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Phoenix Ash


Do you ever find yourself worrying that the things in your life are too good to be true? You are constantly preparing for something to go wrong, almost inviting something bad into your life to challenge your happiness? So how do we stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and start living our lives fully every single day? Listen in as Phoenix shares the steps she is taking to start focusing on the now and enjoying the time she has with the people she loves.

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Savage Fever
Savage Fever Episode #2
Savage Fever Episode #3
Savage Fever Episode #4
Touch Me First
In Her MakeUp
Soiled Sheets
Cookies & Crumbles


Phoenix: Hey y’all what’s good? It’s your girl Phoenix Ash I am trying to pull myself together. Y’all this is the show Life as P… you already know. Life is not always so smooth, but what’s up. What’s good? I hope you guys are safe. I know where I live. We got a ton of snow this past week. My daughter loves it. It’s okay to drive in and stuff. And when it becomes ice as being in behind, but they have snow days and everything, and I feel so bad because you know that I was working with my sponsor and I wasn’t getting off until it was dark outside. And I couldn’t take her outside to play in it, but we definitely went outside at night.

She had to make a snowman. She has to have that experience. So… and the roads were pretty good. And my girlfriend was actually thinking about coming over, but you know, we chilled on that cause it was like, we don’t know how far out the pretty good roads go. So we just let it be whatever, but it was all good. And I had some thoughts about worry because I’m in a season where there is a lot of transition happening for me. You know, I’ve talked about the divorce. I’ve talked about the books that are coming. I’m finishing up season one Savage fever.

The next episode is going to drop is episode five is going to be the season finale. I think that this is the first time I’m announcing that publicly. So there you go. Look at you with your exclusive is going to be the wrap up basically. And so kinda feel like if Savage Fever is a book series, but I kind of feel like I’ve been in that season. So I’m going to transition into something else. You know, things are looking up things other than just looking different for me right now. And I’m very excited about what’s to come or what’s being laid at my feet. The things that I’m starting to figure out and the things that I am teaching myself to let go and to lay behind.

But what I can’t seem to shake is … I am aware, you know, and I think to some degree I equate Worry with care. So if I care about you, I worry about your wellbeing. I Worry, if you eat, I Worry if you slept well, I was like, I Worry like, is everything okay? Everything is okay. I always want to know. And I’m teaching myself that one doesn’t have the equal to the other. It’s not that I don’t care about you, but I don’t have to be so worrisome. I don’t have to constantly live in fear that something is going to go wrong. And I think that when I figured out how to shape that there will be a lot more pockets in my life that will basically open up to me and be less of a pocket and more of the ocean of opportunity.

So I just need to figure out how to shape that concern. And that is very difficult. I’ve been whether you are in my life, all my life, and some of you can really relate to this, worry about like the shoe dropping the other shoe dropping. So to speak all the time. There are plenty of opportunities that are laid in front of us. There are plenty of relationships that are late in front of us, friendships, romantic relationships, possibly seeking new entrepreneurial situations. And we just Worry that life is too good to be true. And somebody somewhere has convinced us that goodness is too good to be true.

There are floors everywhere. And yes there are, but that doesn’t negate the fact that it’s still good. Yes. There’s difficulties in a lot of the Mountain’s that we climb it doesn’t negate the fact that there is a peak, it doesn’t take away from me and we have to stop giving so much weight or I have to Because I don’t know what you’re doing, but for me, I have to stop giving so much weight to the possibilities of what can go wrong to the possibilities of pain. The possibility of hurt anguish, particularly because I bounce back so easily, honestly, like I feel like it’s a, it’s a gift that I was given because maybe, I don’t know, maybe God and just knew I was going to go through so much, but my bounce back, it just looks different.

I’ve talked before about grieving and moving out. You know, you can feel sorry for a situation. You can be sad by the situation, but don’t stay there. Don’t stand still at the same time, I can feel sad about something that’s happening right now. But at the same time I’m going to move forward. Doesn’t mean that I don’t still feel sad about it. It means that sadness can’t have all my energy. Because I’ve got stuff to do because I don’t want to be sad. I don’t want to be stuck. I don’t want to be upset, angry, anything. I want to be happy for as many moments as I possibly can. I want to laugh and enjoy life as many moments as I possibly can. And Worry sometimes will rob me of the opportunity to be my happiest. I’m not sayin that I got to move as though things don’t happen and not be prepared. But once I get past the preparation stage, then, you know, let the cookie crumble the way it may. Ah, Because he’s in grumbles. That’s my book. But anyhow, like let it fall how it may let everything go. How is it going to go? Because you’re going to need your energy, to deal with how it ends up. Because a lot of times when we Worry, it doesn’t stop what’s happening. It doesn’t add to a tool for us to handle it on the line,

Not at the end. And it just, it falls flat. So what’s the point of it? I have a friend who their job is, is very difficult and very dangerous. And I found that I was not worried regularly, whether they would get hurt or not. And as, as myself and was getting ready to conjure some Worry honestly like really I was getting ready to make it up. I was like, Oh my God, do I not care? No, I definitely care. I care a ton for this person. And it’s just like, I should worry. I should worry if they’re okay. If they are safe, whenever I don’t hear from them, I should, I should have thoughts. I’m pausing myself again. Like girl, what the hell is wrong with you?

You just go and make up some Worry. It could possibly be that you’re comfortable with knowing that this person can take care of yourself. That there

Are a whole freaking adult. And yes, but you know, they are in a position that’s dangerous, but like, what can you do? Like if you’re married to a politician and you know that it’s not a popular politician and there’s been, this person was a politician before you married him. Yes. There may be some stances that this politician takes that’s against what some people who are all the way down

May support as well. And yeah, there may be times that that person’s life is in danger, but what does your Worry do to contribute to that? Does your worry, you know, being prepared, higher, the security team being prepared is understanding what the risks are in telling yourself that, you know, you have what you need in order to handle it on the other end. But the worry, the constant worry every day. Like I, I think, you know, and it’s not even like, do you think that is real?

If you get a contract For I don’t know what the deal somethin and it’s everything you ever wanted? You are gonna have to work for it, right? Because if your skill is acting or if your camera person or camera man, Kevin woman writer, director, whomever, you’re going to work for it. Because whoever tells you that doing what you love is not working is not a writer. And if you want to create a field acting, all of that is work. You have to put in the effort, you have to focus. You have to pull your talents together in order to use it. But like if you’re constantly worried that something’s going to happen, where the rug was going to be smashed under your feet or the contract is going to fall through, they’re not going to get funding. The director is going to equate.

Whoever is the main character is going to decide that they don’t like you and you want to replace you. And there is no chemistry. All of those things, you can go into the situation, worried about those things, right? You can’t make it up and it doesn’t mean you don’t care, but you can’t worry about it. Worry will get in your way and it will stop you from flying. It’ll weigh you down. It’ll keep you much too grounded. And I know it’s purpose is to keep you somewhat grounded so that you are aware and everything. But once you get past all that, and once you start being prepared for certain situations, where we are just makes no sense. Why would you do it?

And I’m not even saying it like on some old I’m telling you, don’t worry October to me, I am a warrior. And it’s stupid because I will give the advice of Bob. Would you do that? I will give you an example. I had a cousin who she was dating someone in, basically new for her. It was over and she was just like, he doesn’t do this. He’s not affectionate. He’s not romantic, whatever, whatever as long laundry list of what is not. And so it needs to be over. That was resolved in her spirit. But then he got called to, I don’t know if it was Afghanistan or something like that.

So he goes to Afghanistan and or whatever. And suddenly they are back together. And I’m like, what is the, Do what happened? And she’s like, well, he got his papers. We’ll go to Afghanistan. And I just decided that like, if something was to happen and I’m like, you know what? I get you care about this person, but you can care about them without being with them. Okay. And you put yourself in a place of worry, and possible grief. I’m going to stay connected to you just in case you die. And as somebody who has the grieve, you know, that was the, basically the logic, let me stay connected.

Let me stay invested in case you die. And someone has the grieve, you know, because in all honesty, if they would have broken up, she wasn’t so close to his people that like, God forbid anything. What happens to him? Like nobody would have come back and like called all his exes and been like, yo, he didn’t make it right. You don’t, that’s not what you do. You wouldn’t have been abreast on anything that has gone on. And maybe you might’ve found out a couple of years later, you might have asked someone, you know, Hey, how’s he doing whatever. And you might find out then, and it would be a sad moment,

But you would not live in grief for an extended period of time. And it’s just like, you created this whole situation that was over for you. It was over, it was done. You were moving on and you wanted to reconnect yourself to someone just in case. There would be reason to

Grieve. What? And like how many times do we do that? We reconnect just in case something happens to them. Let me stay connected because I don’t want to feel bad if something happens. You even though, I mean, you never know that something happens to you. So I just want to know your life so that somebody may grieve the parts of your life that require grieving. It’s made up, it’s made up. It’s kind of like, let’s say you did school with someone and you didn’t really get along or you didn’t talk. You didn’t interact at all.

And then what Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and all of that, right? A lot of us are becoming friends online that we might not have been friends in person. We have very loose connections, but they become stronger online. But anyhow, like, you know, you weren’t connected to this person. And then somewhere online, you find out that this person is really sick with cancer. I’m not even going to say pass away. Just really sick with some type of cancer.

I don’t know. Let’s say cancer in the gallbladder. Whatever. Not that I’m disrespecting anybody who has that. That’s very sad. But you find that out online. And when you see, like, lets say, you’re somebody who’s closer to this person. And then you see all these posts from people who have no real connection to them. Oh my God. Now it’s one thing to say, Oh my God, I’m so sorry. You’re experiencing that. I hope you get better. That’s one approach.

But then you see other people who were like, this person is so good. They don’t deserve this. Oh, they loved on this and the door and is like, it’s not even all real information. It’s all third-party facts because they’re trying to figure out how to have themselves connected to this person that something tragic has happened to whether it be in passing or an illness or they have a family member. That’s sick trying to build this false connection, just so that you can have the opportunity to grieve over what’s happening,

Why we’re making it up. And the same thing goes for Worry. Sometimes we just make it up. I legit was scared. Like I was worried that I wasn’t worried. Good, that’s stupid. I was worried that I wasn’t worried. And so now here I am with my brain trying to make up. Worry just in case, just in case grief is not necessarily no. And I feel like I need to shake that because I don’t want to feed those kinds of energies because I don’t want grief to be necessary. I know that things happen to all of us and I know eventually we’ll all pass away. However, in the meantime, I don’t want to know grief. I’m going to happiness and I don’t want to feed the energy at don’t want to feed the sadness. I don’t want to walk around with my head hung low just in case I don’t want to have to have my ears perked up just in case something happens to you.

I don’t, which is crazy. That I’m like that because when it comes to my child, I feel like there’s people who may say I’m not like that enough. And I remember when she would be, you know, 11 months old climbing on top of the mini fridge and jumping off her dad would lose his stuff. Like he would just be like, Oh my God, I can not. She has to get down from there. And I’m looking at it and I’ve talked about it a long time ago. So if you knew, listen to it, you don’t remember I’m the mom. Who’s like, yeah. But did you see how she stuck to that landing? Like, Oh my gosh, you stuck it. So I know she could do it, let her do it again. You know how perfect it is, how to keep doing it, but I’m sure some of you guys are listening to it.

I was like, girl, you weren’t worried. You should have been worried. Like what kind of mom are you? But not, I wasn’t worried. I saw that she could do it. I sorted, she can handle it. And the few times that she stumbled, she picked herself up. So she’s fine. Right? And so I have faith in her being fine in those kinds of situations. Whereas like, why not have faith in the people who are the situations who have already shown themselves to be full of goodness, full of strength, full of thorough reliability, all those things, our present. And yet we’re still worrying.

We’re still waiting because you can Listen if the situation’s weak and really not worry, what we should do is probably some type of action we should take. So if I am, where are you that your funding is going to fall through or that you’re not going to make good on my contract? You’re probably somebody that I shouldn’t do business within the first place. That’s where the concern should be. Wait a second. How reliable is this? Am I taking a chance? And then if you are taking a chance, you would have to be good with the fact that you are taking a chance. That’s what a chance is. You gotta be good with a disc could go either way.

It can go either way. That’s why I’m not jumping out of nobody playing ’cause I’m not good with that going either way. Okay? I’m not good with that. So like that. That’s not the business for me. Jumping out of planes is not going to work for Phoenix Ash ’cause I’m not good with it going either way,

But wary, I think and when there is no action to take Rob’s you have whatever moments you can enjoy right now. Like I said, I was about to worry about my friend who was not in a dangerous situation

And their line of work could be considered dangerous, but that is the line of work that they chose and weI got to be good. Because it? Wasn’t my choice however, it goes, not that I won’t feel sadness or be hurt or go through extreme grief. God forbid, if anything ever happens to them, but

Worrying robs me from whatever moment I can enjoy with that person, whatever moment I can enjoy thinking of something else, doing something else. It keeps you stagnant. People worry about what if the plane crashes. Okay. So if you are going to worry about what if the plane crashes then maybe don’t get on the plane, right?

Don’t fly. You know, when people say, Oh, do it anyway. Not if you ain’t good. What is it going either way? You don’t do it anyway, because it can go either way. It can go either way. And honestly, when you do things scared. Yeah, that’s great. You overcame it. That’s wonderful. But I also feel like it’s a very thin line because sometimes when you do things scared, you don’t give it your full self and you kind of self-sabotage and set it up where it kind is borderline in my it looking more like a fail because that Worry makes you pull back. It makes you stop giving your all it makes you tuck something away on the side.

And when we do let go and give situations, our all and like put are all into it, we saw her, we fly, we take over things, Stop worrying that it won’t work to try to do it. And if it doesn’t work, pick up the pieces and move on, you get a data cry the next day you got a plane, but pick up the pieces and move on. Is that right?

So we are not just worried that something is going to happen, but worried about the grief on the other side of it, like we haven’t had experiences of healing from grief. We haven’t had experiences of healing from sadness. Listen I’ll talk about me. My mind is crazy. Sometimes I’ll whenever you lay, as you hear me, I’m wearing in, in layers. Yeah.

Lay it. It’s like, I’m worried. I’m not worried. Then I’m going to make up some worry. And now I’m going to really be worried. And then on top of that, I’m gonna worry about how long this is going to take me to get over the grief of the event that has not happened. That probably won’t happen. Child is how my brain, I don’t know, was wrong with it. Since you just worry, worry, worry for nothing. And if you like me, what I’m saying is that we need to look at situations and say like, what are we truly worried about? Is it Worry that needs to happen? Or do we need to take an action that will pause From as being in that situation? Or do we just have to tell us I was listening and I have to be good either way.

When you go to the casino and you play, I used to hate going on Atlantic city trips or something like that, going to a casino with somebody who was going to bet scam money. And it’s funny because I used to be a part of So who bet the skin and money on my God. My daughter’s father used to be like, yo, you knock over it and no big money bet and asking for money, I’d be like, Hey, at $20, you know what I’m saying? Like it’s scared money. Okay. And you can only win, but so big because the odds aren’t the big odds. You’re not playing those big odds and big odds yet. It feels like a big loss, but God damn.

Now when that window is like, that’s that thing you can’t go in there with scared money. You don’t go to the casino with your rent money. Don’t do that. Okay. Well, first of all, that needs to be scared money. You need to be scared to lose when you lay yet, that needs to be scared money, but that action needs to be not to gamble. It removes the situation. Don’t gamble it. If it’s scared money, if you need it to pay a light bill or what the bill, your car note puts gas in your car, all of that is not for play. It has a purpose and you are given it some of the purpose. So I just think that, and I know I went on a couple of tangents because inside your RV, you want me to shut up.

But for real, the Worry is making us pull back and is robbing us of a lot of enjoyment. It’s also robbing us of giving our all to a situation that can really be beautiful for us. It can blow up and be really big. And I’m sure all my girlfriends are just so tired. So tired of me worrying, Oh, I met someone. I really liked them, but it’s the, it is always a, but you know, they’re perfect. They speak to me on every level, every layer of my soul. But you know, can’t take that too far.

And it’s like, we’re punishing ourselves because we can’t predict how well something is going to turn out. Oh, I can’t predict that this is my fabric. I can’t predict that this is my opportunity of a lifetime. I can’t predict that this is the most money I’ll ever make or that I’ll be able to take care of my child. I’ll take your mouse, whatever, because I can’t predict that I’m going to punish myself with some worry. That’s how I’m feeling like where he’s coming off right now as punishment. So for myself, because it would be over situations that have not shown themselves worthy of Worry, like I said is not that you don’t care. It’s not necessary. 

So Worry it doesn’t add to the situation. It doesn’t help. It doesn’t prepare you. Okay. Concern. Yes. Be concerned and prepare. And then once you get that preparation in, move on, do something else to think about something else that can move, go, go, go do something else. But to be wary some, all the time I was getting on my own damn nerves. How does like Yoh, what is wrong with you? What is just chill? Chill, chill. I really have to parent myself and just to be like, yo chill, chill. ’cause most of the time to Worry has no value. It has no value. It doesn’t help.

Where are you going to lose my house? That’s a Worry but I don’t need to live there. I need to figure out how not to lose mouth. I need to get a second job. I need to try to do it over time. I need to possibly give up the house and get a smaller property, maybe rent for a while, have to admit to myself that I’m not able to maintain it and tell myself that it’s okay. Stuff like that. Worried about losing my car. Same thing. I would have to worry about losing my job. What is putting my job in danger? Is it a relationship? Is it something that I need to mend with someone? Do I need to have a talk with HR? Do I need to go on a job search and find another job? Has my season at this job ended, but I don’t need to live in the Worry.

Yes. You worry for a little while. Worry for a second, just to get you to your senses, work in to let you know that there’s a problem at hand and he used to be solved. But after that, once you start putting the pieces into place, like it becomes action. Making that action, not worried anymore. The more you act in what the possible solution is, the less you worry about it becoming a problem. ’cause you know, you prepared. And so you’re just like, you know, all of that happens. This is how I’m gonna have to move. It helps. It does. Anyway. Y’all hurt me on the mat. And I was like, I need to nap. I need something else. But I hope that you got some fruit Because I know I go off on a tangent and sometimes it’s hard to pull out the pieces, but Life As P… you know, there’s alot going on with the slide slide.

Anyway, that’s my spiel. I appreciate everyone who takes time to listen. If you want to invest your time. In some of my books, I have the whole Savage Fever series. The episodes one through four are all available on Kindle, Kindle unlimited. So like, if you have Kindle unlimited, you can read them for free. They are banging y’all I’m saying, take a look at the reviews. They are banging. I’m not just saying that because I’m biased. Because a lot of times when I put a project together and I read it, I would be So over it. And I’d be like, Oh, okay. I noticed, so for me, I love reading Savage Fever books. I love it. I am hyped. I’d be like, I wrote this dog, it is dope. It’s February Valentine’s day or yeah, I love it, Oh yeah, I sound better.

I am not. But that was Valentine’s day. They are delectable and a great balance as they read. This is my first official romance novel. So I’m very interested in you taking the lead at that. Please leave a review. See what you thought. Let me know what your feedback is. My inbox is open. I’m at Pwrites on Instagram. I’m also at Pwrites on Twitter. You want to talk about books? I got you. Let’s talk. Let’s talk about these books. If you are a little naughty, you know, wanted a little spicier for Valentine’s day, I will suggest you pick up touch me first. And that is the first book I ever wrote that made it on our erotica charts and debuted at number one.

So that’s the sub app. Any who pick up on joints, make sure or you leave a review, please I am interested in knowing how you thought the story went or how it impacted you or whatever. If you thought it sucked, we recessed that please don’t abuse it. Okay. All right. You get the job. Yes. I love you guys so much. Thank you for allowing me to continue to pour into you and thank you. Like you guys are pouring into me. A lot of you’ll be hitting me up in my DM and I just, I appreciate you. I appreciate every time you tell me you invested in… I appreciate it. And so the next time, when we can exchange power. Peace!


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