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Who Asked You To Turn Down

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life as p
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Phoenix Ash

 

Do you trust your judgement or are you often left doubting yourself? It can be easy to find ourselves caught in a loop of doubt and disbelief despite having the evidence in front of us. However, you have the ability to put a stop to that. In this episode, Phoenix shares how she has learned to open her eyes to the signs in front of her so she is rarely left caught off guard.

For show notes, resources and more, visit: https://www.saywharadio.com/listen/lifeasp/

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Phoenix Hello, what is the deal? Welcome to life as P, I’m your host, Phoenix Ash. If this is your first time joining me, welcome, I appreciate you checking me out. Whether you heard about it on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend, whatever, I appreciate that you’re here, if you just were browsing and found me, what’s up How you doing? If you are a repeat listener, thank you, I appreciate you coming back. I appreciate you giving me the platform to get off what is on my mind, because Lord knows I got a lot on my mind. Right? Alright, so let’s get into it. So there’s been so many messages coming to me over the past week or so that I had to take a little time off, which is why we had to go to the bathtub, because my daughter’s Pop Pop is in the hospital. And it’s just been a real roller coaster ride in terms of our emotions and what we’re prepared for, and what we’re praying and asking God for. So I appreciate you guys bearing with me, anybody who sort of got an inclination that something was going on me, I appreciate your prayers, I appreciate you reaching out to put in my inbox. Or if you know me well enough to send me a text message. Thank you, I appreciate you. I bought it. So I was having a talk with a friend of mine. And we were talking about how tapped into the universe we appear to be lately. And I consider myself a seer. I see things ahead of time. I feel like there’s a lot of people that I can see through. But not necessarily that, oh, I can read your spirit and stuff like that. Like there are some people that like I could feel their spirit. But I just think because they’re kin to me, and I can recognize who you are just as you can recognize who I am. But I feel like I could read the writing on the wall. And sometimes the writing is very faint. So we don’t necessarily read it or read it properly. But I’ve been really tapped in and tuned in. So the writing on the wall, I see patterns. And I’ve talked about this before how I see everything in a pattern, and really only takes you about two, maybe three times to do something for me to recognize that oh, this is part of your habitual lifestyle. So we talked about, you know how true I discern it is that if you really pay attention, you know, you can really discern what is for you and what is not for you, most of us. And I’m not going to say that like you know, it is a muscle that you strengthen that the more you use it and the more you trust it, I do believe the more it works for you. However, I’m not gonna sit here and act like I don’t know why anybody can’t have discernment or whatever. Like, I don’t know what anybody’s blockage really is, and I don’t know if that’s necessarily a gift, you may be gifted in other ways, and smart enough to have people around you who can discern for you. So I’m not even going to try to be like, Oh, if you don’t have discernment over I hate that. Like, if you don’t have this, then this is wrong with you or whatever. I hate that. But I feel like I do have the gift of discernment. I do read the writing on the wall, I see what’s going on, I can very much well predict what the next move is going to be. But I think that that’s my gift because I’m a writer. And when I create characters, I have to do what makes sense for them. I have a character joy. And she is in my book delectable, a sweet romance. And I do have a couple of people who are like, I don’t like joy, because joy lets her sister fight her battles, and she’s an adult. And why would anybody do that? And for me, I’m like, well, you don’t pay attention to how I develop Joy. Joy starts off in the book, she’s arrested or, you know, she talks about when she has a flashback about it or whatever. She’s arrested for showing her eyes. And not that she didn’t deserve the show as rightfully so showed her ass. But she was arrested. And she felt embarrassed because she was arrested. And her sister has traditionally been the wild one. Her sister is the one who has traditionally fought for her battles when they were kids. And as they got older, her sister has always had this sense of the need to protect joy. And so it’s not that joy doesn’t fight her own bad. It’s that one, her sister steps in front of her before things get poppin joy is a very sweet temperamental person. And it takes her a while to get to the point where she wants to fight, it takes a while for her to be fed up for her to be angry enough to do something, she would much rather just remove you from her space, she would much rather go somewhere else do something else, think on something else. She doesn’t want to engage in anything that’s combative. Like, that’s just not who she is. She’s a peaceful girl, she just wants to chill, just chill and eat chocolate. She’s just, you know, stressed and she just wants to chill. So I think that, you know, if you lock onto the wall who let someone by her battles, and she doesn’t even really let her sister fight her battles, you know, I’m saying she does step in and say whatever she got to say or whatever. But you know, I feel like it’s a natural development for someone who is just like someone who rides down the highway. And you’re like, oh, my god, they’re going the speed limit or three miles over the speed limit? I just wish they Hurry up. Chances are that person got a ticket recently for speeding. And so they’re like, not again, thinking it’s gonna take them a little bit a few weeks before they get back up to a regular speed because one nail who wants to pay a ticket back to back? I know I don’t. So chances are they got a ticket recently, unless you know, something’s going on with their eyesight. Or maybe they have anxiety. Or maybe they can’t see the road. Clearly something’s happening with their eyesight. There’s all kinds of reasons. But something must have happened that has or maybe this is the first time on the highway, maybe they’re shocked. Maybe they’re scared, maybe they just got their license, whatever it is. So I know when I’m on the highway, I used to be so aggressive, so aggressive, I get out the way but now, you know, when I consider all these things, I’m like, Listen, let me just find the clear lane getting the clear lane go around a person, whatever my my business, something might be going on with that person. So I feel like if you don’t have discernment, okay, read the writing in the room. writing on the wall, sorry, it may be difficult for you to understand a character’s development. And I’m not even talking about in a book I’m talking about a person, it may be difficult for you to understand a person’s development, if you don’t have discernment. Or if you don’t, if you’re unable to read the writing on the wall, and you just don’t know why somebody is acting a certain way. Or maybe you just don’t know them. Either way, you know, if you plan on making a judgement, I would suggest that you try to figure out what has brought this person to this point. Don’t just judge based upon where they are right now. Because we can all be subject to that kind of judgment. And not that we’re not we are, there’s always somebody who’s gonna look at us and make a judgement. However, if you don’t want to be judged that way, I would suggest you don’t do the same. But that wasn’t even my point. My point was that, you know, I’m a seer. Yeah, but the Lord took me somewhere else. Okay, so now, I’m saying, you know, we have such a unique experience right now, particularly, I can’t even say really coming off the pandemic, because it’s still kind of happening, you know, and then now we have people who are getting the vaccine, and they’re, you know, some people who are reporting cases of things happening to them. But the majority of the people who have received the vaccine, myself included, are fine. Well, we’re healthy. And we have a little bit of promise and hope for tomorrow. So that, you know, there was a time where like, the days were kind of scary, like, what is tomorrow going to bring? And I imagine when influenza first hate they, there must have been the field to write like, what was happening, you know, this thing that now most of us are like, it’s no big deal, you get a flu shot, or like no big deal, you’ll survive the flu, you get it or whatever. I think, you know, when it wasn’t that easy to dismiss it, it must have been extremely scary. Or the days before penicillin. It must have been really scary. So here we are, again, at a time that’s really scary. And really just, you know, given us a pause to see what it’s like to reconsider mortality. I think there was a point where we sort of forgot to consider mortality. And you know, I was worried about the ozone layer and, you know, I really feel like it probably, you know, needed a break. So that’s why we had to call when we could stop breathing all that carbon into the ozone layer, I don’t know. Whatever. Even with the plastic. I don’t know about your state, but in my state, you Not only limited plastic bags, and they change the kinds of plastic bags they use, and they made them bigger so that we don’t use so many of them more sturdy so that they’re better for reuse a lot of stores, you know, charge you now for them, or, you know, they sell the other the reusable bags, where you can go into the grocery store and use the reusable bags to sort of save, you know, our planet, really. So not that anybody wants to think about the people and their lives that they’ve lost to anything, and think about what positive outcomes may have come out of it. But however, I’m also the person that I don’t like to think too hard, or think too long, rather, on the things that would make me sad, or that would make me feel hopeless. So I try to concentrate on the positive things that are in a better direction for us. But one of the things I think is because of the pandemic, I think a lot of us have become a little more sensitive, a little more understanding of what people are going through. But there’s still, you know, a large portion of us, particularly if you spend time on social media, right, there’s a large portion of us making judgments based upon information we don’t know, based upon trajectories that we’ve never seen or can’t understand. And I would just, you know, caution myself and anyone else against that just, you know, be gentle with each other, particularly because there’s so many of us who have lost people in our lives due to the pandemic, or even if you lost someone for some, like other reason. But during the time of pandemic, like, I just feel like it just made it extra. So, but in terms of reading or writing on the wall and understanding, you know, like I said, I do consider myself a seer in terms of I can see what is going on, my eyes are not close, right. So when something comes to pass, whether it be positive or negative, I’m very rarely caught off guard. Very rarely, I can be disappointed, I could be very disappointed in terms of how people move, and the decisions that people make. But I’m very rarely surprised or stunned as the but I’ve been wrong in times where I’ve doubted myself. And the sad thing about it is that because I pick up on patterns so quickly, from the time of childhood, well into adulthood, I’ve been taught to question myself to doubt myself. and double check, double think that because these things can’t come up so quickly. I’m sorry, if you hear my child yawning in the background, she’s quite tired and sitting next to me. So anyway, I would say that, in terms of doubting myself, I was taught that, you know, you can’t come up with the answer that quickly, that was too quick for you to be able to make that assessment. sort of the same way I’m telling you, like, you know, be cautious in terms of your judgment. I’m just saying, you know, if you’re not a seer, if you’re not someone who easily reads the writing on the wall, if you’re just making an assessment without consideration, I just consider things really quickly. Most of the time, when I’m making an assessment, I do have background knowledge, I do have prior information, this is not my first time coming across someone, this is not my first time in contact with this person. So my brain has constantly been assessing. And so when I arrive at whatever moment we’re at, it just continues the math, so to speak. But I wonder like, what’s your blockage? What were you taught in terms of opposing your gift? Like, also, when I came up, you know, I’ve always been a writer, I’ve always had a knack for words. And of course started with music. And, you know, it started as rap lyrics, poetry and, you know, writing to keep up with my older cousin who was rapping, and whose attention I wanted. And so I figured out like, you know, if I took his notebooks and ROM his ROMs that he would give me some attention and it worked. You know, I’d wear my cousin’s three finger rings and chains, and we’d have a blast with the turntables and the microphone. And that just became my childhood and that was splendid for me. However, I also came up at a time where rap music as a career was frowned upon. Like it wasn’t truly possible to the adults in my life, because they didn’t really look at it as a career they looked at as a fad of music that wasn’t going to last. And I never forget, you know, basically listening to everything Russell Simmons said, and telling my aunt and uncle one day that rap is going to be everywhere. It’s going to be in commercials. It’s going to be movies everywhere. And people are going to be able to figure out businesses that they can build off of and become truly successful. And it’s going to surprise you. And she tells me all the time, she’s like, I wish I would have listened to you back then, even if it wasn’t to condone a career, at least to find some way to invest in it. So we could live off the success right now. But, again, you know, I was a seer, but taught to doubt myself and taught that, you know, you’re not really looking at what you think you’re looking at, you know, I wasn’t being psychic, I wasn’t predicting the future, I was reading the writing on the wall, I was seeing where it was going, I was believing that Russell was selling something, and I was believing that he was going to do all he could to build up this thing, and contribute to it and that there were others like him, and that we’re investing and building and growing. And I, you know, I bought into it and looked where we were. Again, it wasn’t, you know, when I say a seer is not necessarily like, Oh, I can see with my third eye or anything like that. And maybe some people consider it, I just considered, you know, paying attention to the evidence. And as long as there’s evidence, I’m going to read the writing on the wall, and assess what the evidence is, before I make my decision. And sometimes that thing happens very quickly. But you have to know yourself. And you have to know what gifts you employ, and what gifts you have sharpened, to be able to be confident enough to use your tools. without apology. It took me a long time to get here. You know, for a long time I had to go through divorce, I had to go through many losses, I had to have some time by myself. I had to self reflect. And I had to get back to the place where I trusted myself. And I’m so happy that I am at this place where I trust myself to rise, the Fall is going to be on me. You know, mistakes, accomplishments. All of that is going to be on me, it’s not going to be because I listen to someone else. And someone will say because I’m hard headed. And that is that element of it. Absolutely. I am hard headed. I listen. Listen, I have a friend. We discussed coming outside at night. And it was said to me that Oh, that’s late at night. And I don’t think you should drive that late at night. And I totally disregarded it and got my book on the highway at like 130 in the morning. And y’all I lost the tire. I just rolled off. But I had to eat that because rise or fall that was me. You know, I’m saying and I wasn’t reading the writing on the wall. Because, I mean, say he’s um, and that’s higher, when the weather changed that I needed to air right, my sensor came on and said I needed air and I kept putting air in a tire and the sensor would not go off. And I kept saying like, Am I just using the air machine wrong? Like what is happening, right? This is like, I’m going through my first year of not being married, right? So I’m just like, oh my god, what am I like? Have I been displaced from single life so much that I don’t know how to put air in my tire? Like, what’s the deal? And I kept saying to myself that I was gonna go to a tire shop at the suggestion of my friend to have someone look at it. Now how to ask someone to look at it, they could tell me that. Okay, listen, this is what’s wrong with the tie and may need to be replaced. But you know, I’m riding around locally and just like, Well, you know, nothing’s happening. And I figured that if I got on a, on a road in the middle of the night, I was gonna meet up with my friend, and they were at work. So when they get off at work, you know, they could follow me to the gas station, and we could both figure everything out, right? And then work out like that at two o’clock in the morning. I’m on the side of a black highway, like black, there’s no lights, the only lights are the lights of the other cars. And I’m like my stairwell is tight. And I’m like let me pull over and as I’m pulling over the road is bumpy and bumpy, bumpy, bumpy. And then when I get to a full stop on the shoulder, I see a tire rolling. I like squinting, like my tire. But I ate it. I ate it. I had to pay somebody to come change my tire because I have my triple A car on me. And they came and changed my tire and then the next day right I had to go buy a tire or two days later, because it was on a weekend. I had to go buy a tire and have them put it on for me. So it was an expensive lesson. But it was also a reminder like listen, you’ve been seeing signs. You’ve been seeing signs that this guy was not healthy. This situation had the possibility of going left even said out loud, like, Yo, I really need to have this tire checked, because I’m afraid that something might happen while me and my daughter are in the car. Lucky me because I got on the highway. And because I do all that straight driving by myself, the problem with the tie up probably came to pass a lot quicker. And I was by myself, and thank God, so I was able to get it out the way so I was able to find the positivity in it. But still, I had to eat it. I was not paying attention to the writing on the wall. But either way, rise or fall, it was on me. I have my own mind, I made my own decision, there was no one to blame for the fiasco. But I was lucky enough out of a friend good enough to be like, Listen, just just come just come you close to me just come. But it was just crazy. So anyhow, all that to say that whatever it is, the tool that you have, the tools that you have, sharpen the parts of your personality that you keep suppressed, in order to make the people around you happy, you know, is that your blockage? Is that the thing that’s stopping you from going to the next level? People are not comfortable with me making quick assessments. People are not comfortable with me knowing people’s movements and personalities so quickly. They’re not, you know, this still someone I care about very much in my life, who, every time I’d be like, you know what, I kind of see the pattern, I kind of see that as a never Well, maybe they always always offer another suggestion. And it’s not wrong, and it’s not bad. But I always end up being right with my first mind. And that’s not a braggadocious I’m always right. I’m always right. It’s not that I see. And I just see quickly. And I can gather up the evidence really fast. But I’m comfortable with that. And I’m confident with that. So I will pause someone and say, Okay, I hear what you’re saying. Okay, but this is what my mind is saying. And this is what the evidence is showing me and sometimes I have to break it down. Sometimes my mind assesses evidence that I haven’t even clearly pinpointed on my surface. You know, my spirit pinpointed it before my surface date. And so I have to really think about and be like, well, what is it? You know, I constantly tell my friends, like, if you feel it is being put out there. Like, you know, I don’t know, I just got this feeling that such as talking about me, or I don’t know, I just got this feeling about this person. It’s not that I don’t like them. But something makes me feel like I don’t know, maybe I rubbed them wrong. Or maybe they take me differently or don’t understand me. Listen, if you feel it, it’s out there. It’s in the universe out there. And it may not be for the reasons you think. It may be simple things and maybe yes, I rubbed this person wrong, but it’s because they heard something I said. And they locked on to that. And so maybe they didn’t speak up and give me a chance to apologize or explain. Or maybe I’ll remind them of someone else they know who has hurt them. Or maybe they just don’t like my spirit. You know, everybody doesn’t have to like you. You know, I’m saying everybody doesn’t have to like you, everybody doesn’t have to be like, oh, but you’re a good person. So I like you like that’s not the equation. You just don’t vibe, you just don’t align, you just don’t link up like that site. And it’s okay. It’s really okay. You don’t have to be everybody’s favorite food. You don’t know, I’m saying you don’t. Chicken is not offended that my favorite food is oxtail. Even though I eat chicken all the time. It doesn’t have to go down like that. But whatever it is, I urge you to think about your blockages and what is the thing that you have decided you’re not good at because people have told you that it can’t possibly work like that. I urge you to think about what that blockage is, what is the thing that you’ve turned down in yourself? You know, I have a couple of friends who are extremely confident and cocky. And like, you know, I’m not a chick. I’m not dude. That’s what it looks like when they carry themselves. And it’s not necessarily that that’s the verbiage that they’re using with themselves. But they just know I did that today. Like, Oh, yes, I impressed myself. I did that today. And they strive to be the best version of themselves regularly, and show that face to the world regularly. So they’re confident in that face and people who are not confident within themselves. Look at it like Oh, boy, you know, they can see that. Oh boy, they are cocky and I attract those kinds of people. You know why? Because I love them. I love them. I’d like to talk to Yoshi. Yes, yes, yes. Because when you do that, when can you back it up? Yes, I’m on it. Let’s do that. Yes, yes, you look good. Yes, girl you look at Yes, man, you look good. Yes. Let me see that. Let’s turn them around. Let me see your footwear. Let me see how you are doing and how you put it together. Yeah, let me see all of that. I love those people. I love them. And I love for them to shine, I love Yes, walk in your shine, do that don’t turn that down. But you know, they have experienced people in their lives, you know, whether in straightforward words, or just subliminals have asked them to turn it down, to turn down at shine Just a little bit so that they could feel comfortable. And I feel like, you know, my ex husband is very boisterous, and very altbier. And I feel like that was one of my things that I used to ask him without so many words to basically turn it down. Now my reason for asking him to turn it down is because it usually came at the helmet, alcohol. And, you know, I knew the real me and I knew what could and couldn’t be backed up and all of that. And it was embarrassing to me. But when I thought about it, what was embarrassing to me was all the real information I knew, like I said, I love a cocky person who could back it up. So I was embarrassed by the fluff, you know that I knew that this was fluff, but you know, the outside world? And no, it was fluff. But I was embarrassed by the fluff. Because one of the things that attracted me to him was that cockiness that I thought was able to be backed up. So when we were getting a divorce, you know, part of my apology to him was, you know, I apologize for making you feel as though you had to be somebody other than who you were, because their fluff is who you are. fluff is just the Who the fuck you are? Like, I mean, I say like that. But you know what I mean? Like, rather than asking you to turn it down, why not just make the decision that you’re not the person for me. So when I see, and I can gather perspective pretty quickly, you know, the person in my life who’s saying, you know, that can’t happen that fast. So no, you’re not looking at what you think you’re looking at, and all of that, you know, that’s probably not the person that I’m going to date or be with long term or anything like that. Because, you know, that’s a hindrance to my gift. And as you don’t understand my gift, and I don’t know if you’ll ever understand my gift. And I don’t think that I should be positioned to have to constantly explain my gifts, and how they work. Not everybody is in alignment with you, not everybody can you know, I have a friend who I have a couple of friends who like I swear, she just you know, that’s why you can find your soulmate in all kinds of relationships, who just like we talked about discernment all the time. And it’s happening all the time and tuning in all the time. And I feel like the more we have these discussions, and the more we present evidence of it to each other, the more it happens, the more we see, the clearer our vision becomes, and the more powerful we are. And the more ability we have to work within the universe. Because I do believe we’re supposed to work within the universe, we’re supposed to work with the universe, you know what I mean? It’s not two separate entities. It’s not that I’m gonna ask the universe to do this. And university, I feel like God created the universe, God created us. And I feel like we are all supposed to work within each other. And if we could just tap in and tune in a little bit, or just keep the people around us we can, the vision becomes clearer. And I think getting to the next level of goal becomes like an exciting race. You know, once you’re able to tap in and see. And the more that we practice it and the more that we recognize it and stretch that muscle, the stronger it becomes, and the faster it works. And it’s crazy, like sometimes seeing how fast that works is like oh my god, it happened that fast. Like Wait, wait, but it does that. It does that. So, again, I urge you to reflect and ask yourself, you know, what is the blockage? What is the thing that’s stopping you? Or even share? What’s the thing that you became open to that helped you move to the next level, you know, share that with your fellow strugglers. share that with people who are on your journey because they may recognize that you know, real recognize well and if you’re looking familiar, I want to talk to you. You know, I appreciate everybody who sends me a DM on twitter at p writes pw RITS who slides in the DM and talks about something for right if you just want to show me a penis I probably you know you better make it really pretty. But to have real conversations about some of the things we talked about on the podcast is really inspiring and enlightening and I just love communicating with you guys. So thank you for all of that but yeah, let’s kill the blockage. I want something to celebrate. I want you to tell me the things that you accomplished. I want you to tell me like you say, such as this just happened and boom. But I want to hear your booms because I want to cheer you on. I want to spill my juice. way over. I want to encourage you, I want to be like, Yes, you did that. Share with me. Let me know. I also write p WRI t s on Instagram. If you want to hit me up there, I’m Phoenix Ash on Facebook, I don’t even really know what’s going on on Facebook. So you may have to send me a message to tell me like, Listen, I heard your podcast and I’m following you, or I’m friending you or whatever. For me to really get to it. Have a reader group though. So if you don’t care about any of that crap. And you just like to listen, can I join your reader group? Yes, it’s called Phoenix fireflies. Um, fire spell f iI y h, and it’s on Facebook. Again, it’s Phoenix’s fireflies. I sometimes drop stuff that I don’t drop anywhere else on there. So if you want to get sneak peeks at books or talk about characters, or even just, you know, catch whim of some of my accomplishments, some of the lists that my books are on, and check out other readers, other writers have some dialogue with them. That’s wonderful. Sometimes, you know, my fellow authors, I will showcase some of their work or let them do a takeover. So it’s a really good place to get introduced to new writers to know what I’m reading, not just what I’m writing. So if you want to take part in that, that’s cool, too. Again, y’all going to Amazon get my books. Phoenix ash. I got to touch myself first. Sexy, delectable sweet romance kind of sexy too. If you’d like that gangster stuff, yo savage fever is for you. This series is for you. You know, I mean? The finale is coming. Yes, I know. I keep saying that. But the finale is coming. Yo in her makeup, the first novel I ever wrote. I would greatly appreciate it if you supported that and left your feedback on Amazon. That was my baby. That was my first published novel. And I did that by myself I self published and so that is definitely going to be and it’s available on Audible. So if you’re an audible listener, download her makeup, and you know have a listen to that. You know, you got some time. You got a long car drive coming up. Listen to no makeup, see how that goes for you. If you’ve got kids in the car, though, don’t do that. I’m just an adult. But yeah, go ahead and support me. I love you guys. Thank you so much for giving me your time, your energy. And let me give you mine until the next time when we could exchange power and peace.

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