Phoenix Welcome to Life As P… I say welcome back because apparently a lot of you have repeat listeners. So thank you. I appreciate you being here. If you’re a new listener, this is life SP and my name is Phoenix Ash, I am your host. I am so grateful that you’re here and sharing this time with me. I appreciate everyone who you know retweets, reposts, all that good stuff, share with your friends, family, whoever you think may need whatever message is popping off for the day or for the week. Thank you. Thank you. I really really appreciate you guys it’s been so much like an incline in support recently out of the way you guys have fired me but I’m so hyped over Alright, so like the girl been going through I feel like I’ve been saying that for like weeks, maybe months. I’ve been going through it, it’s been an extremely difficult time for me. Just trying to get my mind straight tryna get all the things around the street, get my life straight. It’s just been chaos. I finally sold my house though. Yay. have not moved into the new house yet though. Boo. Definitely in transition, it’s gonna be a crazy few weeks, but I got this, I got this, I’m good. But you know, I was thinking about the storms. And I just was in the storm. And I knew that I was gonna come out. I knew that there was light at the end of the tunnel, all the cliches I knew, I knew that I was going to be good. It doesn’t change how hard it was to get to the other side of good. Like it was hard. And I think for me, it wasn’t necessarily physically hard, but emotionally, not having the help that I thought that I needed. I knew I didn’t have it. So it’s not the help that I thought I had because I knew I didn’t have it. But the help that I thought I needed you to know, it was a very sobering moment to look around and say you know, I don’t have that ended up letting someone help me who I would not have normally allowed to help me because I spite my face all the time. And I have like, rules of how close I want somebody to be to me and all this crazy stuff. So that was crazy right there too. But I got through, they helped me get through. So many people in my life helped me get through, but it was hard. And I got caught up I was so focused on all the things that will go wrong, and all the things that I couldn’t seem to pull together. You know I was distracted everything seemed to be happening at one time it felt like I was running out of money felt like my paychecks couldn’t come fast enough. Every time I turned around there was something that needs to be paid for something I need to be fixed. daughter had a hole in his knee does. It just was so much. And I totally forgot that when blessings come they pour down as well. That when blessings come it’s rain it’s a storm of its own. And as soon as you get that one drop you know that there is a flood coming you know like you can feel it like there’s something behind this there’s something else and I was focused on the wrong storm. I was focused on the storm that was trying to take me out that was wiping me out when there was something else brewing you know everything had a deadline everything had a date. Me selling my house there was a deadline I was under contract there was a date in which we were going to go to closing I didn’t believe the date because everything was so last minute. I think my closing was on a Thursday, they confirmed that Monday that closing was on Thursday, and then the appraisal hadn’t been back yet. And that didn’t come back till Tuesday. So still like this half believed that it was gonna happen or go through. And you know, I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t ready I wasn’t packed up because I didn’t have the finances to be in between I didn’t want to pack up my house and then the sale did not go through because they’re pre-loaded and come back or whatever. And I’m stuck somewhere you know, damn near moved out of my house. So it’s Just It was a lot and I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t ready. Everything was at the last minute. And I was really hard on myself about it, I really, you know, beat myself up about how unprepared I was. And then at that time, I found a new house yet. And I just was like, like, when I say had found a new house like hadn’t even, you know how to offer on the table with a contract. So I was beating myself up, like, how dare I not be reading? How do I know that I’m a mother of a five-year-old? And I’m in this transition, I’m in this in-between standing in this hallway, how dare I not be ready. And I have a good friend who, you know, he’s all about tough love. Sometimes it comes at the absolute wrong time. Okay, because it felt like we were both beating me up. And I couldn’t take it, I started having a panic attack. And I just really needed to get some time and some space to myself, to process my thoughts and pull myself together. Because at the end of the day, things had to happen. They had to happen, they had to move and they were all on a deadline. I had to go. But like I said everything had a date. So there was an end date for everything. You know, I was very lucky. The day after closing on my house, I got the news that an offer I put in our house was accepted. And that was the house that I saw. The day before I moved. It was just really crazy. It’s just a really crazy, really whirlwind kind of stuff. But I’m very happy about that. But now you know I have to go through the buying process right? So at the will do inspections and appraisals on my end, stuff like that. So this is really crazy. But I’m on the good side of the storm. I’m in the good storm. I’m in the good whirlwind, the good frenzy, and I kind of beat myself up. Even for that for a little bit for not recognizing that the bad storm didn’t need all my energy. It was like it was a storm enough. I didn’t have to feel it. I didn’t have to give it my tears. I didn’t have to give it my fight. I don’t have to give it all of that because it was what it was. But now that I’m in the good storm like am I giving it my fight? Am I giving it my tears of joy? Am I giving it? No, I have and I’ve talked about this before I have a really bad habit of not celebrating at the moment. When victory is among us, or when it’s at my doorstep. I have a bad habit of not celebrating. I’m like looking to what’s next. And I’m always promising that when things are finished. When when I get to this point, when things are done, when I can breathe, that’s when I can breathe. It’s not necessarily the best way to go about things. It is a defense mechanism because my mind my body muscle is trained for the other shoe to drop. I’m just trained that way from you know years of trauma, but I need to drop a shoe on a great store. I mean like I need to fuel it because if I give that good store my energy and my attention, I might be able to enhance the intensity of that storm. I may be able to impact that storm make it bigger, make it better, make it rain longer, make it more impactful there are so many things that I can impact this like I don’t know about you but I know for me I have to sort of retraining how my mind works because I will give myself credit for helping things go wrong. Like I believe in my power enough to feel as though I contributed to things going wrong that if I would have made this different move here or this different move there that you know the outcome might have been different. And I caught that because I had a friend of mine who got into a car accident and he was going to buy a car and I was like yeah you know you should go you know I kind of like hope you will the decision like yeah, we’ll just take care of it right away go. You like it you love it whatever go finish a finished deal or whatever. And so like on his way out a car accident, and it’s really crazy because I started to blame myself. I started to think that you know had I not said it was a good idea to go tonight. Perhaps he would have gone in the morning and missed the accident. But then I thought about it and was like well if you went in the morning you had an accident. I would have probably been convincing myself that had I not said wait till the morning. had to go on the night before he would have missed the accident. This was like, why do I think I’m that powerful that what happened, and it wasn’t a bad accident and he wasn’t hurt. But like why I think I’m so powerful that I could have impacted whether he got into a car accident or not. But I don’t believe in my power when it comes to the good storm. And that, you know, if I make this move here, if I do this thing where, if I pour it into my career here, if I pour into my blessing here, if I add to that, like, why is it so hard to believe that I could impact and make the change, because, honestly, on the good storm, I’m probably more correct, it’s probably more likely that I can have an impact on how big it is, how wonderful it is how far it goes, if I add to was the negative stuff is probably less likely that, you know, my decision making in a moment can contribute so greatly to something that happened to somebody else. And it’s crazy, because when I talked to my friend, like, it didn’t even come up in conversation, that he blamed me, and I was so afraid, so afraid to talk to him to think that, you know, maybe he might blame me, and so relieved to find out that that didn’t even cross his mind. And I had to like, check myself and be like, yo, where’s this coming from? And you know, it is something leftover from my marriage, where I felt like everything that had gone wrong or was going wrong, or perceived to go wrong with, you know, at my feet, this is your fault, it’s because of you, it’s because you did this. And because you said that. And because you decided this, it was constantly put on the table, as though my decision-making was making life less bearable for my partner, which is one of the reasons why I let my partner go. Because I don’t want to be the person to do that. So we just focus on the bad storm and the things that are going wrong. And we just beat ourselves up and just swear that you know, it’s all our wrong turns that’s creating this and not to say that you know, bad stuff just happens, right? It’s some of it is a combination of some decisions that we’ve made. But some things are meant for us to learn and for us to grow. And some things we have to go through like me selling my house and stuff is not a bad storm in the terms of like, things fell apart. And I was forced to the summer house. It’s just, it was a decision I made. It was a decision that had to be made. And it was just a difficult process. You know, everything happened quickly, I had an open house one day, and I had offered the next day, it happened quickly, I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know that the market was like that. And then being a buyer in this market is absolutely horrible. You have to jump up 1000s of dollars on the value of the house. People aren’t pricing things appropriately and you got to jump up, it’s just pure hell. You know, you have to sometimes rely on what’s realistic for your budget, realistic for the size that you’re looking for, and soak so many things. downsizing isn’t easy. The fact that I don’t have a male partner in my life to help pack up boxes and move things makes it difficult. I have a really great friend who helped me with some earnest money for our house because I wasn’t ready to put down on the house. But you know, my friend helped me, which was awesome. And that’s the thing. I didn’t focus on that. Like how many of us have friends who like we can go and say I need earnest money so that I can secure an offer on this house? Can you lend it to me? And without question, say, Yeah, I got you. I wasn’t focused on that I was focused on nobody said, Oh, we pack these boxes. Not the packing boxes was not difficult, you know, carry on mini-refrigerators, and oh, my back is killing me. But still, there were pieces of that where the family, my daughter, Gigi was like you’re not staying in a hotel. You’re staying here. I should focus on that. Like that’s so good. The pureness of our heart The pureness of her love to say you’re my kid. And you’re not going to stay for a month, two months in a hotel. That’s what I should focus on. I should focus on that outpouring of love that you know the people who were like, I’ve got you. I got you. No, no, they didn’t have the manpower to help me. Okay. All right. And somebody didn’t come to help somebody come help. And at first, I was like, nah, nah, nah, nah. And then I was like, I’m so tired of spite in my face. Like you know what, God come on and help. You know, like I’m so I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. And then I’m in pain. Like, I still had to have a lot of it by myself and I’m still in pain, but it could be worse. It could be worse. So there were elements in that difficult storm that told me a good storm was on its way. Even the bad storm wasn’t all the way back, there were gifts in the bad storm. But the good storm was so big and so powerful that it threw out little gems into that storm. And I was just focused in the wrong direction, because of the blessings that are on their way, I need to prepare for those too. I don’t need to be stuck like I was on the other end. You know, I’m so unprepared and beat myself up, and then you know, I have blessings standing at my feet. And I’m just like, Oh wait, I’m not ready for you. I need to get prepared for those two. So keeping my eye on the good storm because blessings for like rain days they pour down and sometimes they trickle down at first, but eventually the flood starts and they come and they don’t stop. It’s just where you’re focusing on what you’re looking at. Are you looking at the gray clouds? Are you looking at the growth that happens underneath the raindrops? What are you looking at and set your sight to the thing that’s most positive because that’s the thing that you really can impact the most that’s the thing that you can make bigger and better the fastest do that the negative stuff like you know you just increase if your focus is on the positive you make it more positive if your focus is on the negative you make a more negative you know pick which one you want to increase you know I for one want to increase the positivity want to increase the love of my life you know and I have a bad habit I get caught up in details and the details aren’t always pretty and it’s always the thing that wipes me out whether it be situations relationships, the details always is the thing that like angers me to no end and I will sometimes send a whole situation into the wrong direction because of the details I’m learning I’m learning to process the details figure out where the fruit is and go pay attention to the fruit it’s definitely a learning process for me but like I said you know on the other end so the blessings are coming they’re slow they’re slow because I’m so in transition I’m still standing in the hallway from room to room but it’s coming I can see and I’ve always been able to see is just that I kept turning my head I wasn’t looking but they’ve always been there standing and just saying we’re here we’re coming you know it’s coming this is almost over almost over I know I had a rough season rough crazy crazy scene but it’s almost over I know that it’s almost over I feel that it’s almost over very similar to when I had my daughter when she was born It was like I knew that there was a season that was over for me and that there was a new season beginning it’s very similar to that so maybe there’s something in my life that’s going to be reborn or it’s going to be new life whatever but that’s what I’m trying to focus on so I’m glad that I figured out which one was the correct storm to look out for because it’s definitely a better place to be so what are you looking at? What pieces of your life are you looking at which storm are you looking at? The storm of lessons are you getting caught up in the details like me and you know you letting this other crap unravel you don’t let it unravel you for all right. I’m here I’m gonna support you. You know you can get at me getting my DMS I’m on Twitter I’m @pwrites I’m also on Instagram you get at me there @PhoenixAsh on Facebook. I’m on Facebook as much but I’m there. I’m there you find me I’m there. You know if that’s what you need if you just need some support if you just need a positive word if you just need somebody to cheerlead no let me know to get at me I got you. I got you because we all need something. We all need something in order to focus on the good storm. We all need something sometimes we get lost we close our eyes. We look in the wrong direction. But you know I got you. I got you. I’m here to remind you which way to look. All right. All right. That’s my soapbox for today. Yeah, if you want to support and you want to buy any of my novels, it’s available on Amazon under the writer Phoenix Ash I have touched me first. Sexy, delectable, as cute. delectable is my First romance novel and I absolutely love it. Absolutely love it. You know and her makeup was my first book ever my first novel ever, and I self-published it and I’m so proud of it. It took me forever to figure out how to upload before but so yeah, please check that out and anything you know, just leave a comment, leave a review of the books, good, bad or indifferent. Just so I know that you read it. You know, I appreciate all your support. I do have a couple of books on Audible inner makeup is on Audible. So if that’s how you prefer to take in a novel, definitely look up in her makeup on Audible. But until the next time when we could exchange power. I got love for you baby. Peace.