, what’s up with your goal or that excites me because I can’t wait to see you achieve. I can’t wait to see you get what you said you was going to get. I can’t wait to see you finish that project so I can.

Gosh you to hell up because I, I think it is so amazing that you’ve accomplished something that you set out to do. I think it’s so amazing that you have reached your goals, that you are flying high, that you are doing a damn thing. And I realized that that is what motivates me. I create the butterfly by doing the accomplishment, the butterflies don’t come before that accomplishment in a lot of instances for me.

And if you’re anything like me, if you have that spirit where you’re encouraging and you want people to succeed, think about applying that to yourself. When you succeed for a lot of us that excites us to go do another thing, you know, serial entrepreneurs, a lot of them when a business succeeds. It’s what pushes them through the instances where nothing is succeeding, but they’re like, but I’ve done it before.

It’s let me get on the other side of that, because one of these things about the pot reminds me of when I used to play the slot machines and just be like, yo, one of these things, won’t a pop and sure enough, on several occasions I’ve had machines pop for me. So same thing for me though, I have pay attention to my patterns because.

Without paying attention to my patterns. I’m not going to be my most successful self. I need to see where it is that I need help, but I also need to see where it is that I thrive. And I recognize that if I have so much passion and so much enjoyment in watching other people accomplish that. I do have that same feeling when I accomplish something.

Okay. Now what’s on the other end of that P where happens after that, what happens after you accomplish and you are so high that you accomplish what happens? I’m usually motivated to go to the next thing. Okay. So if that’s what motivates you to go to the next thing, sit your ass down and finish the book.

So that those butterflies can return and you can get motivated to go to the next thing, because I’m going to get to the next thing. I’m going to be all excited and then I’m going to get midway through and I’m, it’s going to get stale for me. That’s what happens. It’s going to get stale. It’s going to get stagnant.

And in order for me to get to the next set of excitement, I got to finish it. I got to use my discipline. I got to sit down and I got to finish it. And that’s just me learning my craft. But not being afraid. Oh, I’m not in love with this anymore. Oh, I don’t like this anymore because I don’t get that little tingle feeling on my stomach.

Shut the hell up. Just finished the damn thing. So she’ll can move on because they kind of come back. If this is what you’re supposed to do, this is the thing that you’re passionate about. Just because you don’t have a tingle in your stomach or just because you’re not giddy or just because you’re not excited for a small period of time.

And that could be anywhere from a day to a year. But this is the thing that you’re supposed to do, dishes, your call. And this is the thing that you passionate about. Use the discipline when the excitement and all of that, and does not show up, use the discipline. That’s what it’s there for. This is why you write every day.

This is why you write at the same time. Every day is to create a discipline so that when those other things don’t show up, you still show up. You still there because. You’re going to make magic and you’re going to make those things come back. You’re going to make those things show up. So don’t get it.

When, you know, you have a brief moment where it doesn’t make you giddy or happy. I have a girlfriend who is in nursing school and she’s at the end and she’s struggling at the end. She’s been flying high, doing so long. She’s at the end. And it’s like, Oh, I came all this way to not finish. The hell you did.

Nah, this is when and shows up. This is when, when you had to go to school every Tuesday and every Thursday. This is when you employ the routine. Take your ass to school every Tuesday and every Thursday, you’re supposed to go where your classes are. This is where you employ the discipline. The discipline is useful. When that giddiness, that excitement doesn’t show up. And sometimes the creativity to create something from scratch. It’s something new doesn’t show up, but the discipline, the discipline is reliable. The discipline is there. Get the discipline. The discipline will bring you back to that place of happiness, of that excitement.

They’re not two separate lines and they’re not, Oh, I’m a creative and only work this way. And I’m not disciplined because that’s not fulfilling or whatever, or no, it shows up, it shows up. Yeah. And I, granted not everybody has the same process, but. Like I said, if you’re anything like me, where you have a ton of ideas, you have a ton of things to execute.

The only way to get to the next thing is to be disciplined. You can’t wait for the excitement to return. You have to use your discipline and just trust that it’s returned. So any times in the past that is bound to come back spam and come back. If you’re interested in how discipline is working out for me, and you want to pick up some of my books, they are available on Amazon Kindle as well as Amazon paperback.

All except for Savage fever. Savage is coming later, but touch me first is definitely available on paper back as well as Kindle touched me first, it was my first book that came out on the erotica charts and it debuted at number one on black erotica. So. Pick it up, okay. I got a lot of good feedback on Touch me first.

We’ll pick that up, get touched. Delectable, a sweet romance that I’ve ever written is also available on Kindle and on paperback you back about that too. That was like really pure romance for me, which was something different, but I enjoyed it. Yeah. I enjoyed it. I think I might do something like that again.

Yeah. Savage fever is just grimy is grimy is lustful. Yeah. Is dangerous. Is crime ridden is. Is the stop. The Kindle app is free on your phone, like download the Kindle app and get you some books. Anyhow. I definitely appreciate all y’all like in my inbox, like I said earlier at P writes on Twitter at Pwrites on Instagram.

I’m Phoenix Ash on Facebook. Hit me up. Let’s talk. Let’s chat. Tell me what’s going on with you. I’ll tell you what’s going on with me. Let me know if it’s something that you want to do a show about or whatever. Alright. Until the next time we’ll we get exchange power. I wish you, well, I hope you keep safe.

Love you guys. Peace.

Liked it? Take a second to support Phoenix Ash on Patreon!

More from this show

Life As P...Episode 129